quote:

I WAKE UP AND IMMEDIATELY BEGIN TO DO CRUNCHES, TODAY IS MY BELLY DAY. I WALK DOWNSTAIRS TO THE SUN DRENCHED FOYER IN WHICH I LIVE AND REACH INTO THE BOWL OF KEYS ON MY SIX AND A HALF INCH THICK LIVE EDGE MAPLE TABLE. THE KEY BELONGS TO A 1982 DODGE RAMPAGE. MY PULSE QUICKENS.

I PURCHASE A 1976 DATSUN OFF KIJIJI AND FILL THE BED WITH FLUID FILM. CANADIAN TIRE CONTACTS ME TO ASK ME IF I WANT TO BE THE NEW "CANADIAN TIRE GUY." I ASK THEM WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD CANADIAN TIRE GUY. THERE IS AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE AND A MAN FROM MARKETING INVOLUNTARILY SAYS A PRAYER

SCIENTISTS WORKING AT NASA CONTACT ME ABOUT MY TRUCK. THEY TELL ME THEY'VE DISCOVERED A NEW FORM OF CORROSION. IT TURNS OUT THAT OXYGEN CAN OXIDIZE AND MY DATSUN IS TURNING INTO A GASEOUS FORM. I THANK THEM FOR THE CALL AND HANG UP. I TELL MY WIFE TO PUT THE PITCHER OF SOARIN' STRAWBERRY-LEMONADE KOOL AID BACK IN THE FRIDGE. ON THE WAY TO THE GARAGE I GRASP MY LIQUID NITROGEN GUN AND PREPARE TO RENDER THE MOLECULES OF THE NOBLE DATSUN INERT.

THE YEAR IS 2027. I AM AT BARRETT JACKSON WITH MY 1976 DATSUN PICKUP TRUCK. THE AUDIENCE IS BASICALLY ENTIRELY CHILDREN THAT WERE BORN AFTER 9/11 AND HAVE NO MEMORY OF WHEN THE TOWERS CAME DOWN. I INVOLUNTARILY CRY EAGLE TEARS BEFORE RETURNING TO THE PODIUM TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT THE AUCTION OF MY TREASURED PICKUP TRUCK. IT TURNS OUT THAT AFTER THE COMPLETE DOMINATION OF CHINESE METALLURGY FLUID FILM IS NOW THE MOST VALUABLE SUBSTANCE ON EARTH AND THE TRUCK IS SOLD FOR 246 BILLION YUAN.

JARED LETO CALLS ME ABOUT MY TRUCK. I TELL HIM THAT IT ALREADY SOLD. HE MUMBLES A BIT INTO THE RECEIVER AND THEN ASKS ME IF I WANT TO COME OVER AND WATCH "THE BIG GAME." I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS SO I SAY OKAY. IT TURNS OUT IN 2027 THAT HOCKEY HAS BEEN REPLACED BY COMPETITIVE FLOOR GYMNASTICS AND CHINA AND RUSSIA ARE THE DOMINANT PLAYERS. I BLAME BUSH.

FINALLY IT IS THE STANLEY CUP OF FLOOR GYMNASTICS. I AM WATCHING THE ADS FOR THE SUPER-POMMEL-HORSE AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT IS BEING SOLD. I BEGIN TO BROWSE KIJIJI USING MY GOOGLE GLASS. SUDDENLY THE ENTIRE INTERNET IS INSIDE THE ROOM WITH ME AND I FEEL COLD. AFTER FIGHTING IT OFF I NAVIGATE TO USED TRUCKS, SET THE SEARCH TO FILTER BY MANUAL TRANSMISSION AND SORT BY PRICE. THE CHEAPEST LIGHT TRUCK WITH A MANUAL TRANSMISSION IS A VINTAGE 2015 FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND KILOMETER JIANGLING BAODIAN AND I SEND AN EMAIL RIGHT AWAY TO THE GUY SELLING IT. IT IS SO PRISTINE.

THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR THE BAODIAN MENTIONS MULTIPLE TIMES THAT THE TRUCK IS "ONLY FOR EXPORT" AND THAT IT IS NEVER TO BE REINTRODUCED TO CHINA OR REFUELLED AFTER MIDNIGHT. I TAKE THE TRUCK TO PANDA DELIGHT JUST OFF LAURIE AND CENTRE IN ORDER TO TEACH IT A LESSON ABOUT ITS PUTATIVE ANCESTRY. AFTERWARD I FILL THE TRUCK UP AT THE ONLY REMAINING GAS STATION IN NORTH AMERICA. I WONDER WHAT TIME IT IS IN CHINA RIGHT NOW.

UPON RETURNING TO MY ONE-BEDROOM FLAT IN THE "RECENT DIVORCEES" SECTION OF CRAIGSLIST, I LOWER A RICE-ALCOHOL BURNING HELLCAT V8 BETWEEN THE CAPACIOUS HIPS OF THE BAODIAN.

