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greazeball
Feb 4, 2003



I was taking a late night train home in Chicago one night and a dude came through trying to get someone to buy a token off of him. I took CTA plenty and I had the change so I bought it. When I got off the train and walked down the stairs from the platform to the street I saw and heard another dude PLEADING for change from three other people who were walking away from him. He spotted me and came up telling me he just needed 50 cents for the L, did I have 50 cents, could I give him 50 cents, please he needs to get home, etc. I told him sorry, I don't have any change... but I do have this ***shiny CTA token*** and his eyes lit up and he said, "DO YOU KNOW JESUS?!?!" and I said yes I do, god bless you or something and he was real happy and I think I made that dude's bad night a little bit better and it was nice :unsmith:

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Damn Bananas
Jul 1, 2007

You humans bore me
On Monday I got onto a bus with my jury duty summons in hand, and a crazy man with meth-mouth who smelt of urine pointed at my papers and said, "YOU CAN'T READ THAT!" I uncomfortably said "Yeah, their directions are complicated!" (???) and physically turned my body to appear I was looking intently at every street sign that we passed by so I could appear I was trying to figure out where I needed to get off the bus. He kept saying (nonsensical) things quietly but I pretended not to hear them. Eventually I heard him tell himself to shut the gently caress up. :(

5 years ago I usually would have entertained a polite conversation, but after working downtown for about a year and a half I learned that unsolicited conversations always end asking for money or sex. Hobo or businessman, man or woman. Now I'm just always rude and ignore everyone. Telling himself to shut the gently caress up made me sad, though. To be both crazy and self-aware about it and the uncomfortableness of others around it must be such a crappy existence.

Rude Dude With Tude
Apr 19, 2007

Your President approves this text.
On the N63 bus home from a late shift one evening and there are some drunk guys giving the bus driver grief, eventually they get off the bus and walk off ahead of it. The bus driver drives on, opens the door to his little driving compartment, opens the door to the bus, and as he passes them flips the bird and yells I hosed YOUR MUM.
Comedy gold.

Once watched a guy take a piss out of the door between carriages on the Underground, which is A Bad Idea because there's 4 rail power there so the middle one has -210V through it. I thought about stopping him but he was mid flow and just thought "nah, Darwin" and let him get on with it.


(middle on is -210V the one on the right is +430V)

Also these parties on the underground http://spacehijackers.org/html/projects/circle5/circlelineparty5.html / http://spacehijackers.org/html/projects/circle3/report.html

xutech
Mar 4, 2011

EIIST

I was at the McDonalds at Central station eating some lunch while my girlfriend was in surgery up the road. As I got up to leave the packed station, this old guy grabs my arm and starts explaining that he wants to tell me something. I don't want to know about jesus etc. so I try to leave. He's really insistent so I think, gently caress it and listen.

He proceeds to sit me down and tell me the entire story of how he was a boy in an Estonian village when the Nazis came around looking for recruits.

The nice officer told the local boys that if they signed up they'd get to do really awesome stuff and help with the war effort.

Needless to say, his uncle told him that anyone going to the town square the next day would disappear, whether or not they wanted to sign up, so no-one went.

The officer was so pissed off they gathered up all the boys, this guy included, and shipped them off to Germany as industrial slaves, making poo poo in factories.

He was there for years until the Russians came in, who immediately considered him a collaborator and wanted to ship him away for execution.

He had to run away and was VERY luckily saved by the Canadians, who sent him off to live in wooded forestry camp for de-nazifying people.

He worked there for something crazy like twelve years until he was released, at which point he seemed to have done pretty well for himself.

He explained that we didn't appreciate sunny weather and he would travel over to Australia once a year to enjoy the warmth.

I don't know why he picked me to listen to his story.

FreelanceSocialist
Nov 19, 2002
I was stuck on a bus in Ft Lauderdale because some idiot decided to pull a suicide-by-cop at a gas station on the route and we couldn't turn around. Whole thing happened about half a block from the bus. He fired a shot and got like forty rounds in response. Pretty crazy.

