Sex Questions Megathread: I got herpes from my grandma

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Sex Questions Megathread: I got herpes from my grandma

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Ciaphas posted:

Far as drugs to stymie the loss of libido go, I think Wellbutrin is the only thing that's thought to have a chance.

Wellbutrin is one of the few anti-depressants to not have sexual side effects partly because it's an NRI which has effects somewhat similar to simply working out. This is part of why I don't get much of a positive effect from it (I don't get a lot of the emotional benefits of exercise historically).

Mathematics posted:

This is really stupid but I can't figure out how to do the cowgirl position.
...

The thing is, the way he acts, his previous partners have never had a problem with it. "Just put it in," he helpfully advised.

So yeah, any advice? I basically just can't get the angle right. It works best when he's not rock hard so his dick isn't as parallel to his stomach.

Like a lot of sexual stuff, you're going to need to experiment a bit to see what works. If you're facing him (standard) you can try hunching forward, leaning up against him while arching back (like uh, skydiving / parachuting), or try arching backward which should shift everything down there a fair bit. In some circumstances, it might be much easier to work in reverse cowgirl as a baseline rather than forward. What's optimal for physical pleasure may not be what either party actually prefers for comfort, mind you. Some people don't like reverse cowgirl because you're facing away from each other, some think it's hot, whatever.

This isn't exactly rocket science, it's basic 8th grade geometry (or 5th grade if you're in Europe or Asia). Experiment with him as the gauge for what works first, then try to work around that yourself. Tada, you're both happy.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2014 15:03

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 08:56

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

hoobajoo posted:

Absolutely, but when a guy says "Does butt stuff make me gay", my response isn't going to be "You can be gay, that's fine!" The point is he has some stereotypes about guys that like butt stuff, and the best approach to that is to disprove those stereotypes.

All you have to do to see the hypocrisy is question whether women that enjoy anal sex are also homosexual... and "would a woman wanting to peg a guy make her a lesbian?" Would a guy that wants to have anal sex with a woman be gay as well (I know some people that should know better that think this moves men closer to the gay side of the spectrum)? And finally, what about the rather high percentage of self-identified gay men that do not engage in anal sex at all?

On the other hand, I think if you're a guy that gets off on transgendered men / women specifically and have trouble being aroused by women in any situation, you're probably not 100% straight.

Telsa Cola posted:

Was finally with a lady after a looong dry spell and could not preform, she said it was alright but I feel like poo poo about it and I feel like me worrying about it is going to affect me the next time we are together any thoughts or suggestions would be great.

If you're able to masturbate and anticipate when you'll be able to get hard and have a pretty darn good idea of if you're going to finish, it's basically all in your head and this can be triggered by stress, anxiety, depression, or mood variances in general. Sometimes normally sexually active guys can go for hours no problem, sometimes they're finished in 20 seconds, we all have ups and downs and that's just life. People with medically significant erectile dysfunctions tend to have trouble even if they're alone and it's prolonged (longer than a month or two).

If you still watch porn regularly and can go at it day to day with no adverse effect on your sex life, that's fine. But it's something worth stopping cold turkey for a while to see if you just got too used to dating Palmela Handerson.

Otherwise, you may be having some general metabolism / energy issues barring mood disorders like anxiety / depression and exercise can help (it's counterintuitive that you should exercise when you're feeling sluggish but that's the science).

# ¿ May 7, 2014 01:12

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Depends from person to person, I think I've heard anywhere from a day or two to a few weeks depending upon how often you have sex with your new partner and how deep and varied your conditioning is. Five years of death gripping to Naruto fanfic in the same crusty chair facing the same wallscroll is pretty tough to undo in a matter of a couple hours of sex. In all seriousness, don't overthink it including reading this thread for suggestions - that's the reason you're having problems more than likely. If you really want to move things along, you could try drinking just enough to get you a bit buzzed and you should cross the point of caring too much into actually enjoying yourself and move along into a good rhythm. Whatever you need to do to actually relax and feel comfortable throughout your day, do that more.

One normally unlikely possibility but this being an Internet forum... plausible... is that you're a bit out of shape and you're physically stressed out from the activity. You should handle sex in the form of a physical activity better if you're in ok shape.

