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i'm intimidating as hell usually i understand it, it's tough being such a good poster, but just think of me as chopped host ted allen who needs people to judge the entree round
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Nov 9, 2014 05:13
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 20:56 |
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if you agree to be one of the judges i will 6 hr probate the byob user of your choice once you';ve made your judgepost 
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Nov 9, 2014 05:25
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i'll do it. the lack of volunteers disgusts me. i pick the girl because girls are mysterious |
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Nov 9, 2014 05:29
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dogcrash truther posted:if you agree to be one of the judges i will 6 hr probate the byob user of your choice once you';ve made your judgepost get in on this, guys |
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Nov 9, 2014 05:30
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wth posted:get in on this, guys and also pick me for the probin' |
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Nov 9, 2014 05:30
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pick a lurker |
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Nov 9, 2014 05:33
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 Alright, Marcus, Alex, you've both tried the entrees and are discussing your verdict, but where's Aaron? |
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Nov 9, 2014 05:34
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dogcrash truther posted:if you agree to be one of the judges i will 6 hr probate the byob user of your choice once you';ve made your judgepost holy.... |
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Nov 9, 2014 06:04
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Macho Destroyer, this is your chance to truly own me |
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Nov 9, 2014 06:06
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If no one else will do it, I'll do it when I get home in like 2 hours |
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Nov 9, 2014 06:12
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well, first of all i want to say congratulations to those who have made it this far. To our contestant who didn't make it, please don't take it personally but your food was awful, as was your personality and everything else about you.try again another time!! so, down to business, then. windmillslayer  i appreciate what you tried to do here with your first dish, i really do, but by dicing up this crew you've taken away the essence of its being, resulting in this neutered flavour. crews need to be whole to have any major presence. the curry and rice was well executed and tasty and saved this dish but you could have done better. Your second dish really did not hit the spot for me at all. normally i love irony but the smoobles certainly did not help, leaving it bland and tasteless. cumt  your choice of throwing away the smoobles won points with me because sometimes as a chef you have to step back, look at the situation, and realise that adding useless ingredients doesn't make things better. Keep It Simple. you did however make a similar mistake to windmillslayer by presenting finely chopped crews. i say this time and time again to budding chefs: stick with whole crew until you're completely confident. The irony salvaged your hopes, however. geexcee  the presentation of this dish was wonderful but the smoobles brine was mediocre and that nazi garnish was absolutely tasteless. you clearly have potential as a chef and i think if you'd just be a little braver and try something more classic rather than trying to create new things constantly then you could accomplish a lot. if you make it through this round i expect better - it was a tough set of ingredients and you did your best. theglavwen  smoobles is a difficult ingredient to use for sure, but i think you nailed it. I strongly suspect you've used smoobles extensively as an ingredient at home or somewhere else because it really was done very well; the taste coming out of nowhere, almost seeming like a combination of the rest of the dish. not much else to say, except im looking forward to your next dish. so, who's getting the chop?  geexcee im sorry but i have to pick you. Prove yourself next round if you make it through i still believe you can win this, that's how close it is
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Nov 9, 2014 07:20
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i was going to wait for at least another judge but it's been two hours |
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Nov 9, 2014 07:25
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i was waiting for bwee to post but whatever |
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Nov 9, 2014 07:31
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 you all scraped by in the first round apparently but now its pretty clear that you people know as much about cooking as i know about judging. lets start with windmill slayer. points for effort i guess. you also get points for making a dish. moving on. cumt, that's quite a meal! the smell, the appearance, the taste. especially the taste. such a vivid taste. the second i tasted it, memories started to fill my head. memories way back from my youth. it reminds me of a time when i was in my college dormitory eating a microwave dinner from albertsons. good job, you dunce. geexcee, i have to say i'm impressed with your boldness. not only did you use just one ingredient, you made an entire dish out of the ingredient that everyone else decided was unusable. very audacious. they say that it's not the choice of ingredients that matters, it's what you do with them. well they're wrong. choice of ingredients does matter and your dish is proof of that. oh hey, theglavwen. the dish is good i guess. where are the ladies? well, this was a pretty sorry showing all around. but it's not every day you eat something that dredges up memories you spent two decades trying to bury. cumt, you're chopped. im traumatized. |
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Nov 9, 2014 07:32
