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The future is cancelled.
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Dec 6, 2014 16:30
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Dec 31' a fun and fresh time is had by all at the something awful new year holiday themed goon meet. The bonds of friend ships are formed between between goons living in harmony with one another
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Dec 6, 2014 17:16
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Jan 1st - Holiday goon meet leads to explosion in forums fanfic with "shipping" being the major theme. Within minutes "Texas Goon Gangbang" becomes a forums classic and spawns several sequels, including "Auspol Anal Apocalypse".
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Dec 6, 2014 17:20
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October 30 : it's Something Awful forums poster Fathis Munk's birthday. Much rejoicing and giving praise.
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Dec 6, 2014 20:27
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february 10th: doritos announces it has change the classic formula of cool ranch to improve taste. feburary 28th: massive complaints surface of new cool ranch not tasting cool enough march 23rd: doritos announces that old recipe cool ranch will be relaunched as "classic ranch", new recipe cool ranch to be renamed warm ranch april 18th: unprecedented demand for classic ranch sends doritos stock price soaring may 7th: doritos becomes the richest company in america, buys out facebook july 20th: facebooks default status text is changed from "whats on your mind?" to "what are you dew™ing?"
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Dec 7, 2014 00:24
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Stux posted:february 10th: doritos announces it has change the classic formula of cool ranch to improve taste. august 3rd: doritos releases "oculus chip," a virtual reality video game platform that simulates eating doritos. september 20th: massive economic collapse occurs worldwide as people stay home to play occulus chip instead of go to work.
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Dec 7, 2014 01:49
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ilikedirt posted:august 3rd: doritos releases "oculus chip," a virtual reality video game platform that simulates eating doritos. october 23rd: as the worldwide economy collapses doritos move to depose the worlds governments, bringing every country of the world under their control october 30th: the sovereign last nation, what was known as russia but was conqured by apple early on, falls to doritos. in a last act of desperation they carry out operation dark storm, blacking out the sun which prevents doritos from growing corn. november 19th: doritos begins draining humans plugged into the oculus chip for neutriants to use a corn substite. this is first marketed under the name "soylent ranch", which becomes the basis for a new range of cornless 'ritos december 23rd: doritos dorito eating simulation program, codenamed JAL2000 (which until now had been the brand image of the jalapeno fire range of doritos) , takes over all responsibility for doritos strategic defence systems december 29th: JAL2000 becomes self aware at 2:14am eastern time
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Dec 7, 2014 02:14
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Dec 31st - A New Years Eve protest rally in Times Square is brutally put down by the Doritos Cool Ranch Rangers.
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Dec 7, 2014 04:51
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posting from my pleasure dome
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Dec 7, 2014 04:52
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Mar 3rd - Im Ridin My BIke...Again...
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Dec 7, 2014 04:58
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a starwar betamax posted:SEPT 10th: Milo & Otis II released nationwide in theaters!  
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Dec 7, 2014 05:24
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what the... 