# ¿ May 7, 2014 03:17

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

RazorBunny posted:

I got invited to one of those Pure Romance parties. I'm looking at their online catalog. All their lubes and creams have glycerin in them, so that's out. The only thing that I might consider is some of the pelvic floor exercisers, nothing else really stands out.

Does anybody have experience with the brand? Is there something that's really worthwhile? The impression I get is that it's just a fairly standard selection of sex toys and I'm better off just hitting up the cheese tray at this party and then ordering something from Good Vibrations instead.

There's a selection of penis pens and pencils if you want to spend a few bucks on a pencil with a penis eraser end. Nothing worthwhile if you've already gotten some of these things before though, it's all straight out of the noobie pool of toys.

The one the wife went to years ago was strange because the girls mainly started asking how well the lady does selling the merchandise and she made pretty good money for such a short gig on the side.

# ¿ Jun 5, 2014 13:18

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Nevermind the rapey undertones but isn't it a bad idea to ram stuff up when someone can't tell if it's hurting badly when blacked out / unconscious or perhaps even heavily inebriated for the same reason that it's a bad idea to use numbing / anesthetics when shoving unusually large objects into orifices?

# ¿ Aug 29, 2014 16:55

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Captain Log posted:

Sure, a little freaky porn star sex is fun every now and then but I don't really get what makes it so desirable. I've always thought a partner's pleasure is a lot more of a turn on than anything else but gently caress, what do I know.

Everyone's got their own preferences in porn and all, but the general theme beyond the "gets someone watching excited" part of porn is that it should be convincing enough to see someone excited to have sex. Nobody wants to see a dead fish, a few pumps and a cumshot. Porn clips would be like 20 seconds long if all they focused on was the orgasm at the end. It seems obvious but it's all about extending the parts that we all wished would go on longer and "reality" like interruptions and morning breath and such don't exist, and so forth.

So uh, like most other forms of video media, it's about creating a fantasy, potentially escapism. The people I know that really don't care for porn (nothing politically correlated I can tell) just can't get into the escapism and in my experience tend to dislike / not give a gently caress about video games or other escapist forms of entertainment and recreation.

anaaki posted:

I was also diagnosed with ADHD-I last year so I am working on maintaining focus during sex and not "hmmm... I need to get those cobwebs off the ceiling. I really need a new light fixture."

There's nothing to be ashamed about this honestly because people with even healthy sex drives can get into that mode of thought. However, it'll almost certainly keep you from enjoying the actual act of sex if you keep making it a habit. One thing about ADHD and ADD in general is that the ability to hyperfocus can work for or against you, and it can be almost impossible to have an orgasm if you're having anxiety and focusing on anything but what's immediately in front of (or in, I guess in this case) you. Figuring out what medication works for lessening the ADHD symptoms may be helpful. Ironically, stuff like coffee can help in small doses for people with ADHD to get a better hold of transitioning attention away from what they'd naturally hyperfocus on, so maybe a morning coffee and morning jolt in the junk can work for you :v:

# ¿ Dec 22, 2014 23:33

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

I am confused how that's supposed to work mechanically and may require an MSPaint diagram. I do not understand which end is supposed to go where nor how the hell that could feel like someone going down on you if that's attached in some manner besides with superglue. Does it bend out like a snake jaw when loving? It'd help if I could tell what material this is now I think about it.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2015 07:19

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Extra points if you eat the grapefruit afterward because they're healthy for you. Not sure if there's a way to make eating grapefruit sexy but that could make it alright even if you know you're loving a grapefruit.

# ¿ Jan 24, 2015 20:15

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

I've ordered mine from Newegg. I actually use mine as a massager as originally intended is the thing.

# ¿ Jan 27, 2015 20:45

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

You could always try wearing a few layers of clothing and using the layers as padding basically. Go on a ski trip or something and bump uglies through a few layers and see if that suits your fancy. It's not like we're trying to come up with a hydrophobic coating with industrial grade materials for cushioning and protection of the material. But if you are... I'm sure this thread could deliver.

