- tao of lmao
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I walk in, the crimson light reflects off my face. Flexing and stretching my fingers in my favorite fingerless leather gloves, I scan over the familiar grounds of the arcade, my yard. I own this place. Name a machine and I've got a top-3 score on it.
Dig-Dug? Top score.
Pacman? Top Score.
Donkey Kong? Top-five but don't get me started on that Billy Mitchell punk. It's a touchy subject.
Gonna warm up with some Missile Command. Normally, I start with Gallaga, but some poo poo-head and his kid are hogging the machine. Their scores are pathetically low.
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Aug 11, 2014 16:44
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May 16, 2024 18:29
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- tao of lmao
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Y'know people always say to me: "Julio, you're a real arcade pro, wanna be my time crisis partner?"
I just look at them like "Time crisis? really? I play games that take quarters, not dollars tyvm  "
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Aug 11, 2014 16:48
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- tao of lmao
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Though to be fair, I've been coming here for so long, I could probably play any game for free. It's possible I'm the only person keeping this place open though.
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Aug 11, 2014 16:50
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- tao of lmao
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Walked by a kid no older than 12 struggling to beak 100 points in ski-ball. I dropped a 285 on the lane next to him and walked away. No, I didn't give him my extra tickets.
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Aug 11, 2014 16:56
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- tao of lmao
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You should bring in a 6 pack and drink it like it ain't no thang.
Ummm, you don't get to be as good at games as I am with alcohol or drugs. The only highs I need are scores.
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Aug 11, 2014 17:07
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- tao of lmao
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The thing I like about this arcade is they have a genuine Budweiser Tapper machine. If I walk into an arcade and see Root Beer Tapper, I turn around and walk right out.
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Aug 11, 2014 17:12
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- tao of lmao
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i don't mean to brag but during my adolescent years, on two separate occasions, i had hot girls hit on me while i was playing arcade games
and i didn't let it break my concentration
this guy gets it. eye on the prize!
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Aug 11, 2014 17:40
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- tao of lmao
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I've held my local Mortal Kombat 2 machine for a record 5 days. After day 2 they let me take it home, but I kept bringing it back every morning and wrecking noobs.
I was finally defeated by my arch nemesis Billy Mitchell, but it was only after a horrific thumb strain took me off my game.
I'm going to murder Billy Mitchell.
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Aug 11, 2014 17:45
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- tao of lmao
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Billy and I go way back to the golden age of NBA Jam. We absolutely dominated everyone in our way, eventually taking our show on the road. An arcade jockeying version of the Harlem Globetrotters, we were on top of the world; rolling in money and women won through various bets. We were so good only one of us would actually play at a time.
Things were going well. Too well, apparently.
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Aug 11, 2014 18:03
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- tao of lmao
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its tough being a celebrity down at the arcade, you get the high scores and then you get the women throwing themselves at you with no self respect. im in a good mood, just crushed some poser at street fighter so i decide to give them what they want. get out my sharpie and upon overflowing bosom initial the autograph theyve been waiting for: "N M 8"
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Aug 11, 2014 18:48
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- tao of lmao
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Billy and I owned the NBA Jam scene. We were the best team in the contiguous 48 and riding high everywhere we went. I don't know what got him into Donkey Kong, but he went down that rabbit-hole hard. Our first loss I remember looking down at his hands and seeing him doing DK moves. Can you believe it? DK moves on an NBA Jam machine? There are no barrels to hop over in Jam, idiot!
We got crushed, but something in Billy just broke. He began to obsess over Donkey Kong. He grew his hair out and started wearing American flag ties. He was like this yuppie/hippie hybrid. It really started creeping me out. We lost something like 20 straight games before I finally confronted him. He had stopped speaking words by this point and communicated only in Donkey Kong sound effects.
It was clear he only cared about that loving monkey at this point. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure he's the reason Jam isn't as popular as it once was.
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Aug 11, 2014 19:31
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- tao of lmao
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yeah i've seen you around, but my tag is aaa and i'm everywhere dude
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Aug 11, 2014 20:31
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- tao of lmao
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Billy Mitchel became the Donkey Kong king, setting the record top-score at the now-famous (thanks to us) Fun Spot arcade in the lakes region of New Hampshire. I watched from a distance as he would attract a crowd of up to 10 people, dazzle them with his DK skills, then amble around the arcade like an ape. I always found it odd that he would imitate Donkey Kong, when he was the bad guy of the game he loved so much. Was his subconscious aware of the fact that he was the villain, and I, the hero? No one really seemed to mind until he started flinging his own feces around. The owner pulled me aside and said: "you must kill Billy Mitchel before it's too late"
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Aug 11, 2014 21:14
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- tao of lmao
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Aug 11, 2014 22:54
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- tao of lmao
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i went on an arcade date a few weeks ago and when my date tried to give our ski ball tickets to a kid (who was also holding tickets) he said "no thank you"
the next kid wasnt so loving dumb tho
Give a man a fish...
