A League 2016-17: thick ropey discussion

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Tongues: Aug 28, 2009; But I think those are eyes...
(source)

WELL HELLO THERE ~~gently caress off we're full~~

It's about 20 days or something til the first day of the Hyundai A-League 2014-15 season, and by jingo gently caress me we haven't got a thread yet or organised and all the rellies are starting to get antsy about where to send the RSVPs to.

What's this noise I hear about football and Australia?
Well I'm glad you asked. The Hyundai A-league is the top-flight football league in Australia and New Zealand, at the top of a pyramid of lower semi-professional state leagues and the amateurs under that. Promotion and relegation only occurs below the A-league, and expansion is extremely conservative after a wonderful series of unmitigated disasters (cough North Queensland cough Gold Coast cough New Zealand Knights/Auckland Knights/Football Kingz cough cough gently caress me) nearly crippled the league. The present 10 teams represent most of the major population centres in Australia and New Zealand and fluctuate at varying levels of basketcase and powerhouse.
The current teams are Adelaide United, Brisbane Roar, Central Coast Mariners, Melbourne City/Heart, MELBOURNE VICTORY MAFUCKERS Newcastle Jets, Sydney FC, Wellington Phoenix, and Western Sydney Wanderers.

Football/soccer has had a difficult and complicated existence in Australia. The A-league was founded (for the 2nd and for realsies this time) in 2005 from the ashes of the old National Soccer League. The NSL was powered largely by various migrant and ethnic enclaves in larger cities throughout the continent, usually some variation of Country Name City Name (Melbourne Croatia, South Melbourne Hellas, Footscray Jugoslav United Football Team etc.), and the league tended to suffer from a lack of marketability ~~to rascists~~ outside of those already born into the culture. This lack of marketability limited the sponsorship and commercial opportunities of even the most successful clubs, who struggled to afford rising travel costs and increasing expectations of professionalism from what were in many cases teams formed around social clubs and supported by lamington drives and trivia nights. Confounding this was a very real sense of parochial support of rival football codes (you can still find old newspaper articles where local governments vote against supporting football facilities in many municipalities - ostensibly to protect the native Australian rules football but no doubt also motivated by loving over migrants), and an increasing sense of feeling tribalism within the football community. The mainstream view of football for decades was one of hooliganism, with near any criminal or nuisance behaviour being perpetrated by an identifiable football fan conjuring up grainy footage of European riots from gently caress knows whatever archive the News Ltd monopoly can scratch up.

In the late 90s to early 2000s, the then national body began pushing towards an Anglicization of Australian football teams, or at very least the de-ethnicization. South Melbourne Hellas became South Melbourne Lakers (uuughhh), Sydney Croatia and Melbourne Croatia became Sydney United and Melbourne Knights - which apparently is a backronym for Klub Nogometa i Gdje Hrvati Takmice Srcem (football club and where Croatians battle with their heart) - but that's probably Knights in Satan's Service level bullshit. The re-branding and de-ethnicization largely failed to attract new supporters, and alienated considerable portions of the original fanbases. The final games of the old NSL attracted thousands of diehards and more casual fans for bigger games, but ultimately it was unsustainable. The big former national league teams have by-and-large survived the switch to semi-professionalism in the various state leagues.

Now where the gently caress was I
Oh right, the A-league. The A-league has been growing at a steady rate, with average crowds and memberships increasing each year. Since last year the A-league has become available on Free-to-air TV in Australia, with one game per week broadcast live on Friday nights on SBS. The other games are available on Fox Sports Australia, or whatever your international equivalent is. Of course for us proles without subscription TV, the regular assorted streaming services have got you covered.

So why would anyone want to watch this?!
But the skills I hear you say! The speed! Arrgh it's not the same as my [insert league here]! Correct. It isn't the same, and it's not meant to be. The Australian Premier League is a national lawn bowls competition.

Yeah.

You know how anytime on SA when anyone talks about their favourite type of alcohol and goons fall over themselves to denigrate every loving thing and talk about how what a fucken scrub you have to be if you're not drinking this boutique fancy pants magicians arsecheek liqour and can't believe how anyone would denigrate themselves by having anything less than perfection at all times? Yeah, gently caress that noise, no one likes those guys. I honestly believe the same thing about supporting a local league.

