CuckQuest+: A Tale of Five Guys and a Lady? {read the OP}

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > CuckQuest+: A Tale of Five Guys and a Lady? {read the OP}

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Has it yet come out that she was loving an engaged-at-the-time Ryan Davis? Because it should. I've got a pretty good track record about predicting his life's failings.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 19:53

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 12:19

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Liquid Penguins posted:

RGD mod probates people for talking zoe offsite and not even in that subforum. It just makes me want to mock her more!

I just want to say that I really admire the work you do with the Giant Bomb community. I was compared to you in RGD once, but didn't yet appreciate the compliment given the breadth of your commitment.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 21:00

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

beep by grandpa posted:

if I can't be the unique snowflake in the room and show those goons how superior I am in morality and taste, then what is the point of posting??

Ever since GBS was detumblrized there have been many displaced tumbleweed-like posters that flit about asking "oh you are still talking about _this_" in the _this_ thread.

They need a new subforum where they can gather.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2014 23:53

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

I thought it was for hopeless frog-looking men that were around 62 years old. That attraction to what you cannot have. The mystery of what they'll do to you after a hard day's work as a municipal comptroller in a windowless office. Or maybe aging wanna-be wiseguys, 73, widowed, exclaiming "Woah, look at this broad, its like a hardware store in there. Ey, you'd come out with your shcapeel locked up like a vice clamp! Woaaah!"

Porn for people that are territorial about their stapler or mystified by a simple labret piercing. The wild side for those with only a mild side.

It never crossed my mind once that it was the sort of porn tattoo and pierced guys would look at, or more to the point ever pay for, until someone brought it up in this thread.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 03:26

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

precision posted:

No, because some girls actually look good with bright purple hair, whereas no mens look good in a fedora.

What about Hobie from Baywatch before he got too LA methy?

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 05:23

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Its accepted Good Journalism to have an obit fleshed out and ready to go, right? Therefore is it Good Games Journalism to at least have an outline ready on Zoe and Phil, given the statically high chance of them succumbing to a histrionic lifestyle?

What I'm asking is, how many self-referential mentions do you think Pat 'No Journalistic Ethics' Kelpek has put into his Indie in-crowd hagiography at this point?

# ¿ Aug 22, 2014 06:32

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Patrick has not improved a shred. Was it not like two months ago where he chastised his peers for jumping the gun on a story the exact same way he himself did? And then to never be willing to once address industry corruption (thanks for the $1500 pc you 'no longer need')? To cover business topics all while not comprehending diluted shareholder equity because he was too busy playing me-too scare fetishist camwhore, but still wants to be treated as a serious 'journalist' and talk down to his readers?

That patrick? The one that was brought in in the hopes of putting out revolutionary work, but soon fell in the slump of all Gersmann-managed employess of just chewing a press release and calling it news? (Hi Brad Nicholson!) Or how when he broke his big Xbox One policy 180 story, and his first act was to run it against his Facebook journalist clique aka, the same group that is running defense across the entire internet right now for His Friend Zoe? That one?

He is loving nine times worse now that when he joined. He spent what two years on a podcast and never even tried to ditch his verbal crutch of saying "like" all the time?

And no matter how many emails I'd write in suggesting Patrick be brought in only for the news section, they never listend to me. Inconceivable.

Shadow Puppet Of fucked around with this message at 09:53 on Aug 26, 2014

# ¿ Aug 26, 2014 09:50

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

The General posted:

I can imagine a room of seething angry nerds being placated by Zoe's feminine wiles.

I can see it going like Ashlee Simpson on SNL only with that spinning light bar rather than a jaunty jig.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2014 10:49

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Cycloneman posted:

If you care, here's citation 11.

tl;dr: S is a sadbrains chick who Eron was friends with, Zoe was 100% sure she was planning on cucking Zoe with Eron. Of course, Zoe couldn't stand the idea that someone could cuck her - she's the only one who is allowed to cuck people - so she throws a hissy fit and demands that Eron break off relations with her.

I remember how we used to use the word cheating.

I cannot wait until these forums discover the "wearing the green hat" idiom.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 05:01

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

The Dennis System posted:

I guess the upshot of all this is to just not trust reviews of inde games.

