Horton hears a hadoop (your data whorehouse is a piece of shit)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Horton hears a hadoop (your data whorehouse is a piece of shit)

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Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

Bloody posted:

isnt hipchat like an internal im application? even if you work somewhere enormous the load from that should be trivial enough for like a pentium 2 shitbox to handle

yeah, but what if the aws instance that hosts a shitload of different companies keels over

and you didn't build in any fault tolerance because aws is compl :downs:

etely reliable right

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:17

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# ? May 6, 2024 12:00

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

I should sleep lol

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:17

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

Cocoa Crispies posted:

yeah, but what if the aws instance that hosts a shitload of different companies keels over

and you didn't build in any fault tolerance because aws is completely reliable right

Cocoa Crispies posted:

I would sleep lol

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:19

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

Bloody posted:

isnt hipchat like an internal im application? even if you work somewhere enormous the load from that should be trivial enough for like a pentium 2 shitbox to handle

its 100%

so you're using their backend

but some sort of hybrid on premises/cloud thingy might be nice if it made responsiveness on the work LAN instantaneous and then synced to hipchat's backend to keep mobile clients and poo poo in sync

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:20

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

almost like....irc

ugh i wish theyd just listen to me and roll out an internal irc network, one server in each dc + one on aws or w/e

somebody figure out how to port all the loving hipchat meme emoticons to irc so these nerds will adopt it

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:27

pram: Jun 10, 2001

whats wrong with xmpp

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:28

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

but i need my mobile client for on the go (sitting on the toilet while working from home) work chat and i don't want to deal with the vpn on my phone

# ? Mar 5, 2015 06:29

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

maniacdevnull posted:

i basically work in a data warehouse and drive a digital forklift

maniacdevnull posted:

bout to go on cyber-fmla because i threw out my electro-spine

# ? Mar 5, 2015 07:56

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

pram posted:

all this garbage is resting on the backs of giants *pulls suspenders and strokes beard* god.

these weak, pathetic companies like twitter. loving morons with their ironic mustaches, macbooks with trendy stickers. maintained with love!! haha! real, hard men designed the switches these little pansies now complain isn't allowing enough 'consistency.' ahhh if i still had my pdp-11

# ? Mar 5, 2015 08:00

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

i find it hard to believe that chat isnt a solved problem. icq worked good, aim, irc, etc. how are ppl making a grip of cash with their cell phone chat clients? wtf?

# ? Mar 5, 2015 08:02

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

icq will be round again soon

# ? Mar 5, 2015 08:03

ahmeni: May 1, 2005; It's one continuous form where hardware and software function in perfect unison, creating a new generation of iPhone that's better by any measure.; Grimey Drawer

pram posted:

phone companies managed to establish a global namespace w/ reliable international switching in the 70s. this is bullshit pure and simple. these chat companies need to man the gently caress up

have you ever worked in a phone company in the last 15 years
it's uhh
not so great any more

# ? Mar 5, 2015 09:33

ahmeni: May 1, 2005; It's one continuous form where hardware and software function in perfect unison, creating a new generation of iPhone that's better by any measure.; Grimey Drawer

Jonny 290 posted:

almost like....irc

ugh i wish theyd just listen to me and roll out an internal irc network, one server in each dc + one on aws or w/e

somebody figure out how to port all the loving hipchat meme emoticons to irc so these nerds will adopt it

solve history for irc and you're golden otherwise it's useless as a modern medium

# ? Mar 5, 2015 09:34

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

pram posted:

all this garbage is resting on the backs of giants *pulls suspenders and strokes beard* god.

these weak, pathetic companies like twitter. loving morons with their ironic mustaches, macbooks with trendy stickers. maintained with love!! haha! real, hard men designed the switches these little pansies now complain isn't allowing enough 'consistency.' ahhh if i still had my pdp-11

this but unironically

# ? Mar 5, 2015 13:55

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

theadder posted:

icq will be round again soon

icq never did well with netsplits because it could never work out a two server solution

