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France? Those surrender monkeys? They won't even make it past the… oh, excuse my manners, and welcome to the ÉQUIPE NATIONAL DE FRANCE DE FOOTBALLmegathread (French for Surrender Monkeys) (Also known as Les Bleus because they are a sad team to watch sometimes)  A squad that has known honor (once) and shame (in many occasions), France is traveling to Brazil after a horribly sad bunch of games trying to qualify. France is not a team to do well in South America: From the 5 world cups in the continent south of the American Pigs and their garbage culture, France has barely played in two (1930 and 1978), and in both cases they left the tournament empty-handed and humiliated by Argentina, Chile and Italy, those greasy bastards. But as we all know, surrender monkeys will always get their revenge, and they did when the French Maradonapelé, Zidane, captained France to a World Cup Victory in 1998. This apotheosis wasn't meant to last though. 2002 was a sad cup for the cheese eating nation, losing to powerhouses such as Denmark and Senegal. 2006, the return to Europe, felt like a change. Perhaps France would shine again. It was Zizou's last World Cup and he was still hungry for glory. Sadly he got provoked by a sneaky Italian, who insulted his mom's Arabic bread. Zidane headbutted the cheating greasy Italian to death and that was it. Throwing an amazing career to the garbage because some guido tells you he'd love to go visit your sister at the dawa? But I digress. Sure, the smelly armpit nation has had up and downs, but maybe this year they will do better. No. They won't. They're garbagemen conducted by a wasteman. Let's better see who they are. Didier Deschamps — Manager  Truly a wasteman, but he helped Juventus, those bastard pizza eaters, go back to the Serie A. He's not horrible really, but he's not good either. At least he doesn't care about astrology so???? Hugo Lloris — Keeper  A sexy Frenchman, the captain of the team and the keeper at a team that loves money, said Hugo in a jeweshly manner. Mickäel Landreau — Keeper  The Bastia keeper. He's already 35. Won't play a single game. Bacary Sagna — Defender  Mathieu Debuchy — Defender  Haha, Newcastle are a funny team. Mamadou Sakho — Defender  I'm inclined to believe many of the TRP posters love him. I got him some 20 times for my sticker album so I think he'll do fine in Brazil. Laurent Koscielny — Defender  Yet another player who sometimes starts for an English team. He could've stayed with the Polish team, but he did a reverse Perquis because no one wants to play for Poland really. Raphaël Varane — Defender  Simeone wants to kill him. Patrice Évra — Defender  Love him or hate him, he's Évra and he will go and talk to the ref about stuff. Yohan Kebab — Midfielder  Hehe. Blaise Matuidi — Midfielder  He's been playing for PSG for a while now as the token black player. Moussa Sissoko — Midfielder  Haha Newcastle. Paul Pogba — Midfielder  Everyone loves Paul Pogba. Except the Front National. Clément Grenier — Midfielder  Great player stuck at a not-good team. When he's good, he's great. Mathieu Valbuena — Attacker  Valbuena has a big head. He's good. Loïc Rémy — Attacker  Something something Newcastle. Frank Ribéry — Attacker  The face of a criminal and the legs of an artist, he's great and talks like a moron. Antoine Griezmann — Attacker  He plays for Real (Sociedad). Karim Benzema — Attacker  A big foreign myth who was great in France and terrible everywhere else. Olivier Giroud — Attacker  A lovely foreign myth who was great in France and terrible everywhere else. All of the French gay pictures have something to do with him. It's weird. Luckily for this bunch of self-centered idiots, football is dead, so they got a really easy group full of poo poo garbagemen:  There you go. No Gourcuff, no Gignac, no Nasri. This is a team with drama. This is a team with ego clashes. This is France. advanced statsman fucked around with this message at 13:33 on May 26, 2014 |
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May 25, 2014 21:32
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 06:33 |
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Also, please post your best animes of French players tia.
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May 25, 2014 21:33
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May 25, 2014 21:37
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OP should have been this and nothing else https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZUKEVU-TwM
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May 25, 2014 21:43
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QobSHa4QTsQ
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May 25, 2014 22:49
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Great stuff, OP thanks silvermeow
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May 25, 2014 23:23
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How did I forget this Edit: also: we're gonna gently caress up in the groups. Kurtofan fucked around with this message at 23:37 on May 25, 2014 |
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May 25, 2014 23:34
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What ever became of Yoann Gourcuff? Few years ago he was all the talk of the town, then the talk turned to him being some massive spoiled moron.
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May 26, 2014 05:36
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msj817 posted:What ever became of Yoann Gourcuff? Few years ago he was all the talk of the town, then the talk turned to him being some massive spoiled moron. he managed to injure himself recently while walking his dog
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May 26, 2014 05:40
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I cant wait to watch Pogba pinging them in from 69 yards with unbelievable accuracy, and then for the wheels to fall off and the team to have a big argument and go on strike and get knocked out and go home in disgrace with unbelievable accuracy
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May 26, 2014 10:53
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France will struggle against Honduras and it will be amazing to watch.
