DancingShade posted:

It turns out that mobile phones DO cause cancer and it was covered up as a plan by aliens who want to invade and steal our vital fluids after we're all too weakened by tumors to combat their invading armies.

The twist is that while our militaries are paralyzed due to high levels of sick leave our cell phone towers are still in operation and the aliens are even more vulnerable to cellphone radiation that we are.

This program proudly sponsored by the copper ore industry in association with the telephonists union.