Loot crate

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Imp Zone > Loot crate

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Hoodrich: Feb 4, 2011; by Reene

Evil Dragonborn T-Shirt

# ? Oct 20, 2014 19:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 5, 2024 08:49

Zeuhl: Dec 15, 2009; hand is free

AndyAML posted:

I just got my monthly Pwncube, and, gamers, they've done it again. This month's haul?

A vinyl Bayonetta figure with a noticeably dented head

Xenoblade Chronicles (not the game, just a printout of the words "Xenoblade Chronicles")

A Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball fridge magnet

Half of a picture of Master Chief

And of course, the monthly commemorative badge with the Pwncube slogan, "Game Free Or Die"

How do they keep cramming so much win into a tiny box every month?!

Ooh ooh I got one

A(1) NERD BOX

Contents included:
Nerd Box(1)
Nerd Flaps(4)
Sandisk Micro Cruzer Flash Drive(Yours to Keep)

Hoodrich posted:

Evil Dragonborn T-Shirt

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:03

Wormskull: Aug 23, 2009

Hoodrich posted:

Evil Dragonborn T-Shirt

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:15

BERGfu: Aug 24, 2010

Hoodrich posted:

Evil Dragonborn T-Shirt

hahaha

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:16

LSTB: Nov 13, 2000

bonzibuddy64 posted:

Hey guys, check out Loot crate , this months loot crate theme is the Dark side, comes with a darth vader pin, Evil dragonborn t-shirt and "Come to the dark side we have cookies" mouse pad.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:19

Vermain: Sep 5, 2006

elf help book posted:

i got plastic vampire teeth

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:21

Vermain: Sep 5, 2006

biox mystery thread was the greatest accomplishment of the something awful forums

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:22

Great Joe: Aug 13, 2008

hey thread you just got a vote crate from me

it's a 5!!!

# ? Oct 20, 2014 20:59

DrManiac: Feb 29, 2012

Every time I halfway think about getting a random box I remember the SA thread about goons getting scammed by spending $50 on a box full of plastic vampire teeth.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 21:01

Wormskull: Aug 23, 2009

DrManiac posted:

Every time I halfway think about getting a random box I remember the SA thread about goons getting scammed by spending $50 on a box full of plastic vampire teeth.

Loot Crate is highly reputed amongst gamers. Wyld and Bacon_Donut, my 2 favorite MineCraft Streamers, swear by them and are even sponsored by them to my knowledge.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 21:16

Hoodrich: Feb 4, 2011; by Reene

bonzibuddy64 posted:

Hey guys, check out Loot crate , this months loot crate theme is the Dark side, comes with a darth vader pin, Evil dragonborn t-shirt and "Come to the dark side we have cookies" mouse pad.

i was LOLing at this all day

# ? Oct 21, 2014 05:11

Talkc: Aug 2, 2010; Mizuki! Mizuki! Mizuki!
***DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME***

In the distant future, human cyborg hybrids survive only on the contents of a junkyard of discarded loot crates, satisfied in the carbohydrate richness of sticker glue, silkscreen ink, and lanyard plastic.

Truly the grim darkest of futures.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 13:02

ForeverSmug: Oct 9, 2012

Talkc posted:

In the distant future, human cyborg hybrids survive only on the contents of a junkyard of discarded loot crates, satisfied in the carbohydrate richness of sticker glue, silkscreen ink, and lanyard plastic.

Truly the grim darkest of futures.

this dark future sounds remarkably identical to my life right now

# ? Oct 21, 2014 14:50

BERGfu: Aug 24, 2010

Talkc posted:

In the distant future, human cyborg hybrids survive only on the contents of a junkyard of discarded loot crates, satisfied in the carbohydrate richness of sticker glue, silkscreen ink, and lanyard plastic.

Truly the grim darkest of futures.

Speaking of which how was the borderland's prequel?

# ? Oct 21, 2014 14:52

Mr. Kerstbal: Sep 2, 2011; ORIGINAL MONKEY FUCKER

I'll check it out op

# ? Oct 21, 2014 14:52

elf help book: Aug 5, 2004; Though the battle might be endless, I will never give up

Mr. Kerstbal posted:

I'll check it out op

It's like PAX delivered to your house!

# ? Oct 21, 2014 14:54

thuly: Jun 19, 2005; Transcending history, and the world, a tale of MS Paint and animes, endlessly retold.

