Applewhite posted:

The Improbable Lobster
Darrel Figby is obsessed with statistics. He bases every choice in his life around probabilities. He carries an umbrella with him on a sunny day because he heard there was a 20% chance of rain, doesn't take the bus on Thursdays because that's when the highest number of bus accidents occur, only buys certain products etc...
One day he learns he is up for a big promotion at his job (he works as an actuary, of course). Figby knows from observation that employees who take the boss out to dinner are significantly more likely to get promoted than those who don't, so he does the smart thing and invites his boss out after work that day. The boss heartily accepts and offers the man a ride to the restaurant.
Unfortunately, the boss is the man's exact opposite in his approach to life: he drives his dangerous car fast, he smokes, he drinks and takes all kinds of other unnecessary risks. Poor Figby is at his wits' end before they even reach the restaurant!
There, the boss orders a big steak. Figby knows off the top of his head that an alarmingly high number of people choke to death on steak every year, so he scans the menu, zeroing in on the meal with the lowest probability of causing death or intestinal discomfort: lobster.
Unfortunately for him, he gets the lobster intended for a young couple at a different table, and there is a diamond ring concealed inside as part of an elaborate proposal scheme.
Poor Figby chokes on the diamond ring and dies.