quote:

One time, this troper got pushed around by a bully at school. Having had enough he gathered his Nakama and challenged the bully. The smug jerk, thinking he was guranteed victory, accepted. We met on the roof of the school after class. He Begun by taunting me about the PTSD he knew I had. Suddenly, his goons grabbed my friends. Having been forced to a fight, I moved into my fighting stance. He Began to change. I stood relaxedly, simply informing him that "The predator is now the prey." He slowed. I stared him down. The bully, outmatched.Suddenly He Began to reveal he knew about my aspergers and asexuality too. That was my berserk button. I attacked, a staggering barrage that laid him low. Knowing defeat, He Began to crawl away, as his friends stared in awe. "This kid.. is.. inhuman..". I walked towards his friends and snapped a pencil as I would their spines Heh. They gathered their wounded leader, and I rested, knowing that justice had prevailed.

Not Always Romantic posted:

(I sometimes revert to a form of baby talk when I get really excited. My boyfriend has just proposed. It’s late because he proposes after a special dinner and takes me to our favorite evening spot in the park. I am calling my parents, particularly my mom who doesn’t always understand my personality. I am speaking in baby talk the entire time.)

Mom: “Hello? You know it’s late, right?”

Me: “Hi, Mommy! Sorry it’s late!”

Mom: “Uh, hi.”

Me: “Mom! [Fiancé] proposed!”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “He proposed! [Fiancé] proposed!”

Mom: *angrily* “What? I can’t understand you! Why are you talking like that?”

Me: “Because I’m happy!”

Mom: “You’re happy?”

Me: “Yeah! I’m getting married!”

Mom: “Are you drunk?”

Me: *shocked into normal speech* “What? No! [Fiancé] just proposed and I wanted to tell you first!”

Mom: “Oh. You’re sure you’re not drunk?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sure I’m not drunk.”

Mom: “Oh, okay.” *silence* “Well… congratulations, then?”

God was busy posted:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 min.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-****** him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What in the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'

The classroom erupted in cheers!

And that student... posted:

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not answer the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color.

You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's Inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name - Albert Einstein

quote:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

"How old is this rock, pinhead?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"

"Wrong. It's been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real... then it should be an animal now"

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the "poor" (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders

quote:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: “Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!” The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying, “Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!” As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. “It’ssss me you want!” And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

Ratspeaker posted:

Classic "liberal college professor" STDHs:

[quite literally the plot from God's Not Dead]

The Jailbait Wait Discussion posted:

Wanted to put this under real life example but there is none on the Main Page. My friend, who is a girl, has a chart for when she'll be of legal age because she's been dating her boyfriend for two years. And the chart marks every month for another (well, now it's a year) until she'll be sixteen and can legally have sex with her boyfriend.

not always right posted:

(I am at visiting a game store that I go to quite often, to the point that most of the employees consider me a “regular”. Due to a throat injury I received when I was younger, I am mute. I’m there to see if they have a copy of a game that had, at the time, just come out. There are only two employees working at the time; both are behind the counter as I walk in. Any ‘dialog’ of mine for this story is actually just me scribbling into a notepad and showing it to whoever I am speaking to, as it’s my main method of communicating.)

Employee #2: “Hey, [My Name], are you looking for something?”

Me: “Yeah. I was hoping you had a copy of [Game], since I wasn’t able to reserve a copy.”

Employee #1: “Yeah, we have a few. I’ll show you where they are.”

(He shows me to where they are, and leaves me to do some extra browsing. He returns to the register, where his coworker is, when another customer approaches them. He appears to be in his late-teens/early 20s.)

Customer: “Hey, you really shouldn’t encourage her like that.”

(The customer gestures to me, and isn’t even being subtle about it.)

Employee #2: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no clue what you mean.”

Customer: “That girl over there! If you treat her like a normal person, she might get the wrong idea!”

Employee #1: “With all due respect, what are you even talking about?”