Honestly, I can't speak for anyone but myself but I loving love the A-league. I was bought up in a small town and born into a family that worshiped football in a state famous for it's passion for Australian rules, and spent a lot of time being told that soccer was for Sheilas, wogs, and poofters. I had no local club to follow beyond that amateur level, and moved to Melbourne around the time the league was launched. For me, it felt like the natural extension to what I've been doing for my whole life.

For others, I have no idea why you would want to get involved. I think the games are exciting, I love the passion of the players, fans, and coaches, and I enjoy that football is entering the mainstream in Australia. If you remember the Socceroos at the World Cup, getting trounced but just loving loving it the whole time, that is a good description of how much fun the A-league can be. For most of the leagues short existence, each city had one representative team and that team took on the traditional colours and rivalries associated with that region. Newcastle hates the Mariners, the Sydneys hate each other, and every one loving hates Melbourne Victory for a multitude of reasons that go back to colonial days. For reference, an entirely new city and capital territory was needed because Melbourne and Sydney couldn't not be arseholes to each other.

The season also takes place in the Southern summer, so that means that most of the games are in loving glorious sunshine.

Anyway, I'll let whoever wants to chime in about the various teams, the Asian Champions League, the FFA Cup, and the various magnificent spasticness that happens each and every goddamn day.

Let's do this :australia:

THE TEAMS

Melbourne Victory -Bogan Krkic

Bogan Krkic posted:

Hello I'm here to teach you about my best teams

Melbourne Victory

Really good, the best team, the only team with endless mdt posting from known shitposters such as myself. Biggest team in the league, with the best fans 5 years running, and deservedly favourites for the upcoming season. Managed by paragon of sporting fairness, Kevin 'don't go past me or I will break your legs' Muscat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJQTjewR9KU
The best player in the league is Leigh Broxham, a versatile and inventive central midfielder, who despite being 5 ft 6 can capably fill in at central defense to shut down Emile Heskey, can smash in long range volleys from midfield, and was the first player to come through from the terraces to the pitch, having been a season ticket holder, then volunteered as the kit man at the club before winning a trial and going on to be the current vice-captain.

Closely following DJ Beat Brox is Gui Finkler, a Brazilian wizard who has an eye for a pass, a great shot from a dead ball, and will be providing the balls through to last season's top scorer and known Serbian, Besart Berisha.

The worst player at Victory is this lad, Jason Geria. Despite having a lot of pace and energy, and being pretty strong along with having a great wingspan, he's absolute gash. Will hopefully be replaced this season by some Macedonian international I've never heard of.

Scummiest player is easily Big Bes Berisha. A lovable kind of oval office (now that he's at my team), he's not dirty, he's just tenacious and wants to win.

GET HYPE

Brisbane Roar - Byolante

Byolante posted:

Choo Choo real fan coming through oval office

Just like there is only one God and Allah is his prophet there is only one football and Brisbane roar is his team. Some teams are great, some teams have greatness thrust upon them and some teams have a albanian up front kicking people in the face and trying to lure defenders into fighting him in the carpark. Brisbane roar fall into the 3rd group. Having won 3 of the last 4 grand finals they are the obvious plastic's choice which is a shock considering they have never had big names like Sdney or a trash collection agency as a sponsor like Adelaide (that sponsor is very useful to round up people to go to the games to increase the gate). If you want to plastic though support Melbourne like everyone else.

Our current coach is Mike Mulvey, a football genius and all around great guy who I was described as 'If Vidosic was that poo poo what hope does that idiot from the Gold Coast have'. Turns out he is actually the best coach in the league and took us to being 10 points clear of second place at the end of the season. Quality dude with a philosophy of triangles that would make El Hefe break down in awe at the beauty.

Our best player is Thomas Broich. He is a low rent Cesc Fabregas at the heart of our midfield. Spraying passes left, spraying passes right, don't ask him to shoot unlees you want to give row z a fright.

Our worst player is Liam Miller. He is god awful and needs to be put down like old yeller.

Our dirtiest player is now at melbourne victory, how sad.

