Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

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irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

What happened to that thread where yis were able to post pages and pages of fantasy England line-ups, none of which would ever win a major honour anyway

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 09:44

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 13:09

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Strawman posted:

Lamela, Mitroglou, Altidore, Fellaini, Soldado. There's a lot of great candidates this year.

tbf Aspas is looking like one too.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 11:13

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Myssu posted:

I don't think you can include Aspas in that list - he was always going to be a squad player, and it would be basically impossible to break into our attacking lineup this year. He only has one goal and one assist, but he's not had that many appearances and most of those as substitutes. He showed a bit of promise in preseason also, for whatever that is worth.

I wouldn't be surprised to see him offloaded in the Summer though, I know he's just supposed to be a squad player, but the fact that he hasn't even been on a pitch in ages makes me think that he's not impressing much. He was injured for a good part of the first half of the season, and with the form of Suarez/Sturridge/Sterling/Coutinho it's going to be hard for him to break into that front 3, but even they (certainly the latter 2) have had poor runs where they were dropped for a while, but then played their way back into the team. It's hard to say. I just would have expected him to be thrown on with 10 minutes to go in games where we were comfortable enough to give other players a rest.

Borini will be a good backup next season I think, he's looked fairly decent in quite a few games for Sunderland, scored some nice goals too.

e: lol I'd forgotten about Alberto. He has looked pretty decent the couple of times he's played. I suppose we'll have more games next season and there will be more rotation. One "problem" is that Suarez just wants to play 90 minutes of every match, doesn't matter who the opposition are, the fucker just wants to run around and piss off defenders and score a million goals.

irlZaphod fucked around with this message at 12:09 on Apr 3, 2014

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 12:06

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Strawman posted:

Aspas has barely played (less than 5 games in total in the league), and when he has he's mostly been out of position, but I still think he looked alright. The only time he started a game up front he scored. It's not like not being able to get a game ahead of Suarez or Sturridge necessarily means you're poo poo.

Nah I don't think he's poo poo, he's looked ok (new league and all that), but as I explained above I just think that the lack of appearances (even just the last 10 minutes of matches) might mean that Rodgers doesn't have much faith in him.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 12:13

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

tbf Jozy barely plays anymore, Poyet knows he's gash. He had to play against Liverpool because Borini was ineligible.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 12:21

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

euroboy posted:

Please don't.

The transfer thread last summer was full of people (especially arsenal posters) melting down because Tottenham bought all those great players and were going to win the league.

Christ.

People said that if those players all gelled together they'd be a scary side. Thankfully they didn't, AVB got sacked and now they have a clueless guy in charge.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 15:15

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Duncan Sperguson posted:

I reckon if Lukaku doesn't sign for us we will just nick Bony off you anyway ftw

No way Big Brendan's mates at Swansea will sell to your lot

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 15:16

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Duncan Sperguson posted:

We have a Swansea affiliate as our manager too it'll happen

Nooooo

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 15:21

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

That really sucks for Benteke, did he injure himself in training?

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 22:39

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Frankston posted:

I look forward to seeing the Foxes back in the Premier League next season

You're not going to see much past him imo

# ¿ Apr 5, 2014 17:15

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Yeah, because of the way the FA Cup fixtures are (with at least 1 team who won't qualify for Europe through the league guaranteed a place in the final), 5th and 6th in the league will definitely get a Europa League spot, but the last one will go to either the winner or the runner-up of the FA Cup.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 14:10

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

EvilHawk posted:

We're talking massive hypotheticals here, but if Arsenal wins the FA Cup but finishes 5th the teams in 6th (usual league qualification) and 7th (extra League Cup spot) will qualify for the EL, right?

No it goes to the FA Cup runners up afaik. The spot is for the cup, the only time it reverts to a league position is if both the winner and runner-up has already qualified otherwise.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 15:01

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

euroboy posted:

Wengers contract is up in the summer and it this rate I doubt that he'll get a new one and I have even more doubts about him wanting to stay on.

