Create twilight zone / outer limits episodes

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Create twilight zone / outer limits episodes

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

DOUBLE POLTERGEISTS
A house has two sets of poltergeists.

As soon as the house's living inhabitant leaves the room, the first set of poltergeists stack up all the chairs on top of the table.
Then the second set of poltergeists unstacks all the chairs and puts them back exactly where they were.
The woman re-enters the room and looks around, suspiciously.

She does the dishes and leaves the room.
One by one, each plate levitates into the air and is thrown across the room... where they are each caught, restacked, and levitated back across the room and set down where they were. The top plate levitates into the air again and is then thrust back downwards onto the top of the pile. A smack is heard.

A woman. An empty house... or so it seems. For this house is actually haunted by an odd couple of persons undead, souls forever bound to this Earth by their fixations. We call these spirits "poltergeists". And this house is home to two groups of poltergeists: one hell-bent on causing mischief... and the other beset by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They shall be making messes and cleaning them up for eternity.
Yes, some houses are so haunted... that they appear to be not haunted at all. Though she will never know it, Ms. Evans happens to live in one such house... a house whose address reads: The Twilight Zone.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2015 04:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 22, 2024 13:03

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A man looks in a mirror... and he is Hitler.

And a furry.

And Furmany is winning World War Two, as the Holocaust is killing all the non-furries.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2015 18:23

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A heterosexual Republican congressman, to his horror, is slowly turning gay

# ¿ Feb 5, 2015 22:00

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

Our hero is an American spy in North Korea. He has a wild, thrilling adventure trying to gather intel, during which he sees all sides of the brutal totalitarian regime. The starvation, the hopelessly brainwashed people, and the vast disparity between the masses and the political elites. He is eventually captured and sentenced to be tortured and brainwashed. He gasps for breath between waterboardings, and blinking lights dance choreographed to distressing melodies and a voice keeps telling him about how wonderful Great Leader is.
The American kicks and screams as his nipples are electrified, and the camera pans out... revealing the entire country of North Korea to exist within a snow-globe... and the autistic child playing with the snow-globe is Kim Jong Un.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2015 08:01

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A time traveller travels back in time to kill baby Hitler. The time-space continuum begins to unravel, and the next thing you know, the time traveller has to kill millions of Hitlers in the most efficient way possible, rounding up all the Hitler duplicates into concentration camps.

He looks in a mirror and realizes he, too, is Hitler. Or maybe Charlie Chaplin? Wait, no, there was just a smudge on the mirror. He looks in the mirror again and realizes he's still himself, but he is a jackass.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2015 23:48

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

William Shatner wishes for infinite genie Hitlers on 9/11 in Pearl Harbor, but nuclear winter aliens. Hitler Hitler genie bottle gypsy. Gypsy wishes Hitler gypsy magic magic mirror but actually Hitler. Hitler gypsy Hitler, magic Hitler Hitler. Hitler magic wishes gypsy, genie wishes magic Hitler. Future gypsy 9/11 Hitler. Gypsy genie finds a magic Hitler that tells the future. 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 Pearl Harbor.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2015 18:34

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

Applewhite posted:

A woman complains that the overwhelming majority of ironic curses happen to men and goes out of her way to get cursed. The curse turns out to be that she is transformed into a man.

...which obviously turns out to not really be a curse at all.

# ¿ Feb 7, 2015 19:32

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

It turns out the New Testament has had a pretty serious mistranslation when Jesus Christ comes back and rapes all the Christians.

Nameless_Steve fucked around with this message at 19:49 on Feb 7, 2015

# ¿ Feb 7, 2015 19:46

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A twentysomething male rolls his eyes at his teenage sister's choice in young adult fiction, only to awaken the next day in the midst of an overwrought battle between vampires and werewolves over the affections of a young girl.
He has truly entered... the Twilight Zone

# ¿ Feb 7, 2015 22:04

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A man wakes up in Hawaii in 1941 on December 9th. He immediately proceeds to warn everybody about the impending attack by the Japanese, but nobody believes him because Pearl Harbor was attacked on December 7th, and he just sucked at history.

# ¿ Feb 8, 2015 05:15

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

twist ending: The sock ruse... was a distaction

# ¿ Feb 8, 2015 05:49

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

Even better, turn him into Baby Jesus for a day.

# ¿ Feb 9, 2015 19:47

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

twist: the entire time, it was really duck season

# ¿ Feb 9, 2015 20:49

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A typewriter begins typing on its own, forecasting important things about the future, but the typewriter has some sort of aggressive form of Tourette syndrome.
The writing is filled with so much profanity, racial epithets, and oddly personal insults about the reader's family that nobody can bear to read it.

