Solomonic posted:

Necro Butcher got screwed out of winning Tournament of Death 3 due to some bizarre circumstances involving arterial spray and inexplicable last-minute booking decisions, so he was pretty much a lock to win the next year's tournament. He made it to the finals after several fun brawls and his win came in an elimination three-way against Nick "The Three Thousand Dollar Man" Gage and Zandig. I was really excited because Necro was my favorite wrestler back then and I had high hopes to see him finally win the big one.

My hopes were in vain. The match is bad. It is so bad.

Part of this comes from special referee Gypsy Joe, who is roughly a million years old and wanders aimlessly around the ring wearing a ref shirt and no pants, wondering what year it is. The other part is, of course, the people involved. Necro bumps his rear end off for both guys and does some cool spots (including a three way version of his 'sit down and punch each other' routine), and Gage more or less pulls his weight, but Zandig, having already wrestled twice prior, is blown up by the time he reaches the ring and spends the whole match being dead weight. He shambles around throwing punches in between occasional bursts of energy that allow him to sort of do a power move. The worst part comes just before his elimination - Gage sets up a flaming table on the outside and goes to suplex Zandig through it from the apron, a pretty reasonable spot to eliminate someone from a deathmatch. Two things happen:

1) the table is way, way too close to the apron
2) Zandig is a fat piece of poo poo and can't take the move properly without sandbagging all over the place

The end result of this is that Zandig misses most of the table entirely and Gage lands square in the center of it, heads all the way to the ground, and is engulfed in flames. Security takes something like twenty seconds to get to his side and only after he's taken off his flaming shirt do they bother spraying him with fire extinguishers. Gage is obviously in tremendous pain (if I remember right he had second-degree burns) and cannot go for a cover, meaning Zandig is up first after being suplexed through a flaming table, and also not eliminated. The CZW fans react to Gage's agony at having nearly killed himself for their entertainment by calling him a queer.

So after they've made sure Gage is okay, he remembers Zandig is supposed to be eliminated and rolls him up with a small package on the outside. Gypsy Joe moseys around to get a better view of the pinfall, leans over, and fast-counts a three. Zandig then disagrees and says it was a two count in front of everybody, and Joe changes his mind. Gage wanders off to the side and everybody stares at each other in confusion for a minute, then Necro shows up and improvises by trying to finish off Zandig with a big wind-up punch. Zandig, who was supposed to have been eliminated by now, kicks out, and Necro has to repeat the exact same spot to get him to stay down and be eliminated. The crowd is absolutely bewildered.

It is so bad. I love deathmatches, there were good ones on that show (hell, there was a significantly better Necro deathmatch on that show, and it had Ian Rotten of all people using good psychology), but holy poo poo that match is terrible.