"*wheeze* just got this month's Impb0x here *wheeze*"

Camera fumbles wildly for eight seconds, focuses on an overlarge hand gently stroking a box adorned with low quality lara croft fanart.

"Let's just get heh let's just *wheeze* get lara's box open here -"

more camera fumbling as an offbrand swiss army knife comes into frame, slowly cutting the tape along the seams of the parcel.

"Well what do we have here" the man's voice slightly shrieks as the items come into view. A police siren sounds in the distance covering the cellophane crunch of the first object leaving the box.

"It's a pair of pistols phone charm, like the pistols from tomb raider. I can just pop this on my phone case. When I have to pretend to be on the phone I can also make believe it's like blamblamblam hahaha. Don't gently caress with me when I'm phoneposting on the bus! HAhahahahaha."

The sausagelike fingers gently place the single-side press trinket down on the man's android phone before sliding both objects to the side of the dusty cornerdesk. "Alright, what's next?" falls quietly from the voice as his hand disappears once again into the treasure trove.

"Oh man!" A roll of fabric emerges. "This is cool!" A mini wallscroll falls open, displaying Lara Croft on all fours, smiling seductively at the viewer. "Oooooh-" his voice rises, then falls to a whisper. "I'll hang this up... later."

"It's gonna be tough to top that, didn't think Impb0x would be so sexy but that's why it's worth it." The camera points towards the ceiling. An elbow comes into frame briefly, and the shuffling sounds of the wallscroll being placed somewhere else in the room mingle with the sirens. What passes for silence continues for twenty seconds.

"Alright, *wheeze* what's the big finish" the piercing voice, too close to the microphone, accompanies a quick pan over the warcraft login screen before settling on the near depleted trove. "Oh man, this is kinda-" breaking glass and a blinding flash override whatever the intended message was. The video is silent, the microphone no longer working.

The image refocuses itself. Carpet is visible. Flames come into focus - no, not flames, a shirt depicting flames covering the quivering forearms attached to the diabetic hands that a minute ago were gently stroking newfound treasures. Laced black boots under bloused blue pants kick at the man. His struggles cease swiftly, his obese frame obviously expended. A gloved hand holding a syringe drops from above, followed by the body of a police officer.

The fat man is stuck in the arm. No concern for his comfort. Cold efficiency. This is routine, the officer has done this countless times. The plunger depresses, thick blood leaking out of the wound. Another gamer has AIDS, no longer a threat. Sure he'll have another few years of cheap orange juice and mini donuts. There's still dozens of games in this fat gently caress's future, but he'll be dead soon enough, until then a heavily breathing reminder to uninstall steam and surrender your VidCons to the nearest amnesty station.

thuly fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Oct 21, 2014

# ? Oct 21, 2014 15:50

ForeverSmug: Oct 9, 2012

thuly posted:

"*wheeze* just got this month's Impb0x here *wheeze*"

Camera fumbles wildly for eight seconds, focuses on an overlarge hand gently stroking a box adorned with low quality lara croft fanart.

"Let's just get heh let's just *wheeze* get lara's box open here -"

more camera fumbling as an offbrand swiss army knife comes into frame, slowly cutting the tape along the seams of the parcel.

"Well what do we have here" the man's voice slightly shrieks as the items come into view. A police siren sounds in the distance covering the cellophane crunch of the first object leaving the box.

"It's a pair of pistols phone charm, like the pistols from tomb raider. I can just pop this on my phone case. When I have to pretend to be on the phone I can also make believe it's like blamblamblam hahaha. Don't gently caress with me when I'm phoneposting on the bus! HAhahahahaha."

The sausagelike fingers gently place the single-side press trinket down on the man's android phone before sliding both objects to the side of the dusty cornerdesk. "Alright, what's next?" falls quietly from the voice as his hand disappears once again into the treasure trove.

"Oh man!" A roll of fabric emerges. "This is cool!" A mini wallscroll falls open, displaying Lara Croft on all fours, smiling seductively at the viewer. "Oooooh-" his voice rises, then falls to a whisper. "I'll hang this up... later."

"It's gonna be tough to top that, didn't think Impb0x would be so sexy but that's why it's worth it." The camera points towards the ceiling. An elbow comes into frame briefly, and the shuffling sounds of the wallscroll being placed somewhere else in the room mingle with the sirens. What passes for silence continues for twenty seconds.