And just remember

Wellington Phoenix - flyingkiwi

flyingkiwi posted:

The Wellington Phoenix are garbage and I don't like them, also nothing good has ever come out of the North Island. And I still can't believe our only professional club's captain is an Australian and we naturalized him for the All Whites, what is wrong with us?

Adelaide United - MMG

MysticalMachineGun posted:

None of you east coast bastards are talking about Adelaide. I'm here to fix that.

The Mighty Reds represent Adelaide, the city of ~~KINGS~~ Churches. We won the inaugural A-League season and while we haven't won it since, we've been in the Asian Cup 4 times, more than any other A-League team.

Josep Gombau is our current coach, he of the freaky eyebrows. He's had his run-ins with the Adelaide media last season so his popularity here in SA comes and goes. Personally I'm enjoying his style of coaching thus far and look forward to what he can do this season.

Bruce Djite is our current best player (that we've managed to hang onto, and even then he's played for other teams and then come back). A solid striker, lately he's been paired up with whatever guest signing we have up forward.

Off the top of my head Cam Watson is our worst player. Not that he's exceedingly terrible, just consistently mediocre.

Adelaide United play out of Hindmarsh Stadium, the best loving ground in Australia since I can catch a train + tram to get there super easy.

E: Disclaimer: I'm probably not as hardcore as the rest of the posters in this thread so I may be full of poo poo.

Western Sydney Wanderers - efcso

efcso posted:

Evening cunts.

Being from Western Sydney, of course I support the most dynamic and exciting team in the whole league - the mighty Western Sydney Wanderers, the biggest and best team in Australia's premier city, and the one that everyone else is jealous of, especially East Sydney FC plastics...

We're half-way through the semi-final home/away of the Asian Champions League, which is a decent effort for our first excursion into the ACL. We'll probably get bundled out in the home leg, but as with everything else since our first-ever game - it's not the results that matter most. I'm just stoked to have a team that represents me and my family.

I never followed a team previously, despite watching the A-League since Season 1, until WSW came along. I signed up in a heartbeat (member number 85!) and it's been my team since.

Oh yeah, I'm also an FFA accredited photographer, so I shoot most of the Wanderers home games, a few training sessions and other stuff (like the Youth League and Women's League) - either for the club, for various magazines or newspapers, for the players themselves, or just because I can. I don't usually bother going to BlingFC games in the city, other than the Derby, because it's a waste of loving petrol to take photos of mediocre players in sky blue and drink bad coffee.

So any of the images I post on here will be mine.

Like this one:

When I can be arsed, I'll drop in sometimes and shower you all with loving awful photos, opinionated arsehattery and generally chuck poo poo at your favourite team.

Central Coast Mariners - MiniSune

MiniSune posted:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_Coast_Mariners_FC

The Central Coast Mariners are a team in Gosford on the Central Coast area, just North of Sydney. Aka Sea Bogans, aka Gypos to uncultured Newcastle Jest supporters who lack any sense of historical knowledge of how offensive the term is aka The Little Engine that Could aka The Land of the Sauce Bottles.

(The heritage listed sauce bottles in front of some lovely old palms)

Urban Dictionary accurately describes Gosford as:
"Gosford

A city in NSW, Australia. It's the largest city in the Central Coast area. Deros, junkies, dealers, brothels, nightclubs, pubs and the rest of the scum that make up the lower class in society reside here. Best to take some kind of protection with you when coming from sydney, newcastle or melbourne as fuckwits there tend to glass, bash, stab and shoot each other over nothing. Stay away from the train stations in the area like woy woy, lisarow, niagara park, wyong etc after dark as your likely to get rolled, robbed or bashed for no reason...

Often driving you will pass masses of youths drinking on the streets and fighting coz "there's no good parties round" or because "its a monday". has the highest youth unemployment and crime rate in nsw per capita. unlike parts of sydney which are dominated by gangs of certain races, the whole coast is a mixed boiling pot of different backgrounds living off welfare payments, alcohol, weed and other drugs.

Close to some nicer areas like terrigal and avoca, its just gosford and its inner suburbs like wyoming, lisarow, niagara park, narara are where all the poor, unemployed and criminals live.

