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toxicsunset
Sep 19, 2005

BUY MORE CRABS
Tell your mom and dad you had to quit because you actually like black people

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jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012
Tell your parents it turns out you were too short

Fool and the World
Dec 8, 2010
Kill your parents so you have no one left to disappoint but yourself.

Then kill your self.

Straker
Nov 10, 2005

toxicsunset posted:

Tell your mom and dad you had to quit because you actually like black people
i was gonna say this all seems very parsimonious, i mean who cares that he totally failed his parents, they deserve this if they're terrible enough to think that being a cop is a respectable career

platedlizard
Aug 31, 2012

I like plates and lizards.
Wal-mart's hiring OP u could always do AP (ASSet Protection).

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
Seek therapy Jon. Isn't being jp ban able?

Trash Trick
Apr 17, 2014

Darth123123 posted:

Seek therapy Jon. Isn't being jp ban able?

He hasn't raped anyone yet.

Xillah
Nov 29, 2002

I paid $10 to change some guys avatar to an Oblivion Elf with giant tits just to steal this gif
Christ, I don't know where to start with this guy.

OldMemes
Sep 5, 2011

I have to go now. My planet needs me.
I hear that after you've been in the Police Academy for so long, they send you on a Mission to Moscow. After your Assignment Miami Beach to a City Under Seige, of course. You have to be a Citizen on Patrol, or you'll be Back in Training before Your First Assignment.

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.


Magnus Gallant posted:

Who is jon pop?

A crazy guy who reregs every now and then basically. Judging from his other posts, it's almost certainly him.

Amorphous Abode
Apr 2, 2010


We may have finally found unobtainium but I will never find eywa.

OP if you are crying whenever you talk to your mom, and writing threads like this, you are not stress free. I've got a similar history with anxiety and loving up with college, I think you should fess up, find a way to support yourself, and then decide what YOU would like to do from there. You don't have to conform to what people (even people who care about you) think being successful is to be happy.

Adventure Pigeon
Nov 8, 2005

I am a master storyteller.
I hope the military works out for you.

Chicken Doodle
May 16, 2007

You think you've got problems? My girlfriend thinks I'm Australian!

im cute
Sep 21, 2009

Get a job. Any job.
Save half of every paycheck. Spend the rest on food that isn't Doritos and Mad Dog. You also don't need anymore animes and vidya in your backlog.
Stop hanging out with literal children, for the love of god.
Figure out how you're going to work on your anxiety and depression from now on, even if it's accepting disability and straightening your life out.


At the end of your 7 months, be honest with your parents, offer to pay them back out of your savings, and put your plan into action.

4 The Cause
Aug 10, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 723 days!

The Silver Snail posted:

OP if you are crying whenever you talk to your mom, and writing threads like this, you are not stress free. I've got a similar history with anxiety and loving up with college, I think you should fess up, find a way to support yourself, and then decide what YOU would like to do from there. You don't have to conform to what people (even people who care about you) think being successful is to be happy.

That's always been my problem. Trying to conform to other people. My parents, my cousin, my lovers, and everyone but 4TC. I'm just gonna ride the lease out, and tell them when I move back home. They have more than enough money, and this is not any kind of set back for them. The only thing im worried about now, is confessing my feelings for a girl I met while living here.

Xenocides
Jan 14, 2008

This world looks very scary....


4 The Cause posted:

That's always been my problem. Trying to conform to other people. My parents, my cousin, my lovers, and everyone but 4TC. I'm just gonna ride the lease out, and tell them when I move back home. They have more than enough money, and this is not any kind of set back for them. The only thing im worried about now, is confessing my feelings for a girl I met while living here.

Well, let's face it. Your attempt to conform to impress others fails too so you aren't living for yourself or for anyone else.

I'm sure your parents will understand if you marry the girl and have her move back home with you.

HoAssHo
Mar 10, 2005

:love::love::love:

4 The Cause posted:

That's always been my problem. Trying to conform to other people. My parents, my cousin, my lovers, and everyone but 4TC. I'm just gonna ride the lease out, and tell them when I move back home. They have more than enough money, and this is not any kind of set back for them. The only thing im worried about now, is confessing my feelings for a girl I met while living here.

