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Cyks posted:As somebody who has watched all of season two and three (and loving every last word of your reviews), whatever you do don't watch season three if you want to keep that opinion. Rest assured that my unrelenting mental and emotional abuse will spur him ever onward.
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May 12, 2014 03:12
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 09:32 |
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Occupation posted:Okay I think I worked out a solution that gets you sadists what you clearly want My idea: he doesn't have to watch Season 3. Instead, he gets to watch Season 2. Of nu-Who.
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May 12, 2014 19:40
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JohnSherman posted:I'm not sure he will survive season 3. He's already died twice. All taken care of, no worries, no worries.
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Jun 10, 2014 14:27
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quote:Here's how bad that loving argument scene was for me. I was gchatting with Oxxidation at the time, and here is the actual chatlog of my thoughts: I would like to state that I was not actually present in the chat during this time. So great was this nerd's anguish that he had to pour it forth to a hypothetical me.
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Jun 13, 2014 21:25
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Last Man Standing "Haunted House" Season 3, Episode 5 Hello, horrible television nerds. This is Oxxidation, Occupation's significantly more charming and coherent alter-ego. I have taken a brief sabbatical from filling Occ's mattress with arthropods to conduct a guest review of the Tim Allen Neocon Power Hour. Please take a moment to express your unmitigated delight. "Bullshit," says everyone, but mostly Deadpool. "The mod challenge specifically requires Occupation to review episodes. I am going to ban him and confiscate his plat account and whatever else he uses to make sense of the world." Well hold on, because Occ did, in fact, "review" this episode. Like a previous ep in the sitcom, it was evidently so boring that he had little to say beyond the fact that it was boring. Since he has a great big heart full of love and would not want to subject you people to a rerun, he instead decided to fill up the space by recounting the time he screwed an ex-girlfriend of his in a ratty abandoned house. He showed the post to me first and it was grotesquely uncomfortable, like a one-legged bird trying to feed its baby a rusty nail; combine that with his manically candid posting style and what you get is the kind of story that would make Tom Waits roll over in bed and dial up his therapist. So I am subjecting myself to this show, in order to prevent him from subjecting you to his own haunted house adventure. I am television Jesus on his flimsy rabbit-ear cross so make with the loaves and loving fishes and give the guy a mulligan, thanks I love you the end. Okay, review. Let it be known that I do not know or care about any of the characters on this sitcom or indeed any sitcom, so there will be two types of cast members in this synopsis - Fat Tim Allen and people who exist in relation to Fat Tim Allen. We begin with Fat Tim Allen and his wife batting conservative/liberal talking points back and forth; a Chinese outsourcing joke is made followed by comparing an unpleasant job to parenthood. Yep, this is going to be a long twenty minutes. We have what is presumably the central ideological conflict of this episode - FTA's skinnier blond relative is running a haunted house, and while some members of the household argue that kids are too sensitive for a full-blown grue show, FTA says Halloween is all about scaring the bejesus out of kids. FTA is on the right side of this argument, of course, but the opposing side is unsurprisingly one you rarely see outside of outrageously paranoid and primarily fictional soccer-mom tirades. Conservative talking points often exist in opposition to viewpoints which take place primarily in conservatives' whitebread heads, stop me if these revelations are giving anyone the vapors. FTA Bald Friend and FTA Goatee Friend enter the house. I enjoy Bald Friend's voice, it is like a warm quilt draped about my shoulders. Bald Friend has purchased a coffin at Costco (Goatee: "They have everything!") with which to decorate the house. This gives us the setup for the episode's first funny exchange: FTA Wife(?): "I love the coffin, but it has a scratch on it." FTA Bald Friend: "Yeah, it's a return." Ha ha haaa. Meanwhile FTA Daughter is some kind of high school ROTC who don't get no respect and FTA Young Son terrorizes people by popping out of nowhere with a Frankenstein mask. I like that kid's pepper sauce. We change scenes to the haunted house in which a number of younger female characters exchange lifeless banter about the dangers of wearing revealing clothing. Slut shaming is mentioned. This will probably lead to a hamfisted subplot in which I will have no interest. FTA Wife emerges from the haunted house in a witch costume with a silly accent. But this is a clever trick! The haunted house is actually scary as poo poo (and sort of looks it, too, I'm impressed by some of the props they have on display in this thing). FTA Son runs away from the place while shrieking, which is a young child's way of announcing to society that they have sustained some of the vital mental trauma