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advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC


Welcome to the Ligue 1 thread for the 2014/2015 season! As you may know already, the Ligue 1 counts with a bunch of known teams and a lot of wastemen, garbagemen and poo poo players that give their best throughout the season. Join the thread as we enjoy:

    • Expensive PSG players crushing the hopes of lovely teams like Bastia!
    • The ridiculous decline of Lyon!
    • Monaco losing their best players and their owner bleeding money!
    • Marseille fighting back for glory!
    • And a lot more! (Not a lot more)

I know, you're just a PSG plastic (Monaco plastics never really existed except for that one guy), and honestly, that's fine. This thread gets so little traction that it looks like a loving echo chamber for the 2 or 3 posters who may or may not make a snarky remark about something lovely going on at some point. The truth is, YOU could be the next big Ligue 1 poster! Imagine all the POTM awards you could get with really boring jokes! Phwoar!

But anyway, from last year's thread, because I'm not writing this poo poo all over again:

quote:

the reasons you're probably reading this are because:

    • You're a PSG plastic.
    • You're a Monaco plastic.
    • You really dislike Spanish football and there's nothing else to watch at night.
    • You're a proud Frenchman who isn't aware the League is poo poo.

You still interested? Well, the Ligue 1 is composed of 20 teams, of which the last 3 face relegation, being replaced by the top 3 teams from the Ligue 2 (a horrible league you don't even want to think about). The top 2 teams qualify to the Champions League group phase and the third top team gets to the qualification round. The 4th placed team qualifies for the Europa League just like the winners of the Coupe de France and Coupe de la Ligue. Not that it matters though, French teams are awful in Europe.

Teams qualified for the Champions League
    • PSG (group stage)
    • Monaco (group stage)
    • Lille (playoff)

Teams qualified for the Europa League
    • Guingamp (group stage)
    • Saint-Étienne (playoffs)
    • Lyon (third qualifying round)

Last year's table ended up like this:


Zlatan was yet again the top scorer of the league with 26 goals, followed by Gignac, Aboubakar, Ben Yedder, Cavani and Kalou with 16, Lacazette with 15, Gomis and Cabella with 14, and Erding and Diabate with 12. Riviere was Monaco's top man with 10 goals, because Falcao was dead for most of the season (and only scored 9).

Here is the list of teams participating in the Ligue 1:


Bastia
    Founded 1905.
    Manager: Claude Makelele
    2013-14:: 10th.
    Things to know about the club: They had a short period of being decent, reaching the finals of the UEFA Cup in 1978, only to lose against PSV. They were also third in the league in 1977 and reached the finals of the Coupe de la Ligue in 1995.


Bordeaux
    Founded 1881.
    Manager: Willy Sagnol
    2013-14:: 7th.
    Things to know about the club: A rather big and successful team with lots of titles. They've also reached the semifinals of the Champions League* in 1985. Not a terrible team, but haven't performed as expected lately.


SM Caen
    Founded 1913
    Manager: Patrice Garande.
    2013-14: Promoted from the Ligue 2.
    Things to know about the club: Not a great team. Their trophy display is probably sad, with some Ligue 2 trophies on display just to avoid having it completely empty.


Evian
    Founded 2007
    Manager: Pascal Dupraz
    2013-14: 14th.
    Things to know about the club: Danone is the owner of this team, so yoghurts, etc. Also look at their foundation date.


Guingamp
    Founded: 1912.
    Manager: Jocelyn Gourvennec.
    2013-14: 16th.
    Things to know about the club: Things are looking up for Guingamp. Last season they managed to win their second Coupe de France!


RC Lens
    Founded: 1906
    Manager: Antoine Kombouaré
    2013-14: Promoted
    Things to know about the club: We still don't know if they'll be promoted from the Ligue 2 because of their financial situation.



Lille
    Founded: 1944.
    Manager: René Girard.
    2013-14: 3th.
    Things to know about the club: They had an impressive season, reaching the third place and booking a place on the Champions League.


Lorient
    Founded: 1926.
    Manager: Sylvain Ripoll.
    2013-14: 8th.
    Things to know about the club: They won the Coupe de France in 2002, but besides that, they're yet another mediocre team.


Lyon
    Founded: 1950.
    Manager: Rémi Garde.
    2013-14: 5th.
    Things to know about the club: A powerhouse just a couple of seasons ago, they have only reached the semifinals of the Champions League in 2010. Their decline is now apparent and they have been bleeding players like a mid-table team.