In an age when the full list of upcoming, in development games sorted by genre is publicly accessible across wikis and everywhere else, with the cost of a full rich-media website starting at just dollars per month, there is no reason at all to even have Game Journalists anymore aside from enjoying hating a broken institution.

"Here is a video of our game's gameplay, watch it and judge for yourself!"

Its not 1994 anymore where PC Gamer and Uncles That Work For Nintendo are the only conduit of information. How have we not been able to move past these lovely humans that become worthless two days after launch. None of them give a gently caress about post-release support. Its like one of those awful states that forbid self-serve gas and we collectively hallucinate the need for someone to guide the information nozzle into the information tank.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 09:45

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Rad Tad posted:

lol got mad that the no klepek chrome extension doesn't work on headlined giant bomb stories but then realised patrick klepek's newest story is him copy pasting a dave lang speech

How do you survive with out Pat's, sorry, 'Scoops'' ability to throw up a hot press release from out of his inbox and append up to a dozen keywords plus a tagline. That is investigative long form journalism at its best.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 09:57

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

I think the bigger point is that as soon as they acknowledge a responsibility towards avoiding even the appearance of a conflict of interest, the whole Games Writer con collapses under the weight of not going to junkets, not getting free stuff, not having PR people pretend to befriend you, not being able to be entirely beholden to a handful of large companies for early 'news' and not being able to wield influence rather than impotently report.

Once a site admits there is a problem with the industry they'll have people expecting transparency and change. Everyone from site owners, editors, writers to unpaid freelancers knows that its all unsustainable without the many forms of corruption that keep it afloat.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 10:14

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Dely Apple posted:

Remember when PC gaming at least gave you a CD with 900 doom levels

that was their credibility

That and if William Burrill's column in the Thursday newspaper didn't talk about a game you had any interest in or a system you owned, you were left powerless and waiting for another full week in hope of relevant information.

# ¿ Aug 27, 2014 10:31

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

luncheon meat posted:

Also giantbomb should have died when Ryan Davis did. It's loving awful now.

The real tragedy in Ryan's death is that we never got to see the lazy man roadshow of him and Jeff that they were planning out before he died.

Now Jeff has nobody to eat road food with and sit in front of a banquet table at a legion hall to rousing applause for c-grade live comedy. Well, I mean he still does the road food thing every day of his life, which is why he has the same life expectancy as a touring roadie, but it would have been much more real had he got out of games when he was planning to.

Shadow Puppet Of fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Aug 29, 2014

# ¿ Aug 29, 2014 03:12

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Can someone just PM me whenever bad things happen to Patrick Kelepek as a result of all this? That's my only dog in this fight.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2014 23:52

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

When will there finally be a 'Stop having a thread about the topic of the thread!" gang tag? It would really speed things up.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2014 03:32

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Neurolimal posted:

it's like when gallagher's brother smashed a watermelon on stage, and then he did it 20 more times

Dont like them get you down, I for one enjoy your "I hate this thread, why are you posting!" routine. Its very well honed and has excellent comedic beats.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2014 05:59

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Neurolimal posted:

i could spice it up by pointing out how big the xbone is i guess

Its getting better as a console with every update, so better make hay while the sun shines.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2014 06:01

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Gyges posted:

You have to wait until Monday to find out what the big surprise people have been warning 4chan about is.

CisGamer.com is still register-able if you want to get in on the ground floor of the coming Tumblr Gaming vs. The People war.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2014 08:11

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Don't watch Star Wars, you wouldn't want to doxx Carrie Fisher.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2014 20:51

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

Shut the gently caress up.

I love your love of threads you hate. Reminds me of the Xbox One.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 04:46

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Falsum posted:

No one showed up. The rumors say that something is going to happen on Monday.

I'm betting it will be like the ending of 'Carrie'

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 05:57

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Its nice to see the "GAS THREAD" brigade put out an effort post.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 07:07

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Nebelwerfer posted:

http://youtu.be/UTXpXesMcKE

I still love this one from the first Fyad vs. Xbox One thread encounter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NQlOfXyrUY

Its catchy as poo poo. Seriously.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 07:20

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Nebelwerfer posted:

14. Im gay

15. thas gread

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 08:09

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

univbee posted:

I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret asking, but what page is this on?

Welcome to the newest incarnation of "Every day a new low", sweet univbee.

When the two streams merge, I'm going to die.

