shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Remember kids, cops are waiting for ANY excuse to arrest you.

# ¿ May 7, 2014 00:51

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 21:58

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Who the hell brings a laptop to a party anyway? Unless you're a live DJ or somthing.

# ¿ May 7, 2014 22:13

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

What freaking fast food places do these stories take place in that have dedicated security? Unless there happens to be a cop there getting something to eat (on or off duty, either way the story could be exactly the freaking same) i'm not sure your local McDonalds will hire sombody to sit around and make sure MEN don't gently caress up people's orders.

# ¿ May 9, 2014 04:18

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

silencekit posted:

oooh oooh let's turn the thread into a "stand your ground" discussion!

i thought stand your ground was for essentially using lethal force to defend yourself? The dude just wanted an excuse to get into a fight, gets what he wants then runs away.

Assuming any of it happened in the first place of course, which it didn't.

# ¿ May 22, 2014 21:14

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Maybe he meant more like novel James Bond that was essentially just a regular dude that was kind of a jerk that knew how to behave himself socially.

# ¿ May 22, 2014 21:52

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

So a Cop, a Soldier, and a Firefighter walk into a Walmart...

# ¿ May 27, 2014 06:21

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Because we all know getting egged just means that a potential criminal has made you his mark and is now waiting to do non-nondescript scary criminal things to you.

# ¿ May 28, 2014 06:14

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Of all the stupid poo poo that gets censored in these why does [highest grade] get censored? At least other times it's kind of inane but it makes some sense that you don't want people finding out you work at a McDonalds in Texas or whatever. But what harm is it that people know that you get an A? Or is it in like a foreign country where the grading system is different so they don't want people knowing which one?

# ¿ Jun 9, 2014 07:31

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Whenever i'm readin these stories i serously think of a bunch of Mojo Jojo's trying to talk to each other. Especially the ones where the protagonist knows martial arts of some kind so they act like a poltce robot or something

"Beep boop this is your final warning, do not insult/threaten/grab me again or i will be forced to use ~~deadly~~ humilating force against you."

# ¿ Jun 14, 2014 16:42

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

What a dum dum

# ¿ Jun 18, 2014 08:16

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

At least green text stories don't pretend they actualy happened, that way they can be as crazy as they want while still being somewha believable.

Not once during that story did sombody try to stand up to the guy, or burst in applause, people don't get married or start singing Bohemian Rhapsody.

It's just a somewhat unbeleviable internet stereotype in pretty beleviable situation.

# ¿ Jun 21, 2014 18:47

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

BrigadierSensible posted:

The same people that have to hide from their parents because they fear social interaction so much that they would rather poo poo in a cardboard container that they keep in their room than risk talking to their parents.

I mean that was what bothered me the mostabout that. He had a regular "poo poo carton", that he kept warm and ready in his room.

Of course none of it happened though, so I can sleep another night sure in the knowledge that poo poo cartons are just the figment of someones imagination.

Maybe their parents would get mad at them for being awake at 5 am because...uh...being up early is bad?

# ¿ Jun 26, 2014 18:48

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

I frequently call the ones i love a smartass

# ¿ Jun 27, 2014 21:28

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Which Pokemon theme song? The show has other themes besides the one everybody knows you know.

I call totally didn't happen :colbert:

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 01:40

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

I like how the second kid suddenly turned British near the end.

But Teacha' we was just havin a laugh at the brony we was! We didn't mean nothin by it!

# ¿ Jul 6, 2014 20:53

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Imaduck posted:

What always bugs me is the retail stories where the customer is allegedly yelling and swearing at the employee, and employee just sits back and take it. When I worked retail management, if anyone started shouting or using any profanity with my employees I'd immediately step in and tell them if they didn't stop they would have to leave. Call centers have these policies as well, so I just don't get the stories where the stdh story-teller claims "the customer called the employee a 'loving oval office dyke' and she responded 'I'm sorry about that, sir.' Then I stepped in and saved the day."

I've never been in a management position but i'm pretty sure yelling back at the customer, profanity or not, will at least get you in trouble for resorting to getting into a shouting match and making the company look bad. So you step in and apologize on behalf of that employee by giving them 10% or whatever policy is for that kind of situation. The employee dealing with the aggressive customer by staying calm despite what's being said is completely believable.

What i don't believe is that same employee coming up with something on the spot that completely shuts down the aggressive customer and makes them leave in shame.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2014 08:05

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

That was alot detail put into a story that heard secondhand from "years" ago

Almost like they jut made it up on the spot

# ¿ Jul 16, 2014 01:04

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

With the amount of tuition i'm paying they better drat well be able to satisfy my crippling drug addiction!

Or you know, help me spray cops with super soakers either way really.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2014 21:41

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Because your average smart phone can open an Excel spreadsheet.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2014 23:55

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Kalos posted:

That's the least-stupid part of this story. Mine was came with one that could open them pre-installed.