Marseille
    Founded: 1899.
    Manager: Marcelo Bielsa.
    2013-14: 6th.
    Things to know about the club: The only French team to ever win the Champions League (1993), Marseille is always a contender, but they don't have the money PSG or Monaco have. They are the biggest French club by far. Last season was particularly poor and they won't be playing in Europe, but with Bielsa, I expect great things for this club.


FC Metz
    Founded: 1919
    Manager: Albert Cartier.
    2013-14: Promoted from L2.
    Things to know about the club: They're back in the L1, and even though they have never been a successful team, they did lose to West Ham in the 1999 Intertoto final(s).


Monaco
    Founded: 1924.
    Manager: Leonardo Jardim.
    2013-14: 2nd.
    Things to know about the club: A big club that faced some awful seasons before being bought out by a Russian millionaire, they allegedly have enough money to buy titles. They are technically not a French club, which has brought some lol worthy problems regarding taxes and such. They've won the L1 seven times, and even though they had a great season last year after being promoted, the staff changes and players they've sold may cause them trouble.


Montpellier
    Founded: 1974.
    Manager: Rolland Courbis
    2013-14: 15th.
    Things to know about the club: They had a really good season in 2011-2012, winning the L1 for the first time (and leaving big spenders PSG in second place) but after that they've looked worse and worse. They played at the Cup Winners' Cup in 1991 and lost to Manchester United.


Nantes
    Founded: 1943.
    Manager: Michel Der Zakarian.
    2013-14: 13th.
    Things to know about the club: They have a good record, being the third most successful club in the Ligue 1 and reaching the Champions League semifinals in 1996, but they also became poo poo and got relegated. They managed to stay on top for a year and did ok anyway.


Nice
    Founded: 1904.
    Manager: Claude Puel.
    2013-14: 17th.
    Things to know about the club: A team with some rather rich history with highs and lows. They are just not stable and you can never know what to expect from them though.


Paris Saint-Germain
    Founded: 1970.
    Manager: Laurent Blanc
    2013-14: 1st.
    Things to know about the club: You already know everything there is to know about this team.


Reims
    Founded: 1911.
    Manager: Jean-Luc Baiseur.
    2013-14: 11th.
    Things to know about the club: Winners of the Latin Cup against Milan in 1953, they were a top team during the 50s, but then they went to hell, playing for some seasons in the National (the third division of French football). They returned to the Ligue 1 in 2012 and they're still here.


Rennes
    Founded: 1901.
    Manager: Philippe Montanier.
    2013-14: 12th.
    Things to know about the club: A club with a long history that has never really managed to impress. Although they have never won the L1, they have been one of the most regular sides in the top flight. They won the Coupe de France a couple of times.


Saint-Étienne
    Founded: 1919.
    Manager: Christophe Galtier.
    2013-14: 4th.
    Things to know about the club: One of the most important and successful clubs, they've won the L1 10 times, but they've been on a rather dry spell since 1982. They were relegated in 1984 and had some awful seasons ever since. Good performers. They'll get some football in Europe this season.


Toulouse
    Founded: 1970.
    Manager: Alain Casanova.
    2013-14: 9th.
    Things to know about the club: Not a great team, but they did manage to qualify for the Europa League a couple of times and even lost to Liverpool in the third qualifying round of the 2007-2008 Champions League. Their most important title was the 1957 Coupe de France.

And from more recycled stuff:

quote:

Links and poo poo you may want to check to keep up with this crappy interesting league:
The official Ligue 1 official YouTube channel. It's pretty good.

The official Ligue 1 site. It's in English!

L'Équipe. If you can understand French, this is the place to check for most news and press conference videos and poo poo.

Wiziwig and Rojadirecta are your friends if you want to actually watch these awful matches. Or check your local TV guide or whatever.