Customer: “Don’t play dumb! She’s clearly retarded! Won’t it look bad for business if you let a [slur] wander around? And besides, she’s a girl! She probably doesn’t even play video games!”

(Unfortunately, people assuming I am either deaf or mentally handicapped because of my inability to speak is a common occurrence. I’ve gotten used to it, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying. Still, I do my best to ignore it. The assumption that I don’t play video games because I’m a girl isn’t as common, but it does come up once in a while.)

Employee #2: “Please forgive me, sir, but I’m going to have to ask that you not speak about her that way. Not only is she a regular customer, but she’s definitely NOT mentally handicapped. She just can’t speak because of—”

Customer: “Right! Because she’s retarded! I don’t think it’s safe to let her wander around the store. What if she ends up making someone else retarded?!”

(All three of us are completely dumbfounded. As mentioned before, I’m used to these sorts of assumptions, but this was a new one.)

Customer: “So are you going to kick her out or not? People like her don’t deserve to be in here!”

Employee #1: *visibly angry, and doing his best to keep his cool* “No, we’re not. However, if you don’t stop insulting out customers, we are going to have to ask YOU to leave!”

Customer: “What the h***, man?! I’m just looking out for your best interest! If you wanna treat that [slur] like she’s a person, that’s your business, but don’t come running to me if it hurts your business!”

Employee #1: “Okay, that’s it. We tried being civil. Please leave and don’t come back.”

(The customer is clearly pissed off, but before he can say or do anything, I walk over and slip a note into his hands. He instinctively reads the note.)

Me: “By the way, you can call me retarded all you want, but at least I’m not the one with their fly unzipped.”

(He looks down and confirms that his fly is, indeed, unzipped. His face turns a shade of red, and then storms off in what I can only assume was a combination of rage and embarrassment. We still laugh about it to this day!)

quote:

Not A Hire Level Of Professionalism
Pharmacy | Frankfurt/Main, Germany | Bad Behavior, Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Job Seekers

(I get a call on the first of April, one day after a job interview.)

Caller: “HEY! HEY! Guess what!”

Me: “Who is this?”

Caller: “It’s [Name] from [Company] from yesterday! You’re hired! All the other applicants were total f****** idiots! That’s why we want you!”

Me: “Uhm, thanks? That’s—”

Caller: “You know what I did? Do you want to hear it?”

Me: “What did you do?”

Caller: “I called all the other applicants and told them they’re hired! And when they got all excited I screamed ‘April Fools!’ Haha, I would have loved to see their faces. The first guy told me he’d sue me! Isn’t that funny?”

Me: “So… is this a joke? Or am I hired?”

Caller: “You’re actually hired. As I said, all the others were total f****** idiots! Welcome to [Company]!”

(I’m not sure if I’m going to take this job…)

satsui no thankyou posted:

satsui no thankyou posted:

satsui no thankyou posted:

GirlBones posted:

Well this thread took quite a turn...

quote:

This troperrecently (A few weeks ago) got into a....little fight with his longtime nemesis, last day of (high)school, he may not be coming(droping out, my nemesis, not me) back, revenge bluh bluh merger childish things. He decides to come at me with a meter stick with a rather intimidating war cry. I merely tilt my head ever so slightly and plunk, it hits the wall behind my head, visibly dumbfounded he then attempts to slash me. Big mistake, my headphones got unplugged from my Ipod touch, and my favorite song was just beginning. Nightwish's song she is my sin and so begins my epic battle, he keeps slashing and lunging at me all while I dodge his blows and strokes. He attempts another headshot but I deftly grabbed it from him, he fell face first onto the floor, then I said one of my favorite badass boasts almost immediately afterword "On your knees...I want you to beg for forgiveness." my class's resident Video game gerd (Her own word she made, a combination of geek and nerd, she calls herself this all the time) said almost YELLING "Holy poo poo dude! That was awesome!" unfortunately his Girlfriend didnt think so, and tossed him the other meter stick and said "Kick that little snot into next year!"(Even though im taller then him he's like 5'4 im 5'7) and we exchanged blows which was eerily similar to aboved mentioned Final Fantasy movie, I then disarmed him and then said, "I hold no ill will, nor is this a personal matter, but thanks for the workout non-the less." He simply bowed his head in shame, his girlfriend having pure spasms of RAGE, chiding him that he couldn't beat a video game playing ultimate geek face(highly immature for a 16 year old girl I know), but I couldn't here them over the applause I was getting from the other geeks and my fellow peers, my teacher ( a substitute) woke up from her nap and simply said "what did I miss?" we all (except for my nemesis and his GF) begun laughing uncontrollably for a few minutes. I deadpanned afterwords "Nothing at all ma'am, just having some fun, listening to music, drawing, epic one sided battles..." She shrugged and went back to sleep.