"Alright, *wheeze* what's the big finish" the piercing voice, too close to the microphone, accompanies a quick pan over the warcraft login screen before settling on the near depleted trove. "Oh man, this is kinda-" breaking glass and a blinding flash override whatever the intended message was. The video is silent, the microphone no longer working.

The image refocuses itself. Carpet is visible. Flames come into focus - no, not flames, a shirt depicting flames covering the quivering forearms attached to the diabetic hands that a minute ago were gently stroking newfound treasures. Laced black boots under bloused blue pants kick at the man. His struggles cease swiftly, his obese frame obviously expended. A gloved hand holding a syringe drops from above, followed by the body of a police officer.

The fat man is stuck in the arm. No concern for his comfort. Cold efficiency. This is routine, the officer has done this countless times. The plunger depresses, thick blood leaking out of the wound. Another gamer has AIDS, no longer a threat. Sure he'll have another few years of cheap orange juice and mini donuts. There's still dozens of games in this fat gently caress's future, but he'll be dead soon enough, until then a heavily breathing reminder to uninstall steam and surrender your VidCons to the nearest amnesty station.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 15:56

Buschmaki: Dec 26, 2012; ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿Lean Addict︵‿︵‿︵‿

E: nevermind.

Buschmaki fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Oct 21, 2014

# ? Oct 21, 2014 15:56

Buschmaki: Dec 26, 2012; ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿Lean Addict︵‿︵‿︵‿

I saw it quoted and decided to try and read it, halfway through and pretty funny, so far!

E: read it, really good post actually, I apologize for jumping the gun.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 15:57

Neurolimal: Nov 3, 2012

thuly posted:

"*wheeze* just got this month's Impb0x here *wheeze*"

Camera fumbles wildly for eight seconds, focuses on an overlarge hand gently stroking a box adorned with low quality lara croft fanart.

"Let's just get heh let's just *wheeze* get lara's box open here -"

more camera fumbling as an offbrand swiss army knife comes into frame, slowly cutting the tape along the seams of the parcel.

"Well what do we have here" the man's voice slightly shrieks as the items come into view. A police siren sounds in the distance covering the cellophane crunch of the first object leaving the box.

"It's a pair of pistols phone charm, like the pistols from tomb raider. I can just pop this on my phone case. When I have to pretend to be on the phone I can also make believe it's like blamblamblam hahaha. Don't gently caress with me when I'm phoneposting on the bus! HAhahahahaha."

The sausagelike fingers gently place the single-side press trinket down on the man's android phone before sliding both objects to the side of the dusty cornerdesk. "Alright, what's next?" falls quietly from the voice as his hand disappears once again into the treasure trove.

"Oh man!" A roll of fabric emerges. "This is cool!" A mini wallscroll falls open, displaying Lara Croft on all fours, smiling seductively at the viewer. "Oooooh-" his voice rises, then falls to a whisper. "I'll hang this up... later."

"It's gonna be tough to top that, didn't think Impb0x would be so sexy but that's why it's worth it." The camera points towards the ceiling. An elbow comes into frame briefly, and the shuffling sounds of the wallscroll being placed somewhere else in the room mingle with the sirens. What passes for silence continues for twenty seconds.

"Alright, *wheeze* what's the big finish" the piercing voice, too close to the microphone, accompanies a quick pan over the warcraft login screen before settling on the near depleted trove. "Oh man, this is kinda-" breaking glass and a blinding flash override whatever the intended message was. The video is silent, the microphone no longer working.

The image refocuses itself. Carpet is visible. Flames come into focus - no, not flames, a shirt depicting flames covering the quivering forearms attached to the diabetic hands that a minute ago were gently stroking newfound treasures. Laced black boots under bloused blue pants kick at the man. His struggles cease swiftly, his obese frame obviously expended. A gloved hand holding a syringe drops from above, followed by the body of a police officer.

The fat man is stuck in the arm. No concern for his comfort. Cold efficiency. This is routine, the officer has done this countless times. The plunger depresses, thick blood leaking out of the wound. Another gamer has AIDS, no longer a threat. Sure he'll have another few years of cheap orange juice and mini donuts. There's still dozens of games in this fat gently caress's future, but he'll be dead soon enough, until then a heavily breathing reminder to uninstall steam and surrender your VidCons to the nearest amnesty station.