- Doubtful Guest
- Jun 23, 2008
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Meanwhile, Conradin made himself another piece of toazzzzzzt.
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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Post Your Favorite (or Request) >shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: All my headmates cheered.
I always enjoy the stilted tone from some of the NAR ones where, even as they've made up this little power fantasy about verbally smacking down an irritating customer, they've had to self edit for tumblr or imgur sensibilities. Where 'and I said 'gently caress off, you fat bastard, or I'll kick your rear end!' gets changed to 'Could you please leave the store sir, you are impeding other customers, or I will be forced to use my 14 years of [obscure martial arts] training to escort you from the premises' which seems halfway between quoting the letter of the training manual (so no one can accuse you of being unprofessional) and nipping in the bud any accusations of being fat-phobic, or aggressive or anything that might make them look like the bad guy - also why their enemies tend to hit every moustache twirling evil tick box.
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May 10, 2014 11:45
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May 13, 2024 15:28
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- Doubtful Guest
- Jun 23, 2008
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Meanwhile, Conradin made himself another piece of toazzzzzzt.
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quote:"My friend and I were backpacking through Costa Rica about 10 years ago and had found this beautiful little island with just one small hotel on it where we ended up spending a chunk of our trip. The waiters were charming and handsome and ended up talking to us many evenings as we were the youngest people there and usually the last to leave the bar. One night they were nicer than usual and bought us drink after drink, getting more and more familiar with us over the course of the night. I spoke spanish fluently, unbeknownst to our generous friends. Over the course of the evening they discussed in hushed whispers in spanish how they would get us drunk and take advantage of us. I tipped half my drinks into the bushes and sat smiling and laughing as the night wore on. Finally, after a moonlight walk down an empty pristine beach they made their move. As the waiter leaned in to kiss me I sweetly whispered in his ear in spanish that I had understood everything he said, was not drunk, and there was no chance he was setting a mother loving finger on me or my friend. I advised his friend as well and specified that my friend needed a beautiful night like this, bouncing back from a bad breakup that prompted the trip. They brought us back to our room and to this day my friend wistfully talks about that incredibly romantic night."
I too let potential rapists take me somewhere secluded before delivering witty putdowns, but not before making sure that my friend is already drunk.
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Jun 8, 2015 20:53
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- Doubtful Guest
- Jun 23, 2008
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Meanwhile, Conradin made himself another piece of toazzzzzzt.
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gently caress youuuuuuuuuuuu.
The only reason you should not be allowed to be out in public is because you're an insufferable oval office, not because you're a fun quirky puppet masta
I always see your posts as being read by the cat in your avatar. This is very enjoyable when you're expressing this kind of righteous contempt for the writer of that stdh.
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Oct 28, 2015 15:14
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- Doubtful Guest
- Jun 23, 2008
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Meanwhile, Conradin made himself another piece of toazzzzzzt.
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Some Avenging Angel of Reddit posted:
So in high school I had a really close knit group of friends. Me and one of the other girls who we'll call Kate were really close for about two years. During the summer before my senior year of high school Kate told me at a friend's party that she was gay and had feelings for me. I'm straight so I turned her down.
This wasn't something that Kate was very happy to accept. She told the two other girls in our friend group that she had told me she was gay and that I basically hadn't accepted her and now didn't want to be around her anymore. While Kate didn't come out to anyone the three basically convinced my entire high school drama club (which we were all really involved in, irony I know) that I was basically a lying, intolerant, etc. bitch and no one talked to me for the majority of senior year starting around October or so when poo poo really hit the fan. That is until I completed my incredibly drawn out and twisted revenge plan.
First we'll start with what I did to the girl that led the crusade. We'll call her Lena after her idol Lena Dunham. I had nearly all of my classes with this girl and we had been applying for college at the same time. Lena told me that she was excited to apply for Oberlin College and would be hearing back soon. They had kept up this bizarre pseudo-friendship with me for a while so I knew when Lena got denied early from the school. Except she told everyone that she hadn't been denied, but that her family was unable to afford it. For her, I got a bunch of teachers together to help her get scholarships so that she could afford to go to her dream school. She had to admit to each and every one of them that she had actually been denied.
The next one, we'll call her Becky, who didn't do anything terrible other than sort of go along with it and egged them on occasionally I got a little worse with because it was so easy. This was a surprisingly toxic friend group when it started to fall apart but for some reason none of them realized that I have a very good memory and one time during a sleepover they had talked about their facebook passwords. I took screenshots of Lena and Kate's conversations about Becky and would hide them in a folder in Becky's email because Becky used the same password for both. I let these amass for months until I started in on my final part for Kate.
I stayed absolutely silent until late March of senior year on why Kate and I had suddenly stopped being best friends. I knew that people wouldn't want to listen to me and that it wasn't worth creating a prolonged fight over. But with time some people were talking to me again and Kate wasn't the victim she had been months ago. So I started it then. Kate still hadn't told anyone (except maybe Lena and Becky I honestly can't say for certain) the real reason we weren't as close. So instead of being the person who would tell everyone I found a way to make her do it instead.
We had this friend who literally could not keep a secret if you paid him to and he didn't care about that at all. It was a point of personal pride almost. I didn't tell him directly because that would be really low, but at the time I convinced myself that this was better. I told him that if he wanted to see something funny that he should tell Kate that he knew what happened at that one summer grad party. I didn't give him any details, didn't say anything at all, and didn't tell him that it had anything to do with us not talking.
The next week Kate went around asking people if they had heard the awful rumor I was spreading about her. I had multiple people come and ask me if it was true. I would only ever reply "Where did you hear it from?" Until they all realized that she had said it herself. I hadn't said a word but now everyone knew why she had suddenly fallen really hard out of love.
When even Becky and Lena start wondering if the story she told them is true they stick with her initially. Which is when I send an email from to Becky (from herself) to check the spam folder of her account and search for messages titled "Facebook Thoughts."
To my knowledge the girls don't talk that much anymore.
TL;DR Girls are mean to me in high school. I exact months long revenge on them tailored to their personalities; public and private humiliation and getting someone to out themselves to most of the school.
Another tale of badass revenge, which if were true would still paint the writer in a horrible light. Or it's the rejected plot outline for The Craft 2.
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Oct 29, 2015 23:10
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- Doubtful Guest
- Jun 23, 2008
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Meanwhile, Conradin made himself another piece of toazzzzzzt.
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This is one of my favorite things from the Internet. Just spend a moment bathing in its majesty. Feel that seething anger, hatred, and jealousy. So good. 10/10
Just relistened to the F Plus Childfree hardcore episode with this one. It's great - really captures the frothing rage. Episode 42.
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Feb 25, 2016 22:23
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May 10, 2014 11:45