GirlBones posted:

Well this tread took quite a turn...

quote:

Lustrous.

A man in the grocery store line today approached me and said, "Sir, when I first saw you I was extremely attracted to you, but then I noticed that you are a boy. How... I mean, why do you dress so provocatively?"


I responded, "Well, in today's world the majority of the straight male race view women as objects, or something that belongs to them. I dress provocatively because it attracts the attention of men in a sexual and OBJECTIVE way. However, when realized that I am actually male, they often become confused, disgusted, upset or all of the above. By inflicting this minor emotional damaged upon the ego of a man raised by twisted societal gender norms, maybe, just maybe the individual will think twice before viewing another woman with an objective attitude and sense of belonging. No woman, belongs to ANYONE. Male or female, the equality of human beings needs to be a priority. It is something worth dressing up for."

I AM NOT KIDDING. The woman behind me, the female cashier, the old lady bagging groceries and the woman in front of me who was talking on the phone STOPPED, ... and proceeded to gasp and clap. The man shook my hand, told me to have a blessed day and then said, "excuse me ladies, I need to visit my daughter."

... I was shaking by the time I walked out of the store.

Chococat posted:

Somebody I know linked to this story on Facebook today, includes the obligatory stdh "everyone clapped"

Seventh Arrow posted:

A classic from the old thread:


Really, any time someone says "and so begins my epic battle," you know they're lying. Also anything that starts with "This troper recently..." should be viewed with suspicion (unless followed with the words "spent Friday night alone" or "started crying when a bully threatened me.")

quote:

A white heteronormative cisgendered CEO professor and Baptist preacher was teaching a class on Karl Rove, known Christian.

“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Jesus Christ and accept that you too can become straight through daily prayer, self-flagellation, and eating Chik-Fil-A every day!”

At this moment, a brave, trans-Asian, self-diagnosed pansexual demiromantic vegan multisouled person who had been free of all animal products and only bought products at the local transgender co-op boldly stood up, holding a glass filled with some white liquid.

“Hey, Professor, what is this?”

The arrogant professor smirked like a rapist and smugly replied “It’s clearly milk, you crazy human being. What the gently caress does milk have to do with political science?”

“Wrong. It’s an all natural vegan soy almond kombucha latte. No animals or transpeople were harmed or raped in the making of this product.”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of the Wall Street Journal. He stormed out of the room, clearly planning some kind of rape. The professor realized that he had been playing into the hands of the kyriarchy of CEOs, investment bankers, the Religious Right, and psychiatrists. He then killed himself. The proper term for this is “trans-dead”.

The students checked their privilege, all diagnosed themselves with autism and gender identity disorder and joined the Gay-Straight Alliance. An obese trans-eagle furry otherkin waddled into the room and tried to perch upon the American Flag, bending the flagpole in the process. All parties involved gave up meat, Christianity, and the right to bear arms.

The students all lifted their glasses of soy fluid in a toast.

“That beverage’s name? Harvey “The One Percent” Milk.” said the vegan trans-autistic Korean.

