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Isaac,  You had been at the shelter since you were two weeks old, we got you at 7 months. You were on death row you stupid little fucker. You got overlooked cos your markings are all wonky and noone else wanted you. We literally saved your loving life you ungrateful bastard. Dont pretend to love us for 20 minutes in the morning and then when we get home and ignore us for the rest of the time. A little affection and cuddling wont loving kill you, but ignoring me much longer might. You can always go back to the used cat dealership and I can get one that actually appreciates us. I feed you, I keep you warm in a house with a fire that I had to cut the wood for, I let you sleep with us on the bed, I even pick your poo poo up out of a loving box and you spend your entire day getting irritated when we try to pat you or cuddle. loving ungrateful little oval office.  You wound up in the bath because your loving incompetent at making GBS threads. ITS NOT THAT loving HARD TO poo poo CLEANLY AND NOT GET IT ALL OVER YOURSELF. Its not even like you have the loving runs, how the gently caress did you get it on ALL FOUR PAWS AND YOUR TAIL?! You lost your claws for a good reason you little turd. When you accidentally hung yourself in the wine rack (THAT YOU HAD ALREADY BEEN TOLD OFF FOR BEING ON!) and i went to rescue you, clamping onto my arm with your front claws and kicking the poo poo out of my hand with your back paws while i try to stop you dying is NOT A GOOD MOVE.  Enjoy your dog shaped claws you shitheel. I hope you fall off the loving couch some more cos its loving hilarious.  AND WHY THE gently caress ARE YOU JUST SITTING IN A BOX YOWLING? My housemate says you've done this all day. Your gonna wind up in the kitty crate outside in the cold and dark soon. And while we're at it, If i give you expensive wet food, dont just lick the loving gravy off the meat and leave the meat to dry out and go off, Eat EVERYTHING you stupid cat! Ferremit fucked around with this message at 11:43 on Jun 25, 2015 |
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Jun 25, 2015 11:29
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 11:36 |
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Jesus H loving christ Smudge, I know you've got the shits and its not pleasant for either of us- You backing it out or me trying to herd it around the litter box into a baggie to get rid of it, but DONT MAKE IT A MILLION TIMES WORSE BY GETTING SCARED OF *insert random object here* AND HUNCHING DOWN IN IT! And for the love of god if you DO get poo poo on yourself, DONT TRACK IT ALL OVER THE loving LAUNDRY. And when i wash your sorry arse/legs/tail/belly/nipples clean of poo, Dont freak out and jump out of the laundry tub AND GO BACK INTO THE poo poo TO HIDE. You are a loving spethal cat, What the gently caress did I do to deserve the short bus cat?
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Jul 20, 2015 14:54
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Isaac, For once in your miserable loving existence, CLEAN YOUR OWN loving ARSE! IM TOTALLY SICK OF HAVING TO WRESTLE YOU TO WIPE THE poo poo OFF YOUR loving BUTTHOLE BEFORE YOU POSTAGE STAMP THE CARPET!
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Aug 2, 2015 16:04
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So smudge... You realise that only showing any sign of affection towards us because your hungry means that your going to spend a lot more of your life hungry, right?
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Aug 11, 2015 23:47
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Isaac, your in the cage because you forgot how to cat and broke your leg jumping off a desk, not because I'm punishing you, so SHUT THE gently caress UP WITH THE PITIFUL MEOWS! You know what, screw it, I'm going to play mad max with headphones on and ignore your poo poo today.
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Sep 6, 2015 23:29
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Isaac, can you PLEASE stop stepping in your own poop in the cage? We dont like you being in there, you dont like being in there, but its two more weeks and im sure you dont like the foot scrubbings as much as i dont like the foot scrubbings!
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Sep 14, 2015 08:07
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Jesus christ Isaac will you ever learn? We let you out of your cage to stretch out at the end of the day, and EVERY time you go jumping on something or try to climb the kitty tree and I have to shove you back in your cage again. When this happens, DONT SIT THERE CRYING ABOUT IT YOU FOX EARED ARSEHOLE!
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Sep 27, 2015 14:00
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Markoff Chaney posted:Dear Grimalkin. You are fluffy and cute and love to be petted. I'll even put up with you chewing my hands while I read a book as long as you don't draw blood. For 3 months now you have not learned that trying to eat cables that have electricity in them means you get ejected from my office. It's cause and effect you retard. I have bought you like 20 toys and you still want to eat the electric candy that will make you die. gently caress you. Find an old laptop charger or wall wart and get him to chew on that. 18v DC across the tongue and lips taught my parents dog not to gently caress around with power cords
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Nov 1, 2015 00:17
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Isaac, you are so loving lucky i have juust enough tolerance not to turn you into a god drat rug after todays antics... First it was the biting of the toes at 6am, then it was the launching off the cat tree onto us in the bed at 8am, then it was the making GBS threads on the SIDE of the litter tray, and when you managed to get poo poo all over your arse AGAIN and make me have to clean it before you postage stamp everything, you decided to sink your claws into THE SOLES OF MY FEET and slice big inch long flaps of skin off them. Enjoy not having claws you bastard. The side cutters are waiting for when they grow back. And yes, I dearly hope you face plant off the kitty tree again when you work out you have no grip.
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Nov 1, 2015 12:52
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Jesus christ Isaac, you shouldnt be able to snore loudly enough to wake me up FROM UNDER THE BED!
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Nov 11, 2015 13:45
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 11:36 |
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Isaac the washing machine is NOT possessed by ghosts and as a result you do NOT have to spend the entire evening, for the last week, yelling at it.
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May 12, 2016 15:15
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