No wait, I want three streams to merge. I want leaked cellphone nudes of Larry Hryb loving Zoe Quinn and Maya.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2014 23:21

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Liquid Penguins posted:

It's really hosed up how Patrick Klepek cheated on his wife for the burger lady.

The hosed up part is how he kept saying "like" with every off-pace stroke and then took her game development PC with him on his way out claiming, "she didn't need it anymore"

# ¿ Sep 3, 2014 11:23

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

coleman francis posted:

I'm kinda glad giantbomb has been silent throughout this. No matter who they'd try to support or even just a plea for sanity would summon a poo poo wave.

When your wedding guests are 70% game developers, you don't have much of a soapbox to stand on anymore. All the Gamespot Era cachet Gerstmann had is dead after he did the first QuicklookEX and sat on his hands pretending a PR guy was making valid points about "real compelling innovation!" right into his face.

That and his retirement fund being 25% diversified through promotional video game swag he was sent over the decades.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2014 12:55

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Mulefisk posted:

there are women's only videogame tournaments? what, is the mouse too heavy to move for some ladies or what

If you can figure that out, please help me understand why there are specific leagues and championships for women's darts. The one sport on the planet where there should be no segregation.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2014 13:04

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Captain Invictus posted:

I don't know who this guy is, what's he/his company getting sued for

but he's written good articles before and thanks to his pretty impressive connections in the industry he's broken some of the biggest gaming news stories in the last decade, and occasionally does some good videos, why do you hate him

I mean yeah he was rough as poo poo when he started at GB but he's pretty cool now, Spelunkin' With Scoops was great

No he hasn't. He's done nothing journalistic. He only got hot consumer product marketing news 30 minutes early, once, pre-circulated it with his facebook circle of fake journalists and then posted it first, then filmed a video congratulating himself for catching the first of many Xbox retractions.

The rest of the time he has been posting "I knew about that but didnt say anything" Because he is entirely owned by his 'sources' that are of zero value to his readers.

He has done no investigative journalism, and nothing even on consumer advocacy, like asking the whys and hows of terrible anti-consumer policies. Its all "watch me camwhore!" or "I feel everyone needs to feel this way" bullshit.

If you like his windmill-tilting "the internet should be a nice place becaue I want it to be" crusade, that's great, but its not journalism. Patrick is and has always been a columnist, but his pride prevents him from ever admitting that. His COD-Zampella-Activision work was half-done by someone else, the actual guy sitting at the courthouse.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2014 11:23

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Captain Invictus posted:

if your beef is whether he's a "journalist" or not then Jeff has said they're personalities, not journalists, soooooo

I just love how much hate he gets when frankly there's way worse out there. Like I don't think even Ben Kuchera or Arthur Gies get as much poo poo as Patrick does.

What? Patrick calls himself A Journalist and went to school for it. Yes Jeff and the rest of the living ones are personalities, poo poo I dont think Jeff can even type anymore through the pre-diabetic damage done to his exterminates, that is not the point.

Patrick had the capability to be the best, useful, enlightening because of the freedom he had and the brains he has. listen again to the "Welcome Patrick" podcast. None of that journalism materialized, he just got lazy as Jeff cannot manage people and fell into the pit of "Oh gosh My best Friends at Harmonix are so wacky!".

I hate Patrick with a passion because of what he could have been, and how rare it will be that someone else can ever have that opportunity that to this day he is still squandering.

# ¿ Sep 4, 2014 11:55

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

Los Goons Tweet Your rear end!
Los Goons Tweet Your Face!
Los Goons Tweet Your Balls Into OUTER SPACE!

This is my everything right now.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2014 12:12

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

Anal Papist posted:

gently caress you Anita, Gene Wilder is my trigger!

That very jpeg once cost me a relationship. I am honestly triggered by it. No I cannot elaborate. But I swear it on both my love and hate of the xbox one.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2014 13:21

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 12:19

Shadow Puppet Of: Feb 13, 2014; If I worked there I'd have freaked out long ago and smeared toner all over my naked body, flopping around to spell out "I TOLD YOU SO!" on the carpet until campus security could drag me away.

You'll want to be sure to take the phrase "Republican Gay" in lieu of "Cuck" back with you when you return.

# ¿ Sep 5, 2014 15:15

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > CuckQuest+: A Tale of Five Guys and a Lady? {read the OP}