quote:

Not A Hire Level Of Professionalism
Pharmacy | Frankfurt/Main, Germany | Bad Behavior, Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Job Seekers

(I get a call on the first of April, one day after a job interview.)

Caller: “HEY! HEY! Guess what!”

Me: “Who is this?”

Caller: “It’s [Name] from [Company] from yesterday! You’re hired! All the other applicants were total f****** idiots! That’s why we want you!”

Me: “Uhm, thanks? That’s—”

Caller: “You know what I did? Do you want to hear it?”

Me: “What did you do?”

Caller: “I called all the other applicants and told them they’re hired! And when they got all excited I screamed ‘April Fools!’ Haha, I would have loved to see their faces. The first guy told me he’d sue me! Isn’t that funny?”

Me: “So… is this a joke? Or am I hired?”

Caller: “You’re actually hired. As I said, all the others were total f****** idiots! Welcome to [Company]!”

(I’m not sure if I’m going to take this job…)

quote:

The ‘F’ Bomb
College & University | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Cheaters, Exams/Tests, Students

(I am working on my Ph.D., and am also a teaching assistant for a dramatic literature class where students are assigned a play to write a paper about. Normally, I tried to reread the play as a refresher before grading the papers, but one was just so long that I didn’t have the time, so I used Cliff’s Notes. When I begin to grade the paper, I discover I am actually just reading the Cliff’s Notes again. I underlined everything that had been plagiarized, all but a few connecting sentences, and hand it back to the student the next day. My note on the essay: This is unacceptable. ‘F.’)

Student: *in front of the whole class* “What do you MEAN, ‘F’?! You b******! My father is a lawyer and he’ll sue you for everything you’re worth, a**hole!”

Me: “Almost every word in this ten-page paper was lifted directly from Cliff’s Notes!”

Student: “So? My roommate wrote this paper when she took the class last year and got an A! I copied it from her! Why the h*** am I getting an F?!”

Me: “Are you telling me you plagiarized a plagiarized paper?”

Student: “What the f*** does that mean?!”

Me: “You copied this paper from your roommate, right?”

Student: “Yeah!”

Me: “Well, apparently she copied it from someone else, too. You can’t take credit for someone else’s work. If last year’s TA had realized that she had copied it, she would have failed, too.”

Student: “But you never TOLD us we couldn’t copy our papers!”

(She appealed her grade on those grounds. Naturally, she didn’t win, even with help from her father the lawyer.)

Nastyman posted:

It's a fuckin' joke, it works better if I tell it in the first person.

There's a similar version that got told when I grew up but the black guys was one guy and 2 scary dogs. Guy sees the lady is intimidated by the dogs, orders them to sit and she does.

quote:

Has No Beef With A Breakup
Restaurant | WA, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I have only been seeing each other for about four months. I introduce him to a local Brazilian steakhouse, and we’ve decided that we’re going to go there semi-regularly because their food is amazing. He tends to say very strange things when we’re there, because the tastiness of the food and the ambiance of the place just put him in a weird state of mind. He’s just said something else weird, and this conversation follows.)

Me: *having just noticed there is a five-year-old seated behind me* “You tend to say a lot of weird crap when we’re here.”

Boyfriend: “I think this place just kind of puts me in a no-filter state of mind.”

Me: “So… it puts your mind somewhere near mine?” *laughs* “Because we both know that I can censor myself. I just don’t particularly care to most of the time.”

Boyfriend: “Wait, what other weird stuff have I said here?”

Me: “Last time you said you thought this was the kind of place that you could get dumped in and not even care.”

Boyfriend: “Oh yeah. Well, it’s true!” *taking a bite of steak* “Even if you and I aren’t together anymore, I’d still have a soft spot for you for introducing me to this place.”

Me: *laughing* “There you go again. It is a nice place, though. We should bring your parents here next time they’re in town.”

Boyfriend: “My dad would love this place more than I do, I think. But I love this place, and I love the person who brought me here!” *smiling*

(Neither of us had said ‘I love you’ yet, and that was certainly the last thing I was expecting to hear!)

Seventh Arrow posted:

As long as we're rolling out the classics here, I figured I'd post the "mall ninja" story. I don't even think it originated on SA...the TL;DR version is that some guy posted to a firearms forum about requiring an absurd amount of lethal weaponry and body armour. When asked what he did for a living, he said that he was head of a three-man tactical security force for a local indoor shopping mall. This is a job that apparently requires carrying multiple glocks, trauma plate-enhanced armour, and ninja boots that let you climb walls. Supposedly, at the end the guy fessed up to make it all up as a way of parodying gun nuts, but who knows. I prefer to believe that the guy was totally serious.

The whole chain of posts is here:

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

There's too much to dump into one post, but enjoy some of the starters:

quote:

Yeah Nancy, cry to the mods to kill the TRUTH. Just because you’re too much of a Sally to hear REAL men talk about REAL life experiences.

BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual. It’s when you practice it daily, like yourself, that you become a homosexual.

titties posted:

Like others have said, yes. I grew up eating banana catsup pretty often, but I was pretty surprised to see the variety of sauces that a quick googling shows. I never would have guessed that the original recipes from the 1600's or whatever seem to be mostly fish and lemon sauces.

I was also surprised to see that literally no US catsup manufacturer spells it as "catsup", which is how at least some of the bottles were labeled back when I was learning to read.

quote:

Just A (Cast The First) Stone’s Throw Away From A True Christian
Grocery Store | AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I live in the Bible belt of America, where homophobia is the norm. I’m a gay man and was outed by a previous coworker, so now I deal with two or three bigots per week. This takes place an early Sunday morning.)

Me: “Hello. Did you find everything today?”

Customer #1: *a bigot who frequents my lane just to insult me* “Everything except a good, god fearing cashier!”

Me: *scanning items and not paying attention* “Your total is $48.50, sir. Would you like to pay cash or credit?”

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell, you know! You and all your godd***** f*****! Pick up a Bible and learn how to be a Christian!”

(He then proceeds to throw his credit card at me. I check him out while enduring his verbal abuse, as usual. Finally he’s gone to bag his groceries while the next customer comes up. He’s an elderly man, around 60, wearing a sweater and a large prominent cross. I fear the worst but he hands me a gift card.)

Customer #2: “Bless you, son. I’d like you to have this to make up for those of us who are less then their best.”

(Customer #1 has heard Customer #2 and starts yelling.)

Customer #1: “You’re going to Hell for supporting this f**! Learn how to be a good Christian!”

(Customer #2 removes his sweater to reveals he’s a priest. Customer #1′s eyes widen in shock.)

Customer #2: “Well, if I’m going to Hell I don’t believe there’s much hope for any of us now, is there?”

(He was the new pastor for the church and one of his first sermons was on spreading love instead of hate. I thank you, good sir, for reminding me what a real Christian is like.)

Pththya-lyi posted:

My schools had a "buddy" program where sophomores were paired with kindergarteners. The sophomores would come to the kindergarten class every once in a while (I want to say once a month, but I can't remember) and spend time with their kindergarten buddy. I think it was so the teenagers could learn empathy, and young children certainly enjoy it when a "grown-up" pays attention to them. It is plausible that this young man was presenting as part of his own school's "buddy" program.

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

No circular saws in this story, I'm afraid.

quote:

Stop, Look, Don’t Listen
AMUSEMENT PARK | CANADA | HEALTH & BODY, THEME OF THE MONTH, TRANSPORTATION
(I am leaving work in an unmarked uniform as I have recently been promoted from security guard to dispatcher. I still often help out our employee-access gate guards as the access gate can be very busy. I’ve just left our dispatch center where I had called 911 for an ambulance shortly before. As I get to the gate, there is a non-employee who is dressed like a plumber waiting for his daughter to be brought out from our health center. I can also hear the ambulance approaching so I start providing traffic control to allow the ambulance quick access to the property.)

Me: *to an employee coming in to work* “Step to the side, please!”

(The employee continues to approach without stopping and the ambulance is now visible with its emergency lights flashing.)

Me: “Step to the side. SIR, STEP TO THE SIDE SO THE AMBULANCE CAN GET IN.”

(The employee runs forward, only stopping when the ambulance almost runs his foot over.)

Me: *stopping the employee* “Excuse me. Did you not understand me?”

Employee: “What do you mean?

Me: “Did you not hear me telling you to stop, and motioning you to stay where you were to let the ambulance in?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I f****** stopped, didn’t I?”

Me: “No, you didn’t. I’ll ask you again. Did you not understand me?”

Employee: “Yeah, well, you were saying one thing and motioning with your hands. It wasn’t very clear. Why should I have to stop anyway? I would have made it ahead of the ambulance!”

Me: “I asked you to stop, and you didn’t stop. Is there something that makes you special so that you don’t have to stop for an ambulance on an emergency run? Can I see your ID card, please?”

Employee: “No. Who the f*** are you, anyway?”

(At this point, I let him see my company ID card with ‘Security and Loss Prevention’ written on it as my department.)

Employee: “Well, you weren’t very clear with what you wanted. Now f****** let me get to work.”

Me: “I asked for your ID card. Please give it to me.”

Employee: No. You didn’t make yourself clear and I shouldn’t have had to stop anyway.”

(The man waiting to pick his daughter up has been listening to this whole exchange and chimes in.)

Man: “Actually, a**hole, he was very clear about what you wanted. You were just a little s*** who didn’t listen.”

Employee: “F*** you. What the f*** do you want? You’re not involved here!”

Man: “He was very clear about what he wanted you to do. You were just a snot-nosed little s***head who didn’t want to listen. You’ve been nothing but an a**hole during this entire exchange.”