Who will win the Slavic Striker Showdown between Zlatan and Dimitar? (We all know tbh.) There is only one way to know! And while many good players like Valbuena and Riviere are leaving, many new, exciting signings from some remote African country will come and make Newcastle fans go wild! Go ahead, free your posting minds and follow this rather mediocre league that is still way better than your lovely MLS stuff. Follow football. Enjoy it. Live it. It's the Ligue 1.

advanced statsman fucked around with this message at 21:02 on Aug 3, 2014

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advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC


VS




PHWOAR

Chris de Sperg
Aug 14, 2009


Zlatan is not Slav. Bosniak is Turk. Go Berbatov.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
Bulgarians are barely slavs so it all evens out in the end

Alternatively, replace them with:


vs


(and }

*sadtrombone.wav*

advanced statsman fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Jul 25, 2014

Chris de Sperg
Aug 14, 2009


So is there no chance at all that hilarious dwarf Valbuena stays in Ligue 1 this season

Also, what happened to Yoann Gourcuff

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012


UEFA SUPREMACY
Reminder that Gignac is a gypsy and literally sells his gypsy wares at some market in Marseilles.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC

Chris de Sperg posted:

So is there no chance at all that hilarious dwarf Valbuena stays in Ligue 1 this season

Also, what happened to Yoann Gourcuff

I'll miss Valbuena, he's great. Gourcuff is bad and keeps getting injured, but he'll probably play against Sevilla. They'll probably try to offload him, I think, but I guess it depends on what happens to Grenier.

Earthy Ape Unit
Jun 17, 2014

by XyloJW
Mmmm, I love some big powerful slavic strikers. So long as they don't have aids. And if they are alpha, hell that's all the better, because they probably lift. Tom, chuggo, let's talk about all this stuff together.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
Slavic strikers can't get aids.

Earthy Ape Unit
Jun 17, 2014

by XyloJW

advanced statsman posted:

Slavic strikers can't get aids.

shhh that was a honeypot

Giovanni_Sinclair
Apr 25, 2009

It was on this day that his greatest enemy defeated, the true lord of darkness arose. His name? MARIO.
So is it ok the only reason I follow Lyon is because there's a suburb of Chicago called Lyons that pronounced "Lions", I know they used to be really good but now as mention in the OP is in a downturn.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC

Giovanni_Sinclair posted:

So is it ok the only reason I follow Lyon is because there's a suburb of Chicago called Lyons that pronounced "Lions", I know they used to be really good but now as mention in the OP is in a downturn.

Sure op, post away. Remember, Gourcuff is bad, Grenier is good and Aulas is a moron.

Giovanni_Sinclair
Apr 25, 2009

It was on this day that his greatest enemy defeated, the true lord of darkness arose. His name? MARIO.

advanced statsman posted:

Sure op, post away. Remember, Gourcuff is bad, Grenier is good and Aulas is a moron.

Roger, will do

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

grenier wont be at the club long me thinks, after that who's left...lacazette and gonalons? they aren't very good

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC

straight up brolic posted:

grenier wont be at the club long me thinks, after that who's left...lacazette and gonalons? they aren't very good

Grenier has been mentioned as a possible transfer since last season, and considering the policy Lyon have, they'll just go ahead and sell him, which is sad because he's a great player. Lacazette doesn't play in the same position though, and there's talks about selling him as well. I do rate him and think he can handle the pressure and score goals, but Lyon are looking more and more poo poo atm. On the other hand, Lopes, the keeper, is still pretty young and he looks incredibly promising imo.

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013




I'm legit mad that Valbuena is leaving l'OM, because having him in a Bielsa-managed side would be glorious to watch.

(Also to digress, I'm exceedingly happy that my two favorite crazy attacking managers, Bielsa and Zdenek Zeman, are back to being employed.)

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC

Troy Queef posted:

I'm legit mad that Valbuena is leaving l'OM, because having him in a Bielsa-managed side would be glorious to watch.

Same, it sucks. I was honestly pumped about it.

Badger of Basra
Jul 26, 2007

posting itt as an official OM plastic

are there any other teams that might be bought by foreign billionaires?

CHIVERS
Apr 28, 2004

c'est quand meme la honte
Lens are actually being allowed to move up to L1, so there's your other foreign billionaire.

Your Boy Fancy
Feb 7, 2003

by Cyrano4747
It's me. I'm the Monaco plastic. I think they signed Freddy Adu once and it made me laugh.

Sneaks McDevious
Jul 29, 2010

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
Sad about all the Lens crap. I long for the good old days, duking it out with Lyon for the title. Those were good poo poo times, op

KDdidit
Mar 2, 2007



Grimey Drawer

Giovanni_Sinclair posted:

So is it ok the only reason I follow Lyon is because there's a suburb of Chicago called Lyons that pronounced "Lions", I know they used to be really good but now as mention in the OP is in a downturn.

