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Haramstufe Rot
Jun 24, 2016

Berlin Döner Kebap
You can trust me on this, not only have I lived both in Berlin and Turkey, I also have an Islamic avatar which makes me authentic as gently caress.


Why a post on Döner Kebap in Berlin? Because you can find the best Döner Kebap (of the in-bread/fast food variety) in Berlin. But you have to be careful, because you might also find a lot of mediocre Kebap there. This is of course not surprising because most Kebap in the world is either mediocre or terrible.
The only country where you are guaranteed to find mostly good Kebap is indeed Turkey. Plus, when talking about the non-fastfood plate variety, I have had some really drat excellent both in Istanbul and Berlin.
For the fast-food variety, the best, however, is in Berlin.

Döner Kebaps come in the variety of chicken or meat (Hünchen/Tavuk or Rind/Et). Chicken is not a meat for Turkish people, which makes being vegetarian a great deal easier in Turkey than elsewhere. Meat can be beef or lamb/mutton, but the best there is beef with fat of lamb. If you are in London or Paris, you might also have the variety with rat and horse, but we are considering Berlin here.
As with everything, preferably there is a lot of fat.

As alluded above, Döner Kebaps can be eaten as a plated dish (Portion/Porsiyon), which only makes sense if you are eating in a proper joint. This is easy to identify because you will see wood-ovens and wood fires.
Let's focus on the fast-food variety, which you are more likely to encounter.

A taxonomy of Döner classes consists of one bad and two good varieties.
The first is ye regular industrial Döner Kebap. Prepared in a factory (in Europe probably in Germany), frozen or refridgerated and sold directly or by large markets. In case of chicken they often do not look "hand stacked" or are uniform shape even though they are fresh. For meat, which may be finer, it's a bit more difficult to see. Asking is pretty pointless because Turkish people in Berlin ("Allemanci") will tell you in any case that, yes, they were hand made by Anne herself this morning and how dare you. Even if they were in fact bought at Metro Market. Another heuristic is that it seems the Döner was roasting on low heat for a very long time. lovely places don't sell a lot so that's how they do.
The proper way to eat this Döner is to add a lot of sauce and be drunk.
Probably 99% of Döner Kebaps outside of Germany or Turkey fall in this category.

The second category in Berlin are the hand-made, proper Turkish Kebaps. A good place is the original Hasir restaurant in Kreuzberg (not its upscale offshoots), or Imren Grill. Take the meat variety (I think the Chicken variety is better in Turkey). Ask for no sauce except oil and citron juice. If the Kebap is good, this is vastly preferable. Places which have wood fire are probably good. You will get a better product if you order in Turkish. This might sound unfair, but such is life. You will also find a higher density of good Döners in Turkey than in Berlin, although "in bread" the Turkish Kebaps are still not so good for reasons of bread and the fact that they add regular, soggy french fries for some reason I could never figure out.

The third variety is something that only exists in Berlin. It is called "Gemüsekebap" and you will probably find it to be the best Kebap you ever had. It is almost always Chicken. Meat quality is decent.
What makes this one special is that they add roasted eggplants, zucchini, tomatoes, crisp roasted potatoes and a lot of fresh herbs as well as spices. They also add good white cheese by default. Normal Kebaps in Berlin usually only have salad/tomatoes and cabbage, perhaps some lovely Feta. Kebaps in Turkey add soggy french fries and plain salad.
Gemüsekebap is best served with oil and citron juice, but sauces are available IF YOU ARE STUPID or the joint is somehow bad. Hot sauce (homemade pls) is okay tho I don't judge.
Although it is still fast food, it is usually prepared with an eye to quality and taste. Feel free to order in English and make sure you look like an expat Hipster.
Don't get me wrong, nowadays there are also bad, fake Gemüsekebaps in Berlin. But if you use Yelp and go to the usual suspects, it is usually good. I have never had a bad one at Mustafas (although its not the best and there is a line of two blocks), the one at Kastanienallee is my fav. If the meat is good and the roasted veggies are fresh, these things can be downright mindblowing and easily earn the award of best fast-food of the world.

Finally, you have a choice of bread. There is first Dürüm, which is in Lavash. It's good and sometimes prepared fresh for you from dough. This is the same in Turkey and Berlin.
Then, there is Döner in Pita bread. For some reason I find this to be much better in Berlin than in Turkey. Another variety, only available in Turkey, is in bread (Ekmek). Sadly, the bread in Turkey is really not very good (like too large and stale baguette) and this, although cheap, should be avoided.




So now you are informed.

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