Funosaurus posted:

God works in mysterious ways, like totally punching out some pussy-rear end aclu bleeding-fart liberal.

quote:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them!

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi.
p.s. close the borders

quote:

"A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: “Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!” The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying “Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!” As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. “It’ssss me you want!”. And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.”

Rudager posted:

As someone who's been to many a dairy farm, I just want to call you out on this bullshit. Farmers will do EVERYTHING to make the cows life as comfortable as absolutely possible for the simple fact that a comfortable cow gives more milk than a stressed cow.

Also sanitation is pretty high, again, these cows are their lively hood they want them to be healthy all the time, it's counter productive to have a non-sanitary environment for them.

ANIME MONSTROSITY posted:

It's almost as if raw milk was not as poisonous as goons make it out to be

Grrl Anachronism posted:

Fake Marine girl is at it again. She 'wants to be deployed' but her asvab scores were so abysmal they still refuse to put her anywhere besides the cafeteria. At the same time, she thinks women don't belong on the front lines because they are a distraction to the stronger, better, male marines, or some equally baffling poo poo. Basically she wants to make 90k a year to sit in a bunker and check her facebook.

Nice to see an actual Marine call her out on not actually making any sort of effort while wanting credit for it.

Falukorv posted:

That picture does bring me some nostalgic feelings, but more to do with that those containers are present in my birth country i have childhood memories of, while not present in my country of residence. I have no idea of their prevalence through time in America though.

trapped mouse posted:

I would guess that a very, very small portion of mothers haven't done these two separate things.

Guilty Spork posted:

Right, Obama voters celebrating Independence Day is a totally reasonable thing to do, and it's really dumb to try to claim otherwise.

kazil posted:

I love this argument because these conservatives/libertarians get mad at the government because their job invades their personal lives for no real reason.

Unless you are working machinery or something, why does it matter if you smoke some pot?

Higgy posted:

My favorite thing, besides the oversimplification of taxation as a concept, is the hammer and sickle "x" in "extorted".

Aphtonites posted:

On the topic of conspiracy nuts:

He only moved to the US a few months ago

HOOLY BOOLY posted:

I'm a rich white guy and i can't get financial aid because my parents make to much money. I feel for all my (white,rich)brothers and sisters out there that can't get a helping hand in their education because their parents are cheap asses that don't want to give you the money you need that you know they have

Fight the disease,not the syntoms

BonHair posted:

Is Obama Irish now? Because last I checked he was indonesian...

karl fungus posted:

What is even the point of radio anymore? Like, why do I need to sit through ads for songs I probably don't want to hear, played in an inconvenient order for me, when I can just grab an MP3 player and listen to them whenever I feel like it, as many times as I want, with no interruption?

Soviet Commubot posted:

"Al Dente" here is that Kelly cartoon about talking about race made flesh. I don't actually know any of these people, a friend liked the OP but they appear to be all middle aged white people from western Oregon.

Who What Now posted:

Uuuuuugh, I loathe this tripe.

casual poster posted:

Isn't the saying m'urica supposed to be people mocking the ultra-patriotic? Is he kind of just missing the joke? I have a friend who will hashtag merica, followed by a hashtagged america. This pisses me off to no end and I don't really know why.

CrowsNestMutineer posted:

Did... did he just imply that Pearl Harbor was a false flag?

Goosed it. posted:

Why is Facebook offering to translate that emoticon? I wonder what Facebook thinks it means in English.

Kimmalah posted:

Maybe it just detects that the text is not in your preferred language rather than checking whether or not it's possible to translate.

kith_groupie posted:

Does the military just let stuff like this happen? I can't imagine he'd get away with that.

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

This might be totally, totally wrong, but hasn't there been some sort of exemption to the normal uniform rules re beards while fighting in the middle east? I remember reading an article on Al Jazeera that the a lot of the locals have a hard time taking clean-shaven men seriously and it was having some effect on reconstruction efforts, so some organisations have loosened up their uniform regs to let their men be bearded. Not sure if that included the Americans though.

Wasabi the J posted:

What's shittier is those poor fucks that get stuck in remote places often come back to bigger bases for re-supply or whatever, and some dickhead with rank comes up to them and gives them a ration of poo poo because they equate authoritarianism with leadership.

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

My favorite argument for "the principle" I've heard is "If I can't get hosed up when I bust my rear end, why do they deserve to get hosed up while they don't even have a job?" Not coincidentally, I've heard this most from ex-stoners.

Whiteycar posted:

Whose phone number starts with zero?

Knormal posted:

Under the Articles of Confereration maybe, but don't think anyone's considered states that independent since around 1800. The countries in the UK have a lot more unique identities than our states.

HonorableTB posted:

Scotland is for all practical purposes an independent country, Wales is not. Also Wales has been integrated into England for a much larger time period whereas the Act of Union was in the 18th century and if I remember British history correctly, it was a Scottish queen from the House of Stuart doing the uniting. Scotland was in a much more favorable position than Wales, who was utterly conquered and stomped into the ground.

B.B. Rodriguez posted:

Also, they are still a semi-independent state with their own army, parliament, and language.

kannonfodder posted:

I'll admit that my knowledge of this topic in Europe is pretty limited, but I find it hard to believe that anyone can outdo the US. What with their prison system designed to profit off of the arrest of black teens, and with near daily murders of black people by cops (who then don't get slightly punished).

But like I said, I don't hear too much coming from Europe, other than English complaining about immigrants.

Grrl Anachronism posted:

Ratspeaker posted:

The Onion has a paywall? That's news to me.

Aphtonites posted:

Man, I'm cool

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

I've heard that you technically can hold the magazine but I'm not sure if you really should.

Then again I'm not reaching for a goddamn assault rifle if I hear my cat knock something over during the night.

Amused to Death posted:

"If only they'd let us regular people run things" *dies from ebola after not doing what the smarty pants as the CDC told them to do*

CodfishCartographer posted:

Having grown up in the 90s, I find it hilarious how kids these days wish they grew up when I did - when I was growing up, everyone wishes they grew up back in the 80s and how better everything was back then. I'll laugh when in twenty years kids wish they coulda grown up back in the 2010s.

Spalec posted:

I see 'drinking from the garden hose' mentioned a lot in those dumb nostalgic memes. Is this something lots of kids did and was there a big push to stop it in the 90's or something? Do people really miss the days they could have a swig of nasty water from a dirty hose?