As an Alumnus of Lyons Township high school I support this.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
French teams in Europe have had a mixed preseason. Lille lost to Zenith St. Petersburg, KV Courtai (from Belgium apparently?) and FC Vysočina Jihlava from the Czech Republic, and only beating Maccabi Haifa. However, they beat Grasshoppers 2-0 in Switzerland on the third qualifying round for the Champions League. The second leg will be played in Lille so obviously they have the advantage.

Lyon, on the other hand, had a slightly better run during their friendlies, losing only to Debrecen (from Hungary), tying against Sevilla and beating Frem (from Denmark) and Shakhtar Donetsk. Today they'll face Mladá Boleslav from the Czech Republic, and in theory they should win. But yeah you never know.

PSG have beaten a bunch of nobodies (including Nice) and their next friendly is against Napoli in August.

Monaco played against some Colombians and some Australians I think, and of course they're not gonna lose against them. They also beat Parma and now they'll play against Valencia and Arsenal (friendlies friendlies).

Guingamp (haha no one cares) lost against a couple of Ligue 2 teams and won a couple of other games against Reims and some other team that plays in the National. They're going to get hosed in the Europa League.

Saint-Étienne have had an interesting preseason with rather mediocre results, losing to Gent, tying against Porto and Standard Liège, and beating Metz and Willem II. Their next friendly will be against Lens.

That's it for the teams in Europe. Marseille have had a good preseason by the way, beating Leverkusen, Benfica and Willem II.

Method Mango
Sep 26, 2005

I didn't see it mentioned, but as of a couple days ago Lens has officially found enough money between the couch cushions to be allowed into Ligue 1.

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012


UEFA SUPREMACY
So, uh, can anyone tell me how to get tickets to a Ligue 1 match? I'm looking at Monaco v. Nice on 9/27 and have done some light googling, and I have no loving clue how to go about buying tickets.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC

blue footed boobie posted:

So, uh, can anyone tell me how to get tickets to a Ligue 1 match? I'm looking at Monaco v. Nice on 9/27 and have done some light googling, and I have no loving clue how to go about buying tickets.

You can try http://www.viagogo.fr/Billets-de-sport/Football/Ligue-1/AS-Monaco-FC-Billets/E-665620 or http://www.sportsevents365.fr/event/?q=eq,203959 or you can wait and get them here on the Monaco website http://www.asm-fc.com/fr/billetterie/sommaire-7-330.html

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012


UEFA SUPREMACY

Awesome, thanks.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC


Today's the Trophée des Champions, pitting PSG against Guingamp! For the second time in history, the game will be held outside of la francophonie. The venue will be the Workers Stadium in Beijing, China, the first Asian country to host the Trophée des Champions.
There will be absolutely no surprises. PSG will win this again and the status quo will not be broken. There are no lineups published yet, but I would expect both teams to actually take the game seriously. So yeah, go ahead and watch it. Watch it!

14:00 Central European Time.

advanced statsman fucked around with this message at 10:26 on Aug 2, 2014

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
haha, the stadium is huge and it looks drat empty

well i guess it doesn't now??? wtv

advanced statsman fucked around with this message at 12:57 on Aug 2, 2014

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
Yatabaré just missed a penalty and chances of Guingamp coming back from the 2-0 are going to hell. Yawn.

Method Mango
Sep 26, 2005

I didn't watch this, and just like last year, whenever someone from PSG talks about the 3 trophies they won in the year, I'm going to have trouble remembering what the third one is.

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
It was a fun game anyway, but Guingamp are poo poo

Blue Star Error
Jun 11, 2001

For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)
I like Nantes op they are the French Norwich. I've never actually watched any of their games or paid any attention to their results and probably never will but I like the idea of them doing well.

Nostradingus
Jul 13, 2009

Throwing my plasticness in the pot for Bordeaux because I love me some Willy Sagnol.

Kurtofan
Feb 16, 2011

hon hon hon
Here's hoping Bastia manages to stay up.

Geno
Apr 26, 2004
STUPID
DICK
Ibra flops then misses penalty

advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC

Geno posted:

Ibra flops then misses penalty

flops?

Charlotte Hornets
Dec 30, 2011

by Fritz the Horse
Ibra is a beast.

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

loving lol ibra is a garbageman

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advanced statsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC
This is Marseille's season imo.

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