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I read her my Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction for three hours, but the dame was inconsolable.
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May 21, 2014 00:10
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| # ? May 2, 2024 00:25 |
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The sky was the color of exactly 47 chicken nuggets
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May 21, 2014 00:12
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i posted a thread on gbs asking goons to solve my case for me
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May 21, 2014 00:13
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The dame came into the office wearing red, so I couldn't look her in the eye It was tuesday and I had just eaten eleven and a half chicken nuggets which were cooked at 425 degrees fahrenheit
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May 21, 2014 00:13
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I used a paper towel to degrease them before proceeding to ingest them.
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May 21, 2014 00:14
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She knocked on my door three times. I made her knock twice more before entering
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May 21, 2014 00:15
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"I'm looking for a man." the dame said. I looked up from the post I was typing. "Sorry lady, I'm actually a female immortal dragon."
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May 21, 2014 00:15
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She told me to stop playing with my model trains and pay attention. I started screaming and pulling my hair
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May 21, 2014 00:17
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she walked in, legs for miles. i smirked and tipped my fedora at her. "m-m-m'lady" i choked out. her eyes darted towards my hand, sitting on the hilt of my trusty katana. i didnt really see where her eyes went next because of my social anxiety. "im convinced my husband is cheating on me. i need you to prove it." she was frank. to the point. i stared at the floor, motionless, b-b-because a girl just talked to me
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May 21, 2014 00:17
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I knew the dame was trouble the moment the dame walked in, her shoes weren't symmetrically laced.
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May 21, 2014 00:17
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The case would never be solved because it required me to go outside.
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May 21, 2014 00:18
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i wouldve taken the dames offer, you see, but i needed to organize all of my files first by color, then by size, while listening to videogame music slowed down 200x
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May 21, 2014 00:19
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I don't like the sounds of sirens, they trigger my auditory sensitivity and I have to sit in my hug machine for hours until I calm down. The dames, they just don't get it.
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May 21, 2014 00:22
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Two mooks had been tailing me all across town to the local manga haunts where I purchased the weekly lolicon releases. They seemed hesitant to approach me though I made no attempt to lose them. I tried to tell them it was ephebophelia. They wouldn't listen.
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May 21, 2014 00:23
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The city is a dark place, darker than Act 2 of the Sandopoliz Zone from Sonic & Knuckles when the lights go off. Instinctively I looked behind me to check for ghosts. Nothing. I popped the collar on my trench coat to block out the wind, colder than the waters of the Ice Cap Zone. The man at the Game-Stop insisted the dame name's wasn't on the pre-order list for Kingdom Hearts 3, but something smelled rotten and it wasn't just my B.O. I had to find answers somewhere else.
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May 21, 2014 00:26
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Robotnik Nudes posted:The city is a dark place, darker than Act 2 of the Sandopoliz Zone from Sonic & Knuckles when the lights go off. Instinctively I looked behind me to check for ghosts. Nothing. I popped the collar on my trench coat to block out the wind, colder than the waters of the Ice Cap Zone. The man at the Game-Stop insisted the dame name's wasn't on the pre-order list for Kingdom Hearts 3, but something smelled rotten and it wasn't just my B.O. I had to find answers somewhere else.
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May 21, 2014 00:27
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five
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May 21, 2014 00:31
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When the dame walked through the door, I could tell she was upset. Or maybe she was angry, or surprised, or happy. I can't read a face any better than I can read the Chinatown paper.
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May 21, 2014 00:40
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I opened my office door and right away I was met with a thick mist of tobacco, this was a bad sign as I only smoke e-cigs. Someone was waiting for me. "What's the rumpus?" said a man sitting in the shadows. He turned on a lamp and I could see he was pointing a pistol right at me. It was a AMT Hardballer .45 ACP similar to those used by Agent 47 (full name 640509-040147) in the Hitman video games although the guns were referred as Silverballers, often abbreviated to "Ballers", after the first game, Hitman Codename 47, most likely to avoid copyright. It is interesting to note that in the games the Hardballer and Beretta 92s share the same ammunition (pistol ammo), despite being chambered in different cartridges (the Hardballer's .45ACP compared to the Beretta's 9x19mm). This was a poor choice of weapon for the mook as the AMT Hardballer is a inferior clone of the Colt M1911 pistol which was the standard issue sidearm for US armed forces from 1911 to 1985 and was replaced by the 9mm Beretta in the early 90's. The mooks aim was also crooked as he held the gun sideways in the manner popular among "gangstas" and his trigger discipline was severely lacking.
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May 21, 2014 00:46
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Ilikedirt posted:exactly five
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May 21, 2014 00:48
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It was a Monday morning like any other, a 2.25 on a scale of 8. I walked in the door, carefully avoiding all lines in the floor tile. I hung my trenchcoat on the trenchcoat rack (it's a rack specifically for trenchcoats [higher to accomodate a longer length coat {no one should have their coat tails touching lines in the floor tile}]). After sorting my mail by envelope grain and then by originating zip code, I sat down and began my search for a new secretary. The last one left after I called her Mom.
