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"*wheeze* just got this month's Impb0x here *wheeze*" Camera fumbles wildly for eight seconds, focuses on an overlarge hand gently stroking a box adorned with low quality lara croft fanart. "Let's just get heh let's just *wheeze* get lara's box open here -" more camera fumbling as an offbrand swiss army knife comes into frame, slowly cutting the tape along the seams of the parcel. "Well what do we have here" the man's voice slightly shrieks as the items come into view. A police siren sounds in the distance covering the cellophane crunch of the first object leaving the box. "It's a pair of pistols phone charm, like the pistols from tomb raider. I can just pop this on my phone case. When I have to pretend to be on the phone I can also make believe it's like blamblamblam hahaha. Don't gently caress with me when I'm phoneposting on the bus! HAhahahahaha." The sausagelike fingers gently place the single-side press trinket down on the man's android phone before sliding both objects to the side of the dusty cornerdesk. "Alright, what's next?" falls quietly from the voice as his hand disappears once again into the treasure trove. "Oh man!" A roll of fabric emerges. "This is cool!" A mini wallscroll falls open, displaying Lara Croft on all fours, smiling seductively at the viewer. "Oooooh-" his voice rises, then falls to a whisper. "I'll hang this up... later." "It's gonna be tough to top that, didn't think Impb0x would be so sexy but that's why it's worth it." The camera points towards the ceiling. An elbow comes into frame briefly, and the shuffling sounds of the wallscroll being placed somewhere else in the room mingle with the sirens. What passes for silence continues for twenty seconds. "Alright, *wheeze* what's the big finish" the piercing voice, too close to the microphone, accompanies a quick pan over the warcraft login screen before settling on the near depleted trove. "Oh man, this is kinda-" breaking glass and a blinding flash override whatever the intended message was. The video is silent, the microphone no longer working. The image refocuses itself. Carpet is visible. Flames come into focus - no, not flames, a shirt depicting flames covering the quivering forearms attached to the diabetic hands that a minute ago were gently stroking newfound treasures. Laced black boots under bloused blue pants kick at the man. His struggles cease swiftly, his obese frame obviously expended. A gloved hand holding a syringe drops from above, followed by the body of a police officer. The fat man is stuck in the arm. No concern for his comfort. Cold efficiency. This is routine, the officer has done this countless times. The plunger depresses, thick blood leaking out of the wound. Another gamer has AIDS, no longer a threat. Sure he'll have another few years of cheap orange juice and mini donuts. There's still dozens of games in this fat gently caress's future, but he'll be dead soon enough, until then a heavily breathing reminder to uninstall steam and surrender your VidCons to the nearest amnesty station. thuly fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Oct 21, 2014 |
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Oct 21, 2014 15:50
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| # ¿ May 18, 2024 17:17 |
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