That's not the point! It would be a lovely thing to do no matter how much money they have.

Why did you steal money from them for the police academy when you don't actually want to be a cop and would rather work in the film industry, anyway? Why didn't you ask for money for film school?

And why are you so worried about telling a girl you like her? Why is this such a big deal??

snortpocket
Apr 27, 2004

Oh... my podcast... it's so good... ungh.... it's the best.... podcast ever.... oh god.... UNNNGGGGGHHHH

returnh posted:

I thought you said you weren't going to the police academy.

can you emptyquote in e/n, I'm not up on the latest rules

Alpha1
Jun 20, 2010

a cop posted:

Good point. He could just tell his parents that he failed the physical exam once it got to that point, because he's too fat. So he needs money for lipo and money to re-apply.

Too fat to be a cop, fat chance.

It seems like you've got your priorities straight with this chick. What's NOT to love about an unemployed liar that mooches off his parents?

President Kucinich
Feb 21, 2003

Bitterly Clinging to my AK47 and Das Kapital

OP, I've personally saved several people from imminent death with my own bare hands in the last 6 months and have helped many more find stable housing, jobs, and placed them on the path towards becoming better husbands and fathers.

I'm going to think about you jacking off, sucking down pop, and playing video games next time I consider calling off work.

Police academy is like 6 loving months of work for ample job opportunities. loving lol

4 The Cause
Aug 10, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 723 days!

SammyWhereAreYou posted:

That's not the point! It would be a lovely thing to do no matter how much money they have.

Why did you steal money from them for the police academy when you don't actually want to be a cop and would rather work in the film industry, anyway? Why didn't you ask for money for film school?

And why are you so worried about telling a girl you like her? Why is this such a big deal??

She's 18 and I don't know if she has feelings for me.

Illinois Smith
Nov 15, 2003

Ninety-one? There are ninety other "Tiger Drivers"? Do any involve actual tigers, or driving?
sure let's all just pretend she said that

toxicsunset
Sep 19, 2005

BUY MORE CRABS
If you actually like this girl at all you will give her the biggest gift you possibly can and stay as far away from her as possible both emotionally and physically. You are a bad person

Prawned
Oct 25, 2010

gently caress you, OP.

toxicsunset
Sep 19, 2005

BUY MORE CRABS
OP Your father was right about you, sorry

Who Is Paul Blart
Oct 22, 2010
Fantastic OP.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

4 The Cause posted:

She's 18 and I don't know if she has feelings for me.

have you considered setting her up to be gang raped? That seemed to work out real good for you last time.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I think your best opportunity for employment is the other side of a glory hole at the Blue Oyster Bar.

Xillah
Nov 29, 2002

I paid $10 to change some guys avatar to an Oblivion Elf with giant tits just to steal this gif

Fatkraken posted:

have you considered setting her up to be gang raped? That seemed to work out real good for you last time.

What the hell?

toxicsunset
Sep 19, 2005

BUY MORE CRABS
Reading OP's post history it has become clear to me he is not just a loser he is completely insane. Please go to a mental institution, sign yourself in, and throw away the key

spacetimecontinuu
Dec 31, 2004

paco650 posted:

Get a job. Any job.
Save half of every paycheck. Spend the rest on food that isn't Doritos and Mad Dog. You also don't need anymore animes and vidya in your backlog.
Stop hanging out with literal children, for the love of god.
Figure out how you're going to work on your anxiety and depression from now on, even if it's accepting disability and straightening your life out.


At the end of your 7 months, be honest with your parents, offer to pay them back out of your savings, and put your plan into action.

FYI people that are 18+ are not literal children just sayin

Snodgrass Supreme
Nov 6, 2012

Xillah posted:

What the hell?

Noted crazy person Jon Pop has previously confessed to witnessing/setting up a gang rape, among other really loving weird things.

Xillah
Nov 29, 2002

I paid $10 to change some guys avatar to an Oblivion Elf with giant tits just to steal this gif

spacetimecontinuu posted:

FYI people that are 18+ are not literal children just sayin
Not everyone has their poo poo together at 26. Very few are lying alcoholics who would defraud their loved ones.


