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Today I was looking at a list of some of the best selling books of all time in the past few decades, and one thing that I noticed that several of them were self-help books. Stephen Covey, Robert Greene and many others have become very, very rich people through writing the books they have written and still write. I'm not saying that they are necessarily doing a bad thing, and probably a lot of those books are helpful (I've read only a couple, mostly with regards to productivity and life organization), and of course it is pretty obvious that it is a massive cash-cow - after all, most successful self-help authors put out new books with "new discoveries" all the time. They found their niche, there is a demand for such products - good for them, go capitalism. But a thought came to my mind with regards to one thing - there are more self-help products than ever before, but is the industry actually helping their clients achieve their goals? I know a couple of self-help addicts who buy a shitton of these books, audiobooks and other products, and spend a lot of their leisure time going through guided introspection by using these products, and every time I talk to them (Those situations are far in-between, because all of them are even more neurotic and anxious than I am), they say that they finally have found the new key or new solution for their lives, which once again manifested in a profound realization, which makes them feel happy as gently caress once they have it, but they turn back into their miserable selves in a week or two. The cycle for a new realisation continues. Do any of you know these kinds of people? They pay for these books, read them religiously, pay for courses and go to seminars, but they sort of never improve their lives. They only improve their knowledge of self-help, but the self-help really isn't helping their lives get better. While I believe that self-development is an admirable goal, I think it's something a lot more personal and traditional - therapy, boundaries and your values. I think the first is far more important than reading a lot of books on how to be "happy", and having strong boundaries + knowing your values is far more important and will make you more productive/assertive/sexual/present or whatever the self-help industry is selling at that time, and a lot of the useful things that are written by self-help authors are nothing new or original. Another problem that I think goes along with this is a belief that is ingrained with this self-help addiction - that there is something inherently wrong with myself and that I can "fix" it. Isn't this just a intellectualization? It just sounds like a lot of the self-help bullshit that you read is trying to solve an emotional problem by some sort of rationalization, which probably leads to emotional disconnection, while at the same time creating a feeling of achievement due to the new realizations that people who use self-help get by reading a new self help book. I want to hear the thoughts of people on this board about this. Is self-help by itself self-destructive due to how it perpetuates a belief of self-inadequacy? Can a person really become addicted to self-help? Is some self-help useful, and to what degree? I wouldn't be surprised that a lot of people who regularly post their problems on E/N are to a degree addicted to self-help, due to the encouragement and false sense of accomplishment that it gives.
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Aug 24, 2014 20:51
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Phenylketonuric posted:I dated a girl who became deeply involved with a self-help seminar retreat program. Very secretive, very expensive, and from what I gather they encouraged participants to cut loose friends/lovers/family who refused to embrace concepts or even enroll themselves. While I'm often inclined to view her program as a glorified cult, I do begrudgingly admit that given her sorted childhood and repressed emotional issues, she did need to seek out some kind of therapeutic solution, and for better or worse, this seminar program instilled in her a tremendous sense of well-being and happiness. Apart from the obvious concern over the longevity of this effect (not to mention the long-term financial implications of repeated seminars), my biggest philosophical problem with the whole situation was the program's fixation on happiness as the end goal. I fully agree with you with the last part. It's the same with being cool or confident, if you try to, you're already not. Happiness is not an end-goal, it's just a state that we are in. I think a lot of the issues that a lot of self-help addicts go through are a problem of emotionally repression. They are afraid of being vulnerable and they try to be "perfect", when actually they should be emotionally opening up and trying to feel, experience the world. I think a lack of vulnerability is one of the key environmental reasons why a lot of people have anxieties or shame - the self-loathing is reinforced by trying to be better or one-upping themselves, when they actually should just be who they are and engage in self-development through acceptance. This is the reason why I think a lot of men are struggling these days with women - being inauthentic means you will have no emotional connections with people, and hence, no meaningful relationships of any kind. This is why you see a lot of guys who do PUA turn into even bigger nutcases, or even becoming suicidal.
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Aug 24, 2014 22:57
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Kane posted:This in general is a very harmful belief, as it relies on the misconception around what a "self" is. Isn't that pretty much CBT? I think you're right on point A lot of people who get into perpetual self-help probably just need good old fashioned therapy. Has anyone here read the Robert Greene books? They are exalted by a lot of people, but one of the wisest people I know told me that all the stuff he wrote is quite simpily bullshit. Makes sense - as I don't think leadership traits can only be learned by reading books and applying some system to have 'power'. You can read strategy and management to further your skillset, but that is different from leadership skills, which are more like personality traits.
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Aug 25, 2014 02:19
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Kane posted:More like the standard Buddhist message. I've never really studied Buddhism, but one thing I've noticed a lot in both reading philosophy and the little psychology that I have is that a lot of the concepts are similar. Plato wrote about how happiness is something that comes from within and not from externals, which coincides with a lot of concepts that we hear with regards to balanced internal and external validation these days, and how they allow you put up healthy boundaries, develop values and take responsibility for your actions. Is it possible that a lot of the concepts that are being thrown about these days, especially the ones that seem to be true, are simply rehashes of ideas that have floating in the river of human knowledge for some time now.
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Aug 25, 2014 18:39
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