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Your judges for the dessert round Marcus Samuelsson Quote: "Two people have died, and yet we are still forced to judge?"  Alex Guarnaschelli Quote: "Maybe we are in hell. Maybe judging Chopped is our punishment."  Geoffrey Zakarian Quote: "Ted killed Aaron in self-defense, but... he didn't have to do... that." BYOB, please choose your character! We need three volunteers for this round to judge the dishes! |
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Nov 12, 2014 00:38
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 14:20 |
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Bwee posted:
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Nov 12, 2014 00:43
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Nov 12, 2014 00:50
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this dude is fly. i'm totally him
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Nov 12, 2014 00:58
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i'll do it i'm geoffrey zakarian Windmillslayer Very bold, cooking a savory dish in a dessert round, but that's the kidn of creativity and element of surprise that makes a good chef a great chef. I also admire your dedication to bringing out the best in endangered species - I'll have you know that this hammock cat was badly injured and dying anyway, it was harvested completely legally. It's a delicacy, and you have done it justice in this - i must say, pasta as a bed? I was initially like "yawn" but you've done well here. The IRC chatlog former IK topping comes through really nicely, that hint of anime owl! Mmm.  theglavwen excellent work on the mousse here! The rest of the dish is okay, just okay, but th emousse really brings it together. it's not easy to make such a light mousse out of such a heavy subject matter. I'm a little disappointed at the minimal inclusion of hammock cat, it barely comes through, but the cracked bo pepper adds a really good savory, spicy surprise to this dish that paradoxically combines the light and the heavy pretty well overall.  Cumt I respect your attempt at making a souffle, the most dangerous dish known to everyone - it can explode and hurt people!! - and normally I'd be really into it, but i'm pretty traumatized by the murder that just happened, so i'm actually a little nervous to try it, what if it's trying to kill me?? I'm sorry. I like you, but you are chopped. 
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Nov 12, 2014 01:01
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alnilam posted:Cumt you don't have to worry about the soufflé ha ha 
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Nov 12, 2014 01:09
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Nov 12, 2014 01:12
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 well this has been a taste experience for sure guys  cumt: your former ik souffle was was risky choice, but it seemed to have worked out to your advantage. the use of hammock cat as a chilling element was excellent. your sadbrainberry coulis is to die for, but it looks like you won't be the one dying here. bravo my friend. bravo.  theglavwne: Your Schadenfreude mousse was inspired. working with sadbrains is always a risk, but you seem to have carried this one off without a single meltdown. mixing the bitter flavor with the cake provides layers of taste that's a real treat. i would have liked just a hint more hammock cat in the mix, but overall the combination was inspired. my single disappointment with your dish is the last minute addition of the bo pepper. there were so many exciting ik choices to work with, i feel the bo pepper was a rather bland choice. i would have gone with something more explosive. overall a very satisfying creation. thank you for your efforts.  now to windmillslayer. you're always providing us with thought provoking combinations, and the hammock cat with sadbrains and cake pasta was a risky but tasteful combination. your willingness to work with former iks despite your past public struggles with that ingredient is admirable. unfortunately, this is the dessert round, and i can't for the life of me figure out why you served this as a dessert. it was a nice effort, but your inappropriate menu choice was your fatal error. |
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Nov 12, 2014 01:29
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*close up, shocked* Dessert round?? what the hell.... I didn't even hear that. I should've paid more attention to the other chefs dishes. |
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Nov 12, 2014 01:35
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 Good evening, I'm Alex Guarnaschelli and I'm super excited to judge tonight! Windmillslayer, this is a very hearty dish, you definitely made the best of the Cake. I love IRC chatlogs and your preparation avoided overwhelming them in sauce. This really takes me to times of simple food and hard work, if you were a ranch cook you would be worshipped. Unluckily for you this is a gourmet kitchen and there's no room for mom's home cooking. Cumt you were very ambitious and as you said yourself there's a lot that could've gone wrong. And a lot did go wrong - i tasted actual raw hammock cat. disgusting. you believed your own press and your ego. you flew too close to the sun and your lovely wax wings melted all up in the souffle. Theglavwen I really enjoyed the schadenfreude taste in your dish, this was the best dish here tonight. You could've used the rawness of the IRC chatlogs to greater effect but you knew your limits and avoided wasting time on that. You are going to be a master chef one day. So who do I chop? it's between windmillslayer and cumt. bland cooking or ruined cooking, which do I like less? not an easy choice. but its cumt. turn in your knives. 
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Nov 12, 2014 04:22
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woah woah. a baby face. welcome! 
