We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 06:25

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 07:33

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Arrhythmia posted:

actually OP: it's this wookiepedia page: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Breast

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101127053544/starwars/images/c/c6/Aayla_sleeping.jpg :nws:

ooh la la

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 06:32

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

this is hayden christensen's weirdly sexualized 14 year old "padawan" (that's a stupid word the prequels invented that means apprentice)

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 06:39

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Loden Taylor posted:

How every bit character, extra, and even person who is named but never shown on screen has to have an elaborate backstory.

Like in Episode II, when the head of the cloning program tells Obi-Wan that the clone army was ordered by some jedi master called Sifo Dyas, and Obi-Wan is like, "he's died 10 years ago," and there's no record of him ever doing so, or even having had the authorization to do so, so we're clearly meant to suspect that it was really Palpatine who ordered up the army using a dead jedi master's name as a cover right after he became Chancellor 10 years ago.

but nope some EU author went and wrote about how right before his death Sifo Dyas has a vision of a coming darkness and decided to secretly order the creation of an army and blah blah blah

no that was actually george lucas's intention. the back story for sifo-dyas came directly from him

george lucas is a hack and that's the real reason the EU sucks as bad as it does. because it's all based on poo poo he thought of

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 06:49

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

why are people defending that clone wars cartoon

it was the same poo poo as the prequels, don't even try to say it wasn't

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 16:07

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Applewhite posted:

Which Clone Wars? The Tartakovsky one or the CGI one?
Doesn't matter, they were both better than the prequel films.

the tartakovsky one was okay in a hyperactive seven-year-old cartoon network way

the one that came out that looked like a nintendo 64 game was just plain awful from all that i saw of it. i don't care if it's better than the prequels by whatever weird metric your're using, awful poo poo is awful poo poo and if you like it you're a stunted moron who got trolled into sucking george lucas's cock right up to the very end

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 16:11

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Applewhite posted:

Allegedly it comes into its own around season three or whatever, and has won some awards but I've never been able to make it that far to verify for myself.

no i heard that too so i decided to tune in one night to watch an episode. a bunch of the boba fetts were on some planet fighting that racist alien from the diner in the second prequel, except he was an evil jedi for some reason and he had two double-bladed lightsabers lol. some of the boba fetts died and we were supposed to be sad even though they had no personality and all looked exactly the same. it was poo poo

fatherboxx posted:

I dunno loving with dorks who think a buzzcut angry ORIGINAL CHARACTER bitchlord is a good protagonist seems pretty ace.
"But he did not say it was a joke after that, how could I tell?"

this is a fandom that routinely compares being dissatisfied with movies to being raped and writes thousands of words about JIZZ MUSIC and that wolf guy from the cantina; lucas was right selling the whole shebang to a giant corporation and ensuring that it never gets into the public domain because gently caress you

i probably hate george lucas more than anyone in this thread and even i can tell he was loving with those dorks. lol at anyone who uses that as a reason to hate lucas, as opposed to the thousand actual legitimate reasons that exist.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 00:09

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

effectual posted:

Have you seen some of the other Darth names? They're really stupid.

yes. but george lucas did not seriously suggest the name "Darth Icky" you moron. the game developers wanted to give their retarded mary sue video game character a wicked cool Darth name even though there can only two sith at a time during the time of the movies because of george lucas's lame rule. so lucas just threw out two retardedly stupid suggestions and left the room because he likes trolling people. the autistic game developers were just too stupid to know their idea had just been rejected.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 16:56

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

burritolingus posted:

You know, Star Wars Rebels isn't all that bad. I didn't care for the cgi Clone Wars but Rebels is alright. It'd be a lot better if it weren't for the kid character. He should be a bit older, like more Luke's age in the original film, and less annoying. Or scrap him altogether, because it isn't like there aren't other characters on that show that couldn't be interesting if they were given the spotlight. And those are all the words I have right now for a children's television cartoon.

stop defending star wars eu poo poo. it's all bad. the first two movies were good and then the concept was sucked dry.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 16:58

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Bonzo posted:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Force_walk

And this is when I finally gave up on the current EU stuff

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Flow-walking

lol what. walking is a force power now?

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 17:10

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Neurosis posted:

i am pretty sure george lucas is actually that bad + stupid

he's bad but he's not stupid. stop getting trolled by george lucas, jesus christ. you're letting him win

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 17:34

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

George Lucas made a character named Chewbacca (nickname Chewie), a loner character named Han Solo, a hero character named Luke Skywalker (named after himself), and an evil villain named Darth Vader (darth sounds like dark except with a weird sound on the end, and vader is short for invader).

but B.J. Dart or Darth Insanicus or whatever are somehow beyond the pale. newsflash: they're all loving retarded names springing from the diseased mind of a permanent child. the first two movies were good by accident but they were populated by retarded, one-dimensional stock characters with cringeworthy names and simple, predictable character arcs.

what eveyrone doesn't seem to understand is that Star Wars is Bad. the EU and the prequels are bad because they are 100% Star Wars in every way, and STar Wars is a loving terrible idea. Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back were flukes, and even they were only good, not great. they are very entertaining movies but they aren't great cinema.