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May 21, 2014 00:55
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The dame walked in, the door slamming hard behind her and making a loud startling noise. I collapsed to the ground in a fetal position with a shriek that bubbled into a nasal whimper. "Oh my god," she said, "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" I was not okay.
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May 21, 2014 00:57
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i decided now was the time. i kicked the perps door down, and was suddenly hit with a thick wall of smoke. i reached into my trenchcoat pocket, my fingers desperately racing for their prize. empty. "looking for something, detective?" he grinned at me with alternating pearly whites and glimmering gold. there it was, in his hand. my inhaler.
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May 21, 2014 01:01
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This dame walked over to the wet bar and poured me a glass of fine whiskey. When she handed to me, I slapped it straight out of her delicate hands and said; "Sorry sweetcheeks, but I'm straightedge."
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May 21, 2014 01:02
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This case had been a nightmare from the start. I knew the dame was trouble, but I had no idea how much trouble until she finished reading the poem I'd written for her and snuck in between the photos of her unfaithful husband. On previous cases I'd been shot at, but this time, I got shot down. The bitch friendzoned me.
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May 21, 2014 01:03
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the bullet would have pierced my heart if it werent for the one piece manga in my front pocket.
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May 21, 2014 01:08
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5
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May 21, 2014 01:10
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I couldn't believe it. All the hours I had spent, all the work I had done on the case. All for her. I didn't even charge her. In the end I still got friendzoned.
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May 21, 2014 01:33
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Tips fedora down over sunglasses, unsuspicously reading an anime.
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May 21, 2014 01:39
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"You're a hard man to find" she said as she entered my office. "Didn't think there'd be an office in a residential neighborhood. You're really a private detective?", she asked as she pulled a pack of lucky strikes from her purse and slid one between her lips. I narrowed my eyes and leaned back in my chair, gently stroking my beard while looking her over. "My mom lets me use the basement as my office but once she dies I'm moving upstairs"
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May 21, 2014 01:49
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The clues leading me to the Southside had proven to be useless. I still considered the day a success, because I got to ride there on my favorite train.
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May 21, 2014 01:53
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Sam Sperglord and the Case of 4.999999999999 = 5
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May 21, 2014 01:56
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I was walking at a rather moderate pace (approximately a step every 1.2 seconds but I couldn't be sure because I had no time to use the stopwatch option on my iPhone 5c 8GB smartphone running iOS 7.1.1.) though the alleyway. More specifically this was a loading dock which unfairly looked like an alleyway exactly (I had a tape measure in my right breast pocket strictly to ensure all facts were backed-up with evidence) 4.76 metres at the entrance. The suspect I was following turned to me and had this expression that I knew was laughing but it wasn't clear which subject matter had provoked this kind of response. Then I was shot and it hurt.
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May 21, 2014 02:01
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that strawberry daquiri last night left me with one hell of a hangover. it was barely half past 4 in the afternoon when my morning alarm went off. i scratched the stubble on my neck and threw on my icp hoodie. the phone rang. it felt like a knife in the brain. i promised myself ide never drink again and picked up. "Sperglord? is that you?" it was my latest client. he needed me to retrieve some... stolen merchandise. "sure is" i croaked "the dolls, did you get them? they have sentimental value, you see..." i glanced at the pile of little plastic ponies on the floor. they were coated in thin veneer of semen. i must have had my way with them in my drunken stupor. "uh... n-no! no sir! got to go! bye!"
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May 21, 2014 02:03
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Humboldt Squid posted:The sky was the color of exactly 47 chicken nuggets
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May 21, 2014 02:07
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As I turned to leave the room she started to sob. "It's covered in plastic." I shot her one last glance as I walked out the door. "It's tape."
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May 21, 2014 02:08
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"i'de help you, doll, i really would." i took a drag from my cigarette and hefted up my sega genesis controller "but i've got fox drowning to do"
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May 21, 2014 02:11
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the autopsy was gruesome but provided some usefuk insights. toxicology sceens came back positive for snake venom. that explained the unusual bite marks on the vics tongue. bingo. i called up georgia. this was a big break. "listen, peach. your husband didnt choke on that sandwich. it was murder alright. he was assassinated." "but how?" "inside of that beef patty of his was a snake. it bit him on the tongue and slithered away. a brilliant crime, really. you see, peach... your husband died of asp burgers"
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May 21, 2014 02:17
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Ilikedirt posted:the autopsy was gruesome but provided some usefuk insights. toxicology sceens came back positive for snake venom. that explained the unusual bite marks on the vics tongue. bingo. ffffffffffffffffffggfffffffffff
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May 21, 2014 02:28
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| # ? May 2, 2024 00:25 |
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Is told a joke. Stares blankly. Has joke explained to him. Forces confused laughter.
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May 21, 2014 02:28
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