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Nov 12, 2014 08:02
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I can't believe they used hammock cat. *sits in the audience dabbing eyes* |
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Nov 12, 2014 09:29
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This Is Bullshit. My dishes have been consistently excellent these judges don't know Michelin star quality food when it's right in front of them. gently caress em. |
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Nov 12, 2014 14:33
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Thank you judges for coming to a consensus this time. Clearly Aaron was the problem here... Cumt, you have been Chopped! 
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Nov 12, 2014 16:48
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Oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear. We have two contestants left and we're already done with the dessert round. Audience, I need your suggestions for what course WindmillSlayer and Theglavwen should make! There's no mystery basket this time, so also please yell out ingredients you think they should be forced to use! I'll be sure to grab them from the pantry. ... Hey, Marcus, what are you doing? You can't sneak out of the Chopped kitchen until there's a Chopped champion! Back in your chair! |
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Nov 12, 2014 16:52
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*gargles* |
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Nov 12, 2014 16:57
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 please use this |
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Nov 12, 2014 17:10
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 some fresh comet |
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Nov 12, 2014 17:16
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they should have to make their last meal before they're executed |
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Nov 12, 2014 17:25
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as an ingredient: escargot avec tits |
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Nov 12, 2014 17:26
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the tears of an autistic child |
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Nov 12, 2014 18:20
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| the knowledge that one day, you will die | |
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Nov 12, 2014 18:48
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*nods approvingly as the bear is done away with* Mm, finally, a kitchen that understands the seriousness of our work. Now for the anime girl... |
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Nov 12, 2014 19:38
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gently caress you guys peace |
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Nov 12, 2014 19:45
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 it's bullshit that my fellow judges let someone through the dessert round without a dessert. obviously there's some sort of bribery going on here. suggested final round ingredient: corruption |
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Nov 12, 2014 19:49
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The theme of the final round is: Your last meal before you're executed! Of course this doesn't necessarily mean before *you're* executed... but maybe it does.... Anyway!  I've grabbed the required ingredients from our pantry. They are:
The final round starts... Now! |
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Nov 12, 2014 19:55
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Bwee posted:[*]escargot avec tits |
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Nov 12, 2014 20:25
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Nov 12, 2014 20:26
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Nov 12, 2014 20:28
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*A grin crosses my face* Ah, I know what I'll do for this round. All these ingredients, I know them like I know the complex intricacies of freudian psychology. Fresh comet is my heat source for this dish. At a blazing 3500f i flash cooks Cumts head and dehairs it at the same time. I make quick use of my paring knife and clear the bone, leaving cumts skull and a little meat forming a nearly cute brain bowl. The tears of the autistic child are difficult to work with, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't used them in dishes before. The flavor, and the remorse that comes with it, are exquisite. I can't pull off two dishes in the time limit though. Hmmm... The knowledge that I one day will die, and that that very day may be today if I lose strikes me with such power I instantly get to work on the snail with tits. I finish quickly. Slightly embarrassed I present the final dish, Snail with TIts, creamed, in a flash heated cumt skull with a broth of autistic tears. It's a challenging meal, but I hope the chefs will notice the extra work and play I put into making it. |
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Nov 12, 2014 21:04
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Here have we transcended the mortal conception of 'food'. Here in our final moments, mere comestibles become fuel not for our brief, pointless lives, but for our very souls! Now is required not only food, but art! Cumt's head must, of course, be the early focus of the dish. Delicately I remove the flesh from bone in thin strips. I'll prepare a Cumt Meat Tataki, lightly searing the tender meat then marinating it in freshly squeezed tears from an autistic child. That salty, confused and desperate taste, the bitter knowledge of a robot that will never be human, will provide the first hint of the tragedy we all know is coming. After boiling the skull so that it shines, I layer the tataki back over it, giving the semblance of hairless flesh, still clinging to bone in a desperate attempt at life. The hints of bleached skull gleaming through the gaps in its grinning rictus serve as a gruesome momento mori, reminding the judges of just how little time is left. How closely death accompanies us, even in our most mundane and every day activities. But now, now, the dish will come to life. Using all my dark powers, I summon the great comet Ia'Thncum! Ageless in its traversal of the void, its heat as fresh as the moment it was spawned in the birth of the universe! As the delicate and fragile dish of Cumt Head Tataki is served up to the judges, the heat of Ia'Thncum, our doom, will begin to lick at our mortal bodies. Eat quickly, judges, for our time is nigh! Our glorious death hovers in the sky, bringing