1. "Hey mate lets hit iggy's in Gosford this fri, they've got mad hot chicks"

"no way, they'll probably stab us and roll us for our liqor" "

The Mariners are a poor club, with the smallest catchment of any team with a population of 300K - they were only included originally to be a token "regional" team to make up the numbers, which was turned down by the Wollongong because they thought it was a crap idea. For the first season they had no training facilities and the manager had to buy all of his kit at the local Supermarket. Due to the miracle of modern Politics, several tens of millions have been pumped into an old field next to a sewerage works in Tuggerah (Aboriginal for Shopping Centre) which has left the Mariners with arguably some of the best training facilities in the country, and on the path to one day having their own 5 - 10K seat stadium (Government largesse notwithstanding). Which just goes to show that if you want a well resourced sports club, have it in a Federal marginal seat.

(Amazing what computers can do, you can't see the treatment works anywhere)

The Mariners have had several owners, been late with player payments (being a catalyst for the A-Leagues central contracting), late paying creditors, even are currently accused of phoenixing to gently caress over suppliers, and are up for sale again, as two years of not being poo poo broke has proven too much.

In spite of (or because) of the lack of funds the Mariners end up having a fairly stable playing roster with a mix of the odd journey man and a bunch of kids. Mainly because they cannot afford anything else or to fire anyone. It means also that instead of buying their way to success, they have had to poach juniors from everywhere (Mainly Blacktown City), pay them gently caress all and then flog them for large transfer fees to overseas clubs (Matt Ryan, Tom Rogic, Mile Jedinak, Alex Wilkinson) . This is something they have excelled at with a dedicated scouting network because who the gently caress in their right mind would want to voluntary live in Gosford. They have also given unwanted players a home and turned them into reasonable prospects again (Tony Vidmar, Sasho Petrovski, Daniel McBreen).

(This man would be King if he wasn't at Celtic and not loving injured.)

Oddly enough as a result the Mariners have been a bit of a success and really are the little team the could. Two premiers plates, one championship (after three excruciating failures) and a pre-season cup, they have won a bit of silverware. With a running cost of just over a million a year, they have a stable back office (because they have gently caress all staff) and an almost non-existent marketing budget which has led to them pioneering the "community club" model where players go an visit schools because they have no money for anything else to do.

(Was actually won, not stolen. Unless of course your a WSW fan in which case harden up princess.)

Surprisingly they only have had three coaches in ten years, although again this may be because they have been too poor to sack them. Lawrie Mckinna the inaugural coach resigned because he could not be hosed studying for a higher license and is now Mayor of Gosford.

Following the resignation Lawrie they signed former "most useless coach in the world" Graham Arnold who, despite almost everyone lauding it as the worst idea ever, came cheap and subsequently led the mariners to a premiers plate and two grand final appearances (with one win). This attracted the attention a Japanese club who signed him, where he promptly became poo poo again and resigned after seven games. He's wound up at Syndey FC, but time will tell if the dark forces at Sydney FC that eat coaches alive also swallow him whole.

The current coach is Phil Moss. Reputed to have a good footballing brain, he took over the side last year and finished a fairly credible third and made the semi finals with arguably a pretty average team that never once put together a complete performance all season. This is his first pre-season and the squad bares his hallmark, well as much as you can when your skint.

(International man of mystery, Phil "The Boss" Moss)

Once again the new squad is a mix of some old players (Hutchinson, Montgomery, Bosnar), and some young guns (Duke, Roux, Anderson) and a few shrewd imports (Mane, Venres and Kim Seung-yong). Every year people fail to rate the Mariners chances, and almost every year they exceed expectations of not getting the spoon and actually achieve something.

The Mariners play out of Central Coast Stadium (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_Coast_Stadium) aka Bluetongue Stadium, aka Express Advocate Stadium aka The Place with the giant Sauce Bottle Stadium.

(Actual view from near my seat pre sauce bottle. Getting in early has benefits)

The Stadium is pound for pound one of the best viewing stadiums in the country, unfortunately the food has been rather average to shite and Bluetounge Beer (former stadium sponsor) really is quite shite. With Bluetounge unsurprisingly going broke, it will be interesting to see what beer will step in to takes its place. They do have excellent coffee and donuts however. And it is opposite one of the largest ~~pokie dens~~ entertainment clubs with an "All you can eat" bistro which is actually half decent. And cheap beer. I recommend the red pork.

