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Amy. Cola. We need to talk. Now. Amy, I know you've been through some poo poo, what with the loss of your tail tip and having to have been born in shithole West Virginia, but seriously, you and your sister do not need to take that attitude with you. I've already had to bail you out of jail when the cops picked you up (Never mind that you had your "mother" and I worried sick for a month!) and you keep trying to get back out there! You've got a tattoo and scars and street cred already - sometimes a murdercat just needa chill! And this whole "Climb halfway up the doorjamb and stare before pouncing on your sister" schtick is getting a little old. If cats were meant to hang out in a doorframe, there would be a sill for your lazy, can't-kill-an-uggybug rear end. Quit freaking out over me trimming my nails and start not clawing up the underside of the boxspring. And really, would it kill you to let me give you a hug every once in a while?  Cola, don't think you're getting off easy, either! Just because you look like someone poured a 2-liter of Coke into a cat mold doesn't mean that you get to pre-emptively howl and howl and howl and howl at the front door just before I go to work. All you do is go outside and lick the concrete anyway, and you know that's bad for your teeth. And while that adorable running trill you do is cute, it doesn't give you any braking power on the hardwood floors - this is not a drift course, young lady! Those boxes are for packing, not for slamming into at high speed when being chased by Amy! Speaking of Amy, at least she lets me snuggle that tummy-tum every now and then, and it certainly hasn't killed her. C'mon. We love you. We nibble because we care. And also because you're so drat ticklish that any pets below the neck and above the tail have you freaking out licking everything. Now if only you could keep doing that tongue thing until I could get a picture of you. Realtalk, girls - you don't understand how poops work. The litterbox is not a stand that you poop from, but a box that you poop into. You dig a hole in the litter to poop into, not to stand in while pooping outside of the box. Scratching the walls, box, toilet, and floor does nothing to cover your poops up. It's like a person touching the doorknob and wondering why the toilet didn't flush. It's not hard, you've seen me cover up your poops tons of times, so put two and two together and actually cover your poo poo. Or you're grounded. I mean it this time!
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Jun 10, 2015 15:28
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| # ¿ Apr 30, 2024 12:13 |
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