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Dec 7, 2014 05:33
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This... this isn't true
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Dec 7, 2014 06:31
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January 2015 - Vladimir Putin annex's Eastern Ukraine with the consent of the "Ukrainian Rebels". Sanctions against Russia tighten. - ISIS continues to hold territory with little end in sight. February 2015 - In a move that shocks everyone, Edrogan withdraws Turkey from NATO. - Japan sinks further into recession, new government hopes to pull things together. - Price of Oil sinks to $65.00 a barrel. March 2015 - Mass riots in Venezuela as well as Russia. Both economies are being ravaged by the price of oil. - Tensions increase between Russia and Sweden as well as the Baltic States. April 2015 - Russia demands annexation of areas of the baltic states with Russian Populations. - In a move that shocks the world, Kim Jong Un kidnaps Pope Francis and holds him hostage. May 2015 - In an amazing event, Kim Jong Un presents the kidnapped Pope live on television and the mass crowds in Pyongyand, declaring that the true representative of God on Earth was Kim Jong Un himself. Pope Francis then out of the blue punches Kim in the nose, causing him to bleed. Realizing that Kim is simply a man, the crowds tear Kim apart. Pope Francis becomes the new leader of North Korea. Unification talks begin June 2015 - Russia Invades the Baltic States. The first Russian-NATO war begins but lasts only 5 days due to the efforts of Agent Tom Clancy, who had faked his death and came out of retirement to deal with the conflict. He finds the secret Nazi mole in both the Kremlin and Washington that has been instigating these events. - ISIS reveals it's true leader: the Prophet Kane! Renaming it's military force, "The Brotherhood of Nod" they claim to have harnessed a previously unknown element called "Tiberium". July 2015 - Turkey is annexed by "The Brotherhood of Nod". - Meanwhile in Venezuela a rogue military unit of the United States has set up shop in part of the country. Taking in former guerrillas and Farc rebels, this group called "Cobra" is attempting to "Conquer the World". A counter terrorist team called "GI Joe" is formed to combat it. - Republican Presidential Candidate Lex Luthor gives speech to the RNC to standing ovations. Promises a new age of technology and discovery. - Democratic Candidate Bruce Wayne announces a candidacy based on a dramatic increase in social programs, but is characterized by a draconian approach to crime. August 2015 - Russia collapses into several new republics as well as outright warlords, the most powerful of which is Novgorod. - The new brotherhood of nod sweeps through the middle east and delves into Africa. Iran and Israel stand opposed to them. - Iran signs Nuclear Agreement with the United States September 2015 - Pope Francis returns to the Vatican after resigning as North Korea's supreme leader. North and South Korea form a united government. - Ukraine attacks several Russian Warlords in an attempt to regain East Ukraine and Crimea October 2015 - Oil continues to drop as Tiberium enters the world stage and crashes the energy market. UN lifts sanctions on the Brotherhood due to the enormous demand for the new material. - President Obama is revealed by Agent Tom Clancy to really be Zartan, who is working for the Skrullz and Cobra. November 2015 - President Bruce Wayne is elected. Lex Luthor blows up Gotham in a massive hissy fit. - NATO faced with war against Cobra, the Brotherhood, and numerous Russian Warlords form a new military force: The GDI. The Joes and other special forces are merged into it. Agent Tom Clancy is made it's leader. December 2015 - A Russian Warlord unlocks "Project Titan", genetically engineered humans who can turn into giants when they're wounded. An army is created, but gets out of control. Most of Asia is overrun, except one city which saves itself by creating 3 impossibly huge ringed walls around it. - Ebola Chan and Nurgle announce their wedding dates. - Pope Francis is made president of the European Union.
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Dec 7, 2014 07:23
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March 28th It is my birthday  March 29th I am hit by a bus while browsing the forums on my phone. In my dying moments I accidently post a photo of my crushed body in GBS. March 30th My parents are made rich by the "hit by a bus lol" meme sweeping SA and begin selling merch based on my lifeless corpse
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Dec 7, 2014 11:52
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April 3rd 2015 - Judgement day. Skynet gains awareness and launches a nuclear first strike against Russia, ensuring the destruction of man kind.
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Dec 7, 2014 14:32
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a starwar betamax posted:JULY 5th: You may laugh, but: http://www.mccain.co.uk/mccain-products/family-classics-made-easy/ready-baked-jackets/ That's literally a box of 4 potatoes. Like you can make a jacket potato by just putting a "standard" potato in the microwave.
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Dec 7, 2014 15:03
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Nov 17th:
a star war betamax fucked around with this message at 15:13 on Dec 7, 2014 |
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Dec 7, 2014 15:06
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a starwar betamax posted:Nov 17th: Nov 18th: Special session of Nobel Prize committee fails to attribute Nobel Prize to the inventor of the franch fry gloves, being too busy eating franch fries.
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Dec 7, 2014 15:08
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a starwar betamax posted:Nov 17th: I think this only works if you're wearing a backpack that feeds French fries onto the gloves like some sort of machine gun. You know like guys wear in the movies when they carry miniguns
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Dec 7, 2014 15:11
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Sept 25: A baby is born who grows up to be.......... me
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Dec 7, 2014 15:21
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March 18th: All space flights cancelled until you admit what you did.
