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 Courtesy of Cpl. Bacter  Alright, recruits, listen up. It is my duty to welcome you all to the Canadian Armed Forces. There ain't much to the Canadian military nowadays, but peacekeeping. But between that and our hatred for all things American, it's important to our government that our troops be trained to be the best, in order to deal with any hardship that might be thrown our way--even if the government doesn't actually want to spend any money on training programs at all. Now before you ask "hey, what's the guy from Alien doing in the Canadian military?", let me first implore you to shut the gently caress up. Second, I expect the first and last words out of your mouth to be a "sir, yes, sir!", is that understood? Besides, it was Aliens. That poo poo was pluralized, you idiots, ha ha! As in there's more than one? Come on, son! Okay, enough kidding around. Now as I said, Canada basically spends all its time peacekeeping or peacemaking or whatever. So that means you need to be trained in how to locate and defuse mines. Take a look at the training grid here: I know what you're thinking. "Sergeant Apone, what does the Canadian Military think it's doing training its soldiers on real mines?" It knows exactly what it's doing, that's what. Yeah, we're gonna break a few eggs. But those left over are going to be the baddest Canadian peacekeepers ever seen. You'll be able to minesweeper and cook breakfast for your granny all at once. Heck, if you're lucky enough to might even get on TV: Courtesy of Lt. Gen. nine-gear crow  Of course, the dead will not be forgotten. All those who pass in this most honourable training exercise will be awarded the Maple Heart. Of which you will all be memorialized right here: Courtesy of Cpl. Bacter  Maple Heart Recipients
*Dishonourably Discharged Posthumously **Posthumous Promotion † Company Chaplain ♠ Sports Cross Recipient  Courtesy of Lt. Gen. nine-gear crow  All military funerals will be presided over by my close personal friend and brother in arms, Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Those of you who complete the training will become Canadian soldiers and will serve your country with honour and dignity. At least until the government cuts funding even more and we have to disband the military. Alright. Now, the rules are simple. Mark all mines with a flag and clear out the rest of the grid. Now which one of you badasses wants to step up first?
Sally fucked around with this message at 00:23 on Jul 28, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 18:11
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Okay, I'll bite: 2x2 starting from the upper left
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Jun 19, 2014 18:15
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Dead center. Sir.
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Jun 19, 2014 18:16
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Neige posted:Okay, I'll bite: 2x2 starting from the upper left  Well, well, well. You've done this before, haven't you, Pvt. Neige? Excellent work.Iringahn posted:Dead center.   Goddamnit, no! That is not how you sweep mines, Pvt. Iringahn! Jesus! We've got our first corpse and a whole lot of mess to clean up now. You can all thank Pvt. Iringahn for that, cause I sure as hell ain't cleaning that up. Least they remembered the "sir", the little rapscallion. You earned your Maple Heart. Let's try this again. Who's up?
Sally fucked around with this message at 00:00 on Nov 13, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 18:25
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SIR LOWER RIGHT CORNER SIR ALWAYS CHECK THE CORNERS FIRST SIR
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Jun 19, 2014 18:26
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Repeating leadeth to wisdom. Dead center. Sir.
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Jun 19, 2014 18:33
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What do you mean, a new minefield??? I'm finishing the one I started, thank you very much. Unless I can't, in which case stop reading right there. Flag the corner with the 1 touching it, flag the space below it, click the space directly below the bottom-most 2. Sir!
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Jun 19, 2014 18:35
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CARRIERHASARRIVED posted:SIR LOWER RIGHT CORNER SIR Ah, yes. The "Four Corners" strategy. A sound tactical decision, straight out of the rookie playbook.  So far, so good, Pvt. CARRIERHASARRIVED. Let's see how well your theory holds up on each of those corners. Bravo. Bravo. But be warned, this isn't always a sure-fire strategy. Sometimes the mines are in the corners! I've lost many raw recruits, friends too, to people who were too overeager to use the Four Corners method. There's one thing you can be sure of in Minesweeping, and that's that you can never be sure! Pvt. anilEhilated, there is no longer a centre square. Why don't you make another choice.
Sally fucked around with this message at 18:40 on Jun 19, 2014 |
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Jun 19, 2014 18:36
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Neige posted:What do you mean, a new minefield??? We can't use the old minefield, Pvt. Iringhan's dismembered corpse is decorating it!
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Jun 19, 2014 18:38
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Okay. On the south-west quadrant and ONLY that quadrant, flag the topmost square, flag the rightmost square, click below the 2 that's on top... SIR!