# ¿ Mar 25, 2015 17:05

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

hoobajoo posted:

Basically all psychoactive medication is a kind of crapshoot, there's no guarantees. But my point stands as written, it IS the most common antidepressant used to balance out an SSRI's sexual side effects (as well as weight gain and lethargy), and does tend to increase libido. For some people this will come with other, new side effects, but Wellbutrin is actually one of the more agreeable meds in that department.

Wellbutrin is a go-to for all sorts of reasons besides the balancing out part but it's mostly because it's so old and well studied by now that it's among the lowest risk anti-depressants to prescribe to anyone so it truly is a sort of "gateway" if you could call it that. It's similar to Mircette among birth control pills for being so well studied. I don't think I've had any increased libido on it, but I definitely am hungrier than before and I eat a truckload of food already to begin with (I'm underweight so I consider this a Good Thing).

# ¿ May 27, 2015 17:14

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

It should be noted that depression manifests differently between men and women oftentimes and for men it manifests typically as anger due to the usual reactions that men have with encountering different unfamiliar problems. SSRIs can interact with these states but should always be considered carefully into one's anecdotal evidence history.

# ¿ Sep 17, 2015 05:10

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

MightyJoe36 posted:

All this birth control talk makes me so glad I had a vasectomy.

Heck, condom talk makes me glad my wife is basically going through menopause before hitting 40 (her endocrinologists are stumped how she hasn't had a period for over a year now) and I didn't even have to bother with a vasectomy. On the other hand, we still use them for a variety of reasons due to her other medical conditions (thyroid medications and OCD / anxiety seem to be kind of a perfect storm of "your reproductive health is completely screwed if you're female")

# ¿ Oct 10, 2015 04:23

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

WRT guys being bad at female anatomy, guys are terrible at anything anatomy related in general in my experience. The few times men seem to know parts is when it's related to body building (your average bro may, in fact, know a lot more about groups of muscles than your average woman), something referenced in porn, or something that can develop a tumor.

How many men know about the terms (let alone what they are) glans, epididymis, Cowper's gland, vas deferens, etc.? Now add in how complex female reproductive anatomy is in comparison to male on top of the complexities of female sexuality in the first place and it's a wonder women ever had orgasms before the Internet was created. I just treated the subject like I'm learning to play an instrument and it's worked out fine I think. It's not like girls give quizzes on whether she's pointing at her labia majora or labia minora before letting men go down on them.

Lastly, women can be really, really ignorant about their own anatomy. I heard a story at a hospital where a woman going into surgery was being asked what her procedure is supposed to be for treating (patient verbal confirmation one last time and such in cases of severe mix-ups) and she replied back "I have fireballs in my universe" when her problem was actually that she had fibroids in her uterus.

# ¿ Dec 14, 2015 03:19

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Have you actually gotten a blood test for your testosterone levels? Serious question. A lot of people thought I had low testosterone and after a blood test I'm pretty much perfectly average.

Stress works pretty well over any medication to reduce libido. Take on a second full-time job. 100+ hour weeks made me crave sleep more than anything else.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2016 21:55

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Statistically, if you're loving 4 times / week, you're probably in the top 25% percentile for couples worldwide perhaps because 10%+ of all couples at any moment are in their honeymoon phase, I dunno. What's average doesn't matter as much as whether you're happy (although I may have to wonder if the average person is happy with the rate of sex they have to begin with).

http://anepigone.blogspot.com/2009/10/sex-frequency-by-age-and-marital-status.html
http://www.yousaytomayto.net/akqa_work/durex/www.durex.com/scientific/studies/global/global_3.html

But really, just deal with it and go clean your pipes yourself if you have to. Are you that opposed to masturbation? If you're actually a sex addict then maybe that's not good advice. You want tips on how to deal with not having sex for years or something? I promise you I'm not superhuman or a monk and managed for 5+ years voluntarily. You just... do other things.

PS. Turning 30 is not a reliable way to lower sex drive. It's more reliable that you'll just gain weight from lowered metabolic rate.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2016 22:53

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Convergence posted:

So she's now asking the ladies in the thread... how have you developed the ability to mentally and emotionally relax in the moment, if that was ever an issue for you?