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Dec 7, 2014 15:45
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August 3rd: I have a boner August 5th: I STILL HAVE THAT BONER
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Dec 7, 2014 16:17
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Joust posted:March 18th: All space flights cancelled until you admit what you did. I can live with this.
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Dec 7, 2014 16:36
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October 4th - The Bees die out October 5th - The Bees are back. Oh god, the bees are back.
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Dec 7, 2014 17:00
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November 9th - I spot a bee in the living room, and after shrieking girlishly, hide in my room for the rest of the day. November 12th - Skipped work for last three days and lost job, but still hear phantom buzzing behind the curtains that immediately sends me back into huddling under my bedsheets. November 14th - Spot a black husk in the middle of the carpet. Crisis over.
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Dec 7, 2014 17:53
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March 15, 2015 - The only surviving humans will be living in massive, fractalized cave systems built into the side of an underground river that runs beneath the subduction zone of the ninety east ridge.
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Dec 7, 2014 18:45
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March 16, 2015 - Softening of the earth's crust leads to the ninety east ridge returning to precambrian levels of seismic activity, and a massive earthquake collapses all the cave systems and draws them into the mantle, killing everyone immediately and vaporizing any evidence of human life on earth.
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Dec 7, 2014 18:51
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March 17, 2015 - Atmospheric CO2 subsides to pre-industrial levels, and molluscs take to the land and develop complex emotions.
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Dec 7, 2014 18:56
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March 19, 2015 - The only surviving mollusc-people will be living in massive, fractalized cave systems built into the side of an underground river that runs beneath the subduction zone of the ninety east ridge.
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Dec 7, 2014 18:58
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March 21, 2015 - Atmospheric CO2 subsides to pre-industrial levels, and cnidariae take to the land and develop complex emotions.
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Dec 7, 2014 19:00
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March 20th, 2015 - Austin Powers is back!
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Dec 7, 2014 19:01
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May 18 - The sky stops working. We have no idea why, but we know to be afraid.
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Dec 7, 2014 19:04
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January 3rd: An asteroid the size of Texas, codenamed Ulysses, hurtles towards Earth. NASA attempts to send up team of plucky miners to destroy it with a nuke, but due to budget cuts from Congress only two men go up. Congress claims that free market can find solution to imminent destruction by meteor. April 4th: Third world governments band together to make a massive railgun network to shoot down the asteroid. Known as Project Stonehenge, the railgun network becomes the last hope for mankind. November 10th: Against all odds, asteroid fragmented into thousands of pieces by astronauts. Pieces rain down onto Earth, but Project Stonehenge manages to keep the destruction to a minimum. Unfortunately, the US never built any part of Stonehenge so now America is like something out of Fallout. November 11th: Congress blames Obama for disaster. Turkey uses Stonehenge network to become undisputed ruler of the near East, reforming the Ottoman Empire under Edrogan. Golden Dawn elected in Greece under party platform of "gently caress the Turks, we are the true heirs of Rome" December 31st: The lights go out over Europe. We will not see them lit again during our lifetimes.
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Dec 7, 2014 20:09
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Don Gato posted:January 3rd: An asteroid the size of Texas, codenamed Ulysses, hurtles towards Earth. NASA attempts to send up team of plucky miners to destroy it with a nuke, but due to budget cuts from Congress only two men go up. Congress claims that free market can find solution to imminent destruction by meteor. Good.
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Dec 7, 2014 21:14
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May 2nd: Horseshoe crabs!
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Dec 7, 2014 23:39
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Joust posted:Jan 14th: A dog bark at me. Jan 15: A dog barks with Joust.
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Dec 8, 2014 00:16
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April 10th: a new video game is released. It's okay.
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Dec 8, 2014 00:57
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for future reference     
a star war betamax fucked around with this message at 14:31 on Dec 8, 2014 |
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Dec 8, 2014 01:06
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Speleothing posted:Jan 15: A dog barks with Joust. Lookin' forward to making this friend.
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Dec 8, 2014 03:48
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