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Jun 19, 2014 18:40
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Center being no longer an option, I say middle tile of the top row.
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Jun 19, 2014 18:40
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Neige posted:Okay. On the south-west quadrant and ONLY that quadrant, flag the topmost square, flag the rightmost square, click below the 2 that's on top...  I do believe you're onto something, Pvt. Neige. Now if you rookies all gather 'round and have a look-see, you'll notice we now have a "3" on the board. "But Sergeant Apone, I don't even know what the other numbers mean!" Blank squares mean there are no nearby mines. If a square has a number on it, that means there's a mine adjacent to it. The number tells you how many. The "3" tells us there's one more mine next to that square aside from the two that Pvt. Neige has already flagged for us. poo poo, I suppose I should have mentioned that before Pvt. Iringhan got blasted. Uhh--anilEhilated posted:Center being no longer an option, I say middle tile of the top row.  *ahem* Good work, Pvt. anilEhilated. You've cleared up some of the upper grid.
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Jun 19, 2014 18:57
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Alright men, I got this. Still south-west quadrant: flag the square directly underneath the 3, the rest are safe to click.
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Jun 19, 2014 19:03
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Neige posted:Alright men, I got this.  We just might yet make soldiers out of you lot.
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Jun 19, 2014 19:05
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Sir, permission to plant a flag in that one tile in the centre column, sir? How hard are we supposed to push these flags in, again?
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Jun 19, 2014 19:06
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Sir! I believe the space below the revealed square in the top right corner is safe, sir! We should check it so we can continue!
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Jun 19, 2014 19:06
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Top left corner, on the block with a 1 above and below it? Flag it. The square to its right? Click it. The square to ITS right? Flag it. That's the top left corner right there. Uhhhhh, sir!
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Jun 19, 2014 19:15
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Sir, I believe a flag belongs on the lower-left corner of that big unexplored lot on the right, sir. Which is, to say, sir, from the center row, far right, one pace west and one pace south, sir. I don't think I signed up for bomb disposal.
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Jun 19, 2014 19:21
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Rather Watch Them posted:Sir, I believe a flag belongs on the lower-left corner of that big unexplored lot on the right, sir. And let's just plant another flag on the square directly above the square he mentioned and we're good for what? 8 mines now? We're good, right? 8/10 is a solid B on any report card...
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Jun 19, 2014 19:25
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Punch that smug smiling bastard in the face. Get him to tell us where he's hidden the mines! ...Sir.
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Jun 19, 2014 19:27
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inflatablefish posted:Sir, permission to plant a flag in that one tile in the centre column, sir?  I tell you what, Pvt. inflateablefish, if you hear a "click", you've gone too far.Gamerofthegame posted:Sir! I believe the space below the revealed square in the top right corner is safe, sir! We should check it so we can continue!  So it is. Good work.Neige posted:Top left corner, on the block with a 1 above and below it? Flag it. The square to its right? Click it. The square to ITS right? Flag it. That's the top left corner right there.  You continue to impress, Pvt. Neige.Rather Watch Them posted:Sir, I believe a flag belongs on the lower-left corner of that big unexplored lot on the right, sir. Neige posted:And let's just plant another flag on the square directly above the square he mentioned and we're good for what? 8 mines now? We're good, right? 8/10 is a solid B on any report card...  You know what? I was worried about you lot. But it looks like you're going to pass training after all. I mean, I figured after that one casualty that you'd be a bunch of gently caress-ups, but I'll be damned if I don't know how you could screw this up--Inferior posted:Punch that smug smiling bastard in the face. Get him to tell us where he's hidden the mines! ...Sir. No. No! NO!!! That just resets the mine grid! Goddamnit! Pvt. Inferior, do you think this is just a game? Do you? This is a goddamned way of life! Alright, soldiers, we're going to take it from the top again. You can thank Pvt. Inferior for that. Tonight. With soap and socks. A Blanket Party, if you get my meaning. That meaning is pummel them mercilessly. Alright, let's get back on training. Assholes and elbows!
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Jun 19, 2014 19:43
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Sir, I recommend we send Inferior straight in the middle for his crimes!
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Jun 19, 2014 19:58
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Gamerofthegame posted:Sir, I recommend we send Inferior straight in the middle for his crimes! Agreed sir! That flag took a lot out of me, too much for him to go and pull that SNAFU.
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Jun 19, 2014 20:04
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Yeah, I'll go to the middle... but I want Gamerofthegame and Rather Watch Them standing either side of me. Teamwork is important, Sarge.
