chopped

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > chopped

bwatts

i'll do it. the lack of volunteers disgusts me. i pick the girl because girls are mysterious

# ¿ Nov 9, 2014 05:29

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 14:41

bwatts

pick a lurker

# ¿ Nov 9, 2014 05:33

bwatts

well, first of all i want to say congratulations to those who have made it this far. To our contestant who didn't make it, please don't take it personally but your food was awful, as was your personality and everything else about you.try again another time!!

so, down to business, then.

windmillslayer

i appreciate what you tried to do here with your first dish, i really do, but by dicing up this crew you've taken away the essence of its being, resulting in this neutered flavour. crews need to be whole to have any major presence. the curry and rice was well executed and tasty and saved this dish but you could have done better. Your second dish really did not hit the spot for me at all. normally i love irony but the smoobles certainly did not help, leaving it bland and tasteless.

cumt

your choice of throwing away the smoobles won points with me because sometimes as a chef you have to step back, look at the situation, and realise that adding useless ingredients doesn't make things better. Keep It Simple. you did however make a similar mistake to windmillslayer by presenting finely chopped crews. i say this time and time again to budding chefs: stick with whole crew until you're completely confident. The irony salvaged your hopes, however.

geexcee

the presentation of this dish was wonderful but the smoobles brine was mediocre and that nazi garnish was absolutely tasteless. you clearly have potential as a chef and i think if you'd just be a little braver and try something more classic rather than trying to create new things constantly then you could accomplish a lot. if you make it through this round i expect better - it was a tough set of ingredients and you did your best.

theglavwen

smoobles is a difficult ingredient to use for sure, but i think you nailed it. I strongly suspect you've used smoobles extensively as an ingredient at home or somewhere else because it really was done very well; the taste coming out of nowhere, almost seeming like a combination of the rest of the dish. not much else to say, except im looking forward to your next dish.

so, who's getting the chop?

geexcee im sorry but i have to pick you. Prove yourself next round if you make it through i still believe you can win this, that's how close it is

# ¿ Nov 9, 2014 07:20

bwatts

i was going to wait for at least another judge but it's been two hours

# ¿ Nov 9, 2014 07:25

bwatts

Security Drone posted:

Very well. I am Geoffrey Zakarian.

We're well outside standard chopped protocols at this point, gentlemen. As a judge, I have an ethical obligation to not participate in something that is causing uneccessary death and suffering, and the palpable arrival of Ia'Thncum seems to present a clear and present danger. But I'm also a chef, and I have an ethical obligation to food -- breaking new boundaries and helping these visionary young chefs slip the surly bonds of mortal kitchenwork and pull back the curtain on the horrifying inner workings of the universe itself. Though my damned soul will rot in hell for all eternity for this and other crimes, I go to the plates.

Windmillslayer... Tsk. The choice to flash-sear the burning hair on the Cumt-head was ill-sighted, even if everything else worked out well. I can still taste that singed cartoon bear hair. Innovative use of the fresh comet, and the presentation is wonderful -- the creamed escargo avec tits does complement the Cumt-head flavor and it all melds together nicely with the autistic child tears, an ingredient I think we've all treasured for a long time and I'm glad to see it getting this send off before we all meet our end. Overall, great concept but take the time to dehair manually next time. I also feel the overall contribution from the knowledge of impending death didn't inform the dish as a whole here. This doesn't look like you fighting for your life, WMS.

And now, with the oppressive, skin-skorching heat of Ia'Thncum drawing ever-closer, we have Glavwen's Cumt-barbacoa Tataki.

Extremely clever use of the Cumt-head here; I thought many times as the show has progressed about how each of you would likely taste even just as a roast, and I'm pleased to see that Cumt is far less gamey than I was expecting. The almost thai-salad like combo of the tear marinade and the crispy seared Maillard reaction crust really adds something overall. The grinning skull of Cumt combined with Ia'Thncum inducing hallucinatory visions of the damned makes a very convincing, mutually supporting theme to the meal. The meal does indeed surpass normal food in every way. The execution is one prolonged scream of visceral horror. Well done. However, you must be chopped. My own connections to the ancient old ones whisper to me that only by consigning the foul summoner's soul to the Void -- or worse -- may any of us escape the living nightmare. Glavwen, you have been CHOPPED. *glances over at Guaraschnelli and her chef's knife, motioning her to go ahead*

lmao

# ¿ Nov 13, 2014 02:28

bwatts

Cumt posted:

well done Theglavwen for winning the competition and congrats WMS on getting chopped

# ¿ Nov 15, 2014 21:39

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 14:41

bwatts

The X-man cometh posted:

Isn't that her plan anyway?

thanks for pointing out the joke you retard

# ¿ Nov 15, 2014 22:13

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > chopped