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The kid at the corner was shouting out the headlines of the most recent murder, waving the papers back and forth like semaphore. I donned my trenchcoat, pulled up the collar and walked outside and over to him. "Paper, Mister?" the kid said, I snorted in reply. He handed over one and I quickly grabbed it and turned around, walking briskly back to the safety of my office. "Mister! Sorry Mister! Mister wait!" I spun around, couching slightly in antipation of the surprise attack. I automatically grasped for my katana, but it was NOT THERE!!! drat, I forgot to take it. In sudden fear the flop sweat rose and my face started to glisten in the evening fog. "Mister, sorry but you didn't pay for the paper, this is not money." the pip squeak said. It was just the short kid again, a foe I can easily vanquish. "This ain't money Mister, and I never even seen this white old guy before on it." "THAT IS RON PAUL!" I shouted, "And this is proper money.". I turned and walked away and ignored the kid asking for the money. I paid him, so I am in the right. I better write it down somewhere that I will need to cancel that bitcoin payment if he hasn't claimed it. I'll give him a day.
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May 21, 2014 15:10
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 11:15 |
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The dame would never have chosen Squirtle first, so it must have been murder. Edit: I knew I was dealing with one sick twisted motherfucker, he mixed his bento box compartments. happyhippy fucked around with this message at 16:20 on May 21, 2014 |
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May 21, 2014 16:09
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I wish I refused the case upfront, the dame was useless in a fight. She kept forgetting to shout out 'Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt!'.
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May 21, 2014 18:01
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The dame walked into the room. I was unsure what to call say next, I did not know what pronoun she would like to be called.
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May 21, 2014 20:46
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The front doorbell rang, at last a potential client. "MOOOOOOOOOM DOOOOR!" No sound. The doorbell rang again. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM GET THE DOOR!" I yelled louder. The door rang a third time. Why won't she answer it, this is my business she is ruining. I got up and stomped over to the kitchen, maybe a Pop Tart will calm me down. It rang a fourth time. I can see the client outside, she looks pretty, a potential girlfriend! "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" I bellow, so loud the client stopped and seems surprised. Nothing. Bitch won't answer the door, and I need the money badly. I clenched the Pop Tart in anger, the strawberry squishing inbetween my fingers, another thing she has ruined in my life. I stomp back to my desk, I think it is time I acted like a proper man. I begin to type "Hello /reddit, today my mom ruined my life...
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May 22, 2014 14:11
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The dame did not recognize my pass at her, I was sure that glaring at her would win over her heart. That is it, I'm jumping in my BMW and dishing out retribution to all the dames that would not kiss me.
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May 24, 2014 21:24
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My future waifu walked in, so I blew some ecig smoke at her face to show that I was dominant and ready to love.
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Sep 5, 2014 12:58
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Save Game. Save Game. Save Game.
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Sep 6, 2014 03:57
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"I don't like sliced cheese!" I proclaimed. The others were dumbfounded by this sudden exclamation, the silence lasted 5.3 seconds. "Yes, but Detect-" "I got sliced cheese in my lunch sandwiches today!" I interupted. The silence lasted longer this time, 9.16 seconds. "Ok, we will see if we can get you other sandwiches. Can the defense and prosecution please approach the bench." Ah good, they must be discussing how to get me new sandwiches, their glances of bewildering awe towards me indicate this. I hope they have pickles, maybe I should instruct them. "Ok, thank you Detective Sperglord, you may step down now from the witness stand." "The Defense calls for a mis-trial!" "Granted." Another case closed, another job well done.
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Sep 25, 2014 15:36
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 11:15 |
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When I got out of the car at the murder scene there was a smell of ham in the air, the diner across the street had its doors open. The uniform cop waved me through, and then I saw her corpse. They had put a white sheet over her. I lifted it back and examined her for and clues. Her hair smelled of ham. I like ham.
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Sep 28, 2014 19:14
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