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DoggPickle posted:My house is around 75% linoleum/hardwood/tile. Why is the 25% expensive carpet the ONLY place you guys will puke?? Why why why? To echo this, why, Darcy, you stupid loving cat, why do you insist on puking almost every time I feed you? If you would slow down long enough to chew your food, even just a little bit, you wouldn't have to puke it up into the carpet and eat it a second time, you stupid silly bitch cat. I loving hate you. And Cooper, why do you feel the need to eat her food, as well? Particularly after she's eaten it the first time? You two are loving disgusting.
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May 5, 2015 15:23
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Ferremit posted:Isaac, For once in your miserable loving existence, CLEAN YOUR OWN loving ARSE! IM TOTALLY SICK OF HAVING TO WRESTLE YOU TO WIPE THE poo poo OFF YOUR loving BUTTHOLE BEFORE YOU POSTAGE STAMP THE CARPET! To be fair, if my only option was leaning back and giving myself a rimjob, I'd have a lovely rear end too.
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Aug 2, 2015 17:30
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Blackchamber posted:It takes a village. Hopefully with the end-goal of not letting it outside anymore. Outdoor cats are a menace.
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Sep 17, 2015 17:27
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Drum posted:Dear dogs: Why is your dog distance-making GBS threads in the house?
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Sep 18, 2015 05:03
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Drum posted:I don't have my own dog. These are dogs at work, where we've got indoor yards. This is about a half a step from being a complete nonsense-sentence, to me. Why are there dogs at work? WHY IS THE YARD INDOORS!?!?
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Sep 20, 2015 06:30
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http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0000...Y74L&ref=plSrch
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Nov 30, 2015 17:05
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I'm mostly disappointed that there wasn't a gopro in the crate for the motorcycle ride, to capture the sheer terror on its face.
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Dec 6, 2015 16:41
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FactsAreUseless posted:Where the gently caress do you people live with these armies of communally-owned neighborhood cats. Somewhere that hasn't discovered the have-a-heart.
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Dec 13, 2015 04:18
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Godamned dogs, being all majestic and poo poo. Assholes.
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Feb 29, 2016 07:05
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 You're going to piss on my floor the moment I leave for work no matter what I do, so stop judging me for taking more than thirty seconds to get ready to take you for a walk, dog.
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May 21, 2016 21:56
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SneakyFrog posted:just need 1 more for the crazy cat lady label No. No they do not. The label applies for any number of cats greater than two.
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Aug 22, 2016 22:14
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Assholes.
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Jan 19, 2017 17:05
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Duke, they don't make CPAP machines for cats, or I'd put you on a ventilator you tubby gently caress. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukTlU-a3GcQ
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Mar 2, 2017 15:50
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Helen Highwater posted:
This is clearly your fault for not hugging him enough.
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Apr 27, 2017 15:37
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Bathroom time is almost invariably cat-time. Until you "accidentally" pee on one of them. Then they know who's boss.
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Aug 22, 2017 10:42
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Markoff Chaney posted:Normally, you are totally right. But I got friends staying with me for a few months and it would be awkward to have them walk into the room and see me petting a cat while taking a noisy dump. Why are your friends walking in on you while you're taking a dump? 
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Aug 26, 2017 20:16
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Two cats is the crazy cat-person starter kit. We have two by number, but three and a quarter by biomass. Tommy, you are a fat gently caress. Get off the bed once in awhile.
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Dec 16, 2018 14:14
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Luneshot posted:yeah but instead of reintroducing invasive species to take care of them, consider reintroducing natural predators instead. what i’m saying is that you should let wolves loose in your neighborhood Cougars. Reintroduce cougars.
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Nov 10, 2019 03:07
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Tacocat, your purr is more akin to a poorly tuned motorcycle than any self respecting cat, and you attack toes and kneecaps like you’re being paid a bounty. gently caress you, I’m trying to go to sleep, I don’t have to use both hands to pet you, I didn’t sign a contract.