(At this point they are about ready to exchange blows and every security guard at the access post is ready to jump in. The man then reaches inside his shirt and pulls out his badge as well as pulling his ID card from his pocket.)

Man: “If it was up to me, I would arrest your a** right now because you deserve it. I’m already having a bad day and snot-nosed little brats like you just make it worse. So you are going to shut up and walk through the metal detector and go to work. I will personally be calling your supervisor to tell them what a snot-nosed s***head you are and that you chose to disregard the very clear directions of park security.”

(The employee immediately showed me his ID, and then turned around and went straight into work without ever saying another word. Turned out, the ‘plumber’ was a member of a local undercover drug squad who had been called off surveillance to pick his daughter up after she got sick.)

1 Thumbs (713 THUMBS UP!)

PUGGERNAUT posted:

Bonapartisan posted:

Thanks for this. I had forgotten about her.

My favorite is her explanation to someone who asks her about naming the band "Queen".

Squallege posted:

Apparently she created James Cameron???!?
http://michaelhutchenceandme.wordpress.com/2013/09/16/james-cameron/

swampland posted:

I love how even though she's blacklisted from the industry every famous person ever knows her and comes to her for ideas and she has no troubles getting her various movies and albums made and distributed by major labels and studios. She just cant have her name on them for some reason.

e: Plus I'm assuming she got conned out of money from her projects by the shadowy insiders who blacklisted her to explain why she isn't the richest person in the world now but still she just keeps giving them hit movies and songs over and over again for free. Come on Amy, fool me once and all.

effervescible posted:

Car sales commissions don't even work that way, do they? The commission comes from the dealership, it's not even a comparable thing that makes sense for the . Not that this is a thing that happened.

Also, going back to crazy Amy Lee for a minute, I know the real answer is "because crazy," but I'd really like to hear her explain why she thinks naming is so important. Like, she claims she came up with stage names even for bands/singers/whatever whose songs she doesn't claim to have written.

quote:

Mail Order Disorder
APARTMENT COMPLEX | NY, USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, BIZARRE, THEME OF THE MONTH
(I live in an apartment complex that mainly serves as a home for elderly and handicapped residents. One afternoon, I am expecting a check to come in the mail, and I need to cash it before the bank down the street closes at 4 pm. The mail lady doesn’t arrive until 3:45. There is a crowd of people waiting for their mail, and we are all watching her load the 50-or-so mailboxes in anticipation. As soon as she put my mail into my mailbox, I approached it to grab the check, since it was almost 3:50.)

Mail Lady: “I’m so sorry, but for policy reasons at this complex, you’re going to have to wait until I finish with all of the mail. I’m not allowed to let people grab their mail until it’s all in.”

Me: “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I had to wait for everyone’s mail to be put into their individual mailboxes. I just really need to get my check, but I’ll wait.”

Mail Lady: *very friendly and understanding* “No worries. It’s all right. Most people at this complex make that mistake at least once, and try to get their mail before I’m finished. I’ll try to finish up as quick as I can so you can get your check.”

Me: “Okay. Thanks!”

(I walked back to the group of waiting people. Suddenly, one of the old ladies behind me tapped me hard on the shoulder. Very hard. I turned around to look at her.)

Old Lady: *angry tone* “Hey! She said you can’t have your mail yet!”

Me: “Oh, I understand. I didn’t realize I had to wait until it was all in. That’s why I came back to the group here to wait.”

Old Lady: *becoming even more angry* “Don’t you talk back to me! You need to wait your turn!”

Me: “But… I AM waiting. I’m standing right here with everyone else, waiting.”

Old Lady: *almost screaming at me* “A brat is what you are! You NEED to WAIT YOUR TURN!”

Me: “Oh, for the love of god, I AM WAITING! I just made a small mistake. But I’m waiting now. Leave me alone.”

(At this point, I turned and looked away from her, figuring I’d ignore her.)

Old Lady: *almost going into a panic* “You shouldn’t get your mail because you won’t wait your turn! JUST WAIT WITH THE REST OF US!”

(She continues ranting about how I ‘don’t deserve’ my mail, how ‘rude’ and ‘thoughtless’ I am, etc. Finally, the mail-lady turned and looked at her.)

Mail Lady: “Ma’am. Shut your d*** mouth and leave the poor guy alone! He didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s already CLEARLY waiting! If you don’t stop, I won’t give you your mail! You’re just a rude old bat, aren’t you?!”

(The lady finally took the hint and left me alone. Thanks for dealing with her for me, mail lady!)

quote:

Demanding And Stupid In The Same Breath
BOOKSTORE | MA, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, CRAZY REQUESTS, MUSICAL MAYHEM
(We’re a bookstore, but we also sell some smaller toys from a popular company known for their hand-crafted products. I’m covering the register on a slow night. A customer I rang out a few minutes earlier who bought a $3 wooden kazoo comes storming back into the store. Another customer reaches the register at about the same time, but holds back when she sees how angry the other woman is.)

