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So being a major-league slut, I am totally up for the open relationship and/or allowed kink questions if people have them. Currently I am engaged and have a regular fuckbuddy, don't really got time for anything else. Does anybody have links to the shitshow? Kinda interested to see how it went down to make the title of the thread be shut up about you kink. Anyways, people who were asking about openness/finding people: Yeah, bisexual girls on OKC get unicorn hunters 24/7. You'e probably better off finding someone who explicitly is into that sort of thing - I mention my openness and so on on my OKC profile, and there are other people who do. Fetlife is also doable - it has its weirdos but they are pretty drat easy to spot, and you may be able to find a Fetlife group for open/swingers in your area. I have also had success in finding a casual dude to gently caress as a girl in a relationship on OKC, but I think that one is difficult to generalise. Non-uggo girl looking for guy would not be the same as couple looking for girl. I really think the key is to meet people who do this thing in real life, even if they are not your type, because a lot of it goes on via friend-of-a-friend secret squirrel bullshit. Hell, I've given guys recommendations to other people thinking of loving them before.
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May 2, 2014 17:50
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The Door Frame posted:
I dunno about books but I find The Pervocracy to be a pretty good woman-friendly kink site. But it all depends exactly what you mean by S&M, imho you aren't going to get better results showing her what somebody else thinks about kink, because what you want is to show her what you want, and that's individual to you. But if you check out that site's 'BDSM 101' posts you might find some examples dealing with what you do or don't like to do. Also have you tried kink worksheets?
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May 2, 2014 20:38
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The Door Frame posted:We definitely have talked about it and she is up for trying it, she just isn't comfortable with porn in general. I have tried explaining what I'm looking for to her, but as you can tell, I'm not the best at communication and am looking for help with a sex thing that requires a lot of good communication. Seeing it made the most sense to me, but since she's not that comfortable with watching other people, I'm trying to find another way to convey that information Well they can be petty grognardy, if you accept the idea that kinks and perverts are just geeks who geek about sex, which I do, so you need to take them not all that seriously. The initial idea was that you get a list of things like (dumb examples for funzies): Pet-play, dog, receiving Pet-play, dog, giving Pet-play, horse, giving Pet-play, horse, carrot-eating ... and you mark off whether that's a 'like' 'like a lot' 'don't like/hard limit', 'meh', 'have never tried but would be willing to' or 'have never tried and don't want to.' Then you return the sheet to your partner like some kind of school teacher, which I guess can work if you are the kind of couple that just cannot talk to one another about this stuff. The better way of doing it is that you go through it together, you can explain or google anything one of you doesn't know what it is, and talk about any that come up and how you might feel about them and whether you might want to do them. Also, if it is an exhaustive list, feel free to mock the people who are into some of the things listed. It's kind of a kink-world no-no but so long as you don't do it to their face who gives a crap. This is an 'oh god, just list everything' checklist: http://latches.webslaves.com/checklist.htm ...and this is one that is actually useful, but will require more actual communication: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IzLNjh26l2Pi31xxeb071GawB6NZsTRbRi9pb0z9HVI/edit I would also second erotica as a thing to check out to see if she would be willing to read a story that turned you on for ideas. Maybe you could even write one for her, idk. ETA: Link number one is not endorsed by me and contains whacked-out poo poo. loki k zen fucked around with this message at 21:42 on May 2, 2014 |
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May 2, 2014 21:39
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AlistairCookie posted:Funny. I was actually going to recommend the GF read 50 Shades of Grey, since bodice rippers tend to be popular with women who don't care for actual porn, and lo and behold that website is going chapter by chapter. God love the blogger for slogging through it enough to give a [very funny] breakdown. But, if your [The Door Frame] GF is porn squeamish, those wretched books may spark her BDSM imagination. It is an easy to digest overview on hard/soft limits, equipment, safe words, and even has a kink worksheet. If she likes Twilight, she'll love them. Shudders (The books are very bad; I read all three of them on a bit of a dare/challenge.) As hoobajaboo said; 50SoG *sucks* as any kind of an intro to kink. The guy says most of the right words but then shits all over the concepts as far as 'limits' are concerned, and is basically a great big rapey stalker who would put anyone in their right mind off of BDSM for life if it weren't for the saving grace of the story also being painfully unrealistic.
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May 3, 2014 10:16
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Well there's a lot of kink erotica out there, most of it is godawful but there's gotta be some good stuff. Can't really recommend you any femdom though, I don't read it.
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May 3, 2014 21:31
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Experimenting with himself is totes the way to ease into it. As for the 'it's not gay' I guess all you can do is be like, 'are you gay? No? Do you like this thing? Then it can't make you gay, cause you like it and aren't gay.' But wevs, it's your butt, you can do what you like with it, and gay is about who you shag not how. Read this. http://pervocracy.blogspot.co.uk/2011/11/buttsex-post.html Then do the things in it. But the main things are lube and communication. Use plenty of both and things'll be fine.