Secks Cauldron posted:

If you take the trains in Chicago you might run into this fine gentlemen:
There's another video of him dancing on a train platform but I can't find it. I saw him a lot last year and I'm surprised there aren't more videos of him.

Guys got some skills in those heels, though.

jabro
Mar 25, 2003

July Mock Draft 2014

1st PLACE
RUNNER-UP
got the knowshon


FreelanceSocialist posted:



Guys got some skills in those heels, though.

That's the first thing I noticed.

tentish klown
Apr 3, 2011

Even though the Circle line is no longer a circle, are there plans for any more of these? Sounds fun!

A CRAB IRL
May 6, 2009

If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea

As an idiot teenager/student I used to have red hair and a crazy woman would scream I was a satanist at me nearly every day.

One day I just flicked the metal horns at her cos' I got sick of her ranting at me and she went absolutely batshit crazy screaming SAAAAAAAAAAATTTAAAAAAAAAAAAN and wouldn't get off the bus

(Sounds like stdh.txt I know)

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007
:unsmith: i like nice words
I can't believe nobody's mentioned boner rubbing, jerking off, and all that other poo poo.

Or Showtime.

Then there's that homeless guy around the 59th & Lex station who must have heard about that other homeless guy being discovered for his announcer voice, because this guy keeps announcing things as loudly and fake-voiced-ly as possible. It's super sad at first, but then you realize his announcements are usually about how women are terrible and lesbians are the worst and should be killed. That one's ending with somebody under a train.

Alpacalips Now
Oct 4, 2013
For all the traveling I've done, I don't have many. Once I was taking a train in northeastern China, and as I was talking to someone, he bent his head and hocked a loogie onto the floor between his feet like it was nothing. On the same ride, a husband and wife had a pitched argument, and the elderly conductor had to stand between them and berate them like they were kids until they sat down and shut up.

When I took a bus through Peru, they played extremely loud Andean music videos until late at night, and in the morning they showed Pet Semetary 1 and 2 twice. The bus itself was freezing cold at night and sweltering during the day, and the toilet was a hole that I could see the road through. But I enjoyed it. The people I sat next to were friendly enough to share one of their blankets with me. And though there was no food or drink service, the driver always stopped to let vendors on, so I could buy fresh bread and juice every hour or so.

I live in Taiwan now, and sometimes I get this bus driver who opens the door and cusses out people at stop lights who try to cut him off, block him, or drive too close. He's not a big guy, but he uses this really firm, restrained voice that's intimidating as hell. I'd hate to get on his bad side.

Red_October_7000
Jun 22, 2009
Some years ago a buddy of mine and his mother went into Boston to visit a museum. We took public transit in, which was complicated at the time as the El was undergoing maintenance and wasn't working, so buses were filling in for the El. On one of said buses was a fat Brazilian strap-hanger in a sleeveless shirt to whom antiperspirant was an alien concept, but that's fairly run-of-the-mill for public transit so, eh.

It got interesting when it was time to go home. We collected at a bus stop and proceeded to watch bus after bus pass by and not stop. This went on for something like 2 hours. Funny excerpt was someone sitting at a nearby red light, right directional on, no cross traffic, yet he staid still and collected several cars behind him, who beeped mercilessly. One of our numbers shouted out "Right turn on red! Since 1973, to save on gas!" A Chevy Suburban in transit authority livery passes us by. My buddy comments, wouldn't it be a hoot if he turns up and says the stop is closed. A few minutes later, said Suburban returns, parks, and out steps a "T" (Boston transit authority) man; the spitting image of Danny DeVito circa Taxi. He fossicks about behind the stop for a few moments and turns up a stand-up sign clearly indicating the stop is not in service. This he places in front of the stop, telling us that someone hid it, possibly thinking that it was no longer needed and that he was doing us a favor. Danny DeVito tells us to proceed to a stop around the corner where a bus with nicer-than-average fittings collects us and takes us on our way for no charge; he said that was the best he could arrange for us.