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May 26, 2014 11:18
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That's a decent loving team OP. Still gonna crash out because *French*, but drat.
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May 26, 2014 13:27
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the sex ghost posted:I cant wait to watch Pogba pinging them in from 69 yards with unbelievable accuracy, and then for the wheels to fall off and the team to have a big argument and go on strike and get knocked out and go home in disgrace with unbelievable accuracy This would be real good imo, wanna see Pogba do good things away from Juventus where I'm not allowed to enjoy it.
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May 27, 2014 01:17
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msj817 posted:What ever became of Yoann Gourcuff? Few years ago he was all the talk of the town, then the talk turned to him being some massive spoiled moron. there was some insane rumor that his posh upbringing made him act a dick to all the insane and formerly poor members of the squad lol
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May 27, 2014 01:29
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If you're bored or something tonight you can watch France play against Norway in what will surely be 90 horrible minutes of football.
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May 27, 2014 08:10
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euroboy posted:If you're bored or something tonight you can watch France play against Norway in what will surely be 90 horrible minutes of football. I'm going to this game, so it will no doubt be terrible.
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May 27, 2014 09:46
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I hear the French love putting baguettes up their bum c/d?
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May 27, 2014 09:53
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Norway will have "Les Bleus" singing "The Blues" tonight, imho
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May 27, 2014 19:59
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Unlikely, Norway is a team full of beta bitches.
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May 27, 2014 20:01
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Norwegian defense as charitable as always so far, France have done some kooky things in possession though.
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May 27, 2014 20:11
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Pogba is dreamy
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May 27, 2014 20:15
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tetsman posted:Norway is a team full of beta bitches.
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May 27, 2014 20:19
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Gigi Galli posted:This would be real good imo, wanna see Pogba do good things away from Juventus where I'm not allowed to enjoy it. wish granted. Pogba is pretty ridiculous but that was all poor defending and linesmaning imo.
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May 27, 2014 20:19
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Spangly A posted:wish granted. Our defense is garbage tbh our only remotely good defenders are Elyonoussi (not here) and to some extent Høgli but he's getting old and worse every game, also has to play on the left instead of his natural right. Since we also have zero strikers that can score goals I don't know why France wanted to play us right before the WC.
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May 27, 2014 20:27
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Ugh, just got in and I see this lot of pedophile beta frenchmen are beating the mighty Norway. Must be rigged by Platini.
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May 27, 2014 20:37
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that would've been a beautiful goal
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May 27, 2014 20:37
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Lol if Høgli knew what he was doing in the box he could have just rolled that ball into goal, France's second keeper looks p. bad.
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May 27, 2014 20:44
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drat nice goal
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May 27, 2014 21:12
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I appreciate that we're moving away from hoofball, but I don't know if forgetting everything you know about defending is a necessary first step
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May 27, 2014 21:15
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The No! Team posted:I appreciate that we're moving away from hoofball, but I don't know if forgetting everything you know about defending is a necessary first step Don't worry, we did that long before moving away from hoofball. Started with the amazing keeping mistakes against Greece/Turkey in the qualifiers all those years ago, got worse from that. Nice shot by Giroud though, when gifted the chance.
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May 27, 2014 21:16
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hahaha the norwegian defense is just horrible
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May 27, 2014 21:26
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Lol, Remy rapes the Norwegian defence, allegedly
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May 27, 2014 21:27
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valbuena is a good player and the norwegian defenders are doing nothing to stop him, this is just ridiculous
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May 27, 2014 21:29
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Giroud a good player?!
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May 27, 2014 21:37
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tetsman posted:valbuena is a good player and the norwegian defenders are doing nothing to stop him, this is just ridiculous Valbuena owns and Im glad he's getting more time in this team.
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May 27, 2014 21:39
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DEAD MAN'S SHOE posted:Giroud a good player?! Well he was literally just standing still for the entirety of the first half, but he can finish when given the chance. Looks like the French coach recognized that we're complete dogshit on defense and the solution to killing the game was just not letting us have the ball ever, cue second half bumming.
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May 27, 2014 21:40
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OK I've changed my monitor temperature and still can 'nazi' why Norway chose such a shirt design
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May 27, 2014 21:43
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I think I'll go watch some Hannibal episodes, make this a theme night
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May 27, 2014 21:54
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I was at this game tonight because I happened to be in Paris for a couple of days. There was a chant that the fans kept doing where they'd stand and jump up and down. Out of curiosity, does anyone know what the chant is in English?
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May 27, 2014 23:06
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Mickolution posted:I was at this game tonight because I happened to be in Paris for a couple of days. There was a chant that the fans kept doing where they'd stand and jump up and down. Out of curiosity, does anyone know what the chant is in English? Bit generic this
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May 27, 2014 23:12
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