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May 5, 2014 00:28
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hoobajoo posted:
I guess Cliff (and me) aren't prepared to do enemas as sex prep, so each to their own and so on. I can handle the smear if I know everything that is going in there is bagged up and we're showering after anyways. Actually I've never done an enema but my instinct is I would need more of a tolerance for there being poop to do that.
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May 5, 2014 10:05
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Chilling out will definitely help too. And have a backup plan. If it happens again, be all 'tonight is about you baby' and get to work with that mouth/hand. Then, you never know, things might resolve themselves. In my limited sample size this works like 80% of the time, other 20% she doesn't mind.
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May 6, 2014 02:12
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Telsa Cola posted:I am almost certain that the issue is mostly in my head (New partner after dry spell, stress from upcoming finals, etc). Yeah I am attempting a cold turkey stop so we shall see how that goes, any idea how long it will take before there will be improvement? When it was stress/performance anxiety with a guy (sample of one, ymmv) I saw incremental improvement at each occasion of sexytimes and it was fine in like three-four sexytimes/months. If it's a porn thing it might take longer. It's all very individual but I guess if it's consistent without improvement for a good while you would then think about doctorstuff.
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May 7, 2014 04:09
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Liquid Communism posted:Some people just can't call loving loving. Mostly I used it cause I can't think of a better word for 'occasion in which sex things are done up to and including what most people categorize as loving but also other stuff, or just the other stuff, whatever floats your boat' and didn't wanna start another derail on what counts as 'sex'. Any ideas for a simple word for the above concept?
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May 8, 2014 23:13
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Honestly, I do use the word play but it slipped my mind. Also efforts to not use kinky jargon on non-kink site. I have a sex question! (sorta) If you are calculating your 'number' (because you are drunk or fifteen or something) how does one count people you've played with but not hosed?
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May 10, 2014 22:25
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Shine posted:You stop counting because you're not 17 anymore. Oh I'm about five mentally, I have a helper to post here. Seriously though I just find it interesting to think about in a kinda navel-staring way like all of those facts that are like 'you spend x years of your life asleep' or 'in your life you will eat 3 tons of food' or some poo poo.
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May 11, 2014 08:43
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zocio posted:Any tips for a guy unable to reach orgasm while doing traditional sex (or as the kids are calling it these days PiV)?, I am only able to with oral and have been frustrated by it lately. An adittional nuisance is that I get very wet during foreplay (read as lots of pre-cum), but it's only a laundry problem of sorts, so goons, time to help!. Explain to her that that is what your deal is, wait for the 70% chance that she says 'I don't tend to come in PiV either', then have lots of sex, PiV or otherwise, that is enhanced by you knowing stuff about each other's sexual responses and feeling comfortable enough with each other to talk about it.
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May 12, 2014 20:30
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As other people said - ovary pain is a thing that should be checked out, although it can be benign. And pain during sex is a thing that can often be fixed with lube, experience and so on, but can also be a thing that really needs to see a doctor. Pain in the ovaries only occurring during sex makes no sense though. I would guess it would be that it feels like the pain is there but actually it is somewhere else (such as he is banging on your cervix and that is what hurts). Probably best to see a doc on the offchance that it's on the ovary though, cause there are causes of ovary pain that need to be found sooner rather than later.
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May 14, 2014 06:42
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RRR - I'm in an open thing with my fiance and it's been working fine for two and a bit years now. So ask me anything. Obviously the number one thing is that you and your wife communicate, a lot, about everything. It is worth setting aside an uninterrupted time every so often just so you can go 'now is talking time, about any stuff you might have to say about our relationship and the open thing'. Even if it's just 'everything is fine' that's still good to know.