MikeyLikesIt
Sep 25, 2012
One day, on a trip home on Boston's Green Line B Train around 9:00pm on a weekday, I noticed a girl who was very drunk leaning up against one of the poles. She was staring outside the door window and started rubbing the glass. Normal behavior, whatever, she's drunk I thought to myself.

Suddenly, she projectile vomits all over the door. It was me and 3 other people on that side of the car and we all just looked at each other in disgust... little did we know poo poo was about to get even more gross.

She starts RUBBING and playing with her vomit on the door. She smeared it all over the door, her hands full of her own vomit and continued to rub in it until she got off at the next stop. She responded to me asking "Are you OK??" with slurred "I... I got this".

One of many experiences taking public transit.

DizzyBum
Apr 16, 2007


My worst experience with public transit happened in the NYC subway, I'm pretty sure it was the A/C/E train. I got into a car that only had one person in it, and that was when I learned why you should never, ever do that. The stench was unbearable, and it was such a large train car, too... I got nauseous and had to get off and wait for the next train.

To balance that out with something more heartwarming... I used to live in NJ and work in NYC, and I'd take a train to Hoboken. One day I rode the train home in the middle of a snowstorm about a week before Christmas and just stared out the window watching the scenery. It was really peaceful and I get nostalgic for that commute just thinking of moments like that.

Rude Dude With Tude
Apr 19, 2007

Your President approves this text.

tentish klown posted:

Even though the Circle line is no longer a circle, are there plans for any more of these? Sounds fun!

They're impossible to do now because the circle line doesn't go in a circle, and the new trains are one big tube so you can't hide and make lots of noise in the rearmost car any more. Bloody TfL investing in their railway :argh:

Maguro
Apr 24, 2006

Why is the sun always bullying me?

This one guy walked on to the bus, and before he paid yelled out "IT'S THE REMIX BABY!"

PT6A
Jan 5, 2006

Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane

DizzyBum posted:

My worst experience with public transit happened in the NYC subway, I'm pretty sure it was the A/C/E train. I got into a car that only had one person in it, and that was when I learned why you should never, ever do that. The stench was unbearable, and it was such a large train car, too... I got nauseous and had to get off and wait for the next train.

To balance that out with something more heartwarming... I used to live in NJ and work in NYC, and I'd take a train to Hoboken. One day I rode the train home in the middle of a snowstorm about a week before Christmas and just stared out the window watching the scenery. It was really peaceful and I get nostalgic for that commute just thinking of moments like that.

Did the guy poo poo himself or what? You can't leave us hanging without describing the stench in greater detail.

SpudCat
Mar 12, 2012

It's not a gross-out or crazy people story, but I remember this one bus driver who was really awesome and made my commute from school more bearable.

I got on the last bus of the evening, and it was always this older black gentleman driving. He was super kind, always made sure to ask how my day was, how school was going and my wasn't it cold this evening? None of it came off as creepy either, he just seemed like a nice guy. I'd be polite and ask him how his day was going, and sometimes he'd seem genuinely happy when he answered and other times he'd seem sad, but he always kept a smile on. When I'd get off at my stop he'd always be sure to tell me to have a good evening and be careful now! (since it was pretty late at this point)

It's okay, sir. My apartment complex is only a couple hundred yards away. But thanks. :unsmith:

kinmik
Jul 17, 2011

Dog, what are you doing? Get away from there.
You don't even have thumbs.

xutech posted:

I was at the McDonalds at Central station eating some lunch while my girlfriend was in surgery up the road. As I got up to leave the packed station, this old guy grabs my arm and starts explaining that he wants to tell me something. I don't want to know about jesus etc. so I try to leave. He's really insistent so I think, gently caress it and listen.

He proceeds to sit me down and tell me the entire story of how he was a boy in an Estonian village when the Nazis came around looking for recruits.

The nice officer told the local boys that if they signed up they'd get to do really awesome stuff and help with the war effort.

Needless to say, his uncle told him that anyone going to the town square the next day would disappear, whether or not they wanted to sign up, so no-one went.

The officer was so pissed off they gathered up all the boys, this guy included, and shipped them off to Germany as industrial slaves, making poo poo in factories.