Snodgrass Supreme posted:

Noted crazy person Jon Pop has previously confessed to witnessing/setting up a gang rape, among other really loving weird things.

Oh, what a poo poo head. Although the majority of participants in a gang rape enjoy it apparently, it's like 9 out of 10 I think.

toxicsunset
Sep 19, 2005

BUY MORE CRABS
Is quoting stuff from post history bannable I don't care read this from the 90s nostalgia thread

4 The Cause posted:

The 90's were the only time I was ever happy. I was born in 88 but we lived in Las Vegas and I ran with older kids. Music and film was so amazing back than. I remember having sleepovers and watching Kids and being freaked out by the rape scene. I remember stumbling upon Fire Walk With Me and not being able to sleep for a week. I remember the girl who's parents died in a car crash, and she was forced to live on her own. She ended up prostituting and another friends dad would pick her up, and tell us about when he got home.

Some Pinko Commie
Jun 9, 2009

CNC! Easy as 1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣!

Chicken Doodle posted:

You think you've got problems? My girlfriend thinks I'm Australian!

PopRocks
Jul 4, 2003

WTF am I reading?

4 The Cause posted:

I WAS NOT READY! I barely made it through High school with my sanity. I was breaking down, and needing therapy, and medicine. But my father gave me an ultimatum. Go further than you have ever been in your life by yourself, or join the military where breaking down can result in sock beatings, death on the battlefield, and being put in military prison. I just feel like if he had given me my space and let me make my own choices, I would be a completely different man right now. poo poo im not even a man yet, for intents and purposes I am still a boy.

But you had a choice, you were an adult, you could choose the third option and move out and get a lovely food service or call center or retail job, move in with 5 other guys and live the life you live now.

You can still do that.

"Mom, I'm sorry, but I had to drop out of police academy due to my anxiety. I am applying to other jobs in this city so that I can cover the rent on my own. Thanks for all your financial help, I love you."

Then you get yourself some roommates until you can pay for rent on your own, and start learning how to write screenplays, sign up as an extra on local productions, volunteer for film festivals, start editing clever vines, rent a canon XL for the weekend to shoot a short film, submit that film to festivals, become a PA on local productions, scout locations, keep your day job.

PopRocks fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Aug 18, 2014

spacetimecontinuu
Dec 31, 2004

Xillah posted:

Not everyone has their poo poo together at 26. Very few are lying alcoholics who would defraud their loved ones.

did you mean to quote my post? I don't get how this is a response to my post.

Rhymenoserous
May 23, 2008

4 The Cause posted:

I WAS NOT READY! I barely made it through High school with my sanity. I was breaking down, and needing therapy, and medicine. But my father gave me an ultimatum. Go further than you have ever been in your life by yourself, or join the military where breaking down can result in sock beatings, death on the battlefield, and being put in military prison. I just feel like if he had given me my space and let me make my own choices, I would be a completely different man right now. poo poo im not even a man yet, for intents and purposes I am still a boy.

Yeah going to be a cop seemed like a good idea then.

Xillah
Nov 29, 2002

I paid $10 to change some guys avatar to an Oblivion Elf with giant tits just to steal this gif

spacetimecontinuu posted:

did you mean to quote my post? I don't get how this is a response to my post.

I did not. My phone went a bit off and I quoted half a dozen people, thought I'd taken everyone off.

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GodsGiftToWomen
Jan 26, 2004
Providing women with sexual pleasure since 1983
Gun Saliva

spunkshui posted:

Get a loving job, attend NA meetings, quit the weed, apologies to parents, start working out, and thank God you started doing all this at 26.

Tell them you quit, be brutally honest with yourself too, all this happened because you acted like a lazy poo poo.

Time to man up son.

You tried lying and being lazy, that life sucks.

I agree with all of the posters in this thread recommending that you get a job and develop some amount of independence or self-reliance.

I think you should skip romancing the local teens and focus on building life skills. When you are a successful, functioning adult and not a giant man-baby you'll be more attractive as a potential mate.

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