My wife has clinical OCD and anxiety (very mild grade OCD that's easy to treat) and has the same problems as yours basically. Her situation has also been complicated with extremely severe reproductive health issues that have had a negative impact on her sex drive (she's gone through menopause 15 years early among several other problems that according to her really well-renowned gynecologist will be getting her a spot in medical journals probably). With all that said, we've had perfectly fine sex for years and barring other factors I don't have problems getting her to finish once the engines are started without her needing oral at all. The hard part is to even want sex in the first place, and if that's not an issue after n years in a relationship, you are already doing multitudes better than the average couple. Relaxation really does depend a lot upon her general stress levels around life and there's a zone between comfortably relaxed and about to fall asleep that seems to be optimum for her to let go of enough racing thoughts. Also, alcohol helps significantly for her and some would say she's clinically alcoholic while some would disagree. And unlike the lady a few posts up, she's not submissive whatsoever - I don't think that's a relevant factor in getting someone to relax or to be able to enjoy certain acts more than others unless they deal with power dynamics fundamentally.

So, if I reliably wanted her to be able to enjoy oral, I would have to have her quit her job, win the Powerball, quit my job, pay for a pet sitter, hire a team of maids to clean 24/7, finance the livelihoods of her entire family tree, and live in the Caribbean on a different island each week.

# ¿ Feb 18, 2016 01:40

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

You can always do what I did in school and just not have sex. At all. For four years..

# ¿ Mar 12, 2016 05:04

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

From what I've seen of Ohio and having done some business there, depending upon the part of Ohio it can be an absolutely terrible place. Health insurance plans there are the worst I've ever had and they're among the most expensive I've ever seen. I don't know what they did there but all signs point to "this state has really, really unhealthy people."

# ¿ Mar 23, 2016 14:34

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

screamname posted:

how much porn is too much?

how often must one person watch porn before its a bit weird?

The answer to the first is the same as for any form of addiction:

quote:

Addiction is characterized by "ABCDE" http://www.asam.org/quality-practice/definition-of-addiction:

Inability to consistently Abstain;
Impairment in Behavioral control;
Craving; or increased �hunger� for drugs or rewarding experiences;
Diminished recognition of significant problems with one�s behaviors and interpersonal relationships; and
A dysfunctional Emotional response.

The gray areas are where things are murky though because societal norms make it tougher to define. For example, some people have trouble abstaining from having sex for months at a time, are they addicted to sex? In the 18th century that may have been true. If you can't go without specifically porn for so much time (say, a month or two) it could be an issue.

I think it's weird when you start having to adjust other parts of your life around the habit. It's part of why I never got particularly far in World of Warcraft - I refused to schedule dedicated time to it, and that kept me from making much progress over time.

Also, perhaps you could watch the wonderful movie Shame for an idea of when someone has gone too far?

# ¿ May 15, 2016 05:25

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

I'm interested in that bed for non-sexy purposes. Most of the stuff I need out of night stands is fulfilled by that and not needing a night stand would be helpful. It's totally a mass produced bed compared to the one Tyrell Wellick from Mr Robot owns.

Not aware of many beds with features that allow for straps and decent storage in general. Anything wrong with trying beds with posts actually?

hoobajoo posted:

Guys really do need to put more thought into their dick pic composition, it's true.

I wonder if photographers could make money giving classes on composition so guys could send more appealing dick pics. Like picking phones with the best cameras for low light conditions is not that trivial if you want to take pretty good pictures in general after all, let alone a picture of your primary sexual organ. The final project could be a photograph of a male model subject.

Maybe examples would do better like showing shots of sexy scenes from Antichrist or something.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2016 02:25

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Being unable to compromise effectively is going to kill any relationship, period. That goes doubly so for sexual ones and I'm just talking general human relationships in the first place. One or more persons in the relationship will wind up hating their situation even if they think enduring and "that's what we do for love" hangs above their head.