He was there for years until the Russians came in, who immediately considered him a collaborator and wanted to ship him away for execution.

He had to run away and was VERY luckily saved by the Canadians, who sent him off to live in wooded forestry camp for de-nazifying people.

He worked there for something crazy like twelve years until he was released, at which point he seemed to have done pretty well for himself.

He explained that we didn't appreciate sunny weather and he would travel over to Australia once a year to enjoy the warmth.

I don't know why he picked me to listen to his story.
This story is :unsmith: given form. Sometimes an elderly person just needs to unload their life story and have someone listen, maybe because they don't have anyone close to them, or those that are just don't give them the time of day. I always try to lend an attentive and understanding ear (if they seem sane enough). Thanks for sticking around for the old dude.

When I was a freshman in college I took a two hour bus ride daily. Once as I was sitting in the aisle seat on a particularly crowded stretch, a skeevy gently caress started grinding his crotch into my shoulder. This wasn't 'oops there's not enough room I can't help what body parts of mine touch yours', it was retarded levels of full on sexual harassment. I was young and scared dumb so I didn't say or do anything. I still reflect on that incident to this day and have vowed that if anything similar happens again, I'll be more proactive about landing their rear end in probation.

There was also a guy who missed the bus by about five seconds and started running alongside it, smacking the side of the bus and shouting the whole way. He tripped on a curb and faceplanted onto the asphalt right outside my window. He was let on, but I'll never forget the sight of his face dripping in blood as he hobbled down the aisle.

Molybdenum
Jun 25, 2007
Melting Point ~2622C
When I was 9 my older sister and I took the DC metro from the shady grove stop down to the national mall (grand central?). We got separated, I looked for her for awhile and then visited some monuments and free museums on my own (2-4 hours?) and couldn't find her so I took the train home.

I think in my head I justified it as "maybe my sister thinks I'm in the air and space museum" when really I just wanted to look at the lunar lander.

I was pretty proud of myself for getting home without any help. My sister had gotten home before me and I saw her as I was walking back to my dad's apartment, she was crying with relief and I didn't understand what the big deal was.

My dad had called the national mall cops or whatever to put out a missing child alert. I don't think I got in trouble. I might talk to my sister and ask how she remembers it.

Motley
Nov 1, 2013
I remember visiting New York and taking the subway quite often while I was there. One time some performers decided to dance and jump around and stuff in the middle of the subway car, stuff that tourists usually eat up I guess. It was mainly just annoying because they weren't very good at all. Most of the dancers were more just kinda twirling and flopping around one at a time, not doing anything in sync with each other. Granted, there isn't much space on a subway car, so it was slightly impressive, but turned out to be more of a nuisance. Not a very exciting story I know, but I felt inclined to tell it.

paperchaseguy
Feb 21, 2002

THEY'RE GONNA SAY NO
There are a fair amount of crazies/homeless in San Francisco, so it's pretty easy to have a memorable encounter. Once I was riding a bus, a mostly normal looking guy sitting quietly suddenly burst out singing the Banana-Fo-Fana song at the top of his lungs (well it wasn't exactly that song but it was similar). A lot of people got off at the next stop.

paperchaseguy fucked around with this message at 17:42 on Aug 22, 2014

PT6A
Jan 5, 2006

Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane
Are crazy people on public transit a particularly North American phenomena? I can't say I've run into the same level of bizarre bullshit travelling in, say, Europe, even really late at night.

Aggressive pricing
Feb 25, 2008

PT6A posted:

Are crazy people on public transit a particularly North American phenomena? I can't say I've run into the same level of bizarre bullshit travelling in, say, Europe, even really late at night.

I have a couple friends(girls) who went on a European vacation together. While in France they took a cab ride that was ridiculously expensive, some sort of baggage charge and a bunch of other stuff. At the end of the trip, the cabbie offered to drop the price if they let him masterbate in front of them, only one of them spoke French, and she refused, so then the driver asked if she'd leave her friend, who not understanding a word, was just sitting there smiling.

