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The "Bend Over Boyfriend" videos are useful (if you don't find Carol Queen's voice annoying).
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May 5, 2014 05:08
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MNSNTZR posted:My boyfriend has recently expressed to me that he wants to be on the receiving end of some anal play. I have had some experience with this before with previous partners, but the effort was clumsy and not really pleasurable for anyone. So I do have some questions about the logistics of it, but they're a little secondary. I went through this a couple years ago when I got into butt stuff, and it's just a bit of growing up I had to do. At the end of the day, I just had accept I like what I like, and that I can do butt-stuff from time to time without it threatening my identity. If it helps him get into it, a lot of what he means (I meant) by "is this gay" is "is this submissive", and you can totally receive a rimjob or finger around back while still being the tough manly dominant. Think of it like oral sex: it's not submissive to be getting head, even though you're the bottom. He can approach anal play with that sort of mindset, and it might ease his worries. I also second him doing it by himself first, to get comfortable with it and find roughly what he likes about it. That'll just make it a lot easier when you add it into the mix. As to the logistics, basically what other people have said: go slow, use lube, and communicate. And poppers, if you want to bring a little extra something, will relax the sphincter without numbing it, and also get you really horny generally.
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May 5, 2014 05:44
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Well, not that there's anything wrong with being gay or bi anyway, nor does being gay preclude a guy from being a big beefy sweaty manly dominant type. Just sayin.
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May 5, 2014 05:50
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Hydrolith posted:Well, not that there's anything wrong with being gay or bi anyway, nor does being gay preclude a guy from being a big beefy sweaty manly dominant type. Just sayin. Absolutely, but when a guy says "Does butt stuff make me gay", my response isn't going to be "You can be gay, that's fine!" The point is he has some stereotypes about guys that like butt stuff, and the best approach to that is to disprove those stereotypes. I mean it's absurd that you would worry that a pinky round back would have you running out to the bathhouses, and it's also absurd to be afraid of liking more, sexually, than you initially thought. But learning that involves introspection and personal growth, and it's much easier to just side-step the issue altogether. hoobajoo fucked around with this message at 07:42 on May 5, 2014 |
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May 5, 2014 06:28
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hoobajoo posted:I went through this a couple years ago when I got into butt stuff, and it's just a bit of growing up I had to do. At the end of the day, I just had accept I like what I like, and that I can do butt-stuff from time to time without it threatening my identity. If it helps him get into it, a lot of what he means (I meant) by "is this gay" is "is this submissive", and you can totally receive a rimjob or finger around back while still being the tough manly dominant. Think of it like oral sex: it's not submissive to be getting head, even though you're the bottom. He can approach anal play with that sort of mindset, and it might ease his worries. I've been told that he's tried a finger himself before but that it "didn't really feel like anything", meaning he doesn't really know what he's doing. He also asked me if he was going to paralyze himself if he did it wrong. And that the need to lube up and go super slow sounded like "a whole to-do." He's... endearingly naive... and it's making things a little difficult to communicate about, as far as his future ventures into self-love go. If there was a way to instruct him without sounding clinical about it, things would go a lot smoother. And I'm not sure if it's a fear of submission when it comes to him. He's mentioned that he likes me taking charge quite a number of times, which I don't mind but. This is a whole other can of worms since I pretty much have only ever attracted subby men, and I'm honestly a little bored with being dominant since coming to know my current partner. I'm not sure how to broach the subject of switching with him since my dominance is such a turn-on for him. This was really cool until it told me that I needed to be fine with poop. I'll never be fine with poop! <  >
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May 5, 2014 07:54
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hoobajoo posted:Absolutely, but when a guy says "Does butt stuff make me gay", my response isn't going to be "You can be gay, that's fine!"
