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Everyone who owned a car that had a visible spare tire was a complete sucker who got tricked into thinking you need 5 tires, in order for a car to run. Like the dealership sold them the spare tire as an extra feature.
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Jun 17, 2014 21:37
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Kikka posted:My dad told me the white plastic packs for storing hay you see on fields were humanoid eggs. I didn't even know what a humanoid was, but that's what I believed. Mine was that they were spider eggsacks, because that's what my parents would call them. I was just disappointed to never see those giant spiders all those farmers clearly kept.
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Jun 18, 2014 01:47
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When I was in kindergarten I thought that if you saw someone naked you were required by law to marry them.
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Jun 18, 2014 03:31
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Penises were actual, living snakes that flailed around, constantly spewing pee and biting. I sort of remember where I got this one, too. My mom, being a perma-stoned hippie who had somehow been entrusted with a child, had absolutely no filter on her words. First, yes, I learned my A, B, Cunts early. Second, I vaguely recall her walking a tiny version of me into a public bathroom, seeing piss all over the place, and going on a tirade about nasty little boys who can't control their penises and is it so hard to just keep a hold on them. Given that the only other explanation for a dick I had received was "like a snake that hides in little boys' pants", the only logical conclusion was Piss Vipers. I believed that when I was playing my Nintendo, there was an actual other person somewhere else in the world that was controlling all the monsters and opponents that I was fighting. I had no concept of even rudimentary AI, but hey, phones existed, surely this couldn't be so hard. Half of the super-secret cheat codes and Gameshark gibberish I tried was attempts to get access to the "other side of the game", so I could harass little girls halfway around the world with endless barrages of Final Fantasy goblins for once. As most kids of my vintage, I loved the hell out of Jumanji. Somewhere down the line, I received the actual, physical Jumanji boardgame from some well-meaning but short-sighted relative. I NEVER completed a game, as it was absolutely assured that I would be sucked into a world of danger and biting sharp-toothed animals. I would only ever start playing if I was wearing my Girl Guide uniform, with the swiss army knife and a full canteen. In other games that never got completed: Nightmare. Why? Well, given that I had no idea what AI was, the dude in the TV WAS AN ACTUAL GUY HOLY poo poo AAAA. Like gently caress am I telling that creepy rear end in a top hat what I'm afraid of!
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Jun 18, 2014 05:53
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When my parents first told me about hail my mom mentioned something about how it can cause a lot of damage to cars and roofs. Que me thinking for the next 3 years that hail was the size of a car and if it landed on a house it would likely kill everyone in it. I'd hear about hail and stuff coming down and I felt terrible because of all the people that must have died. Until it hailed where we lived years later and...yeah. As kids we thought Hyper-sapian meant you were an alien and being homosapien was the same as being homosexual. So we'd ask someone are you a HYPER or HOMOsapien? You'd better say hyper or you'd get made fun of. How stupid.
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Jun 18, 2014 05:55
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President Ark posted:I didn't care much about history and when they first started doing world history in grade school (3-4th grade maybe?) I read ahead in the books and kept seeing this really cool angular swirly symbol on things and I thought it looked really cool so I kept drawing it on things. Hah, I did the same thing. Until my mom explained that it was a bad symbol and I shouldn't do that. I recall I saw it in a comic or something, on a submarine. 
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Jun 18, 2014 11:16
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PlantRobot posted:I thought gay guys had sex by kissing and then their penises would come up and kiss too. I thought condoms were medication. They're small and round, colourful, kinda look like wine gums, obviously you take one and then you don't get kids or AIDS. Makes sense! Then one day I saw a TV show about people with unusual jobs where they introduced a lady who tested them, and she unrolled one over a metal pole and I went "oh that's what they're about." Come to think of it, I probably saw a pack of fruit-flavoured ones at the store at some point. That did nothing to help set things straight.
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Jun 18, 2014 12:11
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I was convinced that because women had hair covering most of their pubic areas, men must have had hair all over their penises. This was obviously before I understood how sex worked, but I imagined penises looking like wooly bear caterpillars instead of veiny meat wands. When I was 4, my older sister convinced me that the grain elevator near our house was actually a castle where the king of Georgia, King George, lived. I imagined him as the old king from Cinderella and I believed this until I was about 7. I used to think that I could talk to squirrels and that they could understand me. It always made me sad when they ran away.  I was also on the board-games-that-will-electrocute-you train, but with Operation because it made that creepy noise.