They also told me stories about girls on trains and subways being gropped constantly and sometimes getting off busy cars and finding cum from guys jacking off on them, so don't count Europe out of the bizarre bullshit competition.

obliviums
Oct 2, 2013

The only exercise I get is poopin'

Do you fat-shaming try-hards really know how good ice cream is?
.

Red_October_7000
Jun 22, 2009

PT6A posted:

Are crazy people on public transit a particularly North American phenomena? I can't say I've run into the same level of bizarre bullshit travelling in, say, Europe, even really late at night.


I've spent a time thinking about this and can't come up with a good answer. At first I thought it had to do with the US's more car-friendly layout and culture leading to a greater percentage of our mass transit customers being screwballs who can't hold it together well enough to maintain ownership and operating privileges of a motor vehicle, but shouldn't such people always end up on public transit? Maybe our sub-par mental hygiene gives rise to it? Perhaps we're in some sort of sweet spot between places where a crazy person on the metro is so normal it's tuned out along with truck exhaust and pot holes; and places where a superior mental healthcare scheme makes it rare enough that quite a lot of people haven't experienced it? Of course it could be a bias based on thread participants or forums demographics or some other thing entirely. I doubt you'll find many research papers written about encounters with the mentally ill on public transit, though, one would make for an interesting read, I suppose.

duckmaster
Sep 13, 2004
Mr and Mrs Duck go and stay in a nice hotel.

One night they call room service for some condoms as things are heating up.

The guy arrives and says "do you want me to put it on your bill"

Mr Duck says "what kind of pervert do you think I am?!

QUACK QUACK
I got on a bus once and sat down next to this guy who spent literally the entire journey glancing at me and frowning.

loving typical, eh? There's only one other person on the bus and they turn out to be a weirdo.

Eien Ni Hen
Jul 23, 2013
I ride the buses in Austin, TX almost every day, and my worst/most memorable story is Puke Bus.

I go to the gym regularly, and the bus ride takes about 45 minutes. One day I board the bus only to be hit with the distinct, overpowering smell of vomit. There was a HUGE puddle of puke right at the front of the bus, near the handicapped seats, and the bus driver hadn't had time to clean it up. He tried to cover it with paper towels or something, but it did nothing for the smell.

I didn't want to wait 20 minutes in the heat for the next bus, so I boarded Puke Bus. The next 45 minutes were spent trying to hold my breath, with my shirt pulled up over my nose. Worst bus ride ever.

I've also encountered my fair share of mentally ill people and drunk people, but nothing will ever beat Puke Bus. Also, I used to see a bus driver who looked like George Clinton. :)

Rhymenoserous
May 23, 2008

Red_October_7000 posted:

I've spent a time thinking about this and can't come up with a good answer. At first I thought it had to do with the US's more car-friendly layout and culture leading to a greater percentage of our mass transit customers being screwballs who can't hold it together well enough to maintain ownership and operating privileges of a motor vehicle, but shouldn't such people always end up on public transit? Maybe our sub-par mental hygiene gives rise to it? Perhaps we're in some sort of sweet spot between places where a crazy person on the metro is so normal it's tuned out along with truck exhaust and pot holes; and places where a superior mental healthcare scheme makes it rare enough that quite a lot of people haven't experienced it? Of course it could be a bias based on thread participants or forums demographics or some other thing entirely. I doubt you'll find many research papers written about encounters with the mentally ill on public transit, though, one would make for an interesting read, I suppose.

Most civilized countries put their nuttiest crazies into institutions where they can be cared for. Here in the US we sit them on the street next to the trash.

seacat
Dec 9, 2006

Eien Ni Hen posted:

I ride the buses in Austin, TX almost every day, and my worst/most memorable story is Puke Bus.

I go to the gym regularly, and the bus ride takes about 45 minutes. One day I board the bus only to be hit with the distinct, overpowering smell of vomit. There was a HUGE puddle of puke right at the front of the bus, near the handicapped seats, and the bus driver hadn't had time to clean it up. He tried to cover it with paper towels or something, but it did nothing for the smell.