A win in the fa cup would be a brilliant way to go out but the way the team has been playing the last two months I can't see them getting to the final and if that happens things are going to get seriously ugly with Wenger.

jesus christ

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:11

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

euroboy posted:

What?

You're playing against Wigan you negative ninny.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:35

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Arsenal will easily beat Wigan

I'd be very happy if it didn't happen, I might even laugh out loud, but I just can't see it tbh

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:42

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

belgend posted:

This is the team that beat City though.

Only because City got overconfident and felt it was all in the bag, that they didn't need to turn up (despite making the same mistake in the final last year).

Arsenal were poo poo today, but they were decent against City. As long as they stay grounded and don't assume they can just walk to the final, they'll easily beat Wigan. It's Wenger's job to make sure that happens.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:47

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Man United can now no longer mathematically retain the title.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:52

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

blue footed boobie posted:

It all depends on whether Arsenal show up for it. Recent history says they probably won't.

Y'all are being big negative babies imo.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:52

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

pik_d posted:

Can they still be relegated?

Unfortunately not, they've a 20 point lead on Fulham.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 18:54

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Blue Screen Error posted:

For the rest of the season I think.

When Roeder was our manager, Neil Adams was co-commentator and fans phone in host on Radio Norfolk, and just starting his career as a coach working with our under 14s or something. After a particularly shocking performance Adams criticised Roeder's team selection and tactics, not in a particularly aggressive manner, and Roeder went mental in a press conference:

He went on to get Adams fired because he's a nasty petty oval office.

After Roeder left Adams got his job back and worked his way up to be youth team manager and won the youth cup last season, and now he's a Premier League manager

Tim Sherwood mk II?

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 21:13

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

We've been playing Flani Alves out of position for months

# ¿ Apr 6, 2014 21:47

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Stinky Pit posted:

Wenger I can't understand how a manager who lots of former players speak of very highly can't motivate a team of talented players into even looking like they give a poo poo.

It's really time for him to go. Jesus what an awful season and all of his decisions have been so questionable its beyond belief.

lol get over yourself

# ¿ Apr 7, 2014 10:49

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Not exactly shocking, really.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2014 13:12

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Koesj posted:

I'm salivating at the prospect of 'big' Louis van Gaal managing in the BEPL folks!!!

I suspect he'll be exposed as yet another foreign myth, unlike successful British managers such as David Moyes and Tim Sherwood.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2014 17:24

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

And even then, hardly anyone calls teams by their nicknames, except journalists.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 16:30

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Claiming that Arsenal can't compete financially is deluded.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 22:43

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Ravel posted:

In that same window City, Chelsea and Spurs spent like 250m combined.

Wow all those clubs combined spent more than a single club? :eyepop:

Ravel posted:

That Arsenal aren't really competing financially by buying ONE player over both windows, even if that player is 40+m

Just because they're not competing financially doesn't mean they can't. Spending �40m on Ozil isn't something any club could do. No, they don't have the level of financial backing that City/Chelsea/PSG do, but they're not broke. Those clubs aren't spending �500m/�1bn every transfer window, they just spent big initially to get their squads up to a level where they could compete at the top of the Premier League and in Europe. Arsenal didn't really need that step up because they had a quality, title-winning squad. The problem (one of them, at least) was that the quality players left and weren't properly replaced.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 23:17

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Ravel posted:

All three clubs spent 100m each. My point is exactly that - they can compete financially with at least Liverpool or Spurs or maybe even United, but they're not. And spending 40m in total in one year is not evidence that they did compete financially this year. Even United, Liverpool and Everton spent 60m, 50m and 30m respectively.

As mentioned already, Spurs only spent a load of money because they got a load of money for Bale. Arsenal don't have the financial backing of City/Chelsea, no, but they're not poor. They obviously had money to throw around last Summer, and I doubt that's just materialised out of nowhere, despite Wenger being thrifty over the past number of years to the point where Arsenal lost out on signing Juan Mata over the matter of a couple of million.

