- Lil Cunty
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Abraham Lincoln was assassinated April 14th, 1865 at Ford's Theatre in Washington, DC, while attending a play with his wife. He was shot in the back of the head by noted stage actor and Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Boothe. Although toilet paper had been invented 8 years previous, it would not becoming commercially available until the 1880's. It is very likely that President Lincoln, Mrs. Lincoln and Mr. Boothe all had poopy butts on the night of the assassination.
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Nov 13, 2014 22:12
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May 29, 2024 10:23
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- Lil Cunty
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The Seven Years Wars is considered to have ended with the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1763. Although Britain was victorious, the British Prime Minister, Lord Bute, did not want to aggravate France toward another war, and generously ceded several profitable regions, including the territory of Guadeloupe, to France, while retaining less important territories, such as Canada. The duty on tea reached an all-time high in the mid-18th century, with tea taxes upward of 119%. Tea was so expensive that servants regularly stole tea stores from their employers, replacing them with used tea leaves, dirt and even dried horse manure. Lord Bute probably was drinking a poop slurry while reviewing the terms of the treaty.
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Nov 13, 2014 22:13
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- Lil Cunty
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Poop wasn't the only disgusting problem to plague history.
Queen Victoria of England declared herself Empress of India on January 1st, 1877, taking the name Victoria Regina et Imperatrix. However, as tampons would not be patented until 1933, she was most likely wearing an old bloody rag tied to a belt around her waist at the time.
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Nov 13, 2014 22:29
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- Lil Cunty
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Famous 17th century microscopist Anton van Leeuwenhoek, often referred to as "The Father of Microbiology", discovered that living organisms existed in deposits on the teeth (now known as dental plaque). Experimentation resulted in him correctly concluding that brandy and vinegar, the two leading mouthwashes at that time, did nothing to eliminate these organisms and in certain instances made them more prolific. Disregarding this information, Leeuwenhoek went on to marry and presumably kiss two women, first Barbara de Mey in 1654 and then Cornelia Swalmius in 1671.
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Nov 13, 2014 23:03
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- Lil Cunty
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King Henry VIII was severely injured when thrown from his horse in a jousting competition in 1536. His heavily-armored horse then fell on him, partially crushing his legs. Although the bones would heal, he suffered from infected leg ulcers for the rest of his life. Court physicians agreed that the best way to treat the infections was with constant lancing and draining of the sores, usually with a hot poker. One particularly bad lesion on his thigh seeped constantly, and the smell of burnt flesh and infection, described as "appalling" and "persistent", could be identified from 3 rooms away. Despite this, Henry VIII went on to consummate 6 more marriages. Considering Henry weighed over 400 lbs at the time of his death and missionary position was considered the only godly form of copulation, it is safe to assume that sex with the king always ended in being covered with rancid sweat and leg pus.
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Nov 14, 2014 00:03
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- Lil Cunty
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King Henry VIII was severely injured when thrown from his horse in a jousting competition in 1536. His heavily-armored horse then fell on him, partially crushing his legs. Although the bones would heal, he suffered from infected leg ulcers for the rest of his life. Court physicians agreed that the best way to treat the infections was with constant lancing and draining of the sores, usually with a hot poker. One particularly bad lesion on his thigh seeped constantly, and the smell of burnt flesh and infection, described as "appalling" and "persistent", could be identified from 3 rooms away. Despite this, Henry VIII went on to consummate 6 more marriages. Considering Henry weighed over 400 lbs at the time of his death and missionary position was considered the only godly form of copulation, it is safe to assume that sex with the king always ended in being covered with rancid sweat and leg pus.
i actually imagine it was similar to being crushed under a giant, rotting italian sub
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Nov 14, 2014 00:06
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- Lil Cunty
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The first documented record of syphilis in Europe was in 1494. Occuring first among French troops, it soon swept across Europe, reaching Asia by 1505 and decimating large areas of China. The Japanese were largely unaffected, due partially to the use of "glans condoms" as a guard against venereal diseases. Traditionally, glans condoms only cover the head or tip of the penis and were used throughout Europe as well as Asia. Typically, glans condoms were made out of treated animal skins or tissue membranes from the intestine and bladder. Japanese glans condoms were exceptionally effective against syphilis due to their strength and inability to tear, as they were made from tortoise shell or animal horn and were applied to the end of the penis with a vigorous screwing or threading motion.
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Nov 14, 2014 01:33
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- Lil Cunty
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The clyster reached the ultimate height in the early years of the reign of Louis XIV (1638-1715) who, it is reported, had over 2,000 enemas during his career. The "Enema King" sometimes even held court functions and received visitors during the procedure.
Royal enema waste could be procured as a royal blessing, with prices for a royal bm exceeding several farthings per ounce. In modern bitcoin parlance, this equals $410/bitcoin
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Nov 14, 2014 05:19
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- Lil Cunty
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16th century Chinese physician Li Shizhen described using fresh or fermented fecal products, also known as “yellow soup”, to treat severe diarrhea, fever, pain and constipation.
Yellow Soup, also referred to as clostridium difficile bacterial colonic introduction, is a slurry or "smoothie" of fecal material (aka poop) obtained from an intestinally-healthy donor and administered through enema or other colonic introduction. Early documentation indicates that initial forms of treatment were inspired by gastronomically impaired Indian elephants who were observed anally entering the rectums of healthy elephants with their trunks and devouring the bacterially balanced manure found therein.
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Nov 14, 2014 06:40
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- Lil Cunty
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Maypoles are generally regarded as phallic symbols celebrating the arrival of the Anglo-Saxon season of Spring. What most people don't realize is the ribbons that are traditionally wrapped around the maypole actually harken back to the days when human sacrifices were offered to local Druidic fertility gods. Original maypoles were actually rough-hewn staffs erected after victorious battles. Prisoners of war were ritualistically disemboweled, whereafter their colons were attached to the top of the maypole via twine or nails, and the victim was led around the maypole by naturalist priests until they fell bled out and perished.
lol?
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Nov 14, 2014 07:02
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- Lil Cunty
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Nazi Germany notoriously experimented on detained Jewish and Polish twins, subjecting test victims to experimentation ranging from eye pigmention to intentional conjoinism. Famed conjoined twins Chang and Eng Bunker, deceased 1874, would most likely have been thoroughly disgusted by these medical atrocities, but unfortunately died 55 years before WWII began and were unable to express their outrage.
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Nov 14, 2014 07:28
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Nov 13, 2014 22:12