AS THE BELLHOUSING MATES TO THE BLOCK THE EPISODE ENDS, AND CREDITS ROLL AS A TOXIC AVENGER SONG BLATS OUT ITS TRANSCENDENTAL FRENCH HOUSE STYLE INTO THE TINY-WOOFERED SPEAKERS OF YOUR TWENTY SEVEN INCH THRIFT STORE PANASONIC GAOO

THERE ARE EIGHT WEEKENDS LEFT UNTIL SEPTEMBER, AND THE SEASON FINALE OF ALBERTA AI. THIS IS WHERE IT WILL END - IN THE PLACE WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.

NEXT TIME ON AB AI: TEN MINUTES OF DISCONNECTED SCENES OF CHARACTERS ENTERING OFFICES, SAYING ONE OR TWO WORDS OF A SENTENCE, AND THEN LOOKING SADLY OUT OF THEIR APARTMENT WINDOWS, LONGING FOR MEANING IN THEIR TACITURN LIVES

GrantC posted:

Once helped Seat Safety Switch swap a transmission when he optimistically drove from Calgary to Edmonton, on a Sunday to both buy & swap a transmission for his old beloved Outback Sport before driving back to Calgary that night.

Slung Blade posted:

Depends, what is your proximity to Caroline?

VelociBacon posted:

I'd make a BC AI thread but none of us can afford the rent on it.

Slung Blade posted:

Oh man am I ever lucky. I was out picking up firewood at bluegrass garden centre when the storm hit. I caught just the tail end of it with some heavy rain.

Once I got back to the Airdrie office, my buddy said it hailed so hard someone's windshield cracked in the parking lot


Glad my 25 year old truck didn't get swiss cheesed.

Slung Blade posted:

I was able to pick them up strong and clear all the way to Sibbald flats in kananaskis. I bet you could get them clear out to almost banff, though, they get re-broadcast out there don't they?

iv46vi posted:

You guys are starting to make me think that driving a cheap Miata year round in Edmonton might be a little harder than in Ontario.

The CBC posted:

Does anyone remember a party in the late 60s or early 70s where a human skull was shown or passed around?

The question comes after the Groeneveldt family turned in a skull found while cleaning out their mother's garage. The skull was inside a plastic ice cream pail that was tucked under some other items inside the garage.

Andrew Groeneveldt heard that his father Leo, who died years ago, allegedly obtained the skull from a police officer at a party who had found it when a basement was being excavated for a house.

"My father was a volunteer fireman when I was very young and apparently in those days the firemen and the police liked to have barbecues together and socialize and sometimes they got a little bit silly as some people may do," he said.

"Apparently my father won this skull in a card game."

Das Volk posted:

This thread's title is so much better after having read the wiki article on the man.

iv46vi posted:

kastein posted:

someone, somehow, starting a rumor in the retard bro truck community that only THE GAYS roll coal and keep their tow mirrors flipped out to indicate they'd like to meet in a public restroom, it's gone down quite a bit.

aehiilrs posted:

Just a reminder - it's time to get 2 new all seasons to put on the rear end end of your fwd car.

slidebite posted:

That is cool as hell.

I've got a new 2015 Tacoma coming in the next couple months (company truck) that has these 120V plugs next to the foglight. As a northerner, I find that cool in general but since I have a garage it'll be put inside any night colder than -15C because I'm a suck.

Slung Blade posted:

Fuckin'

jonathan posted:

Yup I've been bringing in a ton of lightbars from hongkong and they typically arrive in 7 days. It's cheaper and quicker to ship from China than California. gently caress you Monoprice and everyone between them and me.

slidebite posted:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/saskatchewan-winter-too-much-for-one-cbc-radio-listener-1.2840916

Not Alberta, but

1 minute on it gets good.

Slung Blade posted:

I didn't even know there was an autocross at Ghost lake, I'm willing to help act as pit crew if anyone needs the extra set of hands. Or as a large amount of passenger seat ballast.

iv46vi posted:

Wait is Regal an actual action house? It just seems like a regular used car lot with a gimmick.

iv46vi posted:

Also, this city has the worst snow removal practices I've ever seen in a Canada, it basically consists of waiting for the snow to melt. If they removed the snow before it compacted into ice the commute would be so much less of a horror show.

1500quidporsche posted:

I was laughing my rear end off driving home down barlow onto 17th SE and me and about five other cars were held up at a light as a civic struggled to get up a 10 degree hill and nearly slipped back into the car behind it. Never change Forest Lawn...

weapons grade retard posted:

Vehical runs but should not be driven. Lowered suspension has caused gradual frame damage over the years. Rear cradle bent forward into control arm and has cracked transmission.

Powershift posted:

These gas prices are wonderful i filled up for $39 in edmonton this morning, and will get 600km out of the tank.

It's a shame the exchange rate is offsetting the fuel price drop at the grocery store. I only took a hand basket, how the gently caress is that $150 worth of poo poo?

quote:

1986 Volvo 240DL. Today only! Cash. Good, solid car. Needs a bit of TLC. But needs to be towed off condo lot for plowing. Today! Minor body damage. Very little rust. Runs well, except it needs a battery. Interior like new. Great car for a young guy. Located in Red Deer Leave message at 403-318-4548. Must go today.

MrChips posted:

Iltises are fine as long as there aren't any American F-16s around being flown by tweaked up pilots.

(actually no they're not...a Volkswagen design hammered together by French Canadians? Yeesh)