Alter Ego posted:

Every time I see another one of those troper STDHs I can't think of anything except the Unsullied from Game of Thrones.

"This troper is pleased to have served you, Great Master."

Why can't they just use the pronoun I? Is it part of that whole "special unique snowflake" thing they have going on?

SpookyLizard posted:

Hey nerds, its stdh.txt, not stdh.jpg.

quote:

I was leaving a Modern event at my local game store (this is a semi-competitive form of Magic, the Gathering). It's in a seedy part of town where commercial real estate is cheap, and I had well over a thousand bucks in cards on me as I was walking out to my car.
Anyway, some little hood rat kind of body blocks me in a poorly lit area of the parking lot and tells me to give him the case I was carrying (nice, expensive looking metal case with the logo of the game I was playing on it.
I put my hand on my weapon and told him no and he started puffing up and getting aggressive, so I drew one-handed and pointed it at his center mass. I asked him if having my things was worth his life. He raised up his hands, backed way the gently caress off and tried to pass it off like he was joking the whole time. I smiled at him, got in my car, and drove the gently caress out of there.
I'm not sure, but I feel like staring down a gun at someone contemplating killing them and having to go to trial and put your life and future in the hands of 12 idiots and a bureaucrat is scarier than staring down the barrel of someone else's gun pointed at you.

Awkward Davies posted:

Noooo, my magic cards!

quote:

Guy on train: I'd gently caress you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me: *turns up music*
Guy: I said I'd gently caress you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy: Why the gently caress do you have so many tattoos?
Me:
Guy: Are you loving deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? loving dykes, all tattooed like loving men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop: I can make that happen.
Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the gently caress are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train: *applauds*

Jerry Manderbilt posted:

Here's another variant on the classic professor STDH (in other words, where Tumblr meets Freep):

KiddieGrinder posted:

It came from tumblr:

Even has applauding at the end. I was hoping the [cop] and [protagonist] would get married, but, can't have it all.

KiddieGrinder posted:

It came from tumblr:

Even has applauding at the end. I was hoping the [cop] and [protagonist] would get married, but, can't have it all.

KiddieGrinder posted:

It came from tumblr:

Even has applauding at the end. I was hoping the [cop] and [protagonist] would get married, but, can't have it all.

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

Remember kids, cops are waiting for ANY excuse to arrest you.

GreenMetalSun posted:

Of course it has 50,000 notes. OF COURSE IT DOES.

quote:

The ‘F’ Bomb
College & University | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Cheaters, Exams/Tests, Students

(I am working on my Ph.D., and am also a teaching assistant for a dramatic literature class where students are assigned a play to write a paper about. Normally, I tried to reread the play as a refresher before grading the papers, but one was just so long that I didn’t have the time, so I used Cliff’s Notes. When I begin to grade the paper, I discover I am actually just reading the Cliff’s Notes again. I underlined everything that had been plagiarized, all but a few connecting sentences, and hand it back to the student the next day. My note on the essay: This is unacceptable. ‘F.’)

Student: *in front of the whole class* “What do you MEAN, ‘F’?! You b******! My father is a lawyer and he’ll sue you for everything you’re worth, a**hole!”

Me: “Almost every word in this ten-page paper was lifted directly from Cliff’s Notes!”

Student: “So? My roommate wrote this paper when she took the class last year and got an A! I copied it from her! Why the h*** am I getting an F?!”

Me: “Are you telling me you plagiarized a plagiarized paper?”

Student: “What the f*** does that mean?!”

Me: “You copied this paper from your roommate, right?”

Student: “Yeah!”

Me: “Well, apparently she copied it from someone else, too. You can’t take credit for someone else’s work. If last year’s TA had realized that she had copied it, she would have failed, too.”

Student: “But you never TOLD us we couldn’t copy our papers!”

(She appealed her grade on those grounds. Naturally, she didn’t win, even with help from her father the lawyer.)