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 Aaran Sanches here to lay down some judgement. As you can probably tell by my tattoos, I can't read. The red haired anime girl made some boring sleepy poo poo with green goop on top. Not very good. That furry bear is more my style anyway. I'm very much into fur. And pictures. A++ would look at again. Left to consider are floating outer-underwear man and mustachioed olden times fellow, both with strong showings. Just kidding. Mustachioed man's dish was outrageously terrible. No picture and more words than I can even count to. I happen to have a thing for facial hair (any hair for that mattter), so I'll give him a pass this round. Outer-underwear man has visibly used all of his ingredients. They appear to all be mashed together on top of some potatoes. I like potatoes and I suspect that nazi banner is indeed used pseudo-ironically, so I'm going to have to recommend that Red Haired Anime Girl be CHOPPED. |
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Nov 9, 2014 11:24
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I just read the other judges opinions and there is no consensus. |
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Nov 9, 2014 11:27
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Mathhole posted:I just read the other judges opinions and there is no consensus. now everyone is nervously sat in the green room while the producer frantically tries to work out how to handle the situation, the camera work is now shaky and unfocused for dramatic effect |
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Nov 10, 2014 15:42
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 None of you could reach a consensus? gently caress it. BYOB?  [BYOB applauds wildly] BYOB, listen. You need to stop being white noise and actually contribute to something greater than yourself - a television show about cooking. WindmillSlayer, Cumt, or GEExCEE. Which one should be chopped? |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:21
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WAIT! *jumps into view* It's time for a surprise judge to break this tie! Let me take a look at these beasts and determine for SURE who is to be chopped! windmillslayer The other judges checked appearance and taste, but what does the food sound like? *puts ear up to plate* I hear.. the ocean. I hear the waves. I hear surfers having fun and splashing. Ooh lala, I hear some pretty babes sunning themselves on the beach. 10/10. Good dish. Sounds swell. theglavwen I don't like your shirt.   cumt Oh this dish.. This dish is making me randy! This dish, this dish! Oh I gotta shake my booty! *starts twerking like mad at the meal* Oh you like that! You like that! *butt girating like crazy* Man oh man, you want this? *starts giving a lapdance to the food, the meal getting all over my clothes as a spin my hips* You wanna join this, geecee? You wanna join this!? geexcee "No." Well eff you then! *goes back to town on cumt's dish, twirling my hands through the food, going faster and faster until sauces splatter all over my face* *suddenly stands up and regains composure* ------- And the person to be chopped is......... *slowly looks around the room for dramatic effect* *eyes go wide as I notice Aaran and lock on him* AARAN SANCHES! My worst enemy! You think you can get away with your crimes from all those years ago! You think you can escape me?! It is you who will be chopped!! *lunges towards Sanches, brandishing knives and guns blazing* |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:26
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geexcee made fun of one of my posts a while ago so i pick him, also lol at this thread |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:27
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Peanut and the Gang posted:And the person to be chopped is.........  Time to die, puta [AARON rips off his shirt] 
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Nov 10, 2014 16:35
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 Er... ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Sanchez and an audience member have just left the soundstage and are fighting each other outside. I'm cowering behind this chef's knife in case one of them decides to come back. But in the meantime, er, please welcome a replacement judge, Geoffrey Zakarian! 
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Nov 10, 2014 16:37
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i'm going outside to watch the fight, let me know if i'm through or whatever |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:47
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FartGhost posted:geexcee made fun of one of my posts a while ago so i pick him, also lol at this thread  Sure. Okay. Wjatever. I can tell the rest of the audience is too scared to say anything, and I really don't want to get stabbed, so GeeXCee, you have been CHOPPED! 
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Nov 10, 2014 16:52
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 Let's, uh, let's move on to the dessert round, and hopefully no one will get stabbed or shot. BYOB, please let me know what four ingredients are in the mystery basket!
Bwee fucked around with this message at 18:46 on Nov 10, 2014 |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:53
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hammock cat |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:55
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The Cake |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:56
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sadbrains |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:59
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irc chatlogs |
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Nov 10, 2014 16:59
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former iks |
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Nov 10, 2014 17:01
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*close up on me honing my knife* these ingredients are a real challenge. irc chatlogs are such a strong spice but so divisive. if I'm gonna pull this off I need to do something special. |
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Nov 10, 2014 17:01
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 You open the basket to find...
Wait, what's this? There's something else in the bottom of the basket. Welp I guess you have to use that too.