Star Wars was ruined because george lucas wouldn't let it die back in the 80s, not because he somehow changed it for the worse. only once you understand this solemn fact can you be relieved of the burden of your disappointment. i dislike Lucas because of the terrible trends he inspired in mainstream cinema, not because he ruined Star Wars. i don't really care about Star Wars per se, and neither should you, if you are an adult

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 18:22

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Fetus Tree posted:

its about ethics in cinema

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 19:35

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

TLG James posted:

Dash Rendar owns.

edit: they brought him back from death.

the video game did that. i remember when i was a kid my older brother beat it on hard and there was a cutscene revealing that he survived

that game was actually kind of fun but i was like six at the time so what do i know

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 19:40

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Fetus Tree posted:

was that the one where you could be in a snow speeder and tow cable the ATATs

that's every star wars game

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 19:45

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

paranoid randroid posted:

like i dunno why lucas, a guy whos talents run towards big stupid archetypes, decided that what his films needed was political intrigue. aside from teh obvious "hes an idiot" answer.

that's not why the prequels sucked. there were only like a handful of scenes that actually dealt with politics and they were the only interesting parts of those movies. the prequels sucked because george lucas only knows how to do one thing, and that's to rehash the one good film he made decades ago.

the prequels sucked because he didn't go far enough with the political intrigue. he was still obsessed with making everything as black and white and morally unambiguous as possible. jedi good, sith bad. they fight with pew pew lasers then the bad guy does a bad thing and turns the republic evil. anakin was never actually a good person, he was a hosed up murderer right from the start. the republic is only evil because there's an all-powerful evil man controlling everything. george lucas is a simple minded fool.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 20:37

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Chomp8645 posted:

Yeah I mean the Death Star obviously has to have a million things it because of it's size and crew complement. Living quarters, armories, offices, workshops, mess halls, and everything else an enormous military installation. But the EU is all "nope it's just brigs and trash compactors for miles" because those were in the movies.

actually there was literally a novel that established that the death star had all those thigns, but that novel was awful

# ¿ Dec 24, 2014 20:06

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

dog buttz posted:

I never knew about that but it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The most aggressive, least compassionate Jedi who constantly toes the line between dark and light feeling infinite sadness over an enemy being injured?

no see that was a reference to when he said lightsabers are for a more civilized age

if you understood the genius of lucas you'd get it

Oh, I totally agree. I was just saying that it's dumb that Grevious came before Vader, they're essentially the same, yet Grevious is agile and Vader is crippled. I think Grevious would have been much cooler if he was basically a proto-vader.

grievous isn't agile at all in the movies though. he's slow and clunky and easily outmaneuvered. eveyrone complained about it because he wasn't like he was in the lovely eu

# ¿ Jan 14, 2015 17:40

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Lucas obviously thought that backflippin' Yoda was going to blow everyone's minds but everyone hated it. I remember endless bitching over that scene back when the film first hit cinemas.

Edit: Yoda's lightsaber battle actually won the 2003 MTV Award for best fight (Lucasfilm has apparently scrubbed all the copies on youtube but you can find it on dodgy Russian video sites pretty easily) but pay close attention to Colin Farrell's expression and body language as they announce the winner.
Yoda's acceptance speech is also another example of the Star Wars writers trying to do something 'cool' and completely failing.

i saw it twice when i was a kid and both times the theater broke out in loud cheers. this was such a common occurrence that people started complaining about it on the internet. eveyrone liked backflipping yoda

also colin farrell wasn't signaling his principled disgust of backfliping cgi yoda via subtle body language at the 2003 MTV awards

anyways......star wars sucks. a lot.

edit: except for the first two i mean

Cnut the Great fucked around with this message at 17:49 on Jan 14, 2015

# ¿ Jan 14, 2015 17:44

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

it's like poetry, it rhymes

what's wrong with your faaace

it's so dense, eveyr image has so much going on

sorry lol, had to be done. anyway, i agree. the prequels were puerile trash that had nothing original to say about anything worthwhile. they basically just recycled ideas and catchphrases from something much better and more entertaining that was made by someone else

# ¿ Jan 14, 2015 18:11

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Gammatron 64 posted:

So out of curiosity I read the new Marvel Star Wars #1 and it actually wasn't terrible, so I guess they're doing it wrong

Disney, what are you doing hiring actual writers and not any retarded nerd you find on the street

someone literally says "these aren't the slaves you're looking for" at one point

"actual writers"

# ¿ Jan 15, 2015 14:53

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

ElGroucho posted:

He seems to be the only one in the series that gets how bad this poo poo is and said, "gently caress it, time to camp this bitch up"

actually ian mcdiarmid's an idiot. he read the lovely "darth plagueis" EU book and said he loved it and claims hayden christensen's performance is "underrated"

# ¿ Jan 15, 2015 14:55

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Gammatron 64 posted:

when I was stupid enough to actually read the terrible star wars thread in CD, cnut the great was one of the dumber posters in it

sorry you were dumb enough to think any of the ridiculously retarded posts i make in that thread are real

here's a hint: neiter are SMG's. teh prequels are awful garbage but it's funny because nerds on the internet are too stupid to properly explain why

# ¿ Jan 15, 2015 16:06

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Improbable Lobster posted:

The puppetmaster defense is just kinda sad

i was just pretending to be a puppetmaster, idiot. lol that you fell for it

# ¿ Jan 17, 2015 17:46

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

star wars is cool

# ¿ Jan 17, 2015 17:47

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# ¿ May 16, 2024 07:33

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Groovelord Neato posted:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Journal_of_the_Whills,_Part_I

here's where it starts actually getting Star Warsy

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/The_Star_Wars:_Rough_Draft

wow are you trying to tell me that a rough draft was......rough?? i can't believe george lucas didn't manage to create an entire, fully-formed, sprawling mythological fantasy milieu which changed cinema history the very first time he set pen to paper. what a hack

anyway, who do you think wrote all the other drafts?

# ¿ Jan 1, 2016 00:04

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*