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Jules, thank you for deciding that your new favorite perch is my planter of pepper seedlings. I bought you a three story scratching post you can sleep on, I cleared off the top of the rolltop desk so you could hang out there, and I even scootched a chair up to the window so you could try to lure birds with your amazing birdcalls. But no, you absolutely must settle down in the dirt so you can squish my plants and then scatter dirt everywhere. Thank you for incubating my future chili flavorings with your stupid furry kitty butt.
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May 15, 2015 06:53
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 16:04 |
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Dear Jules, You are the most useless hunter. You won't play with the Mr. Bird toy anymore, but you bonked your little head into a window trying to get at a hawk outside in the yard. That is why you do not go outside! I once put an earwig on a PLATE for you hoping you would notice it. You did not. However, you did steal my hot dog and then leave half a chewed-up hot dog in my bed for me, so thanks for that. A notice: When your owners go into the bathroom and close the door, we are not dying. The sound of running water does not mean we are being drowned to death. You do not need to sit outside the door and yell, you do not need to scratch at the door and scrape the paint off it, and you certainly do not need to jump up and hang off the doorknob like an ornament, as impressive as it is that you made the "yellow shiny thing = open door" connection. When you do manage to get in, sitting on the toilet seat and yelling at your mommy while she is taking a bath is not the best way to help her relax. Also, where are you getting the chicken bones you keep leaving in the hallway? The last time we had a whole chicken was nearly two months ago, yet you've been leaving bones in the hall for a week. It started out with a little thigh bone and then went up to a raggedy breast bone. Are you somehow sneaking out into the garbage and then sneaking back in through two layers of locked doors? Did you hide the bones for safekeeping? Did a chicken somehow get into the apartment? I do not understand.
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Oct 12, 2016 20:54
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