I'm the idiot then, mine is old so it can't do that

# ¿ Jul 20, 2014 00:05

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

I am the copyright holder of [Anime] and [Popular resturant/fast food/big box store] this website defames the good name of my product and i demand these stories be taken off the internet.

Even though they didn't happen, i can't take any chances.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2014 20:38

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

You show those sexhavers you brave,brave man! That'll teach people to have fun as a family!

# ¿ Aug 3, 2014 20:48

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Brand new

2012

Pick one man.

Also i'm REALLY glad he didn't censor what he got to eat, now i can track him down and make his life hell for making up such a lovely story.

# ¿ Aug 7, 2014 21:23

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

maybe he was really craving peanut butter.

# ¿ Aug 14, 2014 08:19

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Only because my local Well Known Bookstore doesn't carry it

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 23:37

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Cashier person didn't stand up for that little's girls right to like dragons? The mother while still a villian didn't start yelling?!

Man even for somthing that didn't happen, this didn't happen!!

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 11:20

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Roro posted:

Why the gently caress would you ever phrase a sentence like that?
[/quote]

Because it makes for a better conflict if there is a misunderstanding. Although he also somehow missed the massive group of people standing behind him wearing charity shirts, most likely one for cerebral palsy or other thing like that. You'd think seeing an obviously impaired little girl he'd chose his words a bit more carefully.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 21:28

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Turtlicious posted:

I actually did have someone bitch me out once for buying stuff with foodstamps. I just told them to gently caress off and bought my stuff.

Errr I mean I judo chopped the cashier and forced the ignorant hill billy to succumb to my manhood as defender of the poors.

As long as you were only buying pig slop and scraps for you kids. That is the only socially acceptable thing for you to buy with food stamps. God forbid you buy somthing that actually has sustenance to it

# ¿ Sep 2, 2014 03:45

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Is it adult in the same way My Little Pony is adult? Meaning that it's older fans try to find adult humor in things where it is not there?

# ¿ Sep 8, 2014 18:16

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

MinistryofLard posted:

No commentary necessary.

So everybody just stood there silently for about 5 minutes? Bohemian Rhapsody isn't exactly a short song after all.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2014 20:04

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

I AM SOOOOO OFFENDED BY THE WORD RETARD GUYS! LOOK HOW GOOD A PERSON I AM!

# ¿ Sep 27, 2014 21:14

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

"Honey i bought one of those sexy japanese school girl outfits for you since you only like 2D Women!"

NO YOU DUMB BITCH THAT ISN"T ANYTHING LIKE Hatsune Miku!

# ¿ Oct 4, 2014 08:38

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

That looks like something a trouper would write of they were trying to make up a story about them going to some kind of big box retailer.

But that's why it's hilarious

# ¿ Oct 14, 2014 02:19

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

I could ask for a better man than one who is going through marriage trouble,can't stand up for himself,and i've only had 1 dinner date with :razz:

# ¿ Oct 27, 2014 21:48

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

That part i can believe. He was in the break room and asked everybody what he should put in his story and they watched him transcribe it.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2015 10:17

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Does anybody still have the story that goes with the thread title? Something about some dude trying to outperform another dude in a gym i think?

# ¿ May 2, 2015 02:37

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Does MLP:Friendship is Magic (you have to denote that you mean the newest series, otherwise peole think you're into stupid girl stuff!) have anything vaguely japanese sounding like that? I'm pretty sure things like "Rainbow Dash" or "Pinkie Pie" is very japanese.

# ¿ May 13, 2015 21:20

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Thin Privilege posted:

Guys, tonight I went to get groceries at 11pm. The bus driver said "hi!" to me so I said hi back. Got my groceries, then waited for the bus back. It was the same driver. He must have the lovely late night 4 hour long route. He said "hey, you again!" I said "hey!" Then took a seat.

Then, when I was leaving the bus, we again commented at the coincidence of being on he same route twice, together. I told him to have a good night and he literally started crying and had to put the bus in park, because I don't think anyone ever wishes the night bus drivers a good night.

I always wonder just how much embellishment is in these things. Doing a normal thing like saying "hey" turns into "I helped a bus driver not commit suicide!"

So when's the wedding?

# ¿ Jun 12, 2015 09:43

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

The used games/movies place close by here must have bought all the excess amount of DVDs and old games from the one that used to be here since a few of them still have their sticker on the back. Plus every once and a while i'll see a game used to belong to a Blockbuster and i'll get a nice fuzzy feeling :v:

# ¿ Jun 18, 2015 14:02

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 21:58

The Shame Boy: Jan 27, 2014; Dead weight, just like this post.

Guys they mean you arent hogging all the bandwidth playing Skyrim with all your nude mods amd super HD mods obvoiusly.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 02:01

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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