WebBongos

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > WebBongos

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super macho dude: Aug 9, 2014

I dont think this webbongos app is working properly my stomach feeeeeels sick

# ? Jan 3, 2015 07:42

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 8, 2024 01:57

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

Auggh everything's floatin' around now

god drat you webBongos.com

# ? Jan 3, 2015 07:47

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Web... Bongos... Can't... get away ... from .. Webbbongons!

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:01

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

lowtxa i am suing yoi for sezure

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:02

gnarlyhotep: Sep 30, 2008; by Lowtax; Oven Wrangler

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:09

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Bongos... EVERYWHERE

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:09

Wootman: Sep 6, 2014; by XyloJW

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:17

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

W
E
BB
ONGOS

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:18

PTSDeedly Do: Nov 24, 2014; VOID-DOME LOSER 2020

what the fuuuuuck

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:20

PTSDeedly Do: Nov 24, 2014; VOID-DOME LOSER 2020

mom, dad, i'm SURFING THE WEB

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:21

Joust: Dec 7, 2007; No Ledges.

This is my type of thread.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:21

SunAndSpring: Dec 4, 2013

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:23

VectorSigma: Jan 20, 2004; Transform
and
Freak Out

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:24

Kakarot: Jul 20, 2013; by zen death robot; Buglord

wha...

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:24

ProfessorMurder: Aug 27, 2003; I can wet the bed in the shape of Abraham Lincoln

I just wanna see a twirling lobsterphone.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:39

nullEntityRNG: Jun 23, 2010; Mostly pseudo-random.

This entire loving site is on drugs I swear to god.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:40

Howard Beale: Feb 22, 2001; It's like this, Peanut

# ? Jan 3, 2015 08:44

plain blue jacket: Jan 13, 2014; IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

This thread keeps crashing my phone. Thanks lowtax

# ? Jan 3, 2015 09:38

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

im not actually interested in the thread content i just wanted to see the thread effects

# ? Jan 3, 2015 09:45

George Rouncewell: Jul 20, 2007; You think that's illegal? Heh, watch this.

jesus f7uuuuck

# ? Jan 3, 2015 09:53

Ramsus: Sep 14, 2002; by Hand Knit

wicked sick

# ? Jan 3, 2015 09:57

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Fojar38 posted:

im not actually interested in the thread content i just wanted to see the thread effects

it's funny how the thread goes normal when you reply though

# ? Jan 3, 2015 09:59

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

Lowtax posted:

I've been thinking about inventing something that will make me popular and get a whole shitload of money, but somebody already invented electricity and carpet and doors so I came up with a new idea: WebBongos.

FAQ

1. What are WebBongos? WebBongos are the first percussive instrument wired for the web! Teens can chat on Bongo dot Com (I need to buy the domain but I have an angel investor I think) and send out sick beats via BongoChat. They can effortlessly share social messages and the hottest internet memes via wireless G Bongo Dot Com service for a premium monthly wage.

2. How do WebBongos work? Well this is the tricky part and I dont want to bog you down with all the technical engineering terms, but quite simply they are hooked up to a inline four car engine which (somehow) sends your bongo beats to the internet via Bongo Dot Com (again, the angel investor will have to sort this stuff out).

3. Wow what kind of messages and things can I send? The sky's the limit! Some popular messages include:

Grandma is coming

Grandma is near

Grandma is here

Help grandma up

Lets sext (cyber text)

I'm touching ur knee

SSE (Spilled Soda Everywhere)

Grandma is cleaning up the soda
Obviously Bongo Dot Com will not allow illegal activities such as the discussion of drug use or animal abuse or crime gangs or slang or obscenities because we will also double as a Christian Ministry (tapping out the beat of the Lord Jesus Christ).

4. Will this leverage the power of cloud computering? Yes definitely.

Imagine a world of bongos... on the go! The hottest rhythms and BongoChat messages to your home, phone, TV, Xbox, Xbox One, Xbox 360, Xbox 4, Xbox Nintendo Wii, Xbox Nintendo Wii U, phone, toaster, blimp, phone and phone! Save and bookmark and upload and reddit and bChat to your own beat!

