shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

I work at a public library and have had interactions with patrons that go deep into STDH territory. Most of the bizarre conversations happen because among our regulars are elderly folk slipping into dementia and homeless/halfway house types with legitimate mental illness. They really do lash out and yell with no provocation, but instead of everyone clapping and getting married there is just awkward silence as security reads them the code of conduct and walks them to the door. Then an incident report is filed and if they were violent or threatening then the problem patron gets banned.

The NAR stuff bums me out, but I love the MRA and tumblr SJW stories. That archives post about Muslim Pussy Smells had me cracking up. Anyone got more STDH in that vein?

# ¿ May 10, 2014 08:00

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 16:28

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

ibntumart posted:

Just one more favorite from the old thread.

I love that one, it's like some kind of Bizarro Borat fan fiction.

"I taught this wealthy foreigner about the American lifestyle firsthand, and he loved it. Sex and videogames, that's how we do."

# ¿ May 12, 2014 10:30

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

York_M_Chan posted:

Sorry if this is a repost but haven't seen in yet

I love the generic "well-known speaker" at nondescript seminar.

So, which person did he give the $20 bill to? :colbert:

# ¿ May 20, 2014 22:38

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

canyoneer posted:

Heard one on the radio this morning. Callers called in sharing Dad stories for Father's Day.

There's a street in Phoenix called Grand that used to be the old highway, and has a gazillion railroad crossings. It used to be famous for having long 5+ minute waits at railroad crossings, pushing 10 minutes if you got multiple trains going back and forth. They've since addressed the traffic with bridges and alternate freeways.
This guy called in a story from when he was a kid, after sitting at a rail crossing for 10 minutes, his dad puts the car in park, scoops up a handful of rocks, and starts hucking rocks in frustration at the sides of the passing trains. Maybe that happened.

Then everyone leaned out of their cars, clapping and cheering. That may not have happened.

... and then one of the rocks ricocheted from the moving train and struck my dad in the skull. After several weeks the hospital concluded that he would never recover from his vegetative coma state. We have been married for 3 years!

# ¿ Jun 15, 2014 06:57

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

Tunicate posted:

["lite beer isn't real beer" argument]

This sounds like someone transcribed a commercial.

This exact argument has happened in Goons with Spoons, along with:
"Do you put beans in chili?"
"Is a hamburger a sandwich?"
"What is the correct hot dog condiment?"

But even more aggressive and heated. It's entirely possible that it happened IRL too. A lot of people who have super-strong DEBATE ME opinions on certain foodstuffs are perfectly normal otherwise. It's strange how common that is.

edit: yeah the ending didn't happen, but the awkward argument at a relaxed party totally did happen.

WITCHCRAFT has a new favorite as of 08:01 on Jun 18, 2014

# ¿ Jun 18, 2014 07:52

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

I think this story got posted in the previous thread, but do you remember the one about a college professor who forced students to answer their cellphones on speaker if it went off in class? I don't even remember what the STDH was after the phone rang in that story, but I saw this video and remembered that it got posted here. If there wasn't video evidence of this thing, I would totally call STDH. Instead, here's some poo poo that did happen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9rymEWJX38

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 09:41

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 16:28

WITCHCRAFT: Aug 28, 2007; Berries That Burn

Paladinus posted:

His imaginary colleague translated it to him in meticulous detail afterwards, obviously.

Yeah, I got the mental image of the writer asking their coworker to repeat the speech at a slow speed as they scrawled it down on a hotel-branded note pad to post on the internet later.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2014 04:28

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!