# ? Mar 5, 2015 13:59

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

ahmeni posted:

solve history for irc and you're golden otherwise it's useless as a modern medium

server-side logging, idk

# ? Mar 5, 2015 14:48

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

just use openfire

# ? Mar 5, 2015 16:24

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

~ HOW DOES IRC EVEN WORK ~

quote:

-!- bonz2 [bonzoesc@jew-922C9B44.tampfl.fios.verizon.net] has joined #onebutan
< bonz2> I am using nc to irc!
< zap> nice
< bonz2> its awful
< swingler_> lol
< bonz2> what
< bonz2> have to scroll to that part of the rfc, hang on

clients send text-based messages to the server, the server sends messages to the client

code:

% building
swingler_test() ->
	Built = irc_build(#ircmesg{
		prefix="swingler_!root@408DA930.6B34A88.81D249CA.IP",
		command="PRIVMSG",
		params=["#onebutan","Your quote has been pushed into the queue as #2507."]}),
	":swingler_!root@408DA930.6B34A88.81D249CA.IP PRIVMSG #onebutan :Your quote has been pushed into the queue as #2507." = Built.

outbound_test() ->
	Built = irc_build(#ircmesg{
		command="PRIVMSG",
		params=["#onebutan","oh","that's","in","th","ctcp","spec"]
	}),
	"PRIVMSG #onebutan oh that's in th ctcp spec" = Built.

% parsing
swingler_test() ->
	Acc = irc_parse(":swingler_!root@408DA930.6B34A88.81D249CA.IP PRIVMSG #onebutan :ahahaha\r\n"),
	#ircmesg{
		prefix="swingler_!root@408DA930.6B34A88.81D249CA.IP",
		command="PRIVMSG",
		params=["#onebutan", "ahahaha"]
	} = Acc.

privmsg_test() ->
	Acc = irc_parse("PRIVMSG #onebutan have to scroll to that part of the rfc, hang on\r\n"),
	#ircmesg{
		command="PRIVMSG",
		params=["#onebutan", "have", "to", "scroll", "to", "that", "part", "of", "the", "rfc,", "hang", "on"]
	} = Acc.

internally, servers don't have to do much more than ship plain text around

however, irc is a child of the 80s, back when a server could only host like two dozen connections before running out of ram because the second-best unix (linux) hadn't been invented yet, and machines that could run the predecessor of the best unix (nextstep, which became mac os x) were too expensive for any irc user to ever afford, and windows has never had good irc support

so to combat this, three mutually-incompatible clustering systems were made: ircx from a maker of failed game consoles (which is closed-source and therefore irrelevant), p10 which uses timestamping to resolve conflicts (combining the issues of keeping time with the issues of distributed systems), and ts6 which uses feature negotiation to allow servers to break features on each other

both of these protocols are a hub-and-spoke model, so instead of a single point of failure, you can create networks with multiple single points of failure because handling broadcast storms and poo poo like that is hard

ALSO irc servers do everything in-channel: authentication is almost alwayas done by just talking to a particular user on irc and hoping they're part of the Services system

so, since these protocols are all broken and irc is full of assholes whose chief sense of enjoyment is making everyone else in irc miserable, the protocols have a zillion lovely grafted on features to prevent things like "somebody changed their name to NickServ during a netsplit and got a bunch of passwords" or "a netsplit made a channel disappear from another server and now it has two ops that hate each other"

and that is why to fix irc you must burn existing irc servers

# ? Mar 5, 2015 16:48

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

Bloody posted:

just use openfire

# ? Mar 5, 2015 16:56

DimpledChad: May 14, 2002; Rigging elections since '87.

irc just wasn't webscale

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:04

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

ahmeni posted:

have you ever worked in a phone company in the last 15 years
it's uhh
not so great any more

rip ma bell

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:07

Cocoa Crispies: Jul 20, 2001; Vehicular Manslaughter!; Pillbug

it's easy to write a chat server that's a single point of failure, and it's easy to grow it into a tree network with one or more single points of failure

for Work Chat like hipchat and slack and poo poo having each company's stuff be handled by a single server (that may host many companies because its' 2015 and a 200-person company isn't going to blow up a single server) is easy and cheap and you can ship important stuff like worse ui every version (hipchat) or google docs integration (slack) instead of thinking about your backend

but then your assumptions about server reliability (i.e. that it exists) turn up false and https://status.hipchat.com/history welp