5. Do you have your own graphic? YES! Here it is:

6. Wow, I'm obviously interested! But how can I help get on the WebBongo Bandwagon? We will be spreading our viral social media campaign soon via major outlets such as IRC and Doom 2 BBSes (including Happy Puppy FTP). You can volunteer and get on the WebBongo Bandwagon by clicking here: website.

I mean here: website name

We don't currently have our list working but stay tuned in for the hottest internet sensation! WebBongos.

i agree

# ? Jan 3, 2015 10:10

Damo: Nov 8, 2002; The second-generation Pontiac Sunbird, introduced by the automaker for the 1982 model year as the J2000, was built to be an inexpensive and fuel-efficient front-wheel-drive commuter car capable of seating five.; Offensive Clock

THIS THREAD OWNS

I WANT WEB BONGO NOW

# ? Jan 3, 2015 10:26

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

dude WHAT THE gently caress IS THIS THREAD

# ? Jan 3, 2015 11:00

olaf2022: Feb 19, 2003; Fun Shoe

# ? Jan 3, 2015 11:01

Lord Lilf: Aug 12, 2007; by exmarx

It's only been a very short time since I started using WebBongos. I though the app was mildly annoying. I tried to stop the program but it just kept going so I deleted it from my iPhone 7++Q. The drums still kept going. I tried to call tech support to figure out what was going on and how to stop this infernal racket. The voice system was incredibly convoluted. After two hours the hold music, which was an piece by Kenny G, slowly morphed in the same bongo music my phone was constantly playing without me realizing it. I hung up.

Then I heard a sound outside. I looked out of my window to see wolves on my porch. They were sitting on their haunches just staring at me as if they were keenly aware of me being aware of them. It was at this point that I realized the bongo music was coming from every speaker in the house.

Oh my god help me. I'm in Hell. I'm in Hell. I am in Hell.

A couple minutes ago I just went to my fuse box and turned off all power but the music still persists.

WHY WON'T IT STOP?! WHAT DID I DO WRKNG?!?

I heard speech coming from outside but all I see are the wolves. I think the black and gray one is the pack leader. His eyes are so blue. They make me think of the blue you see in pictures of glaciers. If I get out of this alive I am sooooo giving this app a 1 star rating in the app store. I just tried to call tech support again. Someone finally picked up... But I couldn't understand what they were saying. It just sounds like some garbled mess like stone being scrapped down a long hallway made of wood and it just keeps repeating.

It's been six hours. I finally understand what they are saying. I need to open the door. Should I open the door? I am so scared.

I'm going to open the door.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 11:09

Nanomashoes: Aug 18, 2012

# ? Jan 3, 2015 11:57

Coffee Mugshot: Jun 26, 2010; by Lowtax

SunAndSpring posted:

# ? Jan 3, 2015 12:41

Dogmeat: Jun 20, 2003; Woof!

web bongos are a good idea

you will love web bongos

everyone likes bongos

i sorta feel like the word bongos should have an e in there somewhere

Dogmeat fucked around with this message at 18:45 on Jan 3, 2015

# ? Jan 3, 2015 18:41

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

funny the thought of people banging bongos at each other seamlessly over the internet seems like it would really really take off

# ? Jan 3, 2015 18:49

Fushigi Yuugi fansub: Jan 20, 2007; BUTT STUFF

i can't read any of this

# ? Jan 3, 2015 18:49

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

This is not triggering my epilepsy. Please increase the strobe effect to over 5 flashes per second for optimal seizure causing.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 19:00

Pierat: Mar 29, 2008; ASK ME ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THE BNP

move your head to the rhythm
the web rhythm
the online rhythm of Web Bongos

# ? Jan 3, 2015 19:00

Doctor J Off: Dec 28, 2005; There Is

webbongo is just the beginning, the rhythm section of the future webportal that will own the internet.

following webbongo will come webBass, WebKeys, and Webstring, which will come together in a voltron like amalgam of music, to form

WEBJAM. The first ever website for live online jamming. The word will be spread with fake-popup style banner ads reading, "69 people online want to jam with you!!"

# ? Jan 3, 2015 19:33