everything into stark clarity. These are our last moments, Cumt Head Tataki, our final dish! How exquisite, how poignant, feel the despair, the knowledge that one day, this day, you will die, dance across your tongue! Feel it fire your every sense, taste it as you have never tasted anything before! Only through this, my art, my gift, can this elusive flavour truly be brought out! But what is this! Look up, judges, with Cumt dribbling from your quivering lips, look up at your end! There! Upon mighty Ia`Thncum, riding in her divine incandescence, the Great, Be-Titted Snail! That perky, glorious visage, shown only to those whose final moment is nigh! What wonder! Only now, in our final breath, are we granted the opportunity to know such mind-searing beauty! As Ia'Thncum completes its fatal mission, crashing down upon this fragile vessel we call BYOB, we can finally understand true beauty, and know that our brief, stunted lives were worth it after all. Cumt-Head Tataki, marinated in the tears of an autistic child, awash in the knowledge that one day, we will die, brought about by Ia'Thncum, Fresh Comet of The End, and finished with the final, transcendent bliss that is the knowledge of a snail with tits. ~Fin |
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Nov 12, 2014 21:41
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Raw snail tits to finish could either be awful or amazing. They have a really strong aftertaste. |
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Nov 13, 2014 00:29
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 Alright, time's up! Now let's look at our contestants: WindmillSlayer posted:*A grin crosses my face* Ah, I know what I'll do for this round. All these ingredients, I know them like I know the complex intricacies of freudian psychology. Fresh comet is my heat source for this dish. At a blazing 3500f i flash cooks Cumts head and dehairs it at the same time. I make quick use of my paring knife and clear the bone, leaving cumts skull and a little meat forming a nearly cute brain bowl. The tears of the autistic child are difficult to work with, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't used them in dishes before. The flavor, and the remorse that comes with it, are exquisite. Theglavwen posted:Here have we transcended the mortal conception of 'food'. Here in our final moments, mere comestibles become fuel not for our brief, pointless lives, but for our very souls! Now is required not only food, but art! |
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Nov 13, 2014 00:42
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Your judges for the final round Marcus Samuelsson Has the key to the nearest exit Alex Guarnaschelli Has a chef's knife in her purse Geoffrey Zakarian Has a disarming smile BYOB, please choose your character! We need three volunteers for this round to judge the dishes! |
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Nov 13, 2014 00:44
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bwee you've done a really amazing job at this and I loved it. I would judge for you but you need someone actually funny |
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Nov 13, 2014 01:48
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Everyone is welcome to judge, friend |
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Nov 13, 2014 01:50
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do it sec drone. i judged and i'm notoriously not funny |
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Nov 13, 2014 01:52
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I'll be Geoffrey Zakarian just to get the ball rolling. |
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Nov 13, 2014 02:02
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Bwee posted:
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Nov 13, 2014 02:04
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 14:20 |
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FluffieDuckie posted:do it sec drone. i judged and i'm notoriously not funny Very well. I am Geoffrey Zakarian.  We're well outside standard chopped protocols at this point, gentlemen. As a judge, I have an ethical obligation to not participate in something that is causing uneccessary death and suffering, and the palpable arrival of Ia'Thncum seems to present a clear and present danger. But I'm also a chef, and I have an ethical obligation to food -- breaking new boundaries and helping these visionary young chefs slip the surly bonds of mortal kitchenwork and pull back the curtain on the horrifying inner workings of the universe itself. Though my damned soul will rot in hell for all eternity for this and other crimes, I go to the plates.  Windmillslayer... Tsk. The choice to flash-sear the burning hair on the Cumt-head was ill-sighted, even if everything else worked out well. I can still taste that singed cartoon bear hair. Innovative use of the fresh comet, and the presentation is wonderful -- the creamed escargo avec tits does complement the Cumt-head flavor and it all melds together nicely with the autistic child tears, an ingredient I think we've all treasured for a long time and I'm glad to see it getting this send off before we all meet our end. Overall, great concept but take the time to dehair manually next time. I also feel the overall contribution from the knowledge of impending death didn't inform the dish as a whole here. This doesn't look like you fighting for your life, WMS. And now, with the oppressive, skin-skorching heat of Ia'Thncum drawing ever-closer, we have Glavwen's Cumt-barbacoa Tataki. Extremely clever use of the Cumt-head here; I thought many times as the show has progressed about how each of you would likely taste even just as a roast, and I'm pleased to see that Cumt is far less gamey than I was expecting. The almost thai-salad like combo of the tear marinade and the crispy seared Maillard reaction crust really adds something overall. The grinning skull of Cumt combined with Ia'Thncum inducing hallucinatory visions of the damned makes a very convincing, mutually supporting theme to the meal. The meal does indeed surpass normal food in every way. The execution is one prolonged scream of visceral horror. Well done. However, you must be chopped. My own connections to the ancient old ones whisper to me that only by consigning the foul summoner's soul to the Void -- or worse -- may any of us escape the living nightmare. Glavwen, you have been CHOPPED. *glances over at Guaraschnelli and her chef's knife, motioning her to go ahead* joke_explainer fucked around with this message at 02:26 on Nov 13, 2014 |
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Nov 13, 2014 02:24
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