SedanChair posted:

One and done, you don't get to drive any more. Stop driving cars anyway, get with the eco-local paradigm shift, you drunk fuckin' louts. You don't get to drive anymore; but it's all right, I'm not angry with you. Shhh. It's OK, the nightmare of having to drive a car is over.

For your first and only DUI, you're sentenced to treatment. If you're driving drunk, you're probably doing other stupid dangerous poo poo, stop that. Go to treatment. Or don't, gently caress it but if you don't you now have a case manager who follows you around like the P.I. in the volkswagen from The Big Lebowski. In any case, you're not driving any more.

Now of course a policy like this would result in tons of people driving anyway. To which I respond flippantly "Oh well I guess we'd better not try to pass any laws ever then"

Or I could respond with the perspicacity of Solon, the Lawgiver 'n point out that drunk driving is an issue of driving as much as it is one of drinking. Poor people feel a sense of desperation when they look at their cars, and yet they have to maintain 'em. All they want to do is get drunk, but they can't just walk somewhere, it's far away. Increase density! Relax small business zoning in residential areas! Open the floodgates of liquor licenses into the neighborhoods! Drink at a cash bar in your neighbor's converted prefab outbuilding, with a 60 inch Samsung TV and a propane heater! Without crippling regulations that only hurt small entreprenurs.

Pay for night time shuttle service with county funds! ~pay for it with savings from emergency services~

Offer drunken shitkicker 19-year-olds a choice of 1) welding classes or 2) a job on a fishing boat. A THERAPIST IS EMBEDDED IN THE CREW OF THE FISHING BOAT

Ban internal combustion passenger vehicles on public roads with a curb weight of greater than 2800 pounds! *speaks in tongues* Nationalize all cab companies! The Biden's Golden Ticket Act: free rail and bus fare nationwide for the rest of your life! For everyone! or a steel road bike all laid out with Campagnolo and a Brooks saddle, ewwww look how filthy it is