# ? Mar 5, 2015 17:11

suffix: Jul 27, 2013; Wheeee!

ahmeni posted:

solve history for irc and you're golden otherwise it's useless as a modern medium

irccloud keeps history but then you might as well use slack

it has an irc gateway so you can use your handtuned mirc scripts or whatever

# ? Mar 6, 2015 00:02

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

suffix posted:

irccloud keeps history but then you might as well use slack

it has an irc gateway so you can use your handtuned mirc scripts or whatever

irccloud fuckin sucks because the free ver wont connect to a passworded server so i can't hit my znc. garbage

# ? Mar 6, 2015 00:04

JewKiller 3000: Nov 28, 2006; by Lowtax

ahmeni posted:

solve history for irc and you're golden otherwise it's useless as a modern medium

https://wiki.inspircd.org/Modules/2.0/chanhistory but compiled to remove the retarded 50 line cap

# ? Mar 6, 2015 00:24

ahmeni: May 1, 2005; It's one continuous form where hardware and software function in perfect unison, creating a new generation of iPhone that's better by any measure.; Grimey Drawer

JewKiller 3000 posted:

https://wiki.inspircd.org/Modules/2.0/chanhistory but compiled to remove the retarded 50 line cap

lol what a terrible solution

# ? Mar 6, 2015 10:52

DONT THREAD ON ME: Oct 1, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo; Floss Finder

Jonny 290 posted:

hipchats been pissin us the f off past few days and we are really really on the cusp of going to slack

Protip: you can put emotes in room subjects so change everyone's subject to (waiting)

# ? Mar 6, 2015 13:54

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

we go play hadoop

# ? Mar 6, 2015 14:02

Asymmetric POSTer: Aug 17, 2005

MALE SHOEGAZE posted:

Protip: you can put emotes in room subjects so change everyone's subject to (waiting)

nice

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:38

Shaggar: Apr 26, 2006

my lotus sametime servers have been stable for years and only ever go down for patching. idk how you gently caress up chat, its a long solved problem.

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:44

Shaggar: Apr 26, 2006

like in order of importance our systems go like:
phones
sametime
db/application

everything else is optional.

# ? Mar 7, 2015 02:46

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

Shaggar posted:

like in order of importance our systems go like:
phones
sametime
db/application

everything else is optional.

i believe you mean Microsoft Lync Communicator Server 2013 for Workteams R2 Gold Enterprise

# ? Mar 7, 2015 03:37

suffix: Jul 27, 2013; Wheeee!

i once saw a system that spun up a whole pipeline of elastic mapreduce jobs to calculate higscores for a game

each run took about 10 minutes

their database was 2 mb

it was built to scale, you see

# ? Mar 7, 2015 03:48

pram: Jun 10, 2001

game programmers are retarded

# ? Mar 7, 2015 04:30

maniacdevnull: Apr 18, 2007; FOUR CUBIC FRAMES
DISPROVES SOFT G GOD
YOU ARE EDUCATED STUPID

pram posted:

game programmers are retarded

yeah

learn a skill that can provide high income and decent job security, then use it to work 90 hour weeks and get thrown out with the garbage just to hit a ship date instead

# ? Mar 7, 2015 04:37

ahmeni: May 1, 2005; It's one continuous form where hardware and software function in perfect unison, creating a new generation of iPhone that's better by any measure.; Grimey Drawer

maniacdevnull posted:

i believe you mean Microsoft Lync Communicator Server 2013 for Workteams R2 Gold Enterprise

I believe you mean Microsoft Skype Business For Workgroups Powered By Bing

# ? Mar 7, 2015 10:07

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# ? May 6, 2024 12:00

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

pram posted:

game programmers are retarded

this but all programmers

# ? Mar 7, 2015 17:12

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Horton hears a hadoop (your data whorehouse is a piece of shit)

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