Customer #1: “Why’d you tell my son he couldn’t return this kazoo? It’s defective!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. He just asked if he could get his money back, and I told him we couldn’t take it because it was opened already. It’s defective?”

(I pick up the wooden kazoo that she’s slammed on the counter hold it near my mouth, and hum. It makes a kazoo noise.)

Me: “Oh, maybe your son doesn’t know how it works. You have to hum into it, not blow like a whistle. Seems fine.”

Customer #1: “What? I didn’t hear anything! It’s defective! I want my money back!”

(I hold the kazoo near my lips again and hum louder. It makes a louder kazoo noise.)

Me: “See? That’s what it’s supposed to do. You hum, and it makes that noise.”

(I set it down in front of her, thinking the problem is solved.)

Customer #1: “No way! I’m not taking that out of the store now! You’ve contaminated it with your breath! It has all your germs in it. Give me my money back!”

Me: “Really?”

(The woman tries to stare me down.)

Me: “Ma’am, as I explained, you don’t blow into a kazoo. You hum. You can’t hum with your mouth open. None of my breath went into the kazoo.”

(I demonstrate a humming noise without the kazoo, showing her my lips are firmly pressed closed.)

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! I’ve bought hundreds of things from here that were all defective, and I’ve never bothered to return them before. I just threw them away. Now, you won’t even take back this broken kazoo?”

Me: “But, it’s not broken, remember? And I didn’t breathe in it, either. I’m not sure exactly what your complaint is at this point.”

Customer #1: “That’s it! I want to talk to your store manager.”

Me: “That would be me.”

Customer #1: “Fine! Then I want to talk to a district manager! Is he here?”

Me: “Yes. And he’s also me.”

Customer #2: “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot! You haven’t heard the last of me!”

(The woman snatches up her kazoo from the counter and runs out of the store. I turn to the other woman who’s been waiting patiently.)

Me: “I’m sorry you had to be here for that uncomfortable situation.”

Customer #2: “Oh, I don’t mind. That was pretty entertaining. I think you may have created a super-villain.”

(Ten minutes later, one of my managers from another store location calls me, laughing.)

Coworker: “Um, apparently, I’m supposed to fire you. Some crazy lady just called to tell me that you threw a kazoo at her?”

Afraid of Audio posted:

Howdy

quote:

Not Quite The (Ice) Cream Of The Crop
RETAIL | UK | BIZARRE, FOOD & DRINK
(I work in a very popular chocolate shop that also sells ice cream in the summer. It is a particularly busy, hot Saturday. I am serving ice cream. There was a huge line of customers. Suddenly, a customer strolls into the store, leaving her bicycle outside. Eventually, it is her turn.)

Customer: “Finally. I’ll have a hazelnut.”

Me: “Sure, a double or a single?”

Customer: “Double.”

Me: “Would you like it in a cone or a tub?”

Customer: “A bag.”

Me: “…Pardon?”

Customer: “A bag.”

(I look at her for a moment)

Me: “I’m sorry, Miss, but the ice cream only comes in a cone or a tub.”

Customer: “Well, I need it in a bag. Do you have a bag?”

(We put chocolate in small transparent bags, but they would definitely not fit an ice cream tub, also there are no lids on the tubs to cover the ice cream.)

Me: “It won’t fit in one of our bags, miss.”

Customer: “Yes, it will. Get one.”

(I protest again, but fetch her bag anyway. I present it to her and show her the size, to prove it won’t fit.)

Me: “See, Miss? It’s too small. The tub won’t fit in there.”

Customer: “Oh, honestly, how do you even have a job? Do you even have a brain?”

(I’m hurt by this comment, and am getting quite angry.)

Me: “Look, it won’t fit; I don’t know what you’d like me to do.”

Customer: “Let me do it, girl.”

(She proceeds to take the full-to-the-brim ice cream tub and squeeze it into the bag sideways, smearing her ice cream all down the sides. I stare at her in disbelief. Ice cream is dripping everywhere.)

Customer: “Was that so hard?”

Me: *still staring* “Would… you like a spoon?”

(She held out the open bag and I dropped in a small plastic spoon with the already nearly melted ice cream. She paid and left. I watched her outside the window as she put her bag of squished ice cream into the child-seat of her bicycle, STRAPPED UP THE SEAT BELT, and cycled away down the road. I stared in disbelief for the rest of the day.)

CannedMacabre posted:

Here's some poo poo that actually happened on imgur:
http://imgur.com/gallery/pI5MIry

Shwoo posted:

There's a version on Facebook that has the beginning of the story.