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Jun 19, 2014 20:06
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... I'll take the right side, sir. Maybe I'll live to see the infirmary.
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Jun 19, 2014 20:08
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Gamerofthegame posted:Sir, I recommend we send Inferior straight in the middle for his crimes! Rather Watch Them posted:Agreed sir! That flag took a lot out of me, too much for him to go and pull that SNAFU. Inferior posted:Yeah, I'll go to the middle... but I want Gamerofthegame and Rather Watch Them standing either side of me. Rather Watch Them posted:... Ha ha, I love it. But the Canadian Military is all about teamwork. Pvt. Gamerofthegame and Rather Watch Them, go on out there with Pvt. Inferior. Well, alright. You're all still alive, but this doesn't help us all that much. Any other bright ideas?
Sally fucked around with this message at 05:34 on Jan 11, 2015 |
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Jun 19, 2014 21:26
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 Oh, that's right. Pvt. Gamerofthegame and Rather Watch Them, you're still alive too. Thanks for checking the area next to Pvt. Inferior. Still not super helpful.
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Jun 19, 2014 21:28
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I'll try the top right corner, sir!
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Jun 19, 2014 21:30
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From the top left corner, seven to the right, then eight down, sir! When the center fails, attempting a pseudo-random strategy might confuse the mines, which are clearly sentient and capable of being confused, sir!
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Jun 19, 2014 21:36
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inflatablefish posted:I'll try the top right corner, sir!  It's good. Who's next?TheMcD posted:From the top left corner, seven to the right, then eight down, sir! When the center fails, attempting a pseudo-random strategy might confuse the mines, which are clearly sentient and capable of being confused, sir!  Pvt. TheMcD, I don't know what you're talking about, but you seem to have hit the jackpot.
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Jun 19, 2014 22:38
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Row 6, Column 7 has a mine, sir! But go to Row Row 5, Column 7. That poo poo should be good.
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Jun 19, 2014 22:52
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Sir! The first column, fifth row has a mine in it, sir! Also, we may want to put a note on Mr. Smiley to ensure that certain elements (not naming names) won't try and abuse it. Sir.
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Jun 19, 2014 22:55
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Fourth row of Column Three and Five look might suspicious there. Gonna check 'em out.
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Jun 19, 2014 23:34
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ThatPazuzu posted:Row 6, Column 7 has a mine, sir! But go to Row Row 5, Column 7. That poo poo should be good. I'll go even further than that sir. Like he said, right above the mine is a safe click zone, but right above THAT is another safe click zone. But after that, plant a flag cuz I suspect something shifty going on. So on Column 7: flags on row 3 and 6, clicks on row 4 and 5. Trust me on that. I've played Minecraft and it's practically the same thing.
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Jun 20, 2014 00:13
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Sir, I advise we check the "Help" tab This situation is beyond the abilities of the Canadian Military, Sir
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Jun 20, 2014 01:08
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Click tiles at random until we die uh sir
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Jun 20, 2014 04:10
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OOC: I have not had this good a laugh in quite some time.
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Jun 20, 2014 04:35
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ThatPazuzu posted:Row 6, Column 7 has a mine, sir! But go to Row Row 5, Column 7. That poo poo should be good.  So it is. Excellent work, Pvt. ThatPazuzu.Dr. Snark posted:Sir! The first column, fifth row has a mine in it, sir!  Consider it noted. I'm not about to have a second "Smiley Incident."InfinityComplex posted:Fourth row of Column Three and Five look might suspicious there. Gonna check 'em out. What do you mean you're "gonna check'em out?" Hold on, lemme get my helmet. Alright, go on ahead. Goddamnit! Sonuvabitch. drat horror queefs posted:Click tiles at random until we die uh sir Go on, then, show us how it's done. Oh for-- Yo, cut it out you-- Another two soldiers fall in the line of duty for the Canadian Military.GNU Order posted:Sir, I advise we check the "Help" tab Alright, I'll play along. Now what?
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Jun 20, 2014 04:36
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I just want to tell you [all] good luck
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Jun 20, 2014 04:44
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I leave you alone for a week and you start LPing Minesweeper? EDIT: Canadian Military Simulator 2015, for those of you who are interested is: 1) Spend billions we don't have on F-35s, 2) ignore ensuing shitstorm, 3) get voted out of office, 4) ram foot up Peter McKay's rear end for stress-relief purposes. nine-gear crow fucked around with this message at 04:53 on Jun 20, 2014 |
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Jun 20, 2014 04:46
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