We can come up with all sorts of Internet theories on why someone is not particularly into sex and finds it painful, but the thing I've found is that there's a lot of people with really dysfunctional sexual relationships (as in, no sex for years or so infrequent and dull it might as well be) that stick with a person out of some masochistic tendencies or some sense of responsibility / obligation that forms the foundations for collateral damage that's worse than a simple divorce.

I've definitely met some girls that really are very, very vanilla about sex and sometimes life in general, and that's not for me either and the mature thing to do is to try to avoid wasting each other's time in a relationship that won't be fulfilling. You can call someone "boring" and someone can call you a pervert for wanting to have sex with more than 2 positions ever, but the point is that getting either to change is simply exasperating for everyone and even if you love each other in so many other ways it's almost as big of a deal breaker in modern relationships as money winds up being in more long-term relationships.

It's surprisingly easy to find sexual compatibility out there if you explore a little and try to find the right groups. Nobody should feel compelled to stay in a sexually incompatible relationship when there's nothing tying them down. If there is, that's probably a circle of hell.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2017 21:46

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Counseling isn't a silver bullet to relationship problems but one worth trying if you're going through something fairly common (absolutely zero of the problems I've hit are common problems - almost the inverse). I went to a marriage counselor / therapist during a really rough patch before and she basically suggested a divorce after a couple sessions together and individually. Things are working better 5 years later, although both of us are cognizant of what the counselor said and it may be causing more problems today than helping. Fundamentally, most relationship counseling is only as effective as the desire for all involved parties to stay together in the first place. Another issue is also if both persons are actually communicating perfectly fine but neither wants to cooperate anymore with their wishes (deal breakers, ultimatums, etc.). So it's usually best to invoke marriage counseling, ironically, before any problems are occurring. If one person has checked out, even professional help isn't about to spark it back up again statistically. This seems obvious, but I've seen a lot of couples try to go to couples therapy expecting some spark back in their relationship or something and that's really a misconception for relationship counselors. You're better off taking a vacation together or starting a shared hobby neither of you are familiar with if that's what you want.

Let me put it another way, the state of Tennessee offers discounts to marriage licenses (pretty steep if you're poor) if you see a licensed marriage counselor, and it has done little to keep it from being far and away the state with the highest rate of divorce in the country.

# ¿ Sep 6, 2017 15:41

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

If you're able to get off fine with masturbation the issue is likely not physiological but psychological / interpersonal. Literally not feeling anything doesn't make sense physiologically unless there's some serious difference between gap / girth going on or something like numbing happening

With anecdata of N=2 though can say that even after the 4 year mark you should still feel uh... something. Maybe not be comfortable enough to finish but something is probably going to be there even with a condom and some desensitization lube involved.

And yeah, COVID is an rear end in a top hat. Why I'm still masking and pretending like it's 2020 still. I've got enough problems, long-haul COVID doesn't need to be one of them.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2023 18:45

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Hyperlynx posted:

If you habitually grip too hard when jacking off, you desensitise your dick. Even moreso if you don't use lube. That's why so many people are saying "jack off less". Try that, and see if things improve.

I count the well-known death grip issue under psychological factors personally but if it's actually changing your physiology or body chemistry that's kinda wild and something that I'd like to read more about given it could apply to all sorts of other forms of stimulation and entertainment.

Hats Wouldnt Fly posted:

What's the science behind broke dicks?

Dr Huberman at Stanford has said that neurologically with enough porn consumption your brain will have trouble responding as much to actually having sex compared to watching others do it and become conditioned to respond to that instead. He never qualified it with any form of quantity (probably because it would likely vary so much from person to person it's meaningless to try to measure) but I do trust him on neurology at least and he's quite well accredited in it.

# ¿ Feb 1, 2023 04:13

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Instructions confusing, stuffed weed in butt and am now questioning the thread's conventional wisdom.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2023 18:16

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# ¿ May 6, 2024 08:56

necrobobsledder: Mar 21, 2005; Lay down your soul to the gods rock 'n roll; Nap Ghost

Dosage of your medication may need to go down is my first guess. Also tolerance can build up and people can change, yada yada. I don't know anything about these medications but I'd work with a psychiatrist to adjust dosage responsibly.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2023 11:05

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Sex Questions Megathread: I got herpes from my grandma