needed to become a functionally neurotic adult. But no, this is a bad thing! FTA Wife blames herself for scaring the child, while FTA insists that no harm was done. He goes off on some petting zoo tangent that I assume is the coke talking, followed by a Hillary Clinton joke. Topical. FTA and FTA Blond Daughter strike an accord - if FTA can keep FTA Son from pissing himself, they'll take another crack at the haunted house. Now comes FTA's television program, which I take it is a regular thing? He makes a joke about how FDR was an evil socialist. I feel the need to digress at this point. Occupation has made it clear that Last Man Standing is often a painfully conservative show. Unlike him, I'm fiercely political (see that slapped-together semi-essay in his fracking review), with opinions on the right wing and the rich that may be channeled directly from Lenin's ghost. I've kept myself on a constant news drip feed since the 2008 elections and hate for conservative ideology is my morning coffee and my evening gin. And yet, this show's viewpoints don't seem to get my blood up. Maybe it's because the acting is so limp and perfunctory. Maybe it's because the lines themselves are so rote (though as we all know, conservative humor is an oxymoron to begin with). Maybe it's because I have such a low opinion of TV to begin with, preferring instead to glean entertainment from established cultural touchstones such as Salman Rushdie, Nabokov, and Homestuck. Either way, you can barely feel the stone-brained malice that typically comes from jokes like the FDR one mentioned above; the rushed acting and lazy writing make them about as sharp as a handful of wet spaghetti. Given Occ's fury in these previous posts, I am left disappointed in him and all of you, but not Tim Allen because that would imply he is able to inspire anything besides disappointment in the first place. Where was I. Now we get a Dune joke. Never read it, been meaning to. Now Mark Twain! Bitch, Twain could kill you in about thirty ways with his pinky finger, don't you quote him. Basically FTA is making quotes about fear and using them to sell hunting knives. This is possibly thematic. He tries to leech the fear out of FTA Son by showing him the catalog all those bitchin monster props came from. This is moderately successful. Back to the subplot. Two girls reconcile over toilet paper. This requires an explanation. I will not give you one. Heartwarming guitar riff. From here the episode seems to roll over and die with five minutes left on the clock. FTA Son re-enters the haunted house and conquers his fear by loudly reciting every single price that FTA read him from the catalog, complete with profanity. I love this kid. FTA accidentally suggests he was a transsexual and rejoins his son in the haunted house. Credits. Now, this episode was terribly dull, but maybe that's just a sitcom thing and not an LMS thing. Its theme has no clear follow-through to speak of, the subplots go nowhere, and Tim Allen continues to have a pulse which I just find unacceptably rude. It is in the weird position where the little kid characters are genuinely the most likable of the bunch, probably because they're not aware of the context for their "acting" and are instead content to walk around the set jubilantly displaying their lack of an indoor voice/bladder control. Either way, this clunker of a Halloween episode is done with and hopefully the next one will be far worse so that Occupation can actually review it instead of returning to the Tales From the Crypt tome that is his autobiography. Thank you, good night, Doctor Who fans are all misogynists. Oxxidation's Grade: I DON'T PLAY BY YOUR RULES MAN
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Jun 21, 2014 05:06
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Regy Rusty posted:"I have to say, I really loved season 1, but thought season 2 didn't really feel right. Sure you could argue that the first season was very one-sided politically, but actually that is somewhat expected in a tight-knit family. Season 2 it seems like it's everyone against Tim Allen. Including Eve, which I REALLY didn't like. They seemed to have balanced it out in season 3 though. Eve is once again daddy's girl, and the rest, while disagreeing with some of his views, are open-minded to him having a good point in his opinions. So I hope they make a season 4, and that it'll continue what we have in season 3." - A person who is apparently the polar opposite of Occupation. As the actual polar opposite of Occupation I will argue that this person is just run-of-the-mill stupid.
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Jun 27, 2014 04:58
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Hello, this is the Occupation Repair Service speaking. Our local rube has experienced some minor technical issues. Maintenance should be completed shortly. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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Jun 29, 2014 01:42
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He did it when I was at work! I couldn't stop him!
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Jun 30, 2014 23:47
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 09:32 |
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Irish Joe posted:No one will think any less of you if you take the ban. I will absolutely think less of him and taunt both him and his ghost.
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Jul 3, 2014 02:39
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