I didn't want to wait 20 minutes in the heat for the next bus, so I boarded Puke Bus. The next 45 minutes were spent trying to hold my breath, with my shirt pulled up over my nose. Worst bus ride ever.

I've also encountered my fair share of mentally ill people and drunk people, but nothing will ever beat Puke Bus. Also, I used to see a bus driver who looked like George Clinton. :)

How many times have you ran into Leslie on the buses or are you too young for that? :)

The Door Frame
Dec 5, 2011

I don't know man everytime I go to the gym here there are like two huge dudes with raging high and tights snorting Nitro-tech off of each other's rock hard abs.
Most memorable? When I got mugged on the blue line at 3am and even after the dude had my money he was sitting in the seat across from me, threatening to stab me to death in front of my girlfriend until he got off 2 stops later.

My favorite? I was probably 15, going downtown for my first rave and it was also my first time riding a bus or taking public transportation. I was on the Cermak bus from the suburbs to the city, going to the UofC medical campus, for the 3 people who will know what I am talking about. So there's me, this scared little white kid on the bus, dressed like an rear end in a top hat because I'm going to take a bunch of drugs when I get off, and we leave my town, go through what I thought was "the ghetto" growing up, and things only get worse the further into the city I go.
The entire bus is now filled with black people, except for myself and this tiny white girl with a huge suitcase. She strips down into her underwear, opens her suitcase and starts putting on the most obnoxious rave gear ever, crazy neon colored tights, a tutu, crazy bracelets and hair stuff, just a neon bandeau, the whole deal. After being mezmerized by an attractive girl changing 10ft in front of me, I start looking at the other passengers, who are all pretending not to see the crazy girl who got almost naked and is now putting on neon face paint on, while riding the bus. A few stops of sitting in full regalia later, she takes her huge suitcase with her, no one ever even acknowledging that anything odd happened. I was on the bus for almost 20 more minutes and then got super lost, but yeah, that's my story

Eien Ni Hen
Jul 23, 2013

seacat posted:

How many times have you ran into Leslie on the buses or are you too young for that? :)

Only once. He's since passed away. :smith:

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
My favorite time on BART was with a bum-looking dude sitting on the floor who was carrying three paper grocery bags jammed to the brim with well soiled smut. He sat down on the floor in one of those bike bays to read some but when he wanted to get up again one of the bags began to rupture and he couldn't handle carrying all three if one was spilling porn all about the train. Needless to say after not too much fit being thrown someone produced another bag as a donation to hold the contraband.

got dat wmd
Apr 28, 2009
In boston we have sob story people announce on the train that they need money to get home to see their kids/probation officer/etc because they were mugged or lost their wallet, etc. locals laugh at the people who get suckered into this.

The scammers congregate every morning to plan their routes: http://www.universalhub.com/2012/ever-get-feeling-all-those-sob-story-guys-and-girl

We also have a regular dj: http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/fenway-kenmore/2011/04/with_green_line_as_his_stage_d.html who makes for fun parties at night

And a twitter account for the worst bus: https://twitter.com/The66bus

cool kids inc.
May 27, 2005

I swallowed a bug

I was riding MARTA with a friend from out of town one day (she was new to public transport entirely coming from a rural area and really wanted to ride the train, whatever), and there was a fellow, who otherwise seemed clean, rocking a pair of headphones that weren't plugged into anything. He was DANCING, all up on people, including an older guy trying to read a newspaper. Finally, the guy with the newspaper looked over it, giving our dancer a dirty glare. Our dancer was not perturbed in any way, didn't show any signs of slowing. He looked at the newspaper guy and said, "Gimme a dollar and I'll stop." Newspaper rolled his eyes and proceeded to ignore him again and our dancer moved along to the next sap. It was odd.

Ambystoma
Oct 22, 2008

At least I looked like a popular idiot.

PT6A posted:

Are crazy people on public transit a particularly North American phenomena? I can't say I've run into the same level of bizarre bullshit travelling in, say, Europe, even really late at night.

