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Batman, learn how to eat. Your brain might be the size of a marble, but you only have to know like 4 things to survive and one of those is sleeping. Stop devouring your food in 5 seconds and then burping, farting, and dog coughing all over the house like you're gonna die. You've had 8 years of never going hungry.  Dig-Dug, I'm sorry that you're going blind and all, but every time I make any type of sharp noise whatsoever, you do not get to freak out and bark for ten minutes. I have to put the dishes away! Sometimes I drop stuff. Y accident. OMG CALM DOWN!
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Apr 11, 2015 04:46
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Kluliss posted:Dog, if you manage to sneak upstairs when I'm looking for something, stay out of the bedroom and for the love of all that's green, stop destroying my knickers. If you're going to ignore me on this then at least take my old tatty ones that I don't wear rather than one of my most comfortable pairs of undies. I know it hasn't happened in >10 years, but please for the love of god, can you not get bored and present a used tampon to a guest? TMI, but this is seriously lovely behavior, and if you ever do it again, I will... I will.. yell at you a little and be really embarrassed. drat it.
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Apr 20, 2015 22:01
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My house is around 75% linoleum/hardwood/tile. Why is the 25% expensive carpet the ONLY place you guys will puke?? Why why why?
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May 2, 2015 07:51
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I've been having a bad day (week) and this thread brought me back: gently caress you Annie for eating a 2 pound bag of red macadamia nuts that was under the Christmas tree. Yeah we totally didn't notice that you SHELLED every single one and you entire face and front paws are bright red. Also dammit Batman. I had this really obnoxious zit on my nose, and if that wasn't bad enough, you had to scratch it with your Freddy Krueker claw-blades, and now it looks like I have leprosy or something. You three pound bitch 
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Feb 26, 2017 21:42
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Ooops now i'm thinking that Macadamia isn't right. I don't eat nuts lol. What are the red ones ? Cuz our dog totally ate the whole bag and was stained red for weeks.
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Feb 26, 2017 22:33
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Super Grocery Kart posted:I think you're thinking of pistachios. Be glad it wasn't macadamias, pretty sure they're poisonous to dogs! Thanks! It was a huge bag of pistachios. Lol - our mostly white terrier was just sitting there next to a big pile of shells and a completely red nose and front feet.
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Feb 27, 2017 02:55
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Werong Bustope posted:Macready I'm sorry you got locked out in the rain but you've been inside for an hour now; you're warm, fed, dry and have been receiving scritches for at least half that time. Please stop crying and pawing at my face whenever I pay attention to anything that's not you. I don't like cats. I sort of think that they're all assholes, but that is one cute-rear end cat. 
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Feb 27, 2017 20:30
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I know this a dump on your pet thread. OMG batman tried to sleep on my face for 8 hours last night because her tummy hurt. Wahh Your cat's socks/feet are really crazy and cool. *edt* and I thought the mid-wrassle sleep was funny because Batman does that to me all the time. She doesn't sleep like a normal dog, you know like 50% asleep with one eye open... She just passes the hell out and you can literally pick her up and move her and she'll be snoring the whole time. DoggPickle fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Feb 27, 2017 |
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Feb 27, 2017 21:43
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MrYenko posted:Duke, they don't make CPAP machines for cats, or I'd put you on a ventilator you tubby gently caress. This made me laugh. Batman the retarded Chihuahua who sleeps like a rock also makes these noises but she isn't fat. She's just.. BATMAN. Diggy's wake-up from anywhere two floors away and start going nuts food is :drumroll: Green Bell Peppers. Huh? So weird. Like bananas. She'd absolutely eat your face off for a green pepper, if she could see where anything was 
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Mar 5, 2017 02:35
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moms friend from work posted:Minuit, Batman has such tiny claws that they are like freddy Kruger sharp and I definitely sleep in a bra and T-shirt every night for this exact reason. She most definitely also tried to have a little sip of food one night when she was a very small puppy and that was probably the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me in my life. UUUGUGHHHH  Diggy! It is was SO not cool this morning when I woke up and yawned really silly big with my eyes closed and you licked my FRIGGIN UVULA with your entire head inside my mouth. This is not the way to wake up. I am totally not giving you a treat today, you blind little lovable adorable rear end in a top hat.
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Mar 19, 2017 05:22
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Your profile pic gave me a good day. All by it's lonesome. Sorry about your baby-gap-sock problem. Diggy won't stop licking the sofa for some reason, and its all wet and gross all the time in one spot, and I definitely didn't spill anything over there because I don't use that couch at all. My next door neighbor's retarded kid has all toys that are like big trucks and cars with handles to pull them? I don't have kids so it's hard to explain. They're almost big enough to ride in, but like BIG and plastic, and this little tard runs them back and forth over the planks in the deck and also the slate pieces that line their backyard walkway as loud as humanly possible, with a nice WHAM BAM every time he slams it into the deck wall or the fence, from 8 AM and other random hours that they let his dumbass roam free until 8 o'clock at night. They have a total right to use their own backyard and deck, but it drives my dogs bananas and they start barking, and then other dogs start barking and that stupid kid is the start of it all. I hope they move soon. I'm throwing weeds over the fence into their yard at an equivalent rate to how often their dog's balls end up in my yard (sometimes it's weird trash too, like I found an egg carton the other day, so gently caress 'em) Sometimes I leave a ball in plain view in the middle of my backyard for a couple days, and then throw it back. Sometimes I just let it sit there for a week or so, maybe move it once or twice, and then make it disappear (in the trash). I'm a huge bitch.
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Apr 3, 2017 16:17
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Flying Leatherman posted:Mola decided it would be a great plan to come up into bed and puke on me this morning instead of literally anywhere else in the house. At 5:00 in the morning. Lol. Batman puked on my bedspread yesterday and I had literally JUST WASHED IT. Its a freaking duvet cover on a king-sized duvet and it takes me like 20 minutes to pack that thing. It's like stuffing a pillow into a pillowcase that's the size of a room and I had just gotten done doing that, and she barfed a handful of half-digested dog kibbles square in the middle. like, COME ON, seriously?? It was still WARM.
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Apr 14, 2017 06:41
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I butthole, I am still laughing at your cat with the dunce hat. Well played.
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Jan 20, 2018 07:06
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I, Butthole posted:In case you missed the cat faq thread, the little prick had to get shaved because he was overheating in our climate My dad used to shave our Wire-hair fox terrier every summer with one of those man's grooming shaving thing? I dunno I was 6 and it was like 1985, so there are no pictures that I know of, but it was super-funny that she was weirdly ashamed and embarrassed and would hide behind the couch and under the bed for a couple weeks every year. You know we loved her in any case, no matter what, but she'd just get really hot and it was for her own good I LOVE DOGS haha
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Jan 28, 2018 08:15
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Dreylad posted:you can't perch on that you idiot I got my head stuck in the bannister when I was 4. Your cat is better at bannister.
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May 26, 2018 05:54
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Dangit Dig-Dug, I know that you are 18 and blind, and that is randomly funny when your brain-map gets wiggly and you get stuck in the corner of the basement and keep doing circles and trying to walk through the wall, and I have to pick you up and reset you like a dirty Nintendo cartridge , but please can you not poop in the kitchen RIGHT NEXT to your food bowl.? She always waits until I'm asleep or in the shower or not here, but it's 100% kitchen poop. WHY!!!!??? She goes out the doggy door at least 5 times a day and I also take her out, but still always the kitchen poo nuggets:( I am glad that they are genuinely easy(er) clean NUGGETS at least. for now  HALP?
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Jun 10, 2018 06:22
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