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May 5, 2014 08:23
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PlatinumJukebox posted:Yeah, pretty much this. She's also saying that 1) it's an issue with her body chemistry - something to do with stomach acidity - so it's not a psychological aversion, and 2) a large number of women have the same issue, i.e. they might be okay with tasting, swallowing etc, but they will end up just throwing it back up. I've heard of some people having trouble with the taste and I'll admit sometimes it makes my stomach feel a little strange, but I honestly think she's really overestimating how common it is to puke from swallowing semen. I've never heard of this from anyone before, particularly not in the context of some biological reaction.
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May 5, 2014 08:57
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MNSNTZR posted:I've been told that he's tried a finger himself before but that it "didn't really feel like anything", meaning he doesn't really know what he's doing. He also asked me if he was going to paralyze himself if he did it wrong. And that the need to lube up and go super slow sounded like "a whole to-do." He's... endearingly naive... and it's making things a little difficult to communicate about, as far as his future ventures into self-love go. If there was a way to instruct him without sounding clinical about it, things would go a lot smoother. Fingering myself doesn't really do anything for me either, I don't have quite the flexibility or reach or whatever to get work done. I got started with a small steel vibrator about the size of a finger, and that most definitely got work done with a minimum of fuss. And yeah, anal is a bit of work, and takes a bit more patience than just jerking one out. You do get better at warming up as you go, but it will always be a little bit of a production. It is for sure worth it, though, it really isn't all that much effort. And the paralyzing thing is super hilarious, where did he even get that idea? I kinda disagree with Cliff on the issue of poop; if you have a good diet and are regular, a few small enemas totally takes care of you. Personally I can't relax until I know I will not be dealing with the brown stuff, and if I'm not confident I won't, I don't go for it. I won't say my track record is 100%, but seeing muddy condoms does not have to be anything close to a regular occurrence. hoobajoo fucked around with this message at 09:13 on May 5, 2014 |
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May 5, 2014 09:10
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hoobajoo posted:
I guess Cliff (and me) aren't prepared to do enemas as sex prep, so each to their own and so on. I can handle the smear if I know everything that is going in there is bagged up and we're showering after anyways. Actually I've never done an enema but my instinct is I would need more of a tolerance for there being poop to do that.
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May 5, 2014 10:05
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Kimmalah posted:I've heard of some people having trouble with the taste and I'll admit sometimes it makes my stomach feel a little strange, but I honestly think she's really overestimating how common it is to puke from swallowing semen. I've never heard of this from anyone before, particularly not in the context of some biological reaction. Really? Hmm... Is this worth bringing up with her? Don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or anything.
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May 5, 2014 19:08
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No, what would you even say? "Someone on the internet hasn't heard of it so you're faking"? It doesn't matter if it's a common allergy, a rare allergy, a sensitive stomach, learned aversion, or anything else. The bottom line is swallowing won't happen, so you should find an option that works for both of you.
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May 5, 2014 19:17
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i like nice words
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PlatinumJukebox posted:Really? Hmm... Is this worth bringing up with her? Don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or anything. I'm not saying that she's lying about herself, I'm just saying that I don't think it's as common as she thinks it is. Which really doesn't matter much anyway because it comes down to what you and her want to do/can work out with this. So I guess in short it's worth talking about if things aren't working for you and you want to figure something out, but it's not really worth bringing up in terms of "Oh someone thinks you're wrong on the internet."
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May 5, 2014 19:36
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So I have quite the problem. Was finally with a lady after a looong dry spell and could not preform, she said it was alright but I feel like poo poo about it and I feel like me worrying about it is going to affect me the next time we are together any thoughts or suggestions would be great. In addition I did some looking around and I was wondering if PIED is a real thing or not, the only real website I found about it was a bit new agey so I do not know if i should trust it or not.
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May 6, 2014 00:20
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Telsa Cola posted:So I have quite the problem. Was finally with a lady after a looong dry spell and could not preform, she said it was alright but I feel like poo poo about it and I feel like me worrying about it is going to affect me the next time we are together any thoughts or suggestions would be great. In addition I did some looking around and I was wondering if PIED is a real thing or not, the only real website I found about it was a bit new agey so I do not know if i should trust it or not. What's PIED? These things happen. If you want to be sure for next time get a perscription for viagra so you won't be worried and you'll get over your mental roadblock.