I hate to get involved with these dumb arguments but I've been reading endless posts by Arsenal fans for a few months now lamenting yet another collapse and how they're going to lose everything etc. There are clear issues with the squad and the mentality within the club which could be addressed without spending �250m.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 23:47

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Breath Ray posted:

How would you address them Zaph?

By moaning endlessly on the Internet.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 23:49

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

not not luvd posted:

I'm glad you're here to post such hard hitting conclusions. I wonder if the teams that are able to spend literally a billion pounds might be doing slightly better. They are? I can't believe it!!!!!

I think you misread my post, or missed my point.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 23:56

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Ravel posted:

That's what I'm saying, and if we're talking net spend then Arsenal are still not competing simply because of Ozils fee. He came off the back of selling Fabregas, RVP, Gervinho, Song, Clichy, Nasri.

I don't particularly want to bring up net spend, but regarding the above, as I mentioned earlier some key players were sold and not replaced properly. You can't expect to sell Van Persie for �20+ and replace him with �15m Giroud (or however much he was) and get similar results. Having said that, I think one of Arsenal's best players this season, both performance-wise and as a presence on the pitch, is Oxlade-Chamberlain. He's one of the few players who looks like he wants to change the game when things aren't going Arsenal's way, and also has the ability to do it.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 00:17

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

TheGoatFeeder posted:

City will definitely drop points at Goodison Park, and potentially Palace. Liverpool too I can see dropping points somewhere, possible home to Chelsea, or somewhere random.

We're away to Palace first weekend of May, that's probably going to be a huge test given how they're playing lately.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 08:57

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

I want Liverpool to win because they are cool and good

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 16:08

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

kcer posted:

I'd be very okay with Liverpool winning the league if Liverpool fans didn't exist

That's pretty much the case for most teams though.

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 16:32

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

blue footed boobie posted:

Yeah I don't get it either, but they sure get worked up about it. Weird stuff really.

Agreed, disagreeing with an opinion about something equates to getting worked up about it.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 09:41

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Digital Jesus posted:

Nice meltdown

Thanks.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 10:07

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

blue footed boobie posted:

Just wait until the next time he says something awesome and everyone rushes to the EPL thread to say how "boring and predictable" he is and how they don't care about him. It's delicious stuff OP.

Mourinho's not the only one who's boring and predictable.

(Nice Meltdown)

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 10:14

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Baldo di Gregorio posted:

Pissflaps will NOT be banned because it was not a toxx, it was a Pissflaps Prediction�, which is not legally binding.

In PL news I'm feeling physically sick already in the buildup to Sunday morning. Title challenges are the best thing but they are very hard to deal with emotionally, imo

lol beta

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 16:57

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

The Mash posted:

I saw Flanagan call it the biggest game for Liverpool since 2005, I guess he's not wrong on that? I just looked up the 2008-2009 season and it wasn't quite as close as I remembered it, there wasn't really any one game Liverpool could have won to take the title (or take the lead, at least).

Nah, I think we had a nightmare February and dropped behind. It was never in our own hands during the run-in, like it is now.

not not luvd posted:

08/09 was incredibly close and I felt sorry for them when they didn't win it. I would probably say that was a better team than this current one too.

The difference is Suarez and Sturridge this time around.

I think the main difference is that we have both Sturridge and Suarez, plus the likes of Sterling/Coutinho/Henderson (and Skrtel lol) chipping in with some goals. Back then we had Torres and Gerrard, and if either of them had a bad game, it seemed like the whole team did. This season we've survived Suarez missing 6 matches, plus his run of 5 games without scoring, Sturridge was injured for a while, and Sterling and Coutinho's form has been in and out. We've been lucky having Flanagan step up and not just play at left back, but be pretty decent there too.

irlZaphod fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Apr 11, 2014

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 17:06

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 13:09

irlZaphod: Mar 26, 2004; Kiss the Joycon to Kiss Zelda

Matchday thread

# ¿ Apr 12, 2014 15:01

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

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