The sauce bottles are endowed with some mystical powers as to make opposition teams crap and Matt Simon unable to be sent off.

(A common Matt Simon scene)

Ah Matt Simon. Local boy made good, who wears his heart on his sleeve for the club and puts in 100%. Also violent thug whilst not called Kevin Muscat is slowly working his way too it. Hated by others, reviled by Newy supporters, yet loved by Mariners fans. In all fairness he is reasonably talentless but did hit a good patch a form a few years ago where he jagged a contract in Korea. He was pretty shite there, and now he is back, and knowing the Mariners he'll probably make an impact. Usually to the Tibia.

You follow the Mariners if your poor, unloved and don't rate yourself and you don't really care. You also follow them if you want to see young talent struggle then succeed. The silverware is a bit of a bonus really.

The sauce bottles also fly. The other teams just cannot compete with this level of entertainment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UA8lULQvQyY

gently caress OFF SYDNEY

dj_pain posted:

I was going to write some words about sydney fc but this picture says it all.

Newcastle Jets - Fingolfin

quote:

Fingolfin posted:
I wouldn't classify myself as a jets fan, I have seen them play a few times and didn't even get bashed. All I know is some rich fat oval office bought them and every one was like 'wooo' then everyone realised he was a rich fat oval office who didn't pay anyone so now everyone's like 'oh I wanna bash im'

Also this one time we had Heskey, that was fun.

This perfectly sums us up, I think this guy was our captain last year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d29OUqow-ug

Also the sex broadcasting system is streaming games this year, noice. I hate (i.e. can't afford) fox sports.-

Stilled to be added: Perth Glory, Melbourne Heart/City

Where can I satiate my lust for misguided opinion and lofty analysis??

There are a number of good blogs around that avoid being too far up the arse of any one team or the FFA in general.
One of the better ones is the theworldgame.sbs.com.au, although they do have a vested interest in promoting a good image of the game given that, you know, they're paying for it. Despite the possibility of a conflict of interest, the majority of the contributors are sane and at least appear restrained in their evangelism. You can often find the scribblings of ~~The Cro Mafia~~ respected football pundits and notable former players such as Craig Foster, Robbie Slater (who looks like skeletor and no one believes me), David Zdrilic, and most importantly of all LES FUCKIN MURRAY. Obligatory, required viewing etc etc: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrOLGifnMJk

This is my current alarm on my phone, and remains the only song I have ever paid money to iTunes for. Taught my girlfriend so many superstars now she can namedrop like a motherfucker in any setting, provided that setting requires the occasional "oh yeah I've sort of heard of that guy".

Leopold Method has been strongly recommended for those who like in-depth analysis of tactics and formations, similarly with FourFourTwo Australia (although 442au also collates a fair amount of regular news as well).

My personal favourites are The Roar, for when I want to read the opinions of 1000 gibbering trolls and code warriors, but I ultimately would like to recommend the living poo poo out of footballtoday.com.au - Football Today collects articles and blogs from wide variety of sources. The various official club feeds can be viewed there, if you want to hear what Trent from marketing has to say on twitter, or you can have a look at the various fan forums around.

A-League specific resources are also available - Ultimate A League for a fan-driven and occasionally stats obsessed approach, including a podcast. The Football Sack is similar, but without the stats obsession and aside from one author who appears determined to document his local junior womens league, updates fairly sporadically.

The others around will also know many, many more - so feel free to ask.

Where can I watch this poo poo?

That's the fuckin spirit! First of all, oh my stars more like how could you not. Options for watching the A-league are plenty, and (as far as I can tell) aren't geoblocked or any such poo poo on the net.

In order of legality from papal bull to Christopher Skase :australia:

, here are your options:
1. Fox Sports. In Australia, Fox Sports subscribers will have every game live and the good pundit team that also includes Mark Bosnich
[img]http://imgur.com/GGR30z0.jpg[img]
file photo

If you are not in Australia, or are one of the proles who like me doesn't have subscription TV, you can see the full match replays here: http://www.foxsports.com.au/video

2. Soccer Bloody Soccer, the EssBeeEss. Each Friday night SBS will broadcast one game live, with absolutely boring as poo poo SBS pundits but with Fox Sports commentary. SBS will also broadcast the grand final with a one hour delay (boo!).