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May 6, 2014 00:37
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stratdax posted:What's PIED? Porn induced erectile disfunction. I don't know if it is an actual thing or not and was wondering if anybody could confirm or deny its existence. Yeah I was thinking of giving that a shot since I figured it might be a mental issue, thanks for the suggestion.
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May 6, 2014 00:48
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Telsa Cola posted:Porn induced erectile disfunction. I don't know if it is an actual thing or not and was wondering if anybody could confirm or deny its existence. Definitely. Porn numbs you mentally. I mean, it's over-the-top constant mental stimulation, and just like anything you'll just get numb to normal things. ED can be triggered by so many things, including the stress of not performing, so it's a nasty cycle. Viagra will remove that stress - it's not a permanent thing, once you perform once or twice your confidence will be back and you'll be able to perform naturally. In the meantime cut out the porn entirely. Just stop watching it. It's definitely not beneficial.
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May 6, 2014 01:16
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stratdax posted:Definitely. Porn numbs you mentally. I mean, it's over-the-top constant mental stimulation, and just like anything you'll just get numb to normal things. Alright well thats good to know. I will go pick up a prescription as soon as i can and I'm definitely going to cut porn out completely. Thanks for the advice.
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May 6, 2014 01:38
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Chilling out will definitely help too. And have a backup plan. If it happens again, be all 'tonight is about you baby' and get to work with that mouth/hand. Then, you never know, things might resolve themselves. In my limited sample size this works like 80% of the time, other 20% she doesn't mind.
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May 6, 2014 02:12
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The girl I recently started seeing let me know that she has Hepatitis B. She said she doesn't have symptoms; she is a carrier and got it from her mother during birth. We haven't done anything sexual yet. I know that I'll need to wear a condom during intercourse, but is it safe to go down on her? If things get serious between the two of us, should I look into getting vaccinated?
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May 6, 2014 08:04
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In the US, infants get vaccinated against Hep B. If you didn't then, it'd be a good idea to get that taken care of now, whether or not you sleep with her. It's such a public health issue that you may be able to get the vaccine for free (they do it in New York, for example).
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May 6, 2014 12:20
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/\/\ True, but it has only been part of routine infant shots since the early 90's, so if the poster is quite young, chances are they got it. If they're a bit older, they may have gotten it as part of the shots before entering middle school. It's a series of three shots that you can get just about anywhere. Walgreens will do it.
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May 6, 2014 13:44
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Telsa Cola posted:Alright well thats good to know. I will go pick up a prescription as soon as i can and I'm definitely going to cut porn out completely. Thanks for the advice. Personally I think you should just try to relax as much as you can and give it another shot before you go off to try and get a Viagra prescription. This is the kind of thing that happens to every guy at some point and in particular, is really common when you're with a new partner after a long spell. Especially if you've grown accustomed to getting stimulation from masturbating in that time. I know that's easier said than done and definitely talk to your doctor if you really want. But most likely you just had an off-day combined with the weirdness that comes with having a partner after not really having another person around for a while. AlistairCookie posted:/\/\ Depending on where he got them, he may be able to get a record of his vaccinations to see if he got them as a child. But I'm 28 years old and I know Hep B vaccination was not a required thing as a child and was strictly voluntary when I entered middle/high school. But that may vary by the state. And yeah, most county health departments will do vaccinations for free or just a nominal fee (they gave me the tetanus booster for free a few years back).
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May 6, 2014 23:43
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Kimmalah posted:Personally I think you should just try to relax as much as you can and give it another shot before you go off to try and get a Viagra prescription. This is the kind of thing that happens to every guy at some point and in particular, is really common when you're with a new partner after a long spell. Especially if you've grown accustomed to getting stimulation from masturbating in that time. That's true too. Tesla Cola have you been watching porn and beating it every day? Because cutting that out will make an improvement. Did you get hard then were unable to maintain, or did you not get an erection at all? Because getting hard and not maintaining is a big indicator of psychological, not physical, problems. Which again, points back to porn watching or being stressed at not being able to perform. Did you engage in a lot of foreplay? Because that's not just for the woman.