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Aug 12, 2014 00:49
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- tao of lmao
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Do you have what it takes to succeed on the biggest stage of them all?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORQKTfFahbM
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Aug 12, 2014 02:41
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- tao of lmao
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Billy Mitchell whispering to someone about to beat his record: "you're gayyyy. you never be as good as me. kill yourself"
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Aug 12, 2014 15:15
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- tao of lmao
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one time I went to this stupid local gaming con when i was a kid. some dude asked if I wanted to play street fighter so I was like sure. he promptly wooped my rear end with that spinny bitch no contest and had the nerve to ask me if i wanted to play again gently caress no, guy
fuckin arcade camping child predators
i thought i recognized you
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Aug 12, 2014 23:02
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- tao of lmao
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Ever since I was a child, I've wanted to dominate the arcade scene in all phases. I'm gonna look the coolest, I'm gonna game the hardest, and I'm gonna pick up all the arcade scene hotties. Skiball? On point. Air Hockey? On point. Pinball? On point. NBA Jam? On. loving. Point. There was only one man who ever stood in my way, and ironically once considered him my closest ally and friend. I like to think that my entire life has led up to this moment, the apex of my pro gaming career.
Me, Air "wth" Julio vs Billy "Literally-thinks-he's-Donkey-Kong" Mitchell in a seven-game series to see who truly owns the 'cades.
- Air Hockey
- Donkey Kong
- Bloody Roar
- NBA Jam
- Pinball
- Wack-a-Mole
- Ski Ball
Only one man was walking out of this Arcade with his dignity intact. The other was walking out, and everywhere really, like a monkey.
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Sep 24, 2014 03:19
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- tao of lmao
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Air Hockey
Come on. Why do you think they call me Air ffs 1-0
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Sep 24, 2014 03:58
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- tao of lmao
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Donkey Kong
Billy "Bitch Made" Miller is many things, but bad at Donkey Kong is not one of them. I manage to put up a respectable 1,012,800 points, but he throws up a personal best at 1,062,800 to take this one down 1-1
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Sep 24, 2014 03:59
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- tao of lmao
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Bloody Roar
Felt pretty solid going with Yugo. Billy "Massive Douche" Mitchell chose Greg. Greg kind of sounds like Craig, my very good friend's name. Craig is here supporting me. He's a really amazingly good friend. Not my strongest game here but I managed to pull out a win with sheer heart and determination. 2-1
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Sep 24, 2014 04:00
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- tao of lmao
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NBA Jam
So far everything has gone about how I figured. Jam is the one game we were teammates in and very evenly matched. I take the Bulls, Billy "Gooch Brush" Mitchell takes the Pistons. Game was close until early in the fourth quarter where I scored 20 unanswered points and got both Jordan and Pippen on fire at various points. Billy "Fuckboi" Mitchell is starting to crack. I've got this! 3-1
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Sep 24, 2014 04:02
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- tao of lmao
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Pinball
Star Trek: The Next Generation was the game, Billy "Star Trek: Voyager" Mitchell didn't even have that great of a run but I got robbed on my first two balls and couldn't make it up in the 3rd 3-2
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Sep 24, 2014 04:04
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- tao of lmao
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Wack-a-Mole
So get this poo poo, right? I'm dominating, DOMINATING, when my really good friend Craig runs up and distracts the referee. I turn briefly to see what is up when I feel a sharp blow to my head and the power button to my brain switch off. I wake up 5 minutes later to a tie series, and my great, good, excellent friend Craig has seemingly torn off his custom made Julio shirt off to reveal a Billy "Terrible-Friend-Stealer-And-Person" Mitchell shirt. 3-3
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Sep 24, 2014 04:04
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- tao of lmao
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Ski Ball
There I stood. Woozy. One last shot. One last roll. One last ski for all the marbles. I need a 50 or better. My backstroke was perfect. A thing of dreams. I hear a primal yell, and see Billy "Giant Barrel In His Hands" Mitchell about to throw a mother loving barrel at me. It hits just as I release, flinching. I see the ball bank off the side rail as I crash to the ground. Next thing I know, tickets are spewing from the machine onto my ankles. I banked a 100.
4-3 gently caress OFF Billy Mitchell!
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Sep 24, 2014 04:21
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- tao of lmao
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If I never see Billy Mitchell again, it'll be too soon.
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Sep 24, 2014 12:37
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- tao of lmao
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Mods please change my name to King Of The Cade and goldmine plz tia.
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Sep 24, 2014 14:26
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- tao of lmao
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Mods please change my name to King Of The Cade and goldmine plz tia.
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Sep 27, 2014 17:21
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May 16, 2024 18:29
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- tao of lmao
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please don't make fun of me i'm really in a vulnerable place right now
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Sep 27, 2014 17:45
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Aug 11, 2014 16:44
