kitchenette posted:

"I worked for a year in a very busy pub restaurant by the beach in the UK. Although we did a wide variety of meals, the restaurant was mostly famous for its fish meals; the most popular was our battered fish and chips (fries), using fresh-caught fish from the beach right outside the restaurant. One day a man and his wife came in. They ordered two jumbo cods with chips and a salad platter.

Now for some context; our jumbo fish meals were the biggest on the menu. You're talking a great hunk of battered and deep-fried fish that's over a foot long and weighs well over a pound, with a portion of chips that would make a McDonald's Supersize fries look like a Happy Meal portion. Seriously, I'd seen some man-mountains beaten by it in the past. This couple was...not exactly sylph-like, shall we say; the woman was smaller, so we thought she might not be able to handle all of it, but we figured the guy had a fighting chance as long as he didn't eat too much of the salad platter. So we cooked up two jumbo cod meals and a salad platter and took them out to the waiting couple.

When we put a jumbo cod meal in front of each of them, the guy looked indignant. "Why have you put the two jumbo cods on separate plates?" he snapped. "They're both for ME." He then tipped the jumbo cod meal we'd put in front of his wife onto his own plate, and pushed the salad platter towards her instead. "She's having the salad," he informed us, "because she needs to lose some weight."

And yes, he DID eat both of them. ALL OF THEM. Except for the salad garnish, because gently caress vegetables, apparently. Then he banned his wife from having dessert because he wasn't going to, and "if I can manage to restrain myself from being a pig after a perfectly good meal, so can you, dear."

ibntumart posted:

By all that is holy, let's please not! Instead, have some more content.
Valerie Snootybitch

tacodaemon posted:

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

I love you guys, so I'm just passing this along

Facepalm Ranger posted:

That story reminds me of something that did happen~~~

When I worked in retail in the uk an American came up and wanted to pay with his card. The card machine prints receipt that needs to be signed (as with all non-chip and pin cards), I go to compare the signature to the one on the back of the card...the guy hasn't signed it, I looked at him and he got out his driver's license with his sig on. Why? The reason being he told me was he didn't want to sign the back of his loving bank/credit card.

Which in the uk will mean he'll have to get his drivers license out everything he purchases something instead of taking the extra second to scribble on the back of the card.

I put his stuff in the bag, and wished him the best of luck with his UK shopping experience with my best poo poo eating grin.

I just don't get these people who try to be funny and whacky with retail workers.

Facepalm Ranger posted:

It's the weird aversion to chip & pin. It's been used in the uk for so long that signing for something just takes much longer. So not having the back of the card signed and having to pull out get another card makes the whole paying process longer, even more frustrating when there's a long queue of customers also.

The signature thing here is based solely on the retailer authorising it rather than the machine, as a security measure it's paper thin compared to a number only you know.

And it wasn't a "loving yanks" thing it was a "Christ, this guy" thing.

color posted:

Please, please, if ANYONE has either a link to the Angry Bee Dance Helldump thread or just a saved .txt of the thread or even just a .txt of Deek's posts from that thread, post it here.

nerdz posted:

p-hop posted:

This exact argument has happened in Goons with Spoons, along with:
"Do you put beans in chili?"
"Is a hamburger a sandwich?"
"What is the correct hot dog condiment?"

WebDog posted:

There was another mommy blogger who said she once did the same to a stray piece of her child's poo poo when changing. I'm sure there are tons more of mothers smitten to madness.

Lest we forget classics like Juliana Wetmore (still alive and a hit with the fundies) and "Your poison womb is making heaven crowded".

On a darker note, recently there's been Lacey Spears, who had a past of clinically lying about all sorts of past-misdeeds, culminating in a seriously nuts rabbit hole of lies that starts off with an unsettling coveting of someone's kid she was being a nanny to then running off after getting pregnant with the guy next door and beginning her own "tragic mom" story that culminates in her kid dying from a sodium overdose.

There's a five part expose on just what the hell was going on.

duckmaster posted:

Genuine question: do American service staff actually talk like this? All these stories seem to feature an offensively condescending fast food worker on some kind of power trip, banging on about franchises and the moral issues surrounding free coffee.