Double Plus Good posted:

There's the "retail revenge" form of stdh and then there's the Lacey Spears brand, the kind that spans years and years; these longform medical lies that the person keeps going and dupe everyone in their lives. There was one from the last thread, maybe, that was hosted on tumblr about a girl who lied to her online and real life friends about having some kind of disease. I remember it all started to unravel when she posted a picture of herself supposedly in a hospital bed with a cat. She claimed they had allowed her to have her cat in hospital with her for some special circumstance, and the friend began to uncover lie after lie after that. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

Any similar ones you can think of as well? Those are always good reads because the sheer amount of lies that are uncovered eventually is always mind-blowing.

ibntumart posted:

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

I've never been in a management position but i'm pretty sure yelling back at the customer, profanity or not, will at least get you in trouble for resorting to getting into a shouting match and making the company look bad. So you step in and apologize on behalf of that employee by giving them 10% or whatever policy is for that kind of situation. The employee dealing with the aggressive customer by staying calm despite what's being said is completely believable.

What i don't believe is that same employee coming up with something on the spot that completely shuts down the aggressive customer and makes them leave in shame.

quote:

Picture Perfect Racism
PHOTO STUDIO | THUNDER BAY, ON, CANADA | BAD BEHAVIOR, BIGOTRY
(To generate more sales, we offer the customers a deal where, if they purchase $50 worth of extra sheets, they can purchase a full session CD for $89.99, which is regularly $250. The customer I am working with is First Nations, as I live in a community with a large Native population.)

Me: “So with this coupon, if you spend over $50 in extra merchandise, you can upgrade your CD for $89.99 if you’d like!”

Customer: “Not interested.”

Me: “Okay, not a problem. We’ll continue looking through your photos.”

(This goes on for some time while the customer’s two children, aged four and six, run around the studio lobby screaming and knocking things over. The customer finally puts the four-year-old girl in the uncomfortable looking mall stroller, where she promptly begins to scream in my ear. I continue with the sale.)

Me: “In this shot I felt like the kids were very posed, it has nice smiles from both of them though.”

Customer: “It’s ugh… Ugh! They’re all ugly! Why didn’t you take pictures of my kids like that! *gestures to stock photos on the wall of a little girl dancing around*

Me: “Generally the sessions that these types of pictures come from are sessions that start in the morning and last all day with corporate level photographers.”

Customer: “Whatever…”

(The little girl next to me is still screaming as her brother is banging away on the other computer’s keyboard. I pause so that the mother could intervene with the noise and turn slightly towards the girl to indicate why I’ve stopped. As I turn I see that the girl has raised her skirt, showing clearly soiled underwear that are the cause of her distress.)

Customer: “Hey! Don’t you f****** look at her! You f****** pervert!”

Me: “Sorry. I thought you might want to calm her down.”

Customer: “She’s my f****** daughter; I’ll do what I want! Don’t tell me how to raise my f****** kids, you white devil b****!”

Me: “I wasn’t trying to say—”

Customer: “I’M the customer. You pay attention to ME! GOT IT?!”

(Gritting my teeth, I continue with the sale. When she starts to order sheets, I realize she’s going to be buying almost $50 worth.)

Me: “If you buy one more sheet you’re over the $50 mark and you qualify for our CD deal! $89.99 for the full session, a savings of $170!”

Customer: “I’m. Not. Interested.”

Me: “Okay, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t want to take advantage of this awesome deal.”

Customer: “Seriously! Give it up! You just want more of my f****** money! You think I’m stupid, b****? ‘Cause I’m not!” *mumbles under her breath* “Stupid f****** white girl.”

(Finally the sale is coming to a close, and as I go to get up and go to the till, the customer stands up, and turns around.)

Customer: “So, I get all those images on the CD for free, right? Because I bought more than $50 with that coupon?”

Me: “No. I said you could get them for $89.99, which you refused three three times.”

Customer: “LIAR! You f****** lying white racist b****! You just don’t want to give me the free stuff because I’m Native! RACIST! RACIST!” *pointing at me as she yells*

(All the commotion has attracted the attention of the photographer in the back room, who comes out to see what the matter is.)

Photographer: “What’s going—”

Customer: “This f****** white girl is trying to rip me off because she’s racist!”

Photographer: *looks at me and then back at the customer* “I somehow doubt that, but let me see if I can find you a better deal.” *gets out paper, pencil and a calculator*

(After a few minutes the photographer concedes defeat.)

Photographer: “The deal you’re being offered is the best deal we can offer you, so unless you want to take that deal, you won’t be getting the full CD.”

Customer: “You’re a f****** racist, too! You’re all f****** RACISTS!”

Photographer: “You do realize that by assuming she’s racist because she’s white, and calling her various names pertaining to the colour of her skin, YOU are in fact being the racist?”

Customer: “Nice try! Only white people can be racist! Like the two of you!”

Photographer: “… I’m just going to let you know that my father is African Canadian, so by all accounts, I’m not ‘white.’ That’s just the colour my skin leads more towards.”