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May 7, 2014 00:46
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hoobajoo posted:Absolutely, but when a guy says "Does butt stuff make me gay", my response isn't going to be "You can be gay, that's fine!" The point is he has some stereotypes about guys that like butt stuff, and the best approach to that is to disprove those stereotypes. On the other hand, I think if you're a guy that gets off on transgendered men / women specifically and have trouble being aroused by women in any situation, you're probably not 100% straight. Telsa Cola posted:Was finally with a lady after a looong dry spell and could not preform, she said it was alright but I feel like poo poo about it and I feel like me worrying about it is going to affect me the next time we are together any thoughts or suggestions would be great. If you still watch porn regularly and can go at it day to day with no adverse effect on your sex life, that's fine. But it's something worth stopping cold turkey for a while to see if you just got too used to dating Palmela Handerson. Otherwise, you may be having some general metabolism / energy issues barring mood disorders like anxiety / depression and exercise can help (it's counterintuitive that you should exercise when you're feeling sluggish but that's the science).
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May 7, 2014 01:12
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Kimmalah posted:Personally I think you should just try to relax as much as you can and give it another shot before you go off to try and get a Viagra prescription. This is the kind of thing that happens to every guy at some point and in particular, is really common when you're with a new partner after a long spell. Especially if you've grown accustomed to getting stimulation from masturbating in that time. Yeah, I think I might have went into it with to much stress and was not relaxed enough and that was the issue, I am going to keep the doctor as a back up plan though. stratdax posted:That's true too. Tesla Cola have you been watching porn and beating it every day? Because cutting that out will make an improvement. Did you get hard then were unable to maintain, or did you not get an erection at all? Because getting hard and not maintaining is a big indicator of psychological, not physical, problems. Which again, points back to porn watching or being stressed at not being able to perform. Did you engage in a lot of foreplay? Because that's not just for the woman. Pretty much, I stopped watching porn and masturbating after it happened so hopefully there will be some improvement apparent. Yeah it gets hard and I cant maintain it, I also get morning wood and night erections so I don't think its physical problems. We did not do much foreplay last time but I will see about going about it more for the next time. necrobobsledder posted:
I am almost certain that the issue is mostly in my head (New partner after dry spell, stress from upcoming finals, etc). Yeah I am attempting a cold turkey stop so we shall see how that goes, any idea how long it will take before there will be improvement?
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May 7, 2014 01:36
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Telsa Cola posted:Yeah, I think I might have went into it with to much stress and was not relaxed enough and that was the issue, I am going to keep the doctor as a back up plan though. My partner had a lot of self-esteem issues and stress in his life when we first got together and he thought he had ED. Turns out it was all "between the ears," as he likes to say. After a few weeks of me being very patient and telling him that it was okay whether we ever got to do anything or not, and building him up emotionally, we were able to have Sexy Times without any issues. We do sometimes use a cock ring and that helps a lot too. It's totally normal to not be able to get/stay hard due to stress. Communication and patience are key. And lastly the doc would definitely be a good option if you find out it's an issue that's not between the ears. If that is the case there is nothing wrong with you as a person, and you can still have a fulfilling sex life with the right workarounds. Good luck (and report back)!
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May 7, 2014 02:40
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Depends from person to person, I think I've heard anywhere from a day or two to a few weeks depending upon how often you have sex with your new partner and how deep and varied your conditioning is. Five years of death gripping to Naruto fanfic in the same crusty chair facing the same wallscroll is pretty tough to undo in a matter of a couple hours of sex. In all seriousness, don't overthink it including reading this thread for suggestions - that's the reason you're having problems more than likely. If you really want to move things along, you could try drinking just enough to get you a bit buzzed and you should cross the point of caring too much into actually enjoying yourself and move along into a good rhythm. Whatever you need to do to actually relax and feel comfortable throughout your day, do that more. One normally unlikely possibility but this being an Internet forum... plausible... is that you're a bit out of shape and you're physically stressed out from the activity. You should handle sex in the form of a physical activity better if you're in ok shape.