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Dec 7, 2019 05:11
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Taco you dickhole, it was four thirty in the morning. You don’t eat for another four hours. Why do you insist on standing on my face and purring until I annoy you enough to leave? Your sister is asleep, why can’t you be asleep?
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Jan 8, 2020 14:23
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Tacocat, your sister is not a chair. There are dozens of places to sit within six feet of you.
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Jan 17, 2020 23:56
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Pictured: Dumbshits.
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Jan 29, 2020 14:25
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An ex’s cat had an incident like that one night... She must’ve swallowed one of my ex’s hairs, which essentially created a dingleberry bolo that chased her around the house. She panicked, and started running for her life at like two in the morning. I felt bad, but not bad enough to laugh about as hard as I ever had. Cats are so loving dumb.
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Jun 22, 2020 13:37
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Taco you loving idiot, scratching the inside wall of the litter robot does not bury your steaming pile of shame, it only damages the $36 liner that I’m going to have to replace because you’re too dumb to do simple cat things.
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Jul 24, 2021 00:35
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Thank you Taco, for finding the loudest, jingliest balls and toys to play with all over the (tiled floor) house at 0345. The bell on your collar not being enough, clearly a plastic ball with a bell inside it skipping across the floor was exactly what MrsYenko and I needed in the wee hours. It’s nice of you to think of others you lovely little house tiger. 
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Nov 20, 2021 04:08
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Bowtie cats have a meeting. Also, bury your poo poo, Lulu. It makes the entire house smell like the inside of your rear end in a top hat when you don’t.
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Apr 26, 2022 14:13
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Feline/human Centipede.
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May 26, 2022 13:12
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nesamdoom posted:This is unfortunate, but loving hilarious. one of my birds would shower with me and normally was pretty cool, although(to be in the intent of the thread) Liberty ffs don't stand on my traps and make me lean forward so you can shower and then beat your wings into my head because although you are a (large macaw)small dude, I seriously don't want smacked on both sides of my head just because you don't want to take your shower on my arm, but the other dude that lived there(never tried showering with Bell) would go out of his way and walk to the bathroom to find me when I was showering sometimes and then lose his poo poo at the water. He is a loving rainforest bird, water should be ok with him, but the first time he didn't like it he should have left me alone. Him coming back other times got to the point I had to close the door to shower in an apartment I shared with 2 birds. A confined space while naked with a tiny flying raptor is frightening. I luckily never had a cat go up me or one of the birds do anything more than dig talons and nip. A macaw, standing on your head in the shower, wing slapping your head, forever.
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Jun 11, 2022 00:09
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Taco, I know that the roofers working on the roof are scary, I get it. I know you think the world is ending, and I’m sorry. I wish you’d let me hold you and pet you and reassure you. …But could you please stop hiding in the bathroom drawers and jumping out terrified whenever someone opens the one you’re hiding in, you fuzzy little rear end in a top hat? I drat near had a heart attack.
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Jul 14, 2022 13:36
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iospace posted:Post the offender 
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Jul 22, 2022 17:33
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A few months ago we adopted a tiny Hollywood street rat named Tiki. She’s been slightly litter box challenged since day one. Mostly ok, but any time MrsYenko leaves the house for a day or two and comes back, the excitement is just too much and she forgets how to use it again. Yesterday, MrsYenko returned from a trip and Tiki was so excited she went and peed in the litter box with the wrong end of herself in the litter box. Today, as I’m finishing dinner, the Mrs is walking around doing her rounds of the houseplants and I hear a distressed “What the gently caress” from the next room. I come around the corner, and apparently a vagrant had snuck into the house and man-poo poo into one of the potted plants. Prime suspect, right here: 
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Apr 27, 2023 03:29
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Bonus: Free Saint Patrick’s dog dye.
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Jun 10, 2023 19:10
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Tiki, I really appreciate that you use the litter box every time. Housebreaking can be time consuming and you picked it up really quickly. Now if you can just aim your business end INTO the cat box instead of out into the rest of the room while you piss? Waking up to the gentle stream of you defiling the house is not exactly my favorite thing in the world.
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Dec 14, 2023 04:15
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