Customer: “Oh, um… I didn’t…”

(Wordlessly I walk up to the till so that the customer can pay for her photos before she leaves.)

Me: “Okay, have a nice day!”

Customer: “F*** you, you racist s***! Just because she’s black doesn’t mean you can treat me like s***!”

(The customer finally leaves. When she returned to pick up her photos she acted like nothing happened. Three years later, we still tell the story about her and her crazy attitude when we all need a laugh.)

Ytlaya posted:

I can't help but imagine that this is partly influenced by it actually, in fact, being because they're ____ ethnicity a large portion of the time. Gotta make you pretty sensitive to it.

My Lovely Horse posted:

There is!

The theater thing, I was in my school's theater club from grade 6 all the way to graduation, which counts as "7 years in theatre" only if you split hairs, but actual children don't gently caress around like that minutes before a show starts. Mostly because everyone's got the jitters.

quote:

Incorrectly Referencing
SECONDARY SCHOOL | LONDON, ENGLAND, UK | BAD BEHAVIOR, MATH & SCIENCE, TEACHERS
(I’m applying for university, and I have to get references from all my subject teachers.)

Maths Teacher: “I finished your reference. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank you! Oh… erm, I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know if I can use this.”

Maths Teacher: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Well you’ve written “[My Name] sometimes struggles with maths and asks for help.”

Maths Teacher: “Well yes, remember two weeks ago when you asked the question about the homework assignment?”

Me: “… No?”

Maths Teacher: “Yes, you called me over to your desk and asked for help because you didn’t understand the homework assignment.”

Me: “Um… no. I called you over because you had marked three of my correct answers as incorrect.”

Maths Teacher: “Yeah, right. So you sometimes struggle and ask for help.”

Me: “Sir, asking you to correct mistakes that YOU made does not mean I struggle at this subject!”

Maths Teacher: “Well, whatever. Universities like this. It shows you’re not afraid to ask for help. Why are you so bothered by this, anyway?”

Me: “Because I’m applying to do a maths degree. I think the university is going to care about what my MATHS teacher says about my MATHS abilities when I’m applying to study maths!”

Maths Teacher: “I have a stack of references to write. Just blank that bit out if you’re going to make such a fuss!”

(I got the head of maths at my school to write my reference instead, and I got into university. Now I have a first class honours degree in maths. Not bad for a girl who ‘struggles’ with maths!)

quote:

A Bark As Bad As The Bite
JEWELRY STORE | FRANCE | BAD BEHAVIOR
(It’s a very busy week in our shop. My colleague and I are running to keep up. A customer enters the shop, and we both salute him politely. The customer mumbles something and snaps his fingers at my colleague. She manages to smile at him as she answers:)

Colleague: “I will be with your shortly, sir. Just a minute, please!”

(The customer huffs again and turns to me. This time, he doesn’t just snap his fingers, he whistles as you would call a dog before pointing at the ground in front of him. My answer? I bark at him before smiling sweetly.)

Me: “Sir, if you treat us like dogs, be ready to be answered by b****es. Please leave.”

(All the other customers applauded when he left!)

quote:

Not Chickening Out Of Saying The Right Thing
RESTAURANT | NJ, USA | AT THE CHECKOUT, CRAZY REQUESTS, FOOD & DRINK, HEALTH & BODY, LIARS & SCAMMERS
(I am waiting in line at a local place that’s known mostly for its hot dogs and unbelievably spicy buffalo wings. All of a sudden a customer comes storming into the place, literally shoves several people aside from the line and slams a take-out container on the counter.)

Customer: “I DEMAND TO TALK TO THE OWNER RIGHT NOW!”

(The man behind the counter working the fryers and grills turn around.)

Owner: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I didn’t say some stupid fry cook. I said the owner of this place, the woman!”

Owner: *points up to the wall of pictures she’s standing next to* “That would be me in every one of those ceremonies and events up there. This place is called [Restaurant] because I named it after my daughter. Now, how can I help you?”

Customer: “You tried to POISON ME! I ordered the veggie bites and the fried cauliflower, and there was CHICKEN IN THERE!”

Owner: “Oh! I’m terribly sorry ma’am. There must have been some kind of accident. I would be happy to replace—”

Customer: “OHHHH, no. I’m not letting you off that easily. I could have DIED! I want some kind of compensation!”

(After witnessing this overreaction from the customer, I have had enough:)

Me: “All right, I’m sick of this. You storm in, shove three people out of the way including an older woman half your size, you insult the owner of the place to his face, he STILL offers to replace your food, and then you demand he give you more money back!?”

Customer: “I COULD HAVE DIED!”

Me: “Not unless you’re the first reported case of CHICKEN ALLERGIES, or you just swallow everything whole and can crush broccoli on the way down but not a chicken nugget! Let it go, python-lady!”

(At this point the rest of the people there burst out laughing, including most of the staff. The customer storms out.)