I'm going to America soon and I don't want to go to land of condescending dickhead fast food workers so please tell me this is just STDH land

Imaduck posted:

What always bugs me is the retail stories where the customer is allegedly yelling and swearing at the employee, and employee just sits back and take it. When I worked retail management, if anyone started shouting or using any profanity with my employees I'd immediately step in and tell them if they didn't stop they would have to leave. Call centers have these policies as well, so I just don't get the stories where the stdh story-teller claims "the customer called the employee a 'loving oval office dyke' and she responded 'I'm sorry about that, sir.' Then I stepped in and saved the day."

Ytlaya posted:

I can't help but imagine that this is partly influenced by it actually, in fact, being because they're ____ ethnicity a large portion of the time. Gotta make you pretty sensitive to it.

Pththya-lyi posted:

Scoff all you want, but lots of PoCs experience problems when they're "shopping while black." Usually SWB involves retail workers or security guards carefully watching PoCs in the store to make sure they don't steal anything, but it can take lots of other forms. As the name implies, it's often - but not always - black or African-American patrons facing this kind of discrimination. In one study of black people living in black neighborhoods in New York and Philadelphia, 35% of respondents reported that it happens to them "consistently" when they shop at white-owned businesses. If retail workers "consistently" mistreated you, do you think you would necessarily assume that one saying "No, we can't accept that return" is on the up-and-up?

Khazar-khum posted:

You're chicken.

Paladinus posted:

A photo of Reagan is a nice touch. Do people really do this in America?

moerketid posted:

Regarding the Dr Pepper given to infants:
Not gonna lie I had a terrible mother and she gave me soda (Irn Bru) from my baby bottle as an infant because it was an easy thing to content me with.

posted:

Guitar Anti-Hero
HIGH SCHOOL | NC, USA | MUSICAL MAYHEM, STUDENTS
(I am in a study period, and a lot of people are just sitting in the same room for three or four hours with nothing to do. One of my classmates has a guitar. This classmate approaches a teacher.)

Girl: *to teacher* “Excuse me, do you mind if I play my guitar a bit?”

(The teacher okays it, and the girl just strums randomly for several minutes. I approach her.)

Me: “Hey, can I see your guitar for a sec?”

Girl: “Uh, sure…”

(I proceeded to tune the guitar, play several Beatles songs and sing them, and then hand the guitar back. The girl just stared at her guitar and then slowly put it back in its case.)

posted:

"We get lots of tourists in my family's coffee shop (read: people who have never been in there or probably any other independent coffee shop before and are utterly thrown off when you tell them you can't make a frappuccino). One day, this guy comes in and asks for a coffee, "regular." In Massachusetts, that tends to mean cream and sugar. I get him his coffee and tell him that the cream and sugar is behind him at the creamer station.

He stops and stares at me. "But how am I supposed to know how much to put in?"

"Put in some, and when it looks like what you like, or tastes like what you like, stop," I responded.

"No, but you don't understand, I don't know how much to put in. You're supposed to do that for me. It's what you're paid for."

I calmly explain to him that no, we do not put the cream and sugar in for him, there is a line behind him of people (who all know how much loving cream to put in their own coffee) and he can go over to the creamer station and make up his coffee. If he puts too much cream or sugar in and can't drink it, I'll get him another coffee. "Well, come over and do it for me."

I tried to explain to him that I will have no idea how much he wants me to put in, because I don't know how he takes his coffee. He gets quite exasperated at this point. "JUST PUT IN AS MUCH AS THE OTHER COFFEE SHOPS!"

I tell him that I don't train at "other coffee shops" just so I can know how much cream and sugar people like him (by which I secretly mean dumbasses) like in their coffee, I just work at this one, and he needs to leave the counter now.

I should point out, this man was about 50. He has lasted 50 years on this planet with no idea how much cream and sugar he should put in his coffee."

canyoneer posted:

Someone else on reddit who is an internet expert in Nazi silverware called it out as bogus.

posted:

The Process Of Elimination
BAR | UK | FLIRTING/HOW WE MET
(I am on the autism spectrum and my mind works in a very logical and analytical way. I’m having a quiet drink with a female friend (I’m also female) and a man is starting to bother us, staring in a creepy way and making lewd gestures. When I go to the bar he comes up to me.)

Man: “All right, sexy! Where’s your boyfriend?”