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May 7, 2014 03:17
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Telsa Cola posted:I am almost certain that the issue is mostly in my head (New partner after dry spell, stress from upcoming finals, etc). Yeah I am attempting a cold turkey stop so we shall see how that goes, any idea how long it will take before there will be improvement? When it was stress/performance anxiety with a guy (sample of one, ymmv) I saw incremental improvement at each occasion of sexytimes and it was fine in like three-four sexytimes/months. If it's a porn thing it might take longer. It's all very individual but I guess if it's consistent without improvement for a good while you would then think about doctorstuff.
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May 7, 2014 04:09
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On the topic of PIED: does anyone have tips for cold turkeying? I have basically no self control about this kinda thing.
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May 7, 2014 11:09
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PlatinumJukebox posted:On the topic of PIED: does anyone have tips for cold turkeying? I have basically no self control about this kinda thing. I was really tempted to wank to some porn this one time before I turned the computer off to go to bed and then I said to myself no gently caress YOU and I didn't watch the porn. Just to spite myself.
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May 7, 2014 12:27
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PlatinumJukebox posted:On the topic of PIED: does anyone have tips for cold turkeying? I have basically no self control about this kinda thing. Suggestions I have seen are install a web-filter and type in a passcode you wont remember, other suggestions include working out whenever you get too horny. Basically if you start thinking about it go do something else productive for a bit.
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May 7, 2014 18:01
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One of my guy friends who was trying to quit a pretty unhealthy internet porn and masturbation habit would make himself do 50 pushups every time he felt like rubbing one out.
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May 7, 2014 18:37
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Please
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May 7, 2014 20:21
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Blah blah, death grip, blah blah internet porn, blah blah circle jerk.  Look Tesla, you need to relax above all else. poo poo, you had one bad night and are already planning to take some Viagara. Doesn't this seem a little extreme? Telsa Cola posted:We did not do much foreplay last time but I will see about going about it more for the next time. This line right here sticks out to me like a sore thumb. How long would you guess it took from the clothes coming off until you started saying, "This has never happened to me before"? 30 minutes? An hour? Was there a time-constraint (e.g. a final in an hour, hurrying before roommates/parents got home)? What percentage of sexytime was spent on foreplay specifically on her? Specifically on you? Was there touching? Stroking? Kissing? Licking, fingering, rubbing, holding, massaging, groping, pinching, sucking, grabbing, spanking? I know you see me asking a lot of question, and, please, I don't loving need a play-by-play from your recent sexcapade. Foreplay does a lot. It gets both of you ready and firing on all cylinders, which will help your crankshaft turn over instead of stalling in 2nd like it did last time. 
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May 8, 2014 00:34
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Any tips on how to make pubic hair less coarse?
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May 8, 2014 14:05
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Conditioner? Merkin? Can the word 'sexytime' go away?
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May 8, 2014 14:35
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Filboid Studge posted:Can the word 'sexytime' go away? Yes it can: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
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May 8, 2014 16:41
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Filboid Studge posted:Conditioner? Merkin? Some people just can't call loving loving.
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May 8, 2014 17:31
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Liquid Communism posted:Some people just can't call loving loving. Mostly I used it cause I can't think of a better word for 'occasion in which sex things are done up to and including what most people categorize as loving but also other stuff, or just the other stuff, whatever floats your boat' and didn't wanna start another derail on what counts as 'sex'. Any ideas for a simple word for the above concept?
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May 8, 2014 23:13
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loki k zen posted:Mostly I used it cause I can't think of a better word for 'occasion in which sex things are done up to and including what most people categorize as loving but also other stuff, or just the other stuff, whatever floats your boat' and didn't wanna start another derail on what counts as 'sex'. I like "fooling around".
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May 8, 2014 23:30
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