Owner: “THANK YOU! I don’t like being rude to customers no matter what, but she was totally out of line! What were you getting? It’s on the house.”

Me: “Ah, don’t worry about it. I just better not find any fried cauliflower in my chicken nuggets!”

quote:

Like A Dog With A Bone About Your Dog
PET STORE | USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, PETS & ANIMALS, THEME OF THE MONTH, WILD & UNRULY
(My dog and I are at a popular pet store where we are regular customers. I am pushing around a cart with my dog in it. He is very friendly and greets anybody who walks by.)

Customer: “Aw, what cute dog!”

(The customer pets him. She stops and looks into my cart to see a leash.)

Customer: “What the h***?!” *picks up and waves it on my face* “You are a animal abuser! Dogs should be running free!”

Me: “What? No! I am doing this for his safety. He gets out of my yard and chases after cars!”

Customer: *grabs my dog* “I am calling the police!”

Me: “No! Give me my dog back!”

(An employee runs over.)

Employee: “Miss! I am going to have to ask you to give the dog back.”

Customer: *holding my dog tightly, while he is fighting to get out of her arms* “No! He is being abused!”

Employee: “I assure you, that dog is not abused. I am going to call the police if you don’t let go of him.”

Customer: “Fine!” *throws my dog on the ground and runs out of the store*

(Luckily my dog was okay!)

quote:

Has A Cat’s Chance In Hell Of Adopting
ANIMAL SHELTER | KEARNEY, NE, USA | CRAZY REQUESTS, PETS & ANIMALS, THEME OF THE MONTH
Me: “Hello! Are you interested in finding a pet today?”

Customer: *with young son* “Yes. I would like to adopt two cats.”

Me: “That’s fantastic! We have many to choose from.”

Customer: “Too bad my landlord won’t let me have more than one pet at my apartment.” *handing me her phone* “Here’s a picture of my son’s cat.”

Me: “You already have a pet?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “And you want to adopt two more?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “But your landlord says you can only have one animal in your home?”

Customer: “Oh, the two cats I adopt here won’t live with me! My father just passed away and his house is lonely so they’ll live there.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear about your father, but we can’t do an adoption for cats to live alone in a house.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we want to make sure that the animals would be properly cared for and if no one lives with them they could run out of food and water or get trapped during an emergency and you might not know about it for days.”

Customer: “Well, I’m paying for the air conditioning to be on at his house so someone should live there!”

Me: “Maybe you could live out the lease at your apartment then move in to your dad’s house.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to have to move my stuff. What if I just tell you I live there?”

Me: “Since I already know that that is a lie, I would not feel comfortable doing the adoption.”

Customer: “Do you even care about the animals here?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s why I don’t want them it have to live alone in a house. They deserve to be cared for.”

Customer: “Maybe I’ll just spend every night at the house so I know they’d be okay!”

Me: “Would your son stay with you?”

Customer: “No! He’s afraid of the house!”

Me: “So, you’re willing to let your young son live alone just so you can adopt these cats?”

Customer: “I’m gonna tell you whatever you need to hear so you’ll give me these animals!”

Me: “Ma’am, I truly am sorry that you lost your father. But the situation you are in right now simply makes me unable to let you adopt an animal from us. If you move or can provide us with written proof that your landlord will allow more pets, come back and see what cats we have at that time.”

Customer: “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! You don’t even care what happens to these animals!” *storms out the door*

moerketid posted:

Regarding the Dr Pepper given to infants:
Not gonna lie I had a terrible mother and she gave me soda (Irn Bru) from my baby bottle as an infant because it was an easy thing to content me with.

quote:

Cosplay Makes My Day
FAST FOOD, RESTAURANT | SANDUSKY, OH, USA | AWESOME, FAMILY & KIDS, GEEKS RULE, STRANGERS
(I’m at an anime convention, and go to a fast food place down the road from the hotel. There’s also a big biker’s event nearby, and the building is crowded with rather intimidating men. As I have my cosplay on still, I fear harassment. While waiting for a table, one of the bikers comes up to me.)

Biker: “Hey, I love your outfit. Did you make that yourself?”

Me: “Uh… Yeah… Thanks…”

Biker: “Do you mind if I take a picture?”

Me: “Oh, not at all. Go ahead!”

(He takes a quick picture, then goes back to his table. Later, I ask my waitress for my bill, and she shakes her head.)

Waitress: “Someone else paid for your meal. And he said to give you this.”

(She hands me a note.)

Note: “Thank you for letting me take a picture of your cosplay. My son is home with cancer, and loves [Anime]. I sent him the picture, and he’s smiled for the first time since he got sick. Thank you.”

(I almost started crying. I didn’t see the man after that.)

