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probably official iwatch announcement with laughable pricing scheme and hilariously poor battery life possibly ipad maxi announcement
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Feb 26, 2015 19:41
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 23:54 |
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the real scott forstall wouldn't take the fall for tim's poor leadership and was forced out resulting in johnny ives gaining too much control over ios and its subsequent descent into what it is today (a pos os)
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Feb 28, 2015 22:55
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echinopsis posted:im sarcastic. i hate overdogs so seeing apple crumble bring joy to me whats overdog
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Mar 1, 2015 20:28
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you're welcome
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Mar 1, 2015 20:58
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qirex posted:swarovski crystals are the gauche-iest thing apple? it's apple, right? tim couldn't say no to those sweet, sweet accessory dollars
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Mar 3, 2015 02:32
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"good morning, after a period of self-reflection and business analysis led by the principles steve jobs laid down for this company, it is with great enthusiasm that we are announcing today that we will not be releasing the iwatch. we deeply regret initiating, developing and announcing a product that goes so far against the basic tenets of good product design and i, tim cook, would like to personally apologize for approving this concept. effective immediately, i will be stepping down as ceo of apple as my conscience dictates. further, we are pleased to announce that johnny ives has sought other opportunities as a perpetually unemployed hack. now, i'm going to hand things over to our new ceo, scott forstall, who has some exciting announcements about the phase-out of the iphone 6 line and a classic re-design of ios that will restore the functionality and design that made it great"
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Mar 9, 2015 17:48
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*scott forstall waits for another loud applause break to subside* "thank you, as you can see we have a great future ahead of us at apple now that we have emerged from beneath the cloud of uncertainty and poor leadership that has hung over this company since steve's departure... sorry, tim!" *polite laughter* "one last thing today, before we move forward into the hard work of turning apple around: i am pleased to announce that we will be severing ties with the band u2 and pursuing legal action to claw back the money that was given to them in deep, regrettable error. as a further apology, i am pleased to announced that everyone who has accidentally (or deliberately) downloaded a u2 album will be given a $20 itunes credit as an apology" *auditorium erupts into pandemonium of hooting and hollering*
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Mar 9, 2015 18:08
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steve would have sold 1 billion phones by now
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Mar 9, 2015 18:14
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even tim refers to the iphone in the past tense it was the best phone it was the best ipod it was the best internet device
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Mar 9, 2015 18:16
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tim already knows he's got a stinker on his hands and is trying to push off the reveal as long as he can to soften the blow
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Mar 9, 2015 18:18
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let us test the hand tremors of someone by giving them an expensive, delicate electronic device to hold (and likely drop)
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Mar 9, 2015 18:21
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oh cool glad to see susan komen has its hooks into apple too, there's some more smart business practices by tim
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Mar 9, 2015 18:25
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tim must be getting desperate to try and get more sales by going into the medical equipment business
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Mar 9, 2015 18:27
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your facetime, your asstime, what's the difference?
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Mar 9, 2015 18:28
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ahahahaha open sores
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Mar 9, 2015 18:29
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can't wait for susan komen to sue a medical app developer into oblivion for creating a breast cancer app that doesn't pay them royalties
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Mar 9, 2015 18:30
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ahahahahah usb-c confirmed
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Mar 9, 2015 18:34
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stealth confirmation that old apple keyboards were poo poo
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Mar 9, 2015 18:36
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ahahaha rumble pak for laptop confirmed
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Mar 9, 2015 18:39
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they had to remove the fan to save battery life for the rumble pak
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Mar 9, 2015 18:42
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TERRORIST BATTERIES CONFIRMED
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Mar 9, 2015 18:43
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seriously who has problems plugging in usb cables it's like the most non-problem i've ever heard of and everybody whines like they can't figure it out
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Mar 9, 2015 18:46
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so if you ever need to connect to a projector, you better pray you have enough battery life to last for the presentation? or will they be rolling out some hideous squid-like dongle so you can be charging and using another device at the same time?
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Mar 9, 2015 18:48
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antenna integrated into the case confirmed "if you need to use wifi, don't hold your laptop like that"
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Mar 9, 2015 18:51
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android watch faces confirmed
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Mar 9, 2015 18:56
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ahahahaha dick tracy mode confirmed
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Mar 9, 2015 18:58
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i like how they continue to show screens that don't fit on the watch screen
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Mar 9, 2015 19:01
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Dislike button posted:poo poo I forgot to move again finally apple solves the problem of the living statues that plague our nation
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Mar 9, 2015 19:03
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also don't forget that apple is basically telling lefties that the iwatch isn't for them
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Mar 9, 2015 19:06
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Dirk Pitt posted:bring out U2 no don't
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Mar 9, 2015 19:07
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now you can be kept abreast of your words with friends notifications by your watch
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Mar 9, 2015 19:09
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can't wait to see folks bellowing "hey siri" at their watches multiple times in succession until they give up
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Mar 9, 2015 19:12
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ahahahaha uber promotion confirmed
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Mar 9, 2015 19:16
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*borat voice* MY WIFE
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Mar 9, 2015 19:17
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Mathhole posted:god i want a dancing mickey on my wrist 12hr/day
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Mar 9, 2015 19:19
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AHAHAHAHAHAH 18 HOURS lol forever
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Mar 9, 2015 19:23
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apple is revolutionizing the rotations of the earth by reducing the day to 18 hours
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Mar 9, 2015 19:25
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apple watch is coming, god help us all
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Mar 9, 2015 19:32
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to sum up, coming soon: macbook now with rumble pak and inability to charge and use devices at the same time (with bonus accidentally-get-kicked-to-the-floor functionality restored) susan komen warming up the lawyers to jump headfirst into the hot world of tech litigation ios 8.2 now with undeleteable iwatch app a radical redesign of traditional timekeeping where one day is only 18 hours long Stymie fucked around with this message at 19:42 on Mar 9, 2015 |
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Mar 9, 2015 19:39
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 23:54 |
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oh i also forgot the radical new redefinition of "environmentally friendly" as "won't instantaneously poison people in the global south sorting through a trash pile filled with discarded laptops"
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Mar 9, 2015 19:45
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