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Jun 18, 2014 14:11
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When I was about 5 I decided to call my own phone number, from home to see if I could talk to myself. I got some irritated guy instead.
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Jun 18, 2014 18:57
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At some point as a kid, I sort of learned about pregnancy. I knew that when a married couple wanted a kid, they did something (I might have been aware it was called sex, but still didn't know what that was), and then a baby started to grow inside the mom. But I also knew that sometimes I saw single women with kids, or who were pregnant. So I got it in my head that it was possible for a woman to just become spontaneously pregnant at any time. How else would they have a kid if they didn't have a husband? Oh, and there was also this town near mine called Waterbury. I had never been there (well, I don't think I had, it's possible I did but never knew it), so because of the name I basically thought it was Venice. And not like Venice, in that it had water instead of roads, but actually Venice. See, I didn't know Venice by name, only that in Bugs Bunny cartoons, sometimes they'd be in a city where all the roads were water. So surely if there's a place called Waterbury, that has to be the city they were in, right?
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Jun 18, 2014 19:42
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beedeebee posted:Hah, I did the same thing. Until my mom explained that it was a bad symbol and I shouldn't do that. I recall I saw it in a comic or something, on a submarine. Me too, I was in church and was drawing (because church was boring) and I drew a submarine with a big-rear end swastika on it. In my case it was because I saw it in Indiana Jones. Guess I didn't make the connection between the symbol and the villains. As for things in toilets, my fear was that when I flushed a huge swarm of bugs, like locusts or something, would fly out.
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Jun 18, 2014 20:29
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catlord posted:As for things in toilets, my fear was that when I flushed a huge swarm of bugs, like locusts or something, would fly out. Nah, that only happens with centipedes. Centipedes are the worst. Also, count me in with the people disappointed that Twister didn't actually electrocute you.
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Jun 18, 2014 20:43
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Ditto for the underground railroad thing that a bunch of people have mentioned. I was very disappointed when I learned that they didn't actually have a bunch of underground trains ferrying slaves to the North. Back when I learned that people sometimes dug up dinosaur bones, I thought that you could dig anywhere and find them. I remember spending an afternoon out in the park with my dad, just digging holes in a bunch of places.
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Jun 18, 2014 20:44
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I was about 8 before I realized that the projections on our hands are "fingers" with an F and not "thingers" with a TH. I'm not sure how nobody heard me clearly enough to correct me before that. It made sense--we use our hands to do things! Not my misconception, but that of my entire third grade class: I was prone to inner ear infections as a kid and I'd been treated with penicillin each time until the last incident when I came down with this huge full-body itchy red rash. The doctor said I was allergic to penicillin and switched me over to a different antibiotic, but it took a couple days for the rash to subside. In the meantime, nobody wanted to play with me or even come near me because they were all convinced that I really had poison ivy and didn't believe me when I told them allergies aren't contagious.
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Jun 18, 2014 21:16
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My parents got me a board game that said "suitable for ages 8 and up." I was only 7, and I was certain that if I tried to play it my brain would explode. Also, I thought women had penises. Like, I knew they were called "vaginas," but I figured the differences were academic.
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Jun 18, 2014 22:11
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Sometime in elementary school, I noticed that one of the older girls got really moody about once a month, and that same girl couldn't wear some jewelry because she had a silver allergy. Obviously, given this data, my young mind deduced that she was a werewolf. I was really proud of myself for figuring it out. I'm a smart mystery-solver like Hermione!!!
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Jun 18, 2014 22:22
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I used to see a lot of mid-construction highways that weren't finished where I grew up, so whenever we would drive on a regular (obviously finished) one upwards, it would look to me like we were on one that wasn't complete cause I couldn't see the downward part. I'd always close my eyes cause I figured we were about to fall to our deaths, and instead feel a gradual lowering, and thought my dad was the best loving magical driver in the world for somehow getting us to fall slowly. I hope this makes any sense at all with my poo poo descriptions.
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Jun 19, 2014 03:26
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When I was a kid, that watched too much tv, I thought that if I said "I wonder what my friends are doing" and closed my eyes I would be able to see what they were up to. Kind of like cutting to a different scene on a TV show. It didn't help that when I told my baby sitter about this, she told me she used to think that her life was a show that giants were watching. I was a special child.