# ¿ Feb 9, 2015 22:04

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A lonely nerd with writer's block wishes to be a successful and famous fantasy author. He goes on to write several epic fantasy novels in a long series, and they sell widely and are even adapted into an even more popular television show. The wish's magic now fades halfway through his series, because he has gotten his wish and is successful and famous. He discovers he cannot write without the magic. He keeps delaying and delaying, and his fans grow more impatient. But without the magic, he will never finish the next books in the series. That lonely neckbeard's name? George R.R. Martin

# ¿ Feb 9, 2015 23:05

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

An ordinary man sits on an ordinary toilet. But what would escape his bowels could only have come... THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
It's a super messy load, but when he reaches for the toilet paper... there isn't any.
His anus is so polluted with toxic mud sludge, it's impossible for him to even walk. When he dies from starvation days later, he curses whoever forgot to put on a new roll.

Twist: he was the one who forgot to put on a new roll

# ¿ Feb 9, 2015 23:23

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A young woman's eating habits begin to work strangely. Eating food does nothing. Instead, she must take pictures of her food, and post them to social media. Otherwise, she cannot digest it and gain its energy.
Her posting becomes so annoying that she actually gets banned from Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, and very nearly dies of starvation... but then a brilliant doctor saves her life by creating a live feed webcam of her IV.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2015 00:06

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

A scientist announces he has discovered a portal to an alternate dimension where humans cannot exist. If you go through the portal, you turn into an animal.
All the furries are delighted and line up to go through the portal. Once they're all through, the scientist closes the portal behind them, so the world is freed of them forever. He is thrown a parade and given all the Nobels.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2015 17:59

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

Mehuyael posted:

You just stole that from Kevin & Kell.

You mean "Kenan"?

# ¿ Feb 10, 2015 18:09

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

FooF posted:

Pure Perception
John, an average, middle-class man wakes up one day with a slight headache. Nothing seems awry at first until he begins his morning commute. While driving to work, he begins to notice that every other driver around him looks like male/female models, though some of them do have a few years on them. Perfect complexion, fit, and healthy, John can't help but wonder why everyone is so physically attractive.

Arriving at work, he runs into what John can only assume to be Helen, one of his colleagues. She is gorgeous and has seemingly lost 200 lbs. Her language is elevated and she cant't stop talking about teaching chemistry (which is odd because she is working at a FedEx). John then runs into the office clown, Jeremy, only to find him ripped like a costumed superhero. Jeremy is also talking much differently and while he is still somewhat of a goofball, his jokes are poignant critiques of society. It's as if he had become Ph.D. in sociology overnight.

John continues to run into acquaintances and friends that have all had this inexplicable makeover and cannot make heads or tails of it. Even people on TV look and sound better. On his way home, he witnesses a very peculiar sight (which is saying something considering the day John is having). There ahead of him was a curvaceous woman in a baby carriage. She is still in a onesy and has a pacifier in her mouth. Though she does not speak, she looks at John with eyes that pierce his soul. Intuitively, he knows that she will grow-up to be a psychologist.

"Grow-up?" John thinks. It then dawns on him that the woman in the carriage is actually a baby. What was he seeing? John becomes light-headed and scrapes his palm as he hits the ground. In an instant, he realizes that he is seeing everyone at the hypothetical peak of their physical and mental prowess. He's seeing people as they should be. John realizes that he has to get a mirror. He has to see...himself.

Rushing to the bathroom, John hesitates before stepping to the mirror. Does he really want to know? Would he be hopelessly depressed at what he could have been? Or, would he see an image that was never attainable and thus, just another fantasy of his young adult life? Sheepishly going in front of the mirror, John witnesses an even crueler image: nothing has changed.

John weeps bitterly and crumples into a heap. He wants to believe his new-found vision does not work on its owner but he knows the truth. To John's everlasting shame, his utmost and all he could ever hope to accomplish was always going to be...a Goon

# ¿ Feb 16, 2015 06:16

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

Otisburg posted:

An everyday bloke is told he's being made redundant so goes home to his flat to have some bangers and biscuits and update his CV. He feels like he's gone a bit barmy when his mobile phone social media up and dystopias on him. He has to get facebook likes to stay alive or pop up ads appear in his childhood memories or some postmodern techno-poo poo.

fake edit: oops bollocks this is actually a episode of black mirror

Speak American, dammit!

Nameless_Steve fucked around with this message at 09:54 on Feb 16, 2015

# ¿ Feb 16, 2015 09:51

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 22, 2024 13:03

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; by Pragmatica
(and can't post for 5 days!)

AndreTheGiantBoned posted:

A man starts reading a thread with an interesting and funny premise. However, it turns out that the thread is cursed and is full of mediocre Hitler jokes.

Meh. Agreed, but then the thread gradually overcame that. Starting with this post:

Some Genius posted:

William Shatner wishes for infinite genie Hitlers on 9/11 in Pearl Harbor, but nuclear winter aliens. Hitler Hitler genie bottle gypsy. Gypsy wishes Hitler gypsy magic magic mirror but actually Hitler. Hitler gypsy Hitler, magic Hitler Hitler. Hitler magic wishes gypsy, genie wishes magic Hitler. Future gypsy 9/11 Hitler. Gypsy genie finds a magic Hitler that tells the future. 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 Pearl Harbor.

Nameless_Steve fucked around with this message at 08:30 on Feb 19, 2015

# ¿ Feb 19, 2015 08:26

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Create twilight zone / outer limits episodes