Kyrie eleison posted:

I apologize in advance for this post.

I should just be honest, I am a homosexual. At least in part. I have known since I was young. And I suspect most men are, to some extent, even if they aren't fully aware of it, or don't want to admit it to themselves or to others. I think science such as Kinsey supports this. (This isn't meant to be a challenge to anyone, I just want to establish that I believe it to be a common temptation, despite the popular belief it is something only a small subset of men experience.)

I think homosexuality comes partly out of love, but partly out of sin. It is love that attracts us to someone's heart. It is love that breaks through the fear of betrayal. But my rational mind, which is in tune with truth, which is God, tells me that I should prefer a wife, and to try to have children. If I choose not to procreate, and universalize that principle, then I spell the separation of the sexes and the death of the species. If there is a cultural shift in which good people evade procreation, I believe the results will be nothing less than catastrophic. I can't endorse that. In short, I view it as an obligation to humanity itself, to the future, to harmony with the female sex, and to my family, to keep it going. It is a responsibility. My misgivings with women, born out of experience, will have to be worked through and laid aside in a spirit of humility, honesty, truth, and love, in the hopes of lasting union between the sexes. I know I can fall in love with women, I have done so many times before, I'm just afraid to try because I don't want to be hurt. My preference for men, who share so many of my interests, who are usually much kinder to my heart, must be kept at the boundary of sex. I must work hard and dutifully to achieve a sex life that does not make me feel unholy, and I should resist sex otherwise. I am grateful that my sin is not punishable by the state, or by the church, although I have to admit that would probably make it easier to avoid, but only out of fear, which corrupts the soul. It may be hard to face, but it is the truth, and I trust in God to get me through, and to never fear the truth, but to be humbled by it!

The words and actions of Christ tell us that the only moral alternative to marriage and (attempted) procreation is celibate devotion to God, which is actually held to be an even higher and more spiritual choice than marriage, because romance and sex are sacrificed. In practice, sexual activity is common amongst many supposedly celibate people, to the extent celibacy seems sometimes like a lie, an outer shield used to protect people from criticism rather than a true dedication. I cannot endorse a hypocritical and dishonest "celibacy" that is actually filled with sex, but I greatly respect the discipline of sincere spiritual abstinence, including from pornography and masturbation, in the same sense I respect fasting.

Of course, in these times, I interact with many openly homosexual people and find them to generally be very kind and fun. I am, in a sense, one of them. Some are members of my church community, and everyone gets along great there and supports one another. I support them against those who condemn them, I enjoy their company, and again, this is because of love. I think homosexual monogamy is less sinful than heterosexual promiscuity. So I believe it is a sin, a sin I myself commit, a sin I truly wish I did not, a sin I confess now and in the confessional, and a sin I pray to God to help me with. And I admire those who either commit to true celibacy, or achieve healthy marriages.

Sorry again for talking about myself so much, but homosexuality comes up a lot in relation to Christianity and it seemed appropriate and even necessary that I finally share my experience and thoughts on the issue. I hope my words do not inspire any sadness, that is not my intention. To address the point of your post a bit, I think Paul sometimes got angry with the church community's decadence and tried to keep it in line so it would leave a positive impression on the surrounding community. At times, he could be rough, it is true. My advice is to simply understand how he feels, know he is speaking from his heart, and realize that Paul himself, as I believe most men do, likely struggled with the issue.