Disgusting Coward posted:

loving umbrellas. It rains all the loving time in Scotland, our pavements are narrow and I'm tall. My entire life is an obstacle course of dodging loving idiot women with their stupid loving umbrellas as they weave aimlessly around because heaven loving forbid you get even the slightest bit wet ya fuckin' daft oval office.

One time a woman drew blood. I threw her umbrella in the river in a fit of temper. Fucker.

Also motherfuckers who talk with their mouth full. Swallow then talk. My own darling mother isn't speaking to me [3 weeks now] because she actually loving phoned me - she phoned me - and jammed a toffee in her ever flopping mucus-lined chew-sac before emitting a series of wet slorping noises directly into my ear, and apparently I'm the rear end in a top hat for hanging up? Bitch no. You're going in the bad home. With the nurses that nip and the heating turned off.

Also on t'Internet when you have a fight between old school dudes using old school weapons, and then some cuntbag goes "Oh that totally wouldn't be how that swordfight would go because I am a member of the Society for Preservation of Autism in Swordfights and I totally read the wikipedia page on Hochmeister Liechtenauer once and blah blah blah blah blah" and then they invariably link to:

a) The swordfight from the end of Rob Roy.
b) The swordfight from The Duellists.
c) The ending fight from Roman Polanski's loving terrible version of MacBeth.

And it's like motherfucker, no. No. Unless you have an actual time machine and actually went back to Ye Olde Times and watched some melees you dunno poo poo, and furthermore, nobody loving cares.