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France? Those surrender monkeys? They won't even make it past the… oh, excuse my manners, and welcome to the ÉQUIPE NATIONAL DE FRANCE DE FOOTBALLmegathread (French for Surrender Monkeys) (Also known as Les Bleus because they are a sad team to watch sometimes)  A squad that has known honor (once) and shame (in many occasions), France is traveling to Brazil after a horribly sad bunch of games trying to qualify. France is not a team to do well in South America: From the 5 world cups in the continent south of the American Pigs and their garbage culture, France has barely played in two (1930 and 1978), and in both cases they left the tournament empty-handed and humiliated by Argentina, Chile and Italy, those greasy bastards. But as we all know, surrender monkeys will always get their revenge, and they did when the French Maradonapelé, Zidane, captained France to a World Cup Victory in 1998. This apotheosis wasn't meant to last though. 2002 was a sad cup for the cheese eating nation, losing to powerhouses such as Denmark and Senegal. 2006, the return to Europe, felt like a change. Perhaps France would shine again. It was Zizou's last World Cup and he was still hungry for glory. Sadly he got provoked by a sneaky Italian, who insulted his mom's Arabic bread. Zidane headbutted the cheating greasy Italian to death and that was it. Throwing an amazing career to the garbage because some guido tells you he'd love to go visit your sister at the dawa? But I digress. Sure, the smelly armpit nation has had up and downs, but maybe this year they will do better. No. They won't. They're garbagemen conducted by a wasteman. Let's better see who they are. Didier Deschamps — Manager  Truly a wasteman, but he helped Juventus, those bastard pizza eaters, go back to the Serie A. He's not horrible really, but he's not good either. At least he doesn't care about astrology so???? Hugo Lloris — Keeper  A sexy Frenchman, the captain of the team and the keeper at a team that loves money, said Hugo in a jeweshly manner. Mickäel Landreau — Keeper  The Bastia keeper. He's already 35. Won't play a single game. Bacary Sagna — Defender  Mathieu Debuchy — Defender  Haha, Newcastle are a funny team. Mamadou Sakho — Defender  I'm inclined to believe many of the TRP posters love him. I got him some 20 times for my sticker album so I think he'll do fine in Brazil. Laurent Koscielny — Defender  Yet another player who sometimes starts for an English team. He could've stayed with the Polish team, but he did a reverse Perquis because no one wants to play for Poland really. Raphaël Varane — Defender  Simeone wants to kill him. Patrice Évra — Defender  Love him or hate him, he's Évra and he will go and talk to the ref about stuff. Yohan Kebab — Midfielder  Hehe. Blaise Matuidi — Midfielder  He's been playing for PSG for a while now as the token black player. Moussa Sissoko — Midfielder  Haha Newcastle. Paul Pogba — Midfielder  Everyone loves Paul Pogba. Except the Front National. Clément Grenier — Midfielder  Great player stuck at a not-good team. When he's good, he's great. Mathieu Valbuena — Attacker  Valbuena has a big head. He's good. Loïc Rémy — Attacker  Something something Newcastle. Frank Ribéry — Attacker  The face of a criminal and the legs of an artist, he's great and talks like a moron. Antoine Griezmann — Attacker  He plays for Real (Sociedad). Karim Benzema — Attacker  A big foreign myth who was great in France and terrible everywhere else. Olivier Giroud — Attacker  A lovely foreign myth who was great in France and terrible everywhere else. All of the French gay pictures have something to do with him. It's weird. Luckily for this bunch of self-centered idiots, football is dead, so they got a really easy group full of poo poo garbagemen:  There you go. No Gourcuff, no Gignac, no Nasri. This is a team with drama. This is a team with ego clashes. This is France. advanced statsman fucked around with this message at 13:33 on May 26, 2014 |
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May 25, 2014 21:32
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 21:35 |
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Also, please post your best animes of French players tia.
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May 25, 2014 21:33
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Unlikely, Norway is a team full of beta bitches.
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May 27, 2014 20:01
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Pogba is dreamy
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May 27, 2014 20:15
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that would've been a beautiful goal
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May 27, 2014 20:37
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drat nice goal
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May 27, 2014 21:12
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hahaha the norwegian defense is just horrible
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May 27, 2014 21:26
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valbuena is a good player and the norwegian defenders are doing nothing to stop him, this is just ridiculous
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May 27, 2014 21:29
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Read the op and get acquainted with this wonderful team, op. Also, worse, worse and worse.
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May 28, 2014 09:37
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France don't need Ribéry to make it through the group stage, but adding the fact that Grenier is out as well, they're not going to get past the round of 16. In any case, France played against Norway without either one of them, Valbuena and Griezmann on the wings and Matuidi, Cabaye and Pogba holding the midfield. They can be effective, but they haven't glued well enough to do great. I don't see Rémy in the starting 11 but who knows.
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Jun 6, 2014 17:48
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Only Rémy and Griezmann can play the same role. Lacazette could've been a backup for the role but in the end he was ditched by Deschamps. Valbuena could take the position if it were absolutely necessary, but in that case I guess Deschamps would choose to change the formation completely.
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Jun 6, 2014 18:03
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pylb posted:Je suis obligé de regarder le match sur TV5Monde, les commentateurs sont absoluments nuls. The TF1 commenters are nothing to write home about either though tbh.
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Jun 8, 2014 20:40
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Jamaicanme sad.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:26
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What a sham of a match, the Jamaicans did absolutely nothing. loving friendlies.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:51
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I'm surprised too. I thought the Swiss would be an actual challenge, but France have played like an actual team.
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Jun 20, 2014 21:20
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Gigi Galli posted:UEFA SUPREMACY LADS UEFA ALL THE WAY I LOVE UEFA AS A THING lol
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Jun 20, 2014 21:31
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Sekenr posted:Heh, imagine that. What I don't get is that they played without Pogba almost the whole game, who was supposed to be the base of their whole strategy and they did fine! where did you get the idea that pogba was the central piece of the team? France have a lot more options than "basing their strategy on pogba", which is why in a more demanding game cissoko took pogba's place. More important is the fact that benzema was moved to the left and replaced griezmann, leaving space for giroud to bring a more pressing attacking strategy. Pogba only entered the field when France had already enough goals that they did not need to press harder and wanted some balance around the midfield.
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Jun 21, 2014 10:24
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 21:35 |
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Really pathetic effort today
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Jul 4, 2014 18:56
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