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Jun 19, 2014 03:33
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Chinaman7000 posted:I used to see a lot of mid-construction highways that weren't finished where I grew up, so whenever we would drive on a regular (obviously finished) one upwards, it would look to me like we were on one that wasn't complete cause I couldn't see the downward part. I'd always close my eyes cause I figured we were about to fall to our deaths, and instead feel a gradual lowering, and thought my dad was the best loving magical driver in the world for somehow getting us to fall slowly. From the description I guess you're talking about on-ramps? I hope "thinking highway means elevated portion of road, i.e. a way that is high" qualifies for the thread. 
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Jun 19, 2014 03:35
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I have a couple: People with light-colored eyes used to freak me out because I felt like they were looking straight through me (I don't know either). Everyone wearing jeans had to be my mom, except they weren't and I usually didn't find this out until I tried to hug them. I was also scared that airplane toilets would suck me out of the aircraft if I stood too close to them as they flushed 
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Jun 19, 2014 03:41
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When I was a toddler I took "you can be anything you want when you grow up" literally and proudly told everyone who asked that I was going to be a great white shark when I grew up. I also thought that on TV and movies, the actors weren't acting and they were just filmed actually doing whatever needed to happen. So I'd get really stressed out when someone died on a show or movie because I thought it meant I had actually seen someone die and I couldn't understand if they willingly signed up for the job anyway or if they had been forced into it. This only applied to "realistic" stuff like the soap operas my mom watched. I never had this issue with Star Wars which I watched about a million times a day every day since I was four years old, I guess because the fantastical sci-fi nature of it was enough to convince me that it was totally fake.
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Jun 19, 2014 04:13
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When I was 5 years old, at the time of the 1984 election, I thought that my parents would have to go to Washington DC if they wanted to vote.
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Jun 19, 2014 08:39
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I also got busted for drawing swastikas all over the place. I had never seen one before, I just thought it was a cool pattern and symbol. My english English teacher did not agree.
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Jun 19, 2014 09:12
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My dad's a mechanic and was regularly picking apart engines on our kitchen table when I was a kid. One time he'd filled a paper cup with denatured alcohol for easy access while he was working and he made an offhand comment that the red colour made it look just like my favourite soft drink at the time. I became convinced that one day I'd have a drink of squash and it would turn out to be POISON instead. I didn't stop drinking it but I got a pang of terror every time I took a sip. It didn't help that whenever my parents made some for me they took a sip before handing me the glass. It was to see if they'd made the mix too strong but I really thought they were selflessly checking it for poison. Kleptocracy has a new favorite as of 11:16 on Jun 19, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 11:10
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Used to think that "rear end" meant penis. No idea as to the rationale there. My parents recorded movies off of HBO onto VHS tapes, so we had a lot of movies that were hand-labelled with no description. When I was 6 or 7 I thought "Full Metal Jacket" was about a guy who wore a really heavy coat, or possibly a robot, and that sounded really cool so I popped it in. Thankfully, I lost interest pretty quickly, since it was a boring movie where adults yelled at each other about boring adult stuff. Pretty glad I didn't make it to the part where the dude eats shotgun. Benne posted:For the longest time I thought the Washington Redskins were actually in the State of Washington. This is a misconception I held until I was 28 or so.
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Jun 19, 2014 11:45
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INH5 posted:Ditto for the underground railroad thing that a bunch of people have mentioned. I was very disappointed when I learned that they didn't actually have a bunch of underground trains ferrying slaves to the North. Even now I know that the underground railroad wasn't a literal underground railroad, I still find myself imagining it as that when someone mentions it.
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Jun 19, 2014 13:37
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Whataburger was water burger.
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Jun 19, 2014 15:15
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I remember when blindness was explained to me it was partly through a book that had a picture of a blind guy with a cane and sunglasses and the only blind guy I knew looking almost exactly like the guy in the book. He wore different sunglasses. Anyway, for whatever reason I figured that people chose to be blind and get around with the cane tapping and what have you. The sunglasses were just really, really dark and they could see if they took them off. It made sense to me because I'm quite near-sighted and never relied on vision as much as most people. I didn't get my eyes tested or get glasses until I was like 9 so I had no idea what a normal vision range was. I figured some people just didn't like seeing or needed it less than I did. Imagine my surprise when I finally realized that blind people were literally incapable of seeing. Granted my young mind was even further blown when I got my first pair of glasses and could actually see a normal distance.