Me: “Well, that’s three assumptions you’ve made about me: that I’m heterosexual, that I have a boyfriend, and that I’m somehow not allowed to be out without a man. You know, only one of those is correct!”

Man: “Which one’s correct, then?”

Me: “Well, if you used your brain you’d realise that if the third statement is true then the first two must be, and if the second one is true then the first one must be. So it must be the first one, yes?”

Man: “What, so you’re telling me a lovely lady like you doesn’t have a boyfriend?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Man: “Why not?”

Me: “Is it compulsory for every woman to have a boyfriend?”

Man: “Well, no, but why don’t you?”

Me: “Perhaps I don’t want one?”

Man: “Why don’t you want one?”

Me: “Er… maybe because I’m married?”

Man: *he looks at my wedding ring and actually jumps backwards* “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO BEFORE?!”

Me: “Actually, you never asked. Nor did you ask if I were interested in you, which I’m clearly not. Now I’d appreciate it if you left me and my friend alone because we’re not interested and not because you think we ‘belong’ to another man!”

Man: “That’s fine by me. You’re both ugly, anyway!”

(That would explain why he called me ‘sexy’!)

newreply.php posted:

InediblePenguin posted:

No, this is exactly how it works at many retailers in the US as well.

InediblePenguin posted:

Non-plus sizes go up to 18 at Walmart, Target, JC Penney, and Sears in my experience, even when those stores do have a plus section and that plus section also includes size 18W. My mother wears a size 18 but not an 18W so I have seen where they stock that size in a variety of stores. I cannot explain why our individual experiences seem to differ.

ReidRansom posted:

I know dick all about women's sizes, but I do know Old Navy sizing is all kinds of screwy. Wouldn't an 18 there really be properly like a 24 or something in a proper store? I remember buying a cheap pair of khakis there some time back and I wanna say I had to buy like two sizes smaller than I would elsewhere.

Samizdata posted:

Oh, and is it DisneyLAND or DisneyWORLD? Or are awesome little sister and Joe Disney unstuck in reality and randomly flipping between the two?

JoeyJoJoJr Shabadoo posted:

This actually happens to me all the time. I travel a lot for my job and I'm not an rear end in a top hat so no one cares if they even notice. But there's ALWAYS some random American/uk/Australian rear end in a top hat who decides to "party it up!" Get wasted and yell on a local loving train and then try to talk to me because HEY MAN YOURE WHITE YOU KNOW HOW IT IS and holy gently caress I don't want to be associated with you.

Then I have to hide in my hoodie and pretend like I don't speak English and curl up and just. gently caress. You.

Buzzfeed posted:

I was 12 years old at summer camp, and I had a crush on a camp counselor. We were at the lake learning how to swim, and we had to do an obstacle course to pass so we could start jumping off the docks. I passed no problem, and noticed that he changed shifts with the other counselor. So, wanting to be suave, I decided at that moment to saunter out of the water. I managed to get halfway out before I was stung by a jellyfish. Instead of just running onto the sand and getting medical attention, I ended up freezing. By the time he ran and got me, my foot was covered in stings, and he had no choice but to pee on me in front of everyone there. I was called “pee girl” for the rest of the summer, and I couldn’t even look him in the eye after that.

Jezebel posted:

"This happened back in the '70s in the West Village in NYC. We went to a small local place. Not a lot of tables and, I think, two waiters.

At the table next to ours was a middle-aged woman, apparently a minor actress of some sort, accompanied by three guys who must have been dancers or in the chorus of some show or other.

All night long she carried on incessantly about her own importance, annoying all the other diners. Finally, their waiter, a very handsome man, asked them if they'd like some coffee. She leaned back in her chair, looked him up and down and said in a loud voice, "Yes, and I like my coffee like I like my men." The waiter, without changing his expression said, "I'm very sorry, madam, but we don't have any gay coffee."

Other diners actually applauded."

Lowly posted:

What is the "lobby" of a McDonalds?

sweeperbravo posted:

I'm pretty sure I've seen these multiple times in Reader's Digest

Serperoth posted:

It came from imgur:

as a white girl dating a black guy this is MRW his friends tell him "how can you date our enemy" when im standing next to them

stop thinking so racially please, majority of people of every race are tired and simply want to live their lives with their loved ones

A few comments are calling it fake, and many more are racist 'jokes'.