It's definitely a thing in Australia, the trams are usually not too bad but the buses are generally jam packed with all sorts of loud smelly drunk-at-10am while yelling at their kids type of folks, or just the plain unmedicated and severely mentally ill / polypharmic substance abusers :(

The one memory that really stands out for me is the time I got stuck sitting on the tram next to a completely normal looking woman who was giving off the most incredible unwashed vagina smell I've ever encountered. I'm guessing she must have had bacterial vaginosis or something because holy poo poo, it was like a fish market at high noon level of bad. It was too full for me to get up and move, so I took some perfume out of my bag and sprayed a little on my wrist to try and cover it up and make the rest of the trip a little nicer and she starts doing this exaggerated "cough and handwave" routine while glaring at me. I just ignored her and kept using my phone, so I guess she thought I was the rear end in a top hat :shrug:

Ambystoma fucked around with this message at 09:29 on Aug 30, 2014

photinus
Apr 27, 2008

PT6A posted:

Are crazy people on public transit a particularly North American phenomena? I can't say I've run into the same level of bizarre bullshit travelling in, say, Europe, even really late at night.

Today I was on a bus in the UK which, apart from having about eight men seated at the back of the top deck who couldn't complete a sentence without threatening to beat one of their number up, also had a semi-toothless, dishevelled, unwashed old man who kept on shouting "I can see the unicorns!" at regular intervals. Then he muttered to himself about unicorns. I was just glad he didn't sit next to me.

Not the worst UK bus nutter I've observed. A few years ago another semi-toothless, dishevelled, unwashed old man got on the bus, sat in one of the front seats and shouted the worst things - "You loving slut!" and the like - at any young women who got on the bus after he did. It was clear that all his targets were upset, but no-one tried to get him thrown off the bus (I would have but, well, I'm a young woman and I didn't want to go near the guy). The bus driver certainly didn't seem to give a poo poo.

Oh, I also once tried to get someone thrown off a bus. I was at the front of the top deck and suddenly it started reeking of poo poo, so I looked over to see a... can you sense a theme here?... semi-toothless, dishevelled, unwashed old man who was wearing a lot of clothes. But no trousers. Or underpants. (Fortunately I only got a side view of a hairy buttock.) Thinking that this was at least a clear health risk, I went downstairs and told the bus driver there was a pantsless old man who smelled like poo on the top deck. "Can't you get him off the bus?"

"I can't. He's paid for his ticket."

"But he's not wearing any pants!" Repeat three times.

Sensing this wasn't going anywhere - a bit like Mr Nopants McShitreek - I got another bus home.

PT6A
Jan 5, 2006

Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane
I feel like, in most places, it would be illegal to go around without pants or underwear in public, health risk notwithstanding.

Aggressive pricing
Feb 25, 2008

PT6A posted:

I feel like, in most places, it would be illegal to go around without pants or underwear in public, health risk notwithstanding.

It's odd, that in today's modern era, it wouldn't be much of a health risk for people to go naked from the waist down, yet it is irrefutable that the odds of a person going without pants in public increases exponentially with the health risk they represent.

Makes ya think.

Tulalip Tulips
Sep 1, 2013

The best apologies are crafted with love.
I got punched by a tweeker for accidentally bumping into them on a crowded number 7 bus. This was back when Seattle still had the ride free area downtown so a bunch of people would hop on and off, so the buses that went down 3rd were always packed. I was trying to exit so I could catch a bus to Tacoma, bumped the tweeker, who then punched me in the back of the head.

A girl who kept jumping between seats on the last bus to campus because the floor was melting if and if she stepped on it, she'd fall through the bus and into the asphalt.

Oh and there was the homeless couple that liked to gently caress in the back of the 7, usually on Saturday mornings. I ran into them a bunch when I was working weekends and had to go to West Seattle. They weren't sneaky about it but no on really cared. I moved so I haven't been on a 7 in a bit but I'd bet they're still on there, loving away, at 6:30 in the morning.

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photinus
Apr 27, 2008

PT6A posted:

I feel like, in most places, it would be illegal to go around without pants or underwear in public, health risk notwithstanding.

Well, he was kind of wearing pants. Round his ankles.

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