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Jun 19, 2014 18:46
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I used to think the prayer went "Father, Son and Hallway Ghost." I still sort of prefer it that way.
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Jun 19, 2014 19:17
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When I was very young I used to believe that the moon was a giant eye in the sky, like some sort of monster under the bed type of deal. The night sky was just this huge thing that was looking for people, and I couldn't let it see me. Cue my younger self sticking to the shadows if I had to move at night, hiding behind covers and doing everything possible to ensure that I didn't cross a moonbeam. I didn't know WHAT would happen if it saw me, I just knew that I couldn't let it. Funny thing is I distinctly remember seeing the moon during the daytime and thinking that because it wasn't glowing, clearly it was taking a nap and therefore I was safe.
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Jun 19, 2014 19:58
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FreeMars posted:When I was a kid, that watched too much tv, I thought that if I said "I wonder what my friends are doing" and closed my eyes I would be able to see what they were up to. Kind of like cutting to a different scene on a TV show. It didn't help that when I told my baby sitter about this, she told me she used to think that her life was a show that giants were watching. I was a special child. I used to believe my life was a show for giants as well. Also that if I changed the angle that I viewed the TV, I would be able to see what was happening off-screen.
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Jun 19, 2014 20:39
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When I was a kid, I was huge into wrestling and was swept up into Hulk Hogan and Hulkamania. He had that deep tan and I thought he was black, and it was awesome he was champion, I'm black and I could be champion too one day! I remember my brother laughing really hard and explaining the concept of tans to me.
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Jun 19, 2014 20:44
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When driving in the car, I was absolutely convinced that the bands playing on the radio were playing AT the radio station. Apparently there was just an endless line of bands standing around waiting their turn to be played. Granted, this was back in the late 70's so there wasn't a whole lot of portable music so records and tapes weren't very well known to me.
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Jun 19, 2014 22:23
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Vintimus Prime posted:When I was a kid, I was huge into wrestling and was swept up into Hulk Hogan and Hulkamania. He had that deep tan and I thought he was black, and it was awesome he was champion, I'm black and I could be champion too one day! I remember my brother laughing really hard and explaining the concept of tans to me. This is the best thing in the thread so far.
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Jun 19, 2014 22:39
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At one point I think I believed girls had penises on their butts, kind of like a tail. This is mainly because I had a dream when I was a kid that I saw one of my cousins naked and that was what my child mind imagined was down there. Later I heard they had some type of hole so I imagined it was basically like a belly button for several years. It didn't help that I was absent the day in sex ed class when they showed the boys what the girls had down there.
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Jun 20, 2014 01:41
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For the record, this thread shows why kids are amazing.
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Jun 20, 2014 01:54
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I used to think that urine was stored in the ball sack (for guys obviously). It was nearby and clearly a container, so it made sense to me. I'm surprised this one hasn't come up yet.
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Jun 20, 2014 02:01
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I was always told that people got married, and then they had kids. So my child brain deduced that the only way to have kids was to be married. I also thought that kids would just magically appear immediately after marriage, you can't avoid it. You have your wedding, and then boom - babies. I also didn't understand why blind people didn't just wear glasses. In Scooby Doo, Velma always loses her glasses and says she's blind without them, and when she puts them back on she can see again! It works like that in real life too, right?
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Jun 20, 2014 02:16
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I was sure that things like shrink rays and freeze rays were real. I mean, in Superfriends, they always had things like that in science labs and stuff, and nobody ever treated them as anything particularly amazing. Seemed like the kind of thing that should exist anyway, right?
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Jun 20, 2014 03:04
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Data Graham posted:I was sure that things like shrink rays and freeze rays were real. I mean, in Superfriends, they always had things like that in science labs and stuff, and nobody ever treated them as anything particularly amazing. Seemed like the kind of thing that should exist anyway, right? To be fair, cooling substances with lasers is an actual thing, so you could say that in a way, freeze rays really do exist.
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Jun 20, 2014 03:24
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