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Nov 10, 2014 18:52
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I don't watch chopped but this is a good thread also throw the former IKs in the blender. |
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Nov 10, 2014 20:57
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*Desperately doing prep work, chopping, slicing, posting, broiling, rating, etc* Hammock cat. What the gently caress. I cant believe they are making us cook with hammock cat. They are a protected species in most of the world. At least the hammock cat I got was already filleted. I'll do a quick sear on that I guess. If its cooked just right it should be a perfect base for a Sadbrains and Cake pasta. The Cake has hints of chicken broth, and you can tell it's a little out of date. Hopefully the lack of freshness doesn't come back to bite me... Sadbrains is just julienned and laid across the pasta. It should be tender enough to just eat it like pasta but I cant waste time trying it. I still have two ingredients. IRC chatlogs and Former IK's. I'm going to combine these, they go together perfectly. I heat up the IK's to boiling and toss in the irc chatlogs and quickly cover the pot, wait ten seconds, and pull the lid off. I take the lid and angle it, letting the condensation drip down into a glass. After a few moments I drip the mixture of the dish. It should bring the perfect taste and humor to a dish filled with such tragedy. |
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Nov 10, 2014 21:05
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 Aaron Sanches here. I have to say that Red Haired Anime Girl's next dish is looking quite promising. I can't wait to see what the other contestants 'cook up'. BWAHAHAHAH |
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Nov 11, 2014 07:38
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 Aaron... what the gently caress did you do? You killed an audience member? What the gently caress?! You're going to have to get out of the Chopped kitchen, Aaron. I'm chopping you. Karate chopping you. 
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Nov 11, 2014 16:21
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i love this thread 
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Nov 11, 2014 16:29
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I'm going all out this round. For my dessert I will bake a chocolate former IK soufflé with a little of The Cake in there. I'll demonstrate some sugar work with a delicate sugar spun basket over an IRC chatlog sorbet, hopefully there will be time for it to freeze, I'll use the hammock to cat help it chill. If I have time I'll whip up a sadbrainberry coulis. There's a lot that can go wrong on this plate and timing will be crucial. treasure bear fucked around with this message at 16:44 on Nov 11, 2014 |
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Nov 11, 2014 16:39
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Looking around at my competition, I feel confident. The worthy Windmillslayer seems to have, in her enthusiasm, forgotten that this is a dessert round. Cumt's obviously knows his dessert work, but former IK's are way too volatile and dense for a soufflé, and I think he's got a few in there of quite questionable taste. As I work, some of my offscreen/backstage commentary is played, where I talk condescendingly about my chances while giving a smug look at the camera in just the way to make the audience want me chopped as the 'badguy' chef. Oooh, drumming up some drama here. There's no doubt about it, Sadbrains is the heart of this dessert. It's extremely difficult to work with, so it'll require all of my skill, but done properly it's a delicate, vulnerable ingredient just brimming with powerful emotion and hints of schadenfreud. I start whipping up this delicate Schadenfreude mousse. While the mousse is preparing, I look at the other ingredients. I'm a bit confused, they've said we're supposed to use The Cake  but they seem to have given us just Cake.  It's alright though, as they're complimentary flavours and I can use both. I'll prepare Cake, with its unique, alternative flavour, as a small cake for the mousse to sit upon. It's a bit of a flighty ingredient though, so I'll have to weigh it down. I'll add density to it by sifting IRC Chatlogs into the mix, straining them through Hammock Cat's hammock, separating the IRC wheat from the chaff, and imparting a dose of that chill, irresistable Hammock Cat taste. Now we've got a dense, groovy base for that mousse. The mousse is almost ready. Those sadbrains, while delicate, can be a bit bitter and depressing too though, so I've got to liven the mixture up. That's where The Cake comes in. I mix in those psychedelic pop rocks to give the mousse a bit more upbeat intensity, while not disturbing its 'artistic' temperament and sensitivity. Plating the dish, I realize I've almost forgot the Former IKs! No worry though, as a bit of Cracked Bo Pepper garnished over the dessert will give it a bit of spicy kick that'll really top it off. Bam. Psychedelic Sadbrains mousse layered over dense and groovy mini-cakes, topped with a sprinkling of Bo Pepper. |
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Nov 11, 2014 21:29
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 20:56 |
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 Alright, time's up! Now let's look at our contestants: WindmillSlayer posted:*Desperately doing prep work, chopping, slicing, posting, broiling, rating, etc* Hammock cat. What the gently caress. I cant believe they are making us cook with hammock cat. They are a protected species in most of the world. At least the hammock cat I got was already filleted. I'll do a quick sear on that I guess. If its cooked just right it should be a perfect base for a Sadbrains and Cake pasta. The Cake has hints of chicken broth, and you can tell it's a little out of date. Hopefully the lack of freshness doesn't come back to bite me... Sadbrains is just julienned and laid across the pasta. It should be tender enough to just eat it like pasta but I cant waste time trying it. Cumt posted:I'm going all out this round. Theglavwen posted:Looking around at my competition, I feel confident. The worthy Windmillslayer seems to have, in her enthusiasm, forgotten that this is a dessert round. Cumt's obviously knows his dessert work, but former IK's are way too volatile and dense for a soufflé, and I think he's got a few in there of quite questionable taste. |
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Nov 12, 2014 00:34
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