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Jun 18, 2014 22:09
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Rotten Red Rod posted:
Yeah. It kind of goes into kink stuff but long story short the problem was poor communication. This was basically when we were first working out our rules and because of our D/s situation my fiance ended up talking to the guy about rules and me separately, leading to a situation where me and my bit on the side had interpreted the rules differently from how my fiance had meant them. This led to a small blow-up. It then came to the time it had been agreed that I would see the boyfriend, and I asked if, given the blow-up, my fiance was still ok with me seeing him. He said he was. He wasn't. So the lessons were: * The rules you come up with for your relationship (which should be whatever you guys mutually decide they are, there is no 'standard' here) have to be gone over in detail and you need to be certain that you and your wife and any prospective partners all understand exactly what they are with as little ambiguity as possible. * You (both) need to be certain that you will both say what you mean when asked if you are ok with something, and that you know each other well enough to recognise a yes that is not whole-hearted. For this to work, 'I don't know' needs to be an acceptable answer, that will lead to one's partner not doing anything until you have figured out whether or not it is ok. quote:Do you have sex with others while your fiance is in the house? Is she/he ok with that, or do they leave the house during it? (Or join in? I dunno.) Personally, our rule is 'not in our bed'. This is waived if we're sharing, which we have a couple of times. I did used to be shagging both our housemates and he was doing one of them, so in those situations we were doing stuff when the other was in the house, but not in our bedroom. Now my bit of fluff is a different guy who doesn't live with us, we go to his or get a hotel. I'm less touchy about it than my fiance is though, so I have given him a pass to gently caress at home if he wants to. They've even done it while I was in the bed with them, but that was mostly a case where the plan was for me to join in, but I was kinda tired and ended up being like 'you guys just do your thing'. quote:
Be careful of NRE. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy I mean, it's fun as hell, but you have to manage it carefully to avoid bad feeling in your primary relationship. As other people said, make sure your rules account for safer sex. Our rules are barrier protection at all times with outside people, though we did relax this with the housemates when that was a thing - we all had been recently tested and effectively formed a 4-person closed loop with barrier protection mandatory outside the four of us. One time my boy hosed up on the barrier protection, he didn't get laid for a month until he'd sorted out getting tested and cleared. Harsh - on both of us, cause I'm the higher sex drive of the two of us - but them's the rules.
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Jun 19, 2014 00:12
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Rotten Red Rod posted:
This is a really good attitude. Just keep communicating good and things will probably be fine. By which I mean, one or both of you will gently caress up at some point because humans, but if your relationship is solid and you keep communicating you will get through it and have lots of fun.
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Jun 19, 2014 21:48
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Rotten Red Rod posted:Thanks! On that note, the girl is still snapchatting me photos... Sigh. Not really appropriate or desired. I'll have to address that with her. Block her. Cut out the drama as soon as it starts, your relationship will thank you.
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Jun 22, 2014 09:20
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Rotten Red Rod posted:So, a poll for the thread: what's your favorite condom? Guys, what brand strikes a good balance between pleasure and protection for you? Do different sizes of condoms actually matter? Do you notice when the condom comes off? A lot of girls say they don't feel much of a difference, but I really do. Sex without a condom is so much better. The dick feels warmer, you can feel that slightly soft on the outside/hard core thing erections have going on, you can feel the ridge a lot better... just so much more awesome. I also never have lubrication issues without a condom, and sometimes do with one, but that could just be that I'm less turned on, idk. Ridges - they feel weird, at best. At worst like someone is trying to cheesegrater my insides. If they had one that just enhanced a dick's natural ridge (or put a *smooth* ridge like an inch or so further down the shaft), that might be better. I've had good results from getting the ultra-thins (no particular brand) and making sure the guy has the right size on. Size is actually done by width not length, so my 6" boy was incredulous about the possibility that the reason condoms sucked for him was that he needed a larger size (he was also convinced he was tiny because he is pretty small when flaccid, which I am like who gives a gently caress what size it is when it's not in use). But, a larger size has really helped because he is pretty thick. Of course now we do the fluid bonded thing and bareback 24/7 ftw. I don't hate condoms enough that I will not use them when I play around, but mother gently caress those dick bags, seriously. Edit: Yeah, buttsex can give the dick-haver UTIs. Wrap that poo poo.
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Jun 27, 2014 00:23
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Suspicious Lump: If you're using an object, use one with a flared base. Preferably one designed for the purpose of going in your butt, with a condom on it, and also its made of a non-porous substance like pure silicone, hard plastic, pyrex glass or stainless steel.
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Jul 16, 2014 07:15
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TrueChaos posted:Holy poo poo I forgot how awkward sex with someone who's a virgin is. An hour + of foreplay, and it was still difficult to get it in (and yes, she was very wet), and I'm not exactly big or anything. I must have done something right though, cause she's planning on "coming over tomorrow so I can jump you" You can be super aroused but also nervous because it's your first time, and this causes muscle tightness that's gonna make it a squeeze regardless of lubrication. Incorporating more penetration/fingering into the foreplay will probably help, but while the medical problems some people mentioned exist, it's also likely to be a problem that resolves itself with time and experience. Plus for TMI I often have trouble getting it in the first few times with my current partner, and while he would never view himself as 'big', he hasn't seen a whole lot of cocks and therefore didn't realize that he's actually pretty big in terms of circumference rather than length. So that could be a thing too, especially if you find standard-size condoms really quite uncomfortable. Sounds like you're doing everything right though tbh.