PUGGERNAUT posted:

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Yeah I don't think I've ever had a migraine but my wife has them really bad sometimes, whenever she gets them she is pretty much bedridden and if she even so much as rolls over she will throw up.

quote:

Deaf To Reason, Part 4
HOME IMPROVEMENT | MISSISSAUGA, ON, CANADA | AT THE CHECKOUT, AWESOME CUSTOMERS, BAD BEHAVIOR
(I am a cashier at a home improvement retail store, and an old lady comes up to my till holding a few cleaning supplies.)

Me: Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $17.36. Will that be on your store credit card?”

Customer: *no answer, inserts card into reader and enters pin*

Me: *hands her her receipt* “Thanks a lot! Have a good day!”

Customer: “D*** kids! You could have at least said something. Isn’t it your job to make conversation with the customer? So rude!”

Me: “I did. I asked you how you were doing, I asked if your purchase will be on our credit card, and I hoped you have a good day.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? I’m as deaf as anything!”

Me: *getting annoyed because of the lineup forming behind her* “You just heard what I said, ma’am. Have a good day.”

Customer: “Well, I never! I’m going to get your rude a** fired!”

Me: All right. You have a nice day, too.

(The next customer walks up.)

Next Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if you could charge me for a pack of toilet paper? That lady spread BS all over here.”

Haggis Heed posted:

When did IKEA start selling toilet paper?

SpookyLizard posted:

Is that poo poo OTC or prescription?

moerketid posted:

I had the Relpax but it did zilch for me. Absolutely zero. I'd used the Maxalt which is okayish but sometimes didn't work. Tried nasal sprays etc. The injections are the only thing which 100% work but they feel horrendous for the first 10 minutes after using them. Like someone poured boiling water between your skull and your brain, can't talk properly, muscle issues, sometimes chest pain. Blurgh. Worth it for the migraine to be totally gone within a couple of minutes though.

I used to have the Propranolol as a preventative drug for a few years and it worked okay, tried the topiramate which did nothing for the migraines but turned out to be the #1 drug ever for my borderline personality disorder so I still take it, now (from last November) I take Candesartan as the preventative and it works very well. It's a blood pressure/heart failure drug though so it might not be suitable for anyone with blood pressure issues, thankfully I have no such issues and can take it np.

Basically if you have migraines, go see a neurologist and get help because there's a lot available.

quote:

Bagged Himself A Steal
RETAIL | BALTIMORE, MD, USA | AWESOME CUSTOMERS, CRIMINAL/ILLEGAL, WILD & UNRULY
(I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

(The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

(Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

Elderly Man: “I got him!”

(All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

(It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! Needless to say the man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)

quote:

A Dragon Cannot Be Killed By Fire Or Bad Parenting
AMUSEMENT PARK | SANDUSKY, OH, USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, FAMILY & KIDS
(I work at a popular amusement park. A family with children comes in with their children. There are two boys and two girls in a toy gift store.)

Mother: “Okay, you guys can pick one toy each!”

(The one daughter picks a very pink and fluffy stuffed animal, while the boys pick a toy bow and arrow. The youngest girl picks a stuffed dragon.)

Me: “Oh, cool, a dragon!”

Little Girl: *holds up dragon* “Raawwwr!”

Me: “Oh, scary!”

Mother: *pulls dragon out of her hands* “Oh no, sweetheart! Dragons are not for sweet little girls!”

(The mother then shows the little girl a more girly toy and everything pink. Next the little girl picks up a green dog.)

Mother: “No! Little girls like pink! If you don’t get anything pink or girly you can’t get anything at all.”

(The little girl starts crying and then the mother pays for the toys of her other siblings.)

Mother: *to me* “One of these days she will learn her place. Only gay girls like those kind of toys she picked out. I am trying to get her more girly and into pink so she can be straight.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Buh posted:

Also having an autistic-esque character has been a standard thing in science fiction since forever, but the buzzfeed crowd are just now discovering this somehow.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

She writes like she's only ever heard second-hand descriptions of human conversation convocation and has no idea how people talk.

quote:

(I work in the meat and seafood section of my store. My department closes at 10 pm, but the store itself is open until midnight. It is 10:15 pm and I am finishing cleaning when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “Can I get two pounds of catfish?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. The doors aren’t locked, the lights are still on, and you’re still here. I want two pounds of catfish.”

Me: “The store is open until midnight, yes. But my department closes at 10 o’clock.”

Customer: “I thought I told you not to lie to me! That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard! The department closing before the store does; do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

Me: *trying not to take the bait* “I’m afraid that’s just how it is, sir. Seafood counter closes at 10.”

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”

Me: “Yes, I can see that you’re standing right there. However, your standing there has no bearing on the time we shut down this department.”

Customer: “I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I WANT TWO POUNDS OF CATFISH!”

(I put a sign that says CLOSED on the counter. The customer screamed in inarticulate rage and punched my glass display case. He screamed again in pain and ran away clutching his hand, shouting about how he would sue me for assault.)