3. The Streams! Oh god the streams. My personal favourite is pirlotv.tv/coolsport-tv.php; but others have found joy in wiziwig.tv and host of others. Again, just ask. We're a friendly bunch of cunts.

Still to come, the FFA cup write up, and the ACL write-up

Tongues fucked around with this message at 01:54 on Oct 11, 2014

# ? Sep 20, 2014 14:31

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 13:50

Adnar: Jul 11, 2002

Adnar posted:

Sydney > Melbourne

# ? Sep 20, 2014 14:59

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

Tongues posted:

Sheilas, wogs, and poofters

This is a good book, FYI

# ? Sep 20, 2014 15:30

EvilHawk: Sep 15, 2009; LIVARPOOL!

Klopp's 13pts clear thanks to video ref

Required viewing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ughNoJbjqbw

# ? Sep 20, 2014 16:19

Bogan Krkic: Oct 31, 2010; Swedish style? No.
Yugoslavian style? Of course not.
It has to be Zlatan-style.

Hello I'm here to teach you about my best teams

Melbourne Victory

Really good, the best team, the only team with endless mdt posting from known shitposters such as myself. Biggest team in the league, with the best fans 5 years running, and deservedly favourites for the upcoming season. Managed by paragon of sporting fairness, Kevin 'don't go past me or I will break your legs' Muscat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJQTjewR9KU
The best player in the league is Leigh Broxham, a versatile and inventive central midfielder, who despite being 5 ft 6 can capably fill in at central defense to shut down Emile Heskey, can smash in long range volleys from midfield, and was the first player to come through from the terraces to the pitch, having been a season ticket holder, then volunteered as the kit man at the club before winning a trial and going on to be the current vice-captain.

Closely following DJ Beat Brox is Gui Finkler, a Brazilian wizard who has an eye for a pass, a great shot from a dead ball, and will be providing the balls through to last season's top scorer and known Serbian, Besart Berisha.

The worst player at Victory is this lad, Jason Geria. Despite having a lot of pace and energy, and being pretty strong along with having a great wingspan, he's absolute gash. Will hopefully be replaced this season by some Macedonian international I've never heard of.

Scummiest player is easily Big Bes Berisha. A lovable kind of oval office (now that he's at my team), he's not dirty, he's just tenacious and wants to win.

:coffeepal:

GET HYPE

# ? Sep 20, 2014 22:42

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747

Choo Choo real fan coming through oval office

Just like there is only one God and Allah is his prophet there is only one football and Brisbane roar is his team. Some teams are great, some teams have greatness thrust upon them and some teams have a albanian up front kicking people in the face and trying to lure defenders into fighting him in the carpark. Brisbane roar fall into the 3rd group. Having won 3 of the last 4 grand finals they are the obvious plastic's choice which is a shock considering they have never had big names like Sdney or a trash collection agency as a sponsor like Adelaide (that sponsor is very useful to round up people to go to the games to increase the gate). If you want to plastic though support Melbourne like everyone else.

Our current coach is Mike Mulvey, a football genius and all around great guy who I was described as 'If Vidosic was that poo poo what hope does that idiot from the Gold Coast have'. Turns out he is actually the best coach in the league and took us to being 10 points clear of second place at the end of the season. Quality dude with a philosophy of triangles that would make El Hefe break down in awe at the beauty.

Our best player is Thomas Broich. He is a low rent Cesc Fabregas at the heart of our midfield. Spraying passes left, spraying passes right, don't ask him to shoot unlees you want to give row z a fright.

Our worst player is Liam Miller. He is god awful and needs to be put down like old yeller.

Our dirtiest player is now at melbourne victory, how sad.

And just remember

# ? Sep 21, 2014 00:08

Bogan Krkic: Oct 31, 2010; Swedish style? No.
Yugoslavian style? Of course not.
It has to be Zlatan-style.

I now know where Byolante sits so I'm going to go to Brisbane and start a fight with him and his hosed up thumb. I renewed my membership really late so it's almost certainly going to have not been posted by Round 1 ftl

# ? Sep 21, 2014 00:11

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747