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Jul 16, 2014 23:06
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enthe0s posted:
Nerves. (But make sure your condom is the right size) If you wanna get less awkward faster, use a condom to jack off. Seriously. A mate of mine trained himself out of losing an erection every time he put one on by doing this; it helped him get used to the sensation. But honestly if you just don't sweat it and as hoobajoo sez, remember that it is not PIV-until-I-ejaculate-or-I-have-failed-at-sex, and you'll be good.
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Jul 23, 2014 23:53
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It might be you. Phrase it as if it's you whether it is or not. Tell her your penis is weird sometimes with oral and ask if she would be ok with you suggesting/trying some things together to make it work better for you. So, address the teeth thing. The gagging noise is simple; don't go so deep, maybe see if she can do the thing where you wrap a hand around the base so half your dick gets a blowjob and half gets a handjob. And also just experiment and explore stuff while communicating a lot with each other. Buut, you might just not like blowjobs. And that's ok. If that's the case, you can make the choice as to whether you don't do blowjobs, or whether you do them sometimes because she likes giving them. Both choices are ok.
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Jul 27, 2014 07:29
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Bomrek posted:Hello sex questions thread! Today my boyfriend asked me to put my whole hand up his butt. http://gaylife.about.com/od/gaysexadvice/ht/gayfisting.htm (Applies to girls just as well) Short version: trim nails, use latex or nitrile gloves, lots of lube and relaxation. Once it's in there you can massage his prostate if you can reach it, or slowly move your hand around if he wants you to. Trimming your nails is the important thing to remember.
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Aug 3, 2014 15:25
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Tias posted:Allright, thanks. I think I'll just talk it over with a prospective sub so we agree 100% on what means what. 'Talk it over and agree' is always the best strategy. Chakan posted:Does anyone have a link or some stuff for beginners? I've done very light dom/sub stuff and my partner is much more experienced and she (the sub) keeps pushing me to be rougher, I'm getting better but I'd really like to read up on say, how to use a belt right or whatever. http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/kink-resources/kink-101-resources/ The Pervocracy is also a good blog for this stuff. Spanking guy - start by barely tapping and build up slowly to find the level of spanking desired. Hairbrushes are more painful and stingy than a bare hand. The pointy bits are also used for pressing into sensitized post-spank skin which some people like. But basically the answer to all these questions is talking and experimenting. Unless you're doing breathplay or bondage, it's actually pretty hard to accidentally hurt someone seriously with kink stuff if you're starting uber-slow, communicating and not doing obviously stupid things like spanking her eyeballs. EDIT: And yes, no means no unless you have specifically arranged that no does not mean no. The stoplight system is awesome for a number of reasons: * If you are the kind of kinkster who plays publicly, most people will recognise your safeword (as it's kind of 'standard') and therefore realise if the cute Dom you met at the party doesn't listen to it. * It can be really useful to have a word for if you need to 'break character' and get a knot loosened or want to get hit less hard but still get hit. If you're playing that requests to stop don't actually make him stop, you need a word for that because otherwise your only option is actually safewording and breaking out of the whole scene. * If the top has a concerned face you can say 'Green' and reassure them without having to stop and have a conversation about whether you're okay. * All of the reasons any safeword is a really good idea if you don't want normal signs of reluctance or refusal to stop the scene. loki k zen fucked around with this message at 01:37 on Aug 11, 2014 |
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Aug 11, 2014 01:29
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Butt stuff isn't any kind of silver bullet and I'm not sure where that idea came from but it's a bad one. It's a thing some people like, it's not gonna fix any problems. The only thing I can say definitely helps with the talking about sex for purposes of improvement etc is making sure to have those conversations at entirely different times to sexytime. That way no one feels like they're giving marks out of ten after or barking instructions before. So totally ask specific things, just not immediately after sex. And maybe stress that you're looking to improve, not looking for her to stroke your ego.
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Aug 28, 2014 02:47
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Not for sale, but I've definitely used non-lubricated non-latex condoms... just not sure where they were from as I didn't buy them myself and was too busy to pay attention to the brand. An alternative might be to use female condoms, which come in non-latex and are often not lubricated. I've also seen some that claim to use hypoallergenic lube (Sensate? don't remember the brand).
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Sep 1, 2014 09:21
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Foreplay and lube obviously, and experimenting with different positions. It's not clear in your post whether length or girth is the issue? If it's length, there are positions that can definitely help with that; doggy-style, for instance, tends to mean less of it actually goes in, which can make things better in that situation. It's also definitely best to start slow, and be cool with not going full-speed maybe at all; you can have lots of fun with slow stuff and moving in ways other than jackhammering.
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Sep 3, 2014 17:34
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I'm having trouble believing you are using enough lube